The Marriage Thread

[S<Chowdhury]

Thank you brother! I couldn't have been blessed with a more beautiful desi;D

Plus.......I have to be as good a husband as possible, or she will cut me off:nervous:....you know....NO MORE SAMOSAS FOR YOU!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:heated:

HAHA for a second i was like ouch! ;D............ Wen i usually annoy my fiancée she says alot of things in Greek (her aunty taught her some words in Greek such as erm Batalas i think :hiding....

 

[Nimboo]

Sorry if I don't sound Optimistic, Ive seen marriages fall apart in front of me (Issues with both sides, Infidelity, compatibility issues, forced marriages ect).

I know Pre Nups don't exist in Islam, what happens to Your* wealth when you divorce?

* I say YOUR, I mean the Husbands (Sorry I wholeheartedly disagree with "Our Money" and Joint at the hip bank accounts)

Since modern muslimahs work, Does she get half the man's wealth? or do you walk away with what you came in with (minus the Mahr)?

I understand that the husband has a duty to provide for any children (up until a certain age) but does he have to provide for her?

Sisters, after a divorce, will you try and bleed your husband dry?

How does Islam prevent this? if it doesn't is it wise to start stashing money away? (I'm serious)

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

^^ OMG Why so negative?? I think the plucking thing only occurs when theres anger involved in a breakup. Bleeding a guy out is not a very muslim thing to do for a woman. Its more something for the kafir Western woman i guess.
And some muslim woman actually dont intend to build up a career and aint no golddiggers. The hasanathdigger kind of woman you have to find! ;D

Dont have any hadieth for you about the providing for her. Red something about him only providing for her when shes pregnant.
I actually feel bad for you that you think about this, this way. Remember not all marriages end up in a break up. You have only seen one side to it.

 

[Nimboo]

^^ OMG Why so negative?? I think the plucking thing only occurs when theres anger involved in a breakup. Bleeding a guy out is not a very muslim thing to do for a woman. Its more something for the kafir Western woman i guess.
And some muslim woman actually dont intend to build up a career and aint no golddiggers. The hasanathdigger kind of woman you have to find! ;D

Dont have any hadieth for you about the providing for her. Red something about him only providing for her when shes pregnant.
I actually feel bad for you that you think about this, this way. Remember not all marriages end up in a break up. You have only seen one side to it.

Its not being negative, I just like to be prepared should things go sour (Contingency Management FTW ).

Bleeding a guy out is not a very muslim thing to do for a woman. Its more something for the kafir Western woman i guess.

When you put enough money in front of someone you will see the Kafir in them come alive. I have personally witnessed Muslim women do this.

And some muslim woman actually dont intend to build up a career and aint no golddiggers.

Are you women not inspired by Hazrat Khadija (RA)?

The hasanathdigger kind of woman you have to find! ;D

^o)

Pardon my ignorance, I don't know what your trying to convey in this sentence.

I actually feel bad for you that you think about this, this way.

Don't, I'm a realist and I'm AWAKE and I fully understand that Marriage isn't as sugar coated as many Muslims portray (please don't try and convince me that it is).

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Sorry if I don't sound Optimistic, Ive seen marriages fall apart in front of me (Issues with both sides, Infidelity, compatibility issues, forced marriages ect).

I know Pre Nups don't exist in Islam, what happens to Your* wealth when you divorce?

* I say YOUR, I mean the Husbands (Sorry I wholeheartedly disagree with "Our Money" and Joint at the hip bank accounts)

Since modern muslimahs work, Does she get half the man's wealth? or do you walk away with what you came in with (minus the Mahr)?

As far as Islamic Sh ari`ah is concerned, a husband should maintain his divorcee for three months after the divorce whether or not she takes care of the children. Moreover, if the children remain in her custody and she is responsible for their care, he has to maintain them both; however, if he has custody of the children, she has no financial rights over her ex-husband.


