Advice Need:Co-Wife

**AishaRayann** · 05-15-2011

As salam(u) alaikum,

Im at the age that its essential that I get married. I want to marry.It's so hard to find someone.
My sister in Islam Aisha...is my bestest friend in the whole world..shes family to me.She thinks same as me.Well I've been wanting to ask her if her husband would be interested in a 2nd wife.I'm not sure if he find me attractive or not..hes only seen me once when he dropped her off at my house one time.Me and Aisha have talked about co-wives in general..we both are not opposed to it in general. I think her husband is very attractive,..he seem nice...and she is always happy..so he must treat her well...but I don't know how to go about asking? Should I ask her to ask him...or speak to them both in same room.

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

salam,

has anyone ever told you that you may have a slight personality disorder?

wa3lykoum aslaam..
Not really.. but would be interested in your diagnosis!

i think you do. you go around on the boards all day flaunting your medical expertise.

'flaunting' medical expertise doesn't cause one a personality disorder but I am sure we can amend the DSM with your personal opinions

do you think it makes you better than everyone else?

Not at all do you?

your attitude is quite rude and condescending.

That is an adequate assessment of your person so far!

you seem to value your opinion higher than others. there are nice ways of saying all the things you want to say, but since you have decided to be rude

Another adequate assessment of your person.. what is with the rant?

and Allah has stated in the Quraan that we do not need to be nice to those who hurt us, i will return the favour. first off, your medical opinion or not, i don't care about really, i don't see why you need to always mention your medical expertise in everything to validate your thoughts and opinions, perhaps because you are insecure about your opinions so you think that you need to tell others you indeed have been told you are smart be some medical school. well let me tell you, your logic is so flawed in so many ways it is quite laughable to me. i mean look at this " it would be more painful for me to see someone I love with tubes going in and out of them from every orifice along with a loss of dignity, decline in function for my own selfish reason of wanting them around in any physical form!" RIGHTTTTTT and THAT is not selfishness, that YOU would be the one with the problem seeing them in pain?! now that is a contradictory statement if i ever saw one, it's truly hilarious. well it is to someone at a slightly higher level of understanding/logic than you.

Why would I want to seek your validation? Also you're quite apt as posing a faulty scenario and then answering it yourself with the same linear tract that created it in the first place!

secondly, you would not have been able to understand this, because you need to have understood what i wrote in the first place, which you did not,

ha?

but let me clarify - i was speaking about a very SPECIFIC situation where you love someone, you can marry them, there are no other problems between you, and you decide to NOT marry them based just on the fact that you do not wish to be a part of a polygamous marriage just because you do not want to share. you can say it any way you like: those personal opinions about not wanting to be a part of a polygamous marriage, assuming all else is fine, which is what i was suggesting in my post, those stem from pride and a lack of understanding of Islam. cause a true muslim woman who is free of trashy western emotions, will blindly follow what Allah says and would be ok with her husband being married to someone else in addition to her and would not say "all or nothing".

Again, nothing selfish about that even if we're to stick to your very narrow view of a marriage. It is a matter of what one will be able to psychologically tolerate and still be a good wife!

my inner child eh - you seem like the most childish one here as you need aggression and rage to get a point across? secondly, i am well aware of what life may or may not through my way, who are you to tell me i have a rose tinted view of the world when you do not even know me? i mean talk about judgemental people on this forum. perhaps it can be expected, it's the internet. i do know there can be many other problems in life alright. but i was talking about a SPECIFIC situation, about women who are happily married and their husband says i want to marry someone else and they say sorry no can do, i can't share you. sure i understand life is complicated and can throw a lot at you, but it's you who has a black and white view of the world because it's that all or nothing thought process, which is by the way, also unIslamic. do you think you know better than Allah? shame on you. your ego is so great that not only do you think you are better than others, you also think you know better about Islamic matters.

Who said it is unislamic to not want to share your husband? Perhaps you can evince that for us from the Quran and Sunnah before speaking as if an authority figure on the subject!

i also get it's a choice, not an obligation. i believe i addressed that when i said, sure all women want to be with the one they love and optimally not share. but life can throw a circumstance at you where you have to make a choice between allowing your husband to marry again OR leaving your husband. you girls who say "all or nothing" would divorce your husbands, which is ridiculous and unislamic and stupid, and it's due to too much pride, lack of love, and overall lack of understanding of life and religion in general. the sooner you women realize that men are polygamous BY NATURE and ALLAH has decreed this, you will get over your pompous internet thug selves.

