Would you agree to move in together with your husband's family?

[islamirama]

i cant agree more women work twice as hard and then giving birth to kids and then having to raise them men should be licking her feet for the pain women go through in giving birth btw i dont know where this topic is going lol
..

The prophet (S) said if he were to order prostration to anyone after God it would be the wife to her husband. Such is the importance and status of a husband. If a wife dies and the husband was pleased with her than she goes to paradise. So lets not talk about who is going to lick whose feet. its true that the jannah is in the mother's feet but that path is for kids to attain Jannah, not husbands. As for her labor pains and menstrual cycles, ,this is all from Allah as part of her role and creation. Don't blame men for it, learn to accept it as is and be patient because you have no idea how much you are being compensated by Allah for enduring all that.

 

[Asiyah3]

How much to share? What to share?

The following is just my preference. Now .I surely wouldn't be so exact in reality...
Anyways, I personally would do the main housework; (cleaning shelvers, washing the toilets, vacuuming etc., ) as he goes to work, I'd try to keep the house clean. However, he should help around. For example, after eating dinner I would wash the dishes and clean the table and he could bring the plates to the sink. Also do his side; organize his things, hang his clothes, make the bed now and then.

Why to share when there is a huge probability that humans in any relationship (except parents) have a tendency to become snouty and to remind the previous favors they have bestowed on you in the past when you were so helpless?

What do you mean? What does this have to do with sharing?

I didnt read anywhere that Prophet Muhammad pbuh "depended" on his wives. He was a pretty independent man and did his stuff himself.

'Alayhi as-salaatu was-salaam.

 

[CosmicPathos]

The following is just my preference. Now .I surely wouldn't be so exact in reality...
Anyways, I personally would do the main housework; (cleaning shelvers, washing the toilets, vacuuming etc., ) as he goes to work, I'd try to keep the house clean. However, he should help around. For example, after eating dinner I would wash the dishes and clean the table and he could bring the plates to the sink. Also do his side; organize his things, hang his clothes, make the bed now and then.


What do you mean? What does this have to do with sharing?


'Alayhi as-salaatu was-salaam.

that is too much. I cant believe how your husband could expect you to do all that. he should clean his own shelves, clean his own washroom and what not and you should yours. Dont degrade yourself for being his slave.

 

[جوري]

I also find it humorous how everyone here likes to open a marriage thread about how wonderful marriage is and what should be done and a 1000+ questions you an ask for a potential mate and how everyone is looking for someone. With so many threads open have you tried asking each other for marriage? may be IB can open a matrimonial section and hook the members up since there are so many of them here looking. They can start with those 1000+ questions to enter the drawing opcorn:

I don't find it humorous I'd rather said section be closed down although, I really think perhaps folks can stop looking through some rose tinted glasses when they realize that the expectations they have from a marriage and the reality of it are quite disparate!
at the end I did learn about some strange customs of other Muslims and it made me appreciate that Islam came to liberate women from centuries old bondage that culturally still folks are unable to rid themselves of.


BTW.. it is true the hadith you posted.. but I hope you realize equally so that it was said of deserving men. When a woman skirt was so much as lifted she called out and an entire army rose to her defense.
Now you have your women scientists stripped of their clothes and dignity and all you can do collectively as men is simply ***** about it on a public forum and write of your expectations from your potential maids at home after a 'hard day's work'

on this note I bid you a good day

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

 

[Asiyah3]

that is too much. I dont think how your husband can expect you to do all that. he should clean his own shelves, clean his own washroom and what not. Dont degrade yourself for being his slave.

Those are really basic things that I do at home regularly... I don't mind, I love tidiness.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Those are really basic things that I do at home regularly... I don't mind, I love tidiness.

oh well ... your husband would be a very fortunate man then.