Zeinab Al-Alwani, an instructor in fiqh and Islamic studies at the Graduate School of Islamic and Social Sciences in Ashburn, Virginia, United States, states the following:

The wife has the right to be financially maintained for three months after final divorce in addition to receiving her deferred dowry. For the division of property, jurists say that if both the husband and wife had shared in building or purchasing their property, it should be divided justly between them.

For the children, the father is responsible for maintaining them until they become able to establish and support themselves. After this, he should continue to support them morally and stand beside them if they need his help financially.

In addition Sheikh Shaker Elsayed, a prominent Muslim scholar and imam at the Islamic Center, Washington D.C., stated,

The rights of the divorcee are the same in the West or the East. If a woman works inside or outside the home to help and sustain her family, she has the following rights:

1. The husband should cover all her basic living expenses through out the `iddah period; three months after the divorce. This is according to the norm of the society in which they live.

2. If the divorcee continues to care for the children, she has the right to receive a continuous monthly allowance for the living expenses for herself and the children.

3. If the husband has custody of the children, and she is no longer serving the family in any way, then she does not have any financial rights over her ex-husband.

Since you are living in the West, you are encouraged to work out an agreement for financial arrangements that will help you to continue to care for your children. If this is not possible, Islam does not prohibit you from seeking your rights through your mosque, community leaders or imam. If this does not produce an equitable result, Islam allows you to go to court to seek a resolution. This is true for both alimony and custody, with the following exception:

A divorcee does not have an automatic life-long right to alimony as given in the West. Alimony is only contingent upon family service, care of the children and so on. Therefore, if the court gives you something that you are not sure you are entitled to under Islamic law, please consult a Muslim scholar.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Its not being negative, I just like to be prepared should things go sour (Contingency Management FTW ).



When you put enough money in front of someone you will see the Kafir in them come alive. I have personally witnessed Muslim women do this.



Are you women not inspired by Hazrat Khadija (RA)?



^o)

Pardon my ignorance, I don't know what your trying to convey in this sentence.



Don't, I'm a realist and I'm AWAKE and I fully understand that Marriage isn't as sugar coated as many Muslims portray (please don't try and convince me that it is).

Alhamdoellilah I didnt know my post would be fully analysed.:hmm:
First of all not all woman are alike. Dont go thinking ALL muslim woman are like that.
Secondly not all of us fancy a career. Some of us actually put taking care of a husband and children above that. And actually go to school with the intention of not building up a career. Over all being a housewife is the hardest job in the world.
And with the sentence you did not get: I ment you have to look for a PIOUS woman. One who actually cares more about her beautiful religion above materialistic stuff. They are out there, you know.

And I would strongly advice you not to be such a pessimist.
Really doesnt help you much I came to find out. Find a balance.
Some free advice, you can throw it in the trashbin if you like.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Don't, I'm a realist and I'm AWAKE and I fully understand that Marriage isn't as sugar coated as many Muslims portray (please don't try and convince me that it is).

I don't think the sister was sugar coating marriage, i think we all here understand marriages isn't all happy days every days. Brother why don't you agree with the whole "our money"? Just wondering ?

 

[Nimboo]

I don't think the sister was sugar coating marriage

This whole thread sugar coats marriage.

Brother why don't you agree with the whole "our money"? Just wondering ?

If you earn money, Its Your Money.
If she earns money, Its Her Money.

Simples

I don't think its "Fair" for the wife to claim what I have earned as "hers". (I hope my opinion agrees with Islam). Should the wife want the occasional pair of shoes, that's OK, but Half your wealth NAH :heated:.

2. If the divorcee continues to care for the children, she has the right to receive a continuous monthly allowance for the living expenses for herself and the children.

I didn't think that there was any injustice in Islam but the above clearly demonstrates that there is.

Why does a man HAVE to financially sustain the woman after a divorce? I'm not referring to children, if the woman cannot afford to look after herself why does she have more rights to the children?