Again, evince for me from the Quran or Sunnah that it is 'Unislamic' to divorce your husbands based on such grounds!

and i see you agree with me that "It isn't up to you to decide what is considered selfish or oxymoronic." - well you said something was selfish in the beginning of the post, so are you disagreeing with yourself? make up your mind first?

There there.. Why are you so angry and confused? what is with the 47547647864986 word rant?

Go ahead show me in a quote the contradiction that has so upset you!

also, are you really a doctor? it's shocking to me. you are one of the most judgemental people i have ever seen. i am saying this not just based on my interaction with you right now, but i have been reading posts by you before this also and you have some serious personality problems. the internet is not for you to unload all your problems. you, of all people, should be more sensitive about talking about "mummifications" and what not, because you should realize the sensitivity of such issues are realize the other person may have been though something very hurtful and hearing this is painful for them. don't just blindly write whatever you want. live up to your responsibilities, if you really are a doctor. and if you can't do that, at least be a good muslim, which you don't act like on here. how you are in real life, i don't know, so i will not comment on that. but as for here, you come across as someone who doesn't understand simple things, loves jumping to conclusions, has no regard for others opinions and overall has too much of an inflated ego due to your doctor status. get over yourself and stop thinking you're better and more mature than everyone else due to your age or education. i may be half your age and no where nearly as educated as you, but i may have been though much more in life than you can imagine sitting behind your screen, so learn to be humble. come back down to Earth. you head floats in the clouds. i have an exceedingly good intuition and i can tell you something, you probably have many problems in life due to this flaw in your character, so please try to fix it.

Does it matter to you whether I am a doctor or not? If you really are a doctor, if you really are a doctor, if you really are a doctor? why are you seething with this much hate? Where have I said to you that I am a doctor in such words or 'flaunted' my medical expertise?
Also what do you know of Good Islamic character? I mean surely you've heard of:
Abou Hurayrah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest."� [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Al Muslim]

For a good pious Muslim who also has tremendous knowledge in psychology and diagnosing random folks on a forum and reached milestones in Islamic jurisprudence, and fiqh you sure are exasperated!
calm down pls.

wsalam and i have changed my gender to undisclosed and will for sure, not be posting here ever again because this is just not a nice welcoming place where people have good healthy friendly discussions. everyone needs to resort to being rude to get some attention.

Al7mdlillah .. we thank you!

best,

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

yes i am rude,

Then why project?

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

that's what a good muslim woman is supposed to act like.

You should evince that as well from the Quran and Sunnah..

best,

**in-the-shadows** · 05-18-2011

wsalam

at least i'll give you this: you have some manners and some patience. intelligence? severely lacking. sorry, but it's true. sometimes we DO need someone else to see us and give us their opinion because you may think you and the rest of your bully friends are helping others and you're all so awesome, but in no way are your posts non-chauvinistic. rather they are very intimidating and rude, especially to newcomers. and if someone speaks out against you, you try and thwart them and get rid of them. it's high time someone got you all off your high horses. i see nice people coming into this forum all the time and them leaving while all you goons intimidate them. if when i say i am a sister simple because i do not want to be contacted by men, which is actually a smart thing to do as a muslimah, could be deception to your ignorant eyes, but i don't really care, YOU jumped to the conclusion that i was here to deceive people and to get into the guys section and all of these other things - overactive imagination at work. calm down. if you stopped thinking everyone was out to "get you" maybe you'd realize i have no need or want to decieve anyone. it's all in your head. you all just want to jump on your newest pray and rip them to pieces, it's what your hobby is.

and you sir need not tell me how a muslimah conducts herself, i am well aware of this. in fact i am a step ahead of other "sisters" on this forum because i, unlike them, have realized that interacting with "brothers" on this forum is haram, unless i am of course speaking to them exactly how i am speaking to you now, in a harsh manner. in other ways, inshaAllah i will become better, i am in no way saying i am the best muslim, sure i have a lot to learn, but a little less to learn than others. moreover your logic is not at work here - if i was a deceiver, why would i say "i am a sister?" - that would get in the way of my supposed master plan to get into the guys section wouldn't it? lol. i mean just crazy. plus, i need not post examples of flirtation that goes on here. go check any thread, you will have brothers replying to sisters with all sorts of smiley faces and being nice and what not. sure, be nice, but it's too much to be doing it on the internet with the opposite gender, you wouldn't do it in the street, so it's not ok to do it on the internet.