 

[cat eyes]

The prophet (S) said if he were to order prostration to anyone after God it would be the wife to her husband. Such is the importance and status of a husband. If a wife dies and the husband was pleased with her than she goes to paradise. So lets not talk about who is going to lick whose feet. its true that the jannah is in the mother's feet but that path is for kids to attain Jannah, not husbands. As for her labor pains and menstrual cycles, ,this is all from Allah as part of her role and creation. Don't blame men for it, learn to accept it as is and be patient because you have no idea how much you are being compensated by Allah for enduring all that.

i mean in a term that you are meant to appreciate her but these days its increasingly difficult for men to do that these days ive heard so many stories of marriage breakdowns because the husband was to extreme towards the wife,way to many expectations. i am hearing this alot lately from women that there husband expects to much. who said that marriage is all about cleaning...when two people are madly in love they could not care less about who washes the dishes. people make marriage difficult because they fight over the most stupid things..its just crazy

also there is hadith which says woman was made from the rib of a man so be gentle with her because she can break easily

 

[Asiyah3]

oh well ... your husband would be a very fortunate man then.

Na'a, your future wife will be the fortunate one for having been blessed with such a caring husband.

 

[Asiyah3]

i mean in a term that you are meant to appreciate her but these days its increasingly difficult for men to do that these days ive heard so many stories of marriage breakdowns because the husband was to extreme towards the wife,way to many expectations. i am hearing this alot lately from women that there husband expects to much.

:wa:
I agree. One of the questions I'll probably ask my future spouse will be what he expects of me.

also there is hadith which says woman was made from the rib of a man so be gentle with her because she can break easily

Additionally, it was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

(Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 3895).

 

[islamirama]

i mean in a term that you are meant to appreciate her but these days its increasingly difficult for men to do that these days ive heard so many stories of marriage breakdowns because the husband was to extreme towards the wife,way to many expectations. i am hearing this alot lately from women that there husband expects to much. who said that marriage is all about cleaning...when two people are madly in love they could not care less about who washes the dishes. people make marriage difficult because they fight over the most stupid things..its just crazy

also there is hadith which says woman was made from the rib of a man so be gentle with her because she can break easily

:wa:

I merely touching on the topic of what wife may think she can/can't do in light of these fatwas and belief vs reality. The ideal wife and ideal husband are topics of their own worthy of their own threads.

When a woman skirt was so much as lifted she called out and an entire army rose to her defense.
Now you have your women scientists stripped of their clothes and dignity and all you can do collectively as men is simply ***** about it on a public forum and write of your expectations from your potential maids at home after a 'hard day's work'

We don't have such armies otherwise we wouldn't be in such a state. And what do you mean "your own women" is she not your sister in Islam? Those who can and want to are doing what they can to help her while others just point fingers and what not.

 

[CosmicPathos]

:wa:
I agree. One of the questions I'll probably ask my future spouse will be what he expects of me.



Additionally, it was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

(Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 3895).

That is true but we have to understand what Prophet pbuh meant by best. Best means different things for different people.

 

[جوري]

:wa:

We don't have such armies otherwise we wouldn't be in such a state.

Indeed-- I should then concede that all expectations should be taken down a few notches!...

And what do you mean "your own women" is she not your sister in Islam? Those who can and want to are doing what they can to help her while others just point fingers and what not.

she is indeed my sister.. but I am assuming the meek and enfeebled role of a scullery maid that the 'modern Muslim' man assumes is the role of a woman while the manly men do their thing for our sister!

 

[islamirama]

Indeed-- I should then concede that all expectations should be taken down a few notches!...

exactly my point, just telling sisters not to expect hired maids to do their house work cuz they are not "required" to do anything because reality is far different than the fatwas and online discussions

she is indeed my sister.. but I am assuming the meek and enfeebled role of a scullery maid that the 'modern Muslim' man assumes is the role of a woman while the manly men do their thing for our sister!

if you thinking woman taking care of her house and husband is a scullery maid and she rather go rub shoulders with non-mahrams all day then to everyone their own.

