How many females would ever marry someone who already has a wife...

**shock_proof** · 06-14-2009

or several. Personally I could never do that. I know in Islam men are allowed to have up to four wives but can someone explain to me the reason for why that is. Also do any muslimas husbands also have other wives? How do you feel about that?

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by glo

^
So it sounds like Muhammed very much took the feelings of Fatima into account, when he gave the advice.
That's very interesting (and very heartening too

)

you make it sound like he was a cold hearted person...

**BlissfullyJaded** · 06-16-2009

^ I agree. I hate to assume the worst, but it appears that you're implying that Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not care about the feelings of his beloved wives when he got married multiple time. I'm offended, really. I won't bother showing you the proof of what a kind hearted person Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) was with all people, his wives, his daughters, the Arabs, the non Arabs, the young, the old, the freed man and the slave alike, cuz I'd expect you to have already read some of that in your few years here..

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-16-2009

Ditto, well said

**Heyam** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by crayon

I say 'no' now, but you never know what the specific situation would be like, that could alter everything.

Tbh, I don't get why so many women get worked up over this. If you don't want your husband to have a second wife, just write that in the marriage contract, and that's that. Yes, Allah has allowed allowed this for men, but he has also given us the power to allow/disallow men to have this privilege (is it really a privilege?), by aid of the marriage contract. You put that condition in, he disagrees, then he's not for you, he doesn't, then it's all good. Yes, some people may not put it in the contract and regret it later, sucks to be them, but if you just think ahead a couple of steps then things should be fine inshaAllah.

If you happen to write in your marriage contract that you dont want your husband to have no other wives are you allowed to change your mind later? i mean for example like during war you see a sister who is need of marriage can you tell your husband to go for it even though you have already written in your marriage contract that you are not sharing your husband with another woman?

**sur** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by shock_proof

or several. Personally I could never do that. I know in Islam men are allowed to have up to four wives but can someone explain to me the reason for why that is. Also do any muslimas husbands also have other wives? How do you feel about that?

http://www.islamicboard.com/894348-post10.html

Originally Posted by sur

a very good reply.

I'd like to add little more on WHY men can/want-to marry >1:-

"sexual DESIRE" also called 'Libido" is directly proportional to "Testosterone" level in BOTH males & females. So female sexual desire is also dependant on testosterone(male hormone) & NOT on estrogen/progesterone(female hormones).
Testosterone-Patches & sprays r available for frigid FEMALEs with decreased Libido problems.& Testosterone is also called Female Viagra.

Testosterone level Ranges:
Males:300-1000 ng/dl
Females:20-80 ng/dl

Suppose If a male has minimum level(300) within normal range & a female has Max. level(80) within normal range, even then the ratio will be almost 4:1 So a weakest-normal male has 4 times the desire to have sex than a strongest-normal female & that is why creator of all males & females has permitted 4 marriages for males.

While if both have average levels then male:female is 10-15 times. So an average male has 10-15 times more desire to have sex than an av female.

**crayon** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by Heyam

If you happen to write in your marriage contract that you dont want your husband to have no other wives are you allowed to change your mind later? i mean for example like during war you see a sister who is need of marriage can you tell your husband to go for it even though you have already written in your marriage contract that you are not sharing your husband with another woman?

I'm unsure ukhti. Personally, I think writing the following is the best option: that the man needs permission from his wife before marrying a second wife. That way, as his wife, you can decide while taking into account the whole situation. This way it's neither a yes nor a no, but an 'we'll see when/if the time comes'.

**glo** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by Jawharah

^ I agree. I hate to assume the worst, but it appears that you're implying that Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not care about the feelings of his beloved wives when he got married multiple time. I'm offended, really. I won't bother showing you the proof of what a kind hearted person Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) was with all people, his wives, his daughters, the Arabs, the non Arabs, the young, the old, the freed man and the slave alike, cuz I'd expect you to have already read some of that in your few years here..

Hi Jawharah

Thank you for clarifying via PM that by Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) you mean Muhammed.
That's something I had not understood until now.
Is this a special title for him? What exactly does it mean?

To answer your question, no, it was never my intention to imply that Muhammed did not care for his wives.

I was very impressed by the post which explained that Muhammed had advised Ali to consider Fatima's feelings and therefore not to marry again.
That very much describes Muhammed as the person I have come to understand him to have been, and the person I have come to respect - warm-hearted, considerate and compassionate.