also, might i add. i have a view that all these links you people post trying to give dawah, these all promote bidaah actions. i will not read what you posted in the form of a link because if you knew your Islam well, you would realize, reading some link you gave to me on the internet is not a means of me increasing my taqwa or piety, only and strictly direct forms of worship as decreed by my Allah, those i will use to increase my taqwa and piety. your adherence to Sunnah and Shariah in my opinion at least is off track when you are trying to give dawah but don't even realize that you are telling someone to waste time reading a link that God knows who wrote, i don't know the source of it, it may or may not contain wrong and unreliable information, may contain biddah innovations, may be by a kaafir raafidi or an athiest posing as a muslim, i don't know who wrote all that. even IF it's a very good muslim who wrote it, even the great scholars of Islam can be wrong, eg. Imam Hanifa who promoted the use of amulets, may Allah forgive him and reward him with Jannah, but my point being that PEOPLE are PEOPLE, we all make mistakes, so in religious matters, we should not trust what other PEOPLE say or their opinions, we need to strictly stick to the Quraan and that is where it ENDS. i accept no one person as my awliah. there is no doing this AND that. doing all the prescribed means of worship, AND reading your links. what does that mean? are you saying your links would have some information better than the Quraan? When Allah said in the Quraan that he has completed our religion for us with the Quraan. finished! END of discussion. there is no room for all this lace and whipped cream on top that you try to give others. you are promoting biddah stuff. it needs to stop. i have enough intelligence also to realize not only do i need to pick my sources carefully, but also to realize that THIS IS NOT A FORM OF WORSHIP - which is what you people have turned it into. you go i hope you increase your taqwa and piety and inshaAllah i will, but the way you tell me to do it is a biddah action, which is to do it via the reading if your links as opposed to telling me to go read the glorious Quraan in it's pure and original and untainted form. if you had told me to do that and pray even more, fast more, read more Quraan, i would actually believe you when you said that you strictly adhere to sunnah and shariah. but in this regard you are not. Islam is simple. that is the beauty of it. you do not need links on the internet to learn in and in fact a muslim who knows what they are doing does not even trust stuff on the internet and knows he/she does not need to read up on personal opinions of others to increase their piety, they know in fact that that is biddah and incorrect. when there are guaranteed ways of worship which my Prophet conveyed to me through his sunnah and my Allah has told me of in the Quraan, i would first engage more in those than engage in these biddah actions. there are unaltered sources of getting that information, the Quraan and Sahih al-Bukhari, those are the ONLY links you should be giving and that is it. there should be no words from anyone else in there when it comes to a religious matter. literally zero. we as young muslims need to be ever aware of this growing issue if too much biddah in our religion and we need to thwart this disease where everyone becomes an internet scholar and starts writing up articles and giving them to others, your intentions may be right, but the action is in fact wrong if you ask a learned scholar of Islam. our next generations would follow a different form of Islam if this continues, so it is a disease. you will have sisters on this forum, who will become mothers and who think this is a good idea, an online forum, telling their kids here babies, sit here and read this article, here kiddo, go see this discussion, and the kids will learn that this is how you worship and draw closer to Allah, which is WRONG. brothers i don't care about, sure i hope they improve for the sake of Allah, but they have a limited role of teaching children, but the quality of sisters around here is just alarming to me, it scares me that so much time is wasted on these forums by people who in fact should be drawing closer to Allah via prescribed methods of worship, not this, especially the girls it's worrisome because they will have kids and if they don't even know this basic thing about Islam, how are they supposed to pass it on to the next generation? a head full of biddah leads to more biddah in the next generation. really, someone needs to cause a revolution in our generation because wow, we have come so far from the time of the sahabah, where you have someone saying they are not chauvinistic and acting like that in the next line and saying you should increase your piety, here start at this INTERNET FORUM. THINK about how wrong that is! use your brain and wake up! please, i beg you. save yourself before you die.