 

[ali-imran]

I am so glad that I have freedom of choice, to not get married or ever have to go through this ordeal.....of bringing a wife into my home.......I remain chaste, as it is my choice....and Insha Allah I will devote myself to Allah.

I think muslim women esp those from traditional background such as Bengali, Pakistani and Indian....will have no choice but to do so, as it is more a cultural thing here.....other cultures may have different ways and apporaches to the after marriage accomodation arrangement..

 

[CosmicPathos]

I am so glad that I have freedom of choice, to not get married or ever have to go through this ordeal.....of bringing a wife into my home.......I remain chaste, as it is my choice....and Insha Allah I will devote myself to Allah.

I think muslim women esp those from traditional background such as Bengali, Pakistani and Indian....will have no choice but to do so, as it is more a cultural thing here.....other cultures may have different ways and apporaches to the after marriage accomodation arrangement..

Isnt it surprising that most crimes of pedophilia were done by monks and priests who had vowed to remain celibate?

Celibacy is haram and has no justification in Al-Islam.

 

[ali-imran]

Come on Pal, no need to be offensive over here...stay off the media reports I say... and stop making silly stereotypical generalisations

Islam gives you choice, in these matters, if you really have it all you can have 10 wives.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Come on Pal, no need to be offensive over here...stay off the media reports I say... and stop making silly stereotypical generalisations

Islam gives you choice, in these matters, if you really have it all you can have 10 wives.

what generalisations did I make? Hey, the facts are there. all these molesters had vowed to remain celibate when they became monks. Surprising that they committed pedophilia?

 

[ali-imran]

so basically what you are saying is, that somehow by my choice not to get married...I am destined to become like these monks and commit gross indicent acts.....but then what of sisters who have also decided not to marry....are they doomed to this fate also or a good chance by your reckoning?

this is a very bad way of thinking, as you are saying muslims, may end up like this unless they marry...but the what of people that do not have the means to marry....shall we kill them now just incase...as there are a few.

and what if you didnt read the latest article regarding monks, or here it on news, would you make such a foul remark?

The genralisation you made with your comment was.....that you are assuming with your knowledge that people who say they do not want to get married and be God fearing and foresake themselves in the way of Allah....are also leaving themselves in the same shoes as those monks who vowed to remain celebate...

 

[CosmicPathos]

so basically what you are saying is, that somehow by my choice not to get married...I am destined to become like these monks and commit gross indicent acts.....but then what of sisters who have also decided not to marry....are they doomed to this fate also or a good chance by your reckoning?

this is a very bad way of thinking, as you are saying muslims, may end up like this unless they marry...but the what of people that do not have the means to marry....shall we kill them now just incase...as there are a few.

and what if you didnt read the latest article regarding monks, or here it on news, would you make such a foul remark?

The genralisation you made with your comment was.....that you are assuming with your knowledge that people who say they do not want to get married and be God fearing and foresake themselves in the way of Allah....are also leaving themselves in the same shoes as those monks who vowed to remain celebate...

did I say anything of that sort? Putting words in my mouth and then trying to insult me?

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

I learned that these discussions are just discussions where much of whats being discussed is quite far from reality and to an extent, practicality. It's quite easy to talk about this stuff online quoting ahadeeth and ayaat (not saying that there's anything wrong with doing that) and its a completely different matter when you actually have to deal with this stuff in real life. I mean we can go on and on about what his or her role in the marriage is or is supposed to be but believe me when you actually have to live it, it's very different. Because then you're dealing with another human being with real emotions, thoughts, and personality not an idea or an ideal. And you have a stake in that relationship because you've invested time, effort and love into it and the other side's happiness and feelings matter to you whereas right now most people in this thread (who are not married) haven't experienced that. Maybe that's the awesome thing about the religion is that it gives us the guidelines and lets us deal with the actuality ourselves as long as we're in tune with those guidelines.

Just 2 cents from another not-yet-married-guy.