Seeing that there are quite a few marriage threads around, i'll add one...
What questions would you ask a potential partner?
This question has been on my mind for a while, and i know that it will depend on the persons but, on the whole which are questions that will help you get a better understanding of the person and his/her likes or dislikes?
Hmmm..why is that sisters don't want to marry a revert?
Ameen to your duaa.
yeh true i thought reverts were in demand
Our Lord! Verily, we have heard the call of one calling to Faith: 'Believe in your Lord,' and we have believed.
Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and expiate from us our evil deeds, and make us die (in the state of righteousness) along with Al-Abrar
Some sisters do, but they realise it can be difficult on the family. You can understand that sometimes parents can get a bit scared about reverts, specially if there are bad reverts around, add to that that reverts don't, in some cases, have reliable family which is one way people find out about people.
It can be daunting for us fathers who have reverts knock on our door.
It can be fustrating but also kind of understandable.
Br.al-Habeshi
The path is long but I hope we meet,
After the grave and the Day, in paradise in bliss upon a reclined seat.
A traveler traveling - travelled from shirk to tawheed,
If I'm remembered for anything - let it be the Mercy I seek.
i know a sister who’s married to a revert, she’s happy and has children.. Personally don’t see the problem but i know the Asian culture would find it difficult accepting, which is a shame..
Some sisters do, but they realise it can be difficult on the family. You can understand that sometimes parents can get a bit scared about reverts, specially if there are bad reverts around, add to that that reverts don't, in some cases, have reliable family which is one way people find out about people.
It can be daunting for us fathers who have reverts knock on our door.
It can be fustrating but also kind of understandable.
Br.al-Habeshi
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.. So I guess it's not really the sister that has the problem, but her parents and family. More often than not the sister just ends up conceding to her parents wishes as to not cause needless problems.. ah well. Khair inshallah.
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.. So I guess it's not really the sister that has the problem, but her parents and family. More often than not the sister just ends up conceding to her parents wishes as to not cause needless problems.. ah well. Khair inshallah.
Umm, no offence meant here at all.
But i personally would be wary on marrying a revert. Not that anything is wrong with them at all. Most are generally stronger in (in a way) Deen as they are fresh with the Deen while we who grew up with Deen tend to be 'used' to it. I dont know if thats explaining it correctly.
But why i would be wary is there has been know cases where they go back to their old ways.
And yeah i dont think my parents would consider.
Yeah, I know what you mean sis, and I completely understand.
I believe it depends on the specific revert though. Some reverts are the "free thinking" kind, who take what they want from the religion and leave the rest. Some are so hardcore into the religion there's no way they'll be able to keep it up. But some are between these two extremes, and I think it's those that are the ones that are least likely to go back to their former ways.
A lot of the time, you can tell whether a person is serious about their reversion or not. You can usually tell the amount of sincerity a person has from dealing with them. And while the chance that they may go back to their old religion/habits is a legitimate concern, for me personally, I don't think it would be enough reason to dismiss anyone immediately just because he's a revert.
So yeah, one should be wary, but not exclude the possibility altogether.
'Most are generally stronger in (in a way) Deen as they are fresh with the Deen while we who grew up with Deen tend to be 'used' to it. I dont know if thats explaining it correctly.'
Exactly. So many reverts have this sort of love for the deen, this enthusiasm, that is rarely found in born muslims (i'm generalizing here, i'm talking about the majority of regular "yes i pray once or twice a day" sort of muslims). And for me, this advantage is is what outweighs the disadvantage of the chance that they leave islam.
Well, a sister should be considerate and look at the brother's financial status when asking for her mahr, and what kind of a wedding she wants. After all, she doesn't want to burden a soul with more than it can bear (especially the man that she intends to spend the rest of her life with). And who wants to start married life off with a huge debt? The most blessed marriage is the least expensive one.
"...but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala) likes not al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance)."
(Soorah 7: Ayah 31)
Salam WaLakum Sister,
Well said. I agree with you.
Yeah, I know what you mean sis, and I completely understand.
I believe it depends on the specific revert though. Some reverts are the "free thinking" kind, who take what they want from the religion and leave the rest. Some are so hardcore into the religion there's no way they'll be able to keep it up. But some are between these two extremes, and I think it's those that are the ones that are least likely to go back to their former ways.
A lot of the time, you can tell whether a person is serious about their reversion or not. You can usually tell the amount of sincerity a person has from dealing with them. And while the chance that they may go back to their old religion/habits is a legitimate concern, for me personally, I don't think it would be enough reason to dismiss anyone immediately just because he's a revert.
So yeah, one should be wary, but not exclude the possibility altogether.
'Most are generally stronger in (in a way) Deen as they are fresh with the Deen while we who grew up with Deen tend to be 'used' to it. I dont know if thats explaining it correctly.'
Exactly. So many reverts have this sort of love for the deen, this enthusiasm, that is rarely found in born muslims (i'm generalizing here, i'm talking about the majority of regular "yes i pray once or twice a day" sort of muslims). And for me, this advantage is is what outweighs the disadvantage of the chance that they leave islam.
Well said sister. And yes i agree abt not ruling out the possibility all together.
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
I know what you mean, its really hard to be yourself, not only that,
its like a job interview you know >>> idea being showing that your the best man for the marriage and you want the lady!!! And then after marriage that they are not ready!
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
You never truly know a person until you live with them, so even with all the background checks and questions, you can only really rely on Istighara, and put your trust only in Allah
"I am looking for a spouse who will love me, care for me and be devoted to me more than anyone else and treat me like a king/queen.
Of course, it is Allaah you should love most and devote your entire life to but I mean after Allaah would you love and care for me most?"