call me a backward wahabi if you like, i stick to sunnah and shariah and know it a lot better than you might think i do. i have strict interpretations yes, and strict opinions, but if you can share yours, i can share mine. i will in fact post because i am alerting people of your biddah actions which involve but are not limited to:

1) interaction between genders, REGARDLESS of what it is for/what method it is in - HARAM
2) intimidating/fighting with others and making them feel bad when they have not provoked you in any way - HARAM
3) promoting internet links as a method of worship - SUPER HARAM + BIDDAH

everyone need to STOP wasting precious valuable time on this website before they become like this vale's lily person with thousands of posts mostly fighting with others, all that precious time could have been spent praying instead. maybe that would soften all of your hearts more.

[QUOTE=sabr*;1439448][FONT="Arial"][COLOR="Black"][SIZE="2"]

[COLOR="black"]Peace be to you:

If you review our posts in this thread we defended the sister as all our threads do. (Until she revealed her true
motive). If you research our threads we are the opposite of chauvinistic and omit cultural and tribal slants.

The backlash we endure because we adhere to implementing Quran and Sunnah without the tribal and
cultural biases puts us outside the forums select circle.

Review our threads, we promote the rights Allah has given women.
You might learn how Muslimah conduct themselves.

We will accept your criticism while realizing the source. That rant would warrant a firm response but we realize
your foundation. Our posts and threads never include smiley faces or flirts. Not the reason we visit this forum.

We perform du'a Allah increases your Taqwa (Allah consciousness) and Iman (Conviction, belief).

We suggest you start here in the following threads. There isn't a need for you to post anymore.

**Ar-RaYYan** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by sabr*

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Subhanallah! Deception runs rampant. What makes a woman think that men in a Muslim forum would even be
attracted to someone that practices deception. Your profile could allow you to enter into the brothers section
because the moderator thinks you are male.

This is a classic case just because a person claims to be Muslim you have no idea what you are dealing with.

We could be overreacting but just provides a look inside of the created persona in this forum. If a male posted
that they used a female gender so women wouldn't contact them their account would be disabled.

It wouldn't even make sense to disable it because the person would just go create another profile.

And the person hasn't as of this post changed the deceptive profile gender.

That user profile reputation should be a perpetual zero.

The double standard in action.

Asalamu Alaykum

I havent posted for a long time but your hurtful post (and couple of others) was hard to ignore and I would like to clarify few things:

You are being very unfair to the sister. There was no deception in her post at all just a reasonable answer why she did not want to disclose her gender. Believe it or not there has been sisters here who kept receiving non-purposely messages from 'brothers'. The sister stated that she does not want to be contacted by men; what is so deceiving about that? Her intention was not to deceive the moderators or the members and in anywhere in her post has she come across as wanting to apply to the brothers section. I think that is the purpose for the 'undisclosed' gender option: for people who dont feel comfortable disclosing their gender for any reasons and anyways islamicboard would have removed the option if they viewed as deceiving.

Actually no you cant enter any of the gender section if you are 'undisclosed'. Your gender must be displayed on your profile.

I think this sister especially since she is a newcomer deserves an apology.

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

wsalam

wa3lykoum-- I take it you're not leaving?

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

1) interaction between genders, REGARDLESS of what it is for/what method it is in - HARAM

you need to evince that from the Quran and Sunnah.. Islamic society wasn't a segregated society pls, do not pass fatwa ad lib!

best,

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by Ar-RaYYan

Asalamu Alaykum

I havent posted for a long time but your hurtful post (and couple of others) was hard to ignore and I would like to clarify few things:

You are being very unfair to the sister. There was no deception in her post at all just a reasonable answer why she did not want to disclose her gender. Believe it or not there has been sisters here who kept receiving non-purposely messages from 'brothers'. The sister stated that she does not want to be contacted by men; what is deceiving about that? Her intention was not to deceive the moderators or the members and in anywhere in her post has she come across as wanting to apply to the brothers section. I think that is the purpose for the 'undisclosed' gender option: for people who dont feel comfortable disclosing their gender for any reasons islamicboard would have removed the option if they viewed as deceiving.

Actually no you cant enter any of the gender section if you are 'undisclosed'.