At no point was I implying that he was not equally considerate and caring towards his own wives. I have no evidence to suggest such a thing.
I am not making a case against polygamy. I (and Muhammed, so it seems ) make a case against men marrying other women against the wishes of their first wives.

I hope this explains my view. (I am glad this thread has reopened, so I can clarify this publically, rather than just via PM)

salaam

**doorster** · 06-16-2009

hello

Originally Posted by glo

Hi Jawharah

Thank you for clarifying via PM that by Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) you mean Muhammed.
That's something I had not understood until now.
Is this a special title for him? What exactly does it mean?

....

Sayyidina, Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam)

our Leader, Messenger of Allah, (Peace be upon him)

Peace

**Heyam** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by crayon

I'm unsure ukhti. Personally, I think writing the following is the best option: that the man needs permission from his wife before marrying a second wife. That way, as his wife, you can decide while taking into account the whole situation. This way it's neither a yes nor a no, but an 'we'll see when/if the time comes'.

yh i think that is better option. No one knows how their life is going to be like.

jazzakallah khair sis

**Intisar** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by glo

Thank you for clarifying via PM that by Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) you mean Muhammed.
That's something I had not understood until now.
Is this a special title for him? What exactly does it mean?

Rasool means messenger, so Rasoolullaah means messenger of Allaah.

**salafy_masry** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by Yanoorah

Virgins shud marry virgins..So my answer is no.

Sounds like you have solid proof in directing muslim men and women to whom can marry whom ..

So can you share the islamic ruling of that with us .. like what shairah says about

**salafy_masry** · 06-16-2009

I agree on having a poll up on the forum .. although I've noticed that nearly all sisters are opposing it totally ...

**Güven** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by salafy_masry

Sounds like you have solid proof in directing muslim men and women to whom can marry whom ..

So can you share the islamic ruling of that with us .. like what shairah says about

she is just stating an opinion.

you have proof that what she is saying is contradicting islam?

**S_87** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by shock_proof

or several. Personally I could never do that. I know in Islam men are allowed to have up to four wives but can someone explain to me the reason for why that is. Also do any muslimas husbands also have other wives? How do you feel about that?

yes i would and yes i would allow although in both cases, conditions/requirements

**noorahmad** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by doorster

do you truly respect Dr. Al-Qaradawi in his entirety or do you just like this one quote because of your politics?

NB. I'll explain my reason for asking later depending on reply I receive

to answer your question, i came across an article( from which i copied my signature ) when reading on the December 2008 attack on Palestine.

If by respecting Sheik Al Qaradawi in his entirely, you mean agreeing with all his views, then its no, i consider it the same as following some madhaab, or some imaam.

**ragdollcat1982** · 06-16-2009

It seems to me that while Islam allows polygamy with the strict conditions it sets on it from what I have read in the Quran it seems to discourage it at the same time. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Adams other wife or wives. It seems from the beggining God intended monogamy to be the ideal and as we see most Muslim only have and desire one wife.

**salafy_masry** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982

It seems to me that while Islam allows polygamy with the strict conditions it sets on it from what I have read in the Quran it seems to discourage it at the same time. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Adams other wife or wives. It seems from the beggining God intended monogamy to be the ideal and as we see most Muslim only have and desire one wife.

Other prophets did polygamy .. like for example prophet Abraham PBUH .. and I think others too but can't remember the names

Prophets would always do what please God ... hence Polygamy can't ever be discouraged by God in quran

**ragdollcat1982** · 06-16-2009

Originally Posted by salafy_masry

Other prophets did polygamy .. like for example prophet Abraham PBUH .. and I think others too but can't remember the names

Prophets would always do what please God ... hence Polygamy can't ever be discouraged by God in quran

It certainly is not encouraged either with all of the criteria that has to be met in order to be able to marry more than one wife. While polygamy is permitted it seem IMHO that monogamy is encouraged while polygamy is permitted.

**BlissfullyJaded** · 06-16-2009

Basically this discussion is circular. Some of the women here aren't into polygyny, and some of the men here are into it.

Whatever happens in the future, may we (both women and men) deal with it in the most appropriate way and most importantly of all may we hold respect of the Quran and Sunnah in our dealings. To the brothers who decide to ever implement this Sunnah, I respect that because of the enormous task you are voluntarily taking on yourselves and I'm optimistic that you'll will live up to the Sunnah in its entirety. To the sisters who may ever be in a polygynous marriage, I pray that Allah blesses your husbands with justice, mercy, and love to treat you'll the way you'll deserve.