If the answer you get is yes, your response to marriage is no until this possible spouse completes his/her imaan.
If the answer you receive is no, respond by saying,
"Talk to me about Muhammad and take it from there.
If the love is genuine, they will have plenty to say.
If they have plenty to say, listen carefully.
If you listen carefully, you will be able to make judgements based upon their words, which would be coming from their heart.
If their heart is filled with love for Muhammad you've found your match.
Because if they love Muhammad they would yearn to be like Him in Character, Manners, Deeds, Worship, Kindness, Compassion, Justice, Respect.
No more questions would need asking.
And thats the norm here in SA. But still i can think of one to cases that went off....
you know sis i think you gotta be creative about it how you go aou it...
i was just thinking that to test one personality, etc forget the qns. well, not completely and have them answer you in a hmmm how can i say unique and subtle way...in a way where they don't realize that your questioning, hence they don't know what you want to hear and not come up with hokey answers lol
so basically, you get them to read/listen/watch something and ask them what they think of it...to the minutes details if possible... and then you see what they have to say and compare that to your own mentality/thinking.
not a questionnaire or anything, but a pierce of say poetry, a documentary and ask him to comment about it...for me, if i see that i agree/disagree/have the more or less the same thought and comments as he, then that means (to me) that hes personality is similar to mine, or i just generally feel that something would "click."
although, it may be an effort to find something that covers all your preferences lol
so your ARE questioning them, but in a way where they can't cheat you
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
I believe it depends on the specific revert though. Some reverts are the "free thinking" kind, who take what they want from the religion and leave the rest. Some are so hardcore into the religion there's no way they'll be able to keep it up. But some are between these two extremes, and I think it's those that are the ones that are least likely to go back to their former ways.
Yep, the same can be said for born Muslims who start practicing at one point or another. Really, tawfeeq is from Allaah. Someone who was practicing all their life may also be exposed to some fitnah, and want to get a taste of it... and thus die upon it. May Allaah give us a good endinhg
You never truly know a person until you live with them, so even with all the background checks and questions, you can only really rely on Istighara, and put your trust only in Allah
AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
Just to add that, you so right, but one should tie the camel, and have trust in Allah!!!
I think the problem I was trying to highlight is when being a revert alone, or being from a different tribe alone is used as a distinguishing factor.
When these attributes are used as a sort of scale to know whether the person is good or not. So that when a young lady is brought to my parents they like her until I say she is a revert and then say she is not good enough, even if she had been chaste and not bad previously, and vice versa.
This is, in my view, a mere aspect of the wider problem of Muslims.
Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while.
Br.al-Habeshi
The path is long but I hope we meet,
After the grave and the Day, in paradise in bliss upon a reclined seat.
A traveler traveling - travelled from shirk to tawheed,
If I'm remembered for anything - let it be the Mercy I seek.
I think the problem I was trying to highlight is when being a revert alone, or being from a different tribe alone is used as a distinguishing factor.
When these attributes are used as a sort of scale to know whether the person is good or not. So that when a young lady is brought to my parents they like her until I say she is a revert and then say she is not good enough, even if she had been chaste and not bad previously, and vice versa.
This is, in my view, a mere aspect of the wider problem of Muslims.
Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while.
Br.al-Habeshi
AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
So much so i agree!!! Reverts are seen as taking a risk! Its peoples perception, and people being stuck in their own culture!
With the new generation, there will be 2 groups, where there will be a vast divide! 1 group will be very far away from sunnah following the west,
and the other group much closer to sunnah than ever before, InshaAllah!
May Allah make us those who follow the sunnah of our Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi WaSalam)
I think the problem I was trying to highlight is when being a revert alone, or being from a different tribe alone is used as a distinguishing factor.
When these attributes are used as a sort of scale to know whether the person is good or not. So that when a young lady is brought to my parents they like her until I say she is a revert and then say she is not good enough, even if she had been chaste and not bad previously, and vice versa.
This is, in my view, a mere aspect of the wider problem of Muslims.
Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while.
Br.al-Habeshi
Wa alaykum asalam,
Ahh okay, I think I understand what you mean now. I agree, yeah, the simple fact that a person is a revert, or from a different place/tribe/etc. should not immediately be dismissed from a parents consideration, and not be considered "up to par" with their child.
"Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while."
Ameen to that.
Random comment- I think there's a huuuge generation gap between a lot of young practicing muslims and their parents when it comes to all the different aspects of marriage. Meh. Why is that, and how are we supposed to deal with it?
you know sis i think you gotta be creative about it how you go aou it...
i was just thinking that to test one personality, etc forget the qns. well, not completely and have them answer you in a hmmm how can i say unique and subtle way...in a way where they don't realize that your questioning, hence they don't know what you want to hear and not come up with hokey answers lol
so basically, you get them to read/listen/watch something and ask them what they think of it...to the minutes details if possible... and then you see what they have to say and compare that to your own mentality/thinking.
not a questionnaire or anything, but a pierce of say poetry, a documentary and ask him to comment about it...for me, if i see that i agree/disagree/have the more or less the same thought and comments as he, then that means (to me) that hes personality is similar to mine, or i just generally feel that something would "click."
although, it may be an effort to find something that covers all your preferences lol
so your ARE questioning them, but in a way where they can't cheat you
I like you reasoning sis. It is however going to be difficult finding something like that.
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Wa alaykum asalam,i thought reverts were in demand
sister,
(ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
you should love most and devote your entire life to but I mean after Allaah
and take it from there.
and have them answer you in a hmmm how can i say unique and subtle way...in a way where they don't realize that your questioning, hence they don't know what you want to hear and not come up with hokey answers lol
Its peoples perception, and people being stuck in their own culture!
. It is however going to be difficult finding something like that.
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