I think this sister especially since she is a newcomer deserves an apology.

This sister didn't put her gender as 'Undisclosed' she posed as a brother to be honest I already have doubts to her/his gender. A member here was banned before for doing just that. it is dishonest and dangerous especially when there is the 'undisclosed' option.. also there is an option in the profile to not receive messages at all if one were really worried about unlawful contact, in lieu of labeling everyone as a would be flirt.. If any thing it casts doubt to the integrity of the brothers here!

**piXie** · 05-18-2011

Come on brothers and sisters, Let it Go!

**Cabdullahi** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ

This sister didn't put her gender as 'Undisclosed' she posed as a brother to be honest I already have doubts to her/his gender. A member here was banned before for doing just that. it is dishonest and dangerous especially when there is the 'undisclosed' option.. also there is an option in the profile to not receive messages at all if one were really worried about unlawful contact, in lieu of labeling everyone as a would be flirt.. If any thing it casts doubt to the integrity of the brothers here!

Sisters are subtle with their jibes but they make sure it hits you really hard, brothers talk with their fists

Female response : salam sister, how are you, hope you are doing well insha'Allah, has anyone ever told you that you may have a slight personality disorder

Male response : dont mess with me, im gonna punch you down

the sister is a sister, maybe it was a poor decision to act as a brother but her intentions were good, she wanted to escape the desperados

**Ar-RaYYan** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ

This sister didn't put her gender as 'Undisclosed' she posed as a brother to be honest I already have doubts to her/his gender. A member here was banned before for doing just that. it is dishonest and dangerous especially when there is the 'undisclosed' option.. also there is an option in the profile to not receive messages at all if one were really worried about unlawful contact, in lieu of labeling everyone as a would be flirt.. If any thing it casts doubt to the integrity of the brothers here!

Wa Alaykumu Salaam

Like I said before I havent been on the forum for a long time and I saw and can still see the sister has opted for the 'undisclosed' option and havent seen her posing as a 'brother' so I found it unfair when some people accused her of deception. Anywas if she has once opted as a brother I dont think her intention was to deceive anyone rather she viewed as a protection from unneccessary messages from the opposite gender.

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by thequietone

Sisters are subtle with their jibes but they make sure it hits you really hard, brothers talk with their fists

Female response : salam sister, how are you, hope you are doing well insha'Allah, has anyone ever told you that you may have a slight personality disorder

Male response : dont mess with me, im gonna punch you down

the sister is a sister, maybe it was a poor decision to act as a brother but her intentions were good, she wanted to escape the desperados

wasn't this amusing? walhi I didn't even roll up my sleeves as I hate arguing against Muslims and I am not quite sure why the diatribe for seemingly innocuous observations or why they mertited this gore like reaction?..whatever form of catharsis was exercised and for whatever reason.. this is a prime example of what one guy can expect if he takes more than one wife!
so kudos to those who can

Originally Posted by Ar-RaYYan

Wa Alaykumu Salaam

Like I said before I havent been on the forum for a long time and I saw and can still see the sister has opted for the 'undisclosed' option and havent seen her posing as a 'brother' so I found it unfair when some people accused her of deception.

khyer insha'Allah.. S/he changed it this morning after comments were made..

**in-the-shadows** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by τhε ṿαlε'ṡ lïlÿ

Then why project?

You should evince that as well from the Quran and Sunnah..

best,

i already did my job as a muslimah in acting towards you in a manner which would tell you what you are doing wrong. beyond this, i simply don't have that much time to engage in childish discussions with you. maybe you have all the time in the world judging from your post count, i don't. for you, this is a game, you just love fighting with others, there is nothing constructive there, and overall, i only spend time on those who i feel are worthy of some attention and capable of improvement. you too, engage in all sorts of biddah actions so it was necessary to speak up against you, but beyond that, at this point, i feel as though your heart is too closed in a shell of ego and arrogance for you to ever benefit from anything anyone else says, so i will not waste my time. you did not even respond to the actual arguments in my post, because i know that you know that you are in fact wrong, so it was quite sad that you had to resort to such childish actions again instead of actually intellectually challenging me. find something better to do than being an internet bully, it's quite sad.