I hope there is more to the above, its really got me thinking.

Alhamdoellilah I didnt know my post would be fully analysed.

Sorry for intimidating you, I'm merely breaking everything down, its easier to chew, nothing personal (Promise)

First of all not all woman are alike. Dont go thinking ALL muslim woman are like that.

Agreed. Your right.

Secondly not all of us fancy a career

I'll reiterate, Are you women not inspired by Hazrat Khadija (RA)?

And actually go to school with the intention of not building up a career.

There are so many wrong things with this sentence. Why waste your time studying for a subject, only to never put it into use?

And with the sentence you did not get: I ment you have to look for a PIOUS woman. One who actually cares more about her beautiful religion above materialistic stuff. They are out there, you know.

Again, agreed. Your right, but I've not met any.

And I would strongly advice you not to be such a pessimist.

I'm a Realist. I know there is a flip side to EVERYTHING.

 

[Asiyah3]

I'll reiterate, Are you women not inspired by Hazrat Khadija (RA)?

I couldn't perceive your standpoint, do you want women to work or the other way?

Also have you thought of this...:

Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears 'Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him.

Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem.'Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position.

'Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He (Umar) said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude."

 

[Nimboo]

I couldn't perceive your standpoint, do you want women to work or the other way?

I'm trying to figure out why women choose not to have a career even though they fight for the right to study for one. Working mothers don't make bad parents or wives.

Also have you thought of this...:

Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears 'Umar's wife shouting at him and reviling him.

Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that 'Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem.'Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position.

'Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He (Umar) said, "Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude."

An entirely different conversation but, I agree that the WIFE has rights while married, but none (except to the children) after a divorce.

My point is why should a man finance his ex wife to live?

 

[cat eyes]

Sorry if I don't sound Optimistic, Ive seen marriages fall apart in front of me (Issues with both sides, Infidelity, compatibility issues, forced marriages ect).

I know Pre Nups don't exist in Islam, what happens to Your* wealth when you divorce?

* I say YOUR, I mean the Husbands (Sorry I wholeheartedly disagree with "Our Money" and Joint at the hip bank accounts)

Since modern muslimahs work, Does she get half the man's wealth? or do you walk away with what you came in with (minus the Mahr)?

I understand that the husband has a duty to provide for any children (up until a certain age) but does he have to provide for her?

Sisters, after a divorce, will you try and bleed your husband dry?

How does Islam prevent this? if it doesn't is it wise to start stashing money away? (I'm serious)

no islam dose not require the wife to bleed the husband dry after the divorce and what money the wife earns is her own money so if a muslimah has her own money, why she would want to bleed her husband dry? get what im saying. islam is not difficult. marriage in islam is quite easy.

by the way not every marriage fails just like 5 fingers are not the same size..

Your right though theres alot of forced marriages going on and btw theres nothing wrong with divorce either, divorce was also common in the time of the prophet (saw) people have just been making it into a big thing and judging others for mistakes they have made which was not there fault

 

[S<Chowdhury]

I'm trying to figure out why women choose not to have a career even though they fight for the right to study for one. Working mothers don't make bad parents or wives.



An entirely different conversation but, I agree that the WIFE has rights while married, but none (except to the children) after a divorce.

My point is why should a man finance his ex wife to live?

Because if the mother cannot support herself or is strained between working and being a mother how is she suppose to look after your child?

 

[S<Chowdhury]

This whole thread sugar coats marriage.



If you earn money, Its Your Money.
If she earns money, Its Her Money.

Simples

Okey that your opinion Brother about marriage being sugar coated. Secondly you don't like sharing do you? She's gonna raise your children, look after the home etc etc and you will treat her as she doesn't work and sits on the sofa all day? Brother raising a family and going into marriage isn't all about this is yours this is mine etc etc, your suppose to be communal about it not divide everything up to his and hers.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

I'm trying to figure out why women choose not to have a career even though they fight for the right to study for one. Working mothers don't make bad parents or wives.