you don't have your Islam right if you think that due to a personal opinion a woman can "legally" divorce her husband if he remarries. and for you to be posting on these forums where others can read it and learn wrong things, is a serious crime. i will say it again, not for you , but for others reading this - there is no room in Islam for a woman to rule over her husband and tell him what to do and act in an unislamic way and say i have a CHOICE to leave you if you marry again. we have loosened up too much with all this choice stuff, oh i have the choice to do it so i will. what sort of a woman can do that? i have zero respect for women like that who have no patience, and really, have no shame as a woman, because your husband is supposed to be your everything, he is a means of you gaining jannah, so to throw away such an important person due to an obviously unislamic reason, it is WRONG. Allah has made it halal, end of discussion, no room for personal opinions left. this is biddah that you are promoting and are ok with, saying that oh people can CHOOSE not to be with someone who re-marries, says who, you? Allah said otherwise. Prophet's wives did not ask for divorces when he got married again. so are we better than the Mothers of the Believers who were undoubtedly the best of all women? just stop. learn what a real muslim woman is and learn she has to make sacrifices and YES it's tough to see someone you love with someone else, i KNOW how it feels, jealousy is in the nature of a woman, but there is no fairness for a woman to divorce on the grounds that her husband re-married. unless her "opinions" she values more than Allah and the Prophet. maybe this is why the Prophet stated that women are lacking in their religion, they will let stupid worldly things get in the way due to hormones. especially women nowadays, i just don't understand. what happened to good quality women, seriously? women used to have babies in villages by themselves, no one to help them, they would rear them and raise them to be amazing muslims, and women would be patient and love their husbands even if they married 4 times, and now look at all these princesses influenced by trash in the world saying oh i can't POSSIBLY BEAR THE BRUNT of seeing someone i marry being with someone else. men have desires! maybe Allah will reward you much more if you are patient and let him gain a halal way of getting rid of these desires. women like these marry for themselves ONLY and not for the sake of Allah, because if they did it for the sake of Allah, they would be completely ok with their husband coming to them and saying i wish to marry someone else, because they would say Allah has sent this trial i will be patient and will seek my reward with Allah. in fact i would be happy if my husband was THAT honest with me, and told me that instead of going behind my back or even worse committing zina. women like these throw their husbands into sin and they resort to zina. being torn apart and devastated in your heart, i understand, projecting that to the extent of saying i will divorce you if you re-marry, that is wrong. that husband could also have said, i will divorce you and go marry someone else, but if he is just saying i want to get married again, that is halal, staying with him, it is a way of protecting your children and yourself financially, emotionally and legally. gain some sense. if he wants to go marry someone else, BE SMART, stay as his wife, even Allah rewards you, your kids will be grateful when they grow up that their mother is not divorced which has serious repercussions in society, you also have financial security and you can still also be with the person who you love, at least some of the time. Allah has protected us SO much in Islam and then you see girls like this who say oh i know better, and then you're divorced and sitting around with kids who resent you and no finances, men luring at you because you have no mahram, and you look stupid because if you had had some patience, it would all be different, and you only have your own stupid self to blame. it's frustrating to see such women, no deen, no dunya, no aakhirah.

stop promoting biddah actions, learn some patience, stop being such princesses and get over yourself. get that the point of marriage is to please Allah, not to please yourself.

and ms. vale's lily, here is your evidence, have a good life:

“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

thank you to those who are nice on here, i appreciate your support. my intention was not to deliberately deceive anyone whatsoever, i am new and didn't know about the undisclosed option. now i do, so i changed it. i'm only human, i did not need to be flamed so much for a simple thing. i wouldn't SAY i am a woman if i was out to deceive absolutely everyone, it's against logic.

**Ghazalah** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

to "bear the brunt" then anyone who cannot, simply doesn't have enough imaan and also thinks they know better than Allah. sorry, not to throw flames at you, as my sister i love you and respect you, but don't say it's not about pride, it is.

Who the hell are you to question my Imaan purely cuz I don't want to share my husband? Did I say I'm totally against it? No, I accept and understand the reason behind it. And I do not think I know better than Allah, why would I think like that? When I know the Creator knows more than the created. You seriously need comprehension skills, and I seriously doubt you understand the nature of women if you think it has anything to do with pride.

**Salahudeen** · 05-18-2011

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:3]

And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.

It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pays attention to his brother’s needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs.”

The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:

“It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”

Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Haydari.

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/452/mariage

**جوري** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

i already did my job as a muslimah in acting towards you in a manner which would tell you what you are doing wrong.

You need to refresh your handbook on your job as a Muslimah!

beyond this, i simply don't have that much time to engage in childish discussions with you.

That is interesting considering every time you grab hold of the keyboard your spewing a diatribe of puerile nonsense in non-paragraph format that we've to strain our eyes to sort through to find a morsel not borne of emotive nonsense and that has some sound basis in Islam! Unfortunately you've become a poster girl for the holier than thou Tartuffe.. preaching one thing and doing exactly the opposite .. what is with all the drive by shootings?

maybe you have all the time in the world judging from your post count, i don't. for you, this is a game, you just love fighting with others, there is nothing constructive there, and overall, i only spend time on those who i feel are worthy of some attention and capable of

Do tell where you've been constructive? All you have done thus far is self-congratulate while calling just about everyone else dumb, stupid, etc. etc. Are you really that blind to your own state of being?

improvement. you too, engage in all sorts of biddah actions so it was necessary to speak up against you, but beyond that, at this point, i feel as though your heart is too closed in a shell of ego and arrogance for you to ever benefit from anything anyone else says, so i will not waste my time. you did not even respond to the actual arguments in my post, because i know that you know that you are in fact wrong, so it was quite sad that you had to resort to such childish actions again instead of actually intellectually challenging me. find something better to do than being an internet bully, it's quite sad.

Go ahead and list the bida3as one by one I'll be waiting!

you don't have your Islam right if you think that due to a personal opinion a woman can "legally" divorce her husband if he remarries. and for you to be posting on these forums where others can read it and learn wrong things, is a serious crime. i will say it again, not for you , but for others reading this - there is no room in Islam for a woman to rule over her husband and tell him what to do and act in an unislamic way and say i have a CHOICE to leave you if you marry again. we have loosened up too much with all this choice stuff, oh i have the choice to do it so i will. what sort of a woman can do that? i have zero respect for women like that who have no patience, and really, have no shame as a woman, because your husband is supposed to be your everything, he is a means of you gaining jannah, so to throw away such an important person due to an obviously unislamic reason, it is WRONG. Allah has made it halal, end of discussion, no room for personal opinions left. this is biddah that you are promoting and are ok with, saying that oh people can CHOOSE not to be with someone who re-marries, says who, you? Allah said otherwise. Prophet's wives did not ask for divorces when he got married again. so are we better than the Mothers of the Believers who were undoubtedly the best of all women? just stop. learn what a real muslim woman is and learn she has to make sacrifices and YES it's tough to see someone you love with someone else, i KNOW how it feels, jealousy is in the nature of a woman, but there is no fairness for a woman to divorce on the grounds that her husband re-married. unless her "opinions" she values more than Allah and the Prophet. maybe this is why the Prophet stated that women are lacking in their religion, they will let stupid worldly things get in the way due to hormones. especially women nowadays, i just don't understand. what happened to good quality women, seriously? women used to have babies in villages by themselves, no one to help them, they would rear them and raise them to be amazing muslims, and women would be patient and love their husbands even if they married 4 times, and now look at all these princesses influenced by trash in the world saying oh i can't POSSIBLY BEAR THE BRUNT of seeing someone i marry being with someone else. men have desires! maybe Allah will reward you much more if you are patient and let him gain a halal way of getting rid of these desires. women like these marry for themselves ONLY and not for the sake of Allah, because if they did it for the sake of Allah, they would be completely ok with their husband coming to them and saying i wish to marry someone else, because they would say Allah has sent this trial i will be patient and will seek my reward with Allah. in fact i would be happy if my husband was THAT honest with me, and told me that instead of going behind my back or even worse committing zina. women like these throw their husbands into sin and they resort to zina. being torn apart and devastated in your heart, i understand, projecting that to the extent of saying i will divorce you if you re-marry, that is wrong. that husband could also have said, i will divorce you and go marry someone else, but if he is just saying i want to get married again, that is halal, staying with him, it is a way of protecting your children and yourself financially, emotionally and legally. gain some sense. if he wants to go marry someone else, BE SMART, stay as his wife, even Allah rewards you, your kids will be grateful when they grow up that their mother is not divorced which has serious repercussions in society, you also have financial security and you can still also be with the person who you love, at least some of the time. Allah has protected us SO much in Islam and then you see girls like this who say oh i know better, and then you're divorced and sitting around with kids who resent you and no finances, men luring at you because you have no mahram, and you look stupid because if you had had some patience, it would all be different, and you only have your own stupid self to blame. it's frustrating to see such women, no deen, no dunya, no aakhirah.