Well Ill have to disagree. When spending more time at work you have less time to take care of a household. Consequence is you will be putting more energy in work and making good progress and neglect your household or simply dont put in that much effort as at work. Why, as a mom, you want to have kids to drop them at a daycarecentre afterwards. Then you might as well just not have kids then plan the time you have with your child. I believe if you have a child it has full right over you because as a mom you are the most important caregiver. And besides you as a parent would be accountable for the childs tarbijjah. That means Allah swt WILL question you about the upbringing you gave to your child. What are you gonna say when your child came home from the daycare with some kafir customs such as birthdays and christmas and that kind of stuff?? Well Ill have to say NOO thanks. Ill bring my own children up according to my beliefs and values thank you very much.

 

[Nimboo]

no islam dose not require the wife to bleed the husband dry after the divorce and what money the wife earns is her own money so if a muslimah has her own money, why she would want to bleed her husband dry?

Because they can and DO. I have personally witnessed this. Its more like Revenge.

get what im saying.

I do, but I think your missing my point. I'm trying to establish if under Sharia, the Man has a duty to finance his ex wife. If he does, I wont be getting married.

people have just been making it into a big thing and judging others for mistakes they have made which was not there fault

Divorce is a BIG thing, especially if you have to give up half you wealth

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Divorce is a BIG thing, especially if you have to give up half you wealth

Brother forgive me if i offend you but why is divorce and marriage all about finance- its money it comes and goes, losing the custody of your children your family that would be a heartbreak not losing my money :exhausted

 

[Nimboo]

Because if the mother cannot support herself or is strained between working and being a mother how is she suppose to look after your child?

If she cannot support herself, this is HER problem its up to her to figure out how to survive.

I have no issues support the children, that would be my obligatory duty.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

Because they can and DO. I have personally witnessed this. Its more like Revenge.
I do, but I think your missing my point. I'm trying to establish if under Sharia, the Man has a duty to finance his ex wife. If he does, I wont be getting married.
Divorce is a BIG thing, especially if you have to give up half you wealth

I had a feeling you were going to say this. No offense but you wouldnt last long within a marriage with this much distrust and suspicion towards women. As trust is one of the keyelements of a good and healthy marriage. For one theres no I in We which means your money will indeed be her money as Allah swt determined for us. As money is a common subject spouses argue about this will be a huge point of discussion for the two of you.
I feel very bad for you brother. Circumstances and situations you have encountered turned you into such a "realist". Alhamdoellilah.
Sorry if I have offended you in any way. Wasnt my intention.

 

[Nimboo]

Okey that your opinion Brother about marriage being sugar coated. Secondly you don't like sharing do you?

Sharing not the issue here, I don't like the idea that someone can claim something that you have worked hard for is theirs.

She's gonna raise your children, look after the home etc etc and you will treat her as she doesn't work and sits on the sofa all day?

A complete misunderstanding of what I have written, I have not implied any of this.

Both parents have the duty of bringing up their children.

Brother raising a family and going into marriage isn't all about this is yours this is mine etc etc, your suppose to be communal about it not divide everything up to his and hers.

To rebut, lets hypothesise;

Say you buy a House, 400K. you pay the mortgage off yourself (since your wife chooses not to work). Time passes you have some differences and your marriage ends in a divorce.

Who gets what according to Islam?

 

[cat eyes]

Because they can and DO. I have personally witnessed this. Its more like Revenge.



I do, but I think your missing my point. I'm trying to establish if under Sharia, the Man has a duty to finance his ex wife. If he does, I wont be getting married.



Divorce is a BIG thing, especially if you have to give up half you wealth

if the wife has fear of Allah she would do no such thing. just because you have witnessed people getting divorced so now you will poison other peoples minds towards marriage? that is actually a sin.