See previous paragraphs on the matter and evince your accusations with facts! Also what is with all this logorrhea? Do you have something of substance to impart beyond your personal opinion? I can't sort through bulky miasma and continuous catharsis!
What is upsetting you so much?

stop promoting biddah actions, learn some patience, stop being such princesses and get over yourself. get that the point of marriage is to please Allah, not to please yourself.

As stated pls. list the bid3as!

and ms. vale's lily, here is your evidence, have a good life:

“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

When did I say that one should divorce her husband for no reason? do quote me on that!

best,

Originally Posted by Salahudeen

Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

Jazaka Allah khyran!

**in-the-shadows** · 05-18-2011

oh get a life. i quoted the same hadith that the brother above did, you say JazakAllah to him for the part of the fatwa that is the Sheikh's opinion (correct, but an opinion nevertheless) and then the SAME Hadith that is quoted in that fatwa, when i post that you dare to speak back? you need basic understanding of the english language. learning some big words and throwing them into a sentence doesn't make you smart. asking for a divorce from your husband due to the fact that he wants to re-marry based on your personal views on the matter, which are unislamic, they count as "no reason" as stated by the scholar in that fatwa. you're just stupid. get a life. not worth arguing with you.

**in-the-shadows** · 05-18-2011

it is biddah for you to go around saying that it is ok for a woman to divorce her husband as she may not be able to live with that situation due to her personal beliefs, if those beliefs are unislamic. there you go. happy?

**in-the-shadows** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by Ghazalah

Who the hell are you to question my Imaan purely cuz I don't want to share my husband? Did I say I'm totally against it? No, I accept and understand the reason behind it. And I do not think I know better than Allah, why would I think like that? When I know the Creator knows more than the created. You seriously need comprehension skills, and I seriously doubt you understand the nature of women if you think it has anything to do with pride.

sorry if the truth hurts. but in Islam we are supposed to let others know if they do something wrong. you are wrong, no question about it. your views on all or nothing are unislamic and therefore wrong. Hadith says if you ask your husband for a divorce for no reason, you would not be able to go to Paradise. this means asking for a divorce for no valid Islamic reason. reasons can be constructed by anyone. women can even say i want to divorce my husband because he snores. doesn't make it a valid reason. a valid reason has to be something that is backed by Islam. divorcing because you do not want to share is not backed by Islam and is not a valid reason. you are the one who need better comprehension skills cause you don't even understand basic concepts. go and learn. it does have to do with your ego and your pride because it sure has nothing to do with Islam, these views on oh i can't share, stop watching so many movies and get real.

**Ghazalah** · 05-18-2011

Wow this thread has gone too far, sis vale leave it inshAllah, obviously we don't agree with everything in-the-shadows has said, nevertheless everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Abu Umamah Al-Bahili (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said,

"I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannahfor one who has good manners.''

[Abu Dawud]

I apologise -in-the-shadows if anything I have said offended you.

**Ar-RaYYan** · 05-18-2011

Originally Posted by in-the-shadows

oh get a life. i quoted the same hadith that the brother above did, you say JazakAllah to him for the part of the fatwa that is the Sheikh's opinion (correct, but an opinion nevertheless) and then the SAME Hadith that is quoted in that fatwa, when i post that you dare to speak back? you need basic understanding of the english language. learning some big words and throwing them into a sentence doesn't make you smart. asking for a divorce from your husband due to the fact that he wants to re-marry based on your personal views on the matter, which are unislamic, they count as "no reason" as stated by the scholar in that fatwa. you're just stupid. get a life. not worth arguing with you.

Sis I know you are trying to make a point but you can do that without insulting the person especially since you dont know her and she also happens to be your sister in Islam. I think you are capable of having constructive grown-up discussion without any personal attacks.

Anywas I think we have all gone off-topic..