Would You marry a muslimah such as.....

[flowergarden]

Salaam Wa alikium:

I am a female, educated women, I am starting Law school soon. When I was 14 I was a survivor of a rape, I thankfully fought until I broke free and I still am a virgin. However, since than I wasn't the same, I lost faith for a long time. When I was 18 I met a man, I cared for him, he made me believe he was going to marry me. after two years of a promise, he broke me mentally, manipulated me, and and I sinned, I don't want to do into details. Anyways after months he left me via text message. I was heart broken. He explained his family wants him to marry a Yemeni and not me anymore... I was hurt, devastated from what I did... I lost hope, and sadly lost faith... I fell into the hands of 3 men.... but it didn't lead to anything. I am still ashamed and have been since than. I have sincerely repented everyday. imsad.There is not a day where I ask Allah to forgive me. This all happened in the years of 2007 to 2009, I was not very religious than... I know the reason this all happened with me sinning was because of the rape. I know it is because I lost my self esteem and did not seek consoling that when a man l cared for me, I was happy and vulnerable. I know that is wrong, but I went through something hard, and didn't seek help. I am change and have learned from my mistakes BIG TIME.
Today, I am changed. I have repented. I learned to pray, I am in Law school, I am and always have been a sweet and kind heart girl, I don't hurt anyone even the people who hurt me. I cry every day because of my mistakes. Recently, I know a man who is asking for my hand whom I care dearly for... I know he was in a relationship before but it didn't work out.. I care so much about him, I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt him. I truly love him for the sake of Allah. But I am scared because I don't know if I am a bad girl for him?!

If you (a muslim man) knew about this would you marry me? Would you forget the past and see I am sincere to my religion and love Allah so much and repent? I really need help healing, because everyday I wake up and sleep to this thought of him walking alway because of my hardship past... I am so scared I won't ever be happy! I am so scared I will never find a good muslim man to marry me... and most of all I want to marry him, he is the one I care for and see as the father of my children. I need help knowing I will be forgiven for my actions knowing I am remorseful to the point I am killing myself with regret and tears. IstarferAllah. <br><br>To add, I did sin but I remain a virgin. <br><br>Help em know I am still a good Muslim women, help me see the truth! Please tell me if you knew me would you marry one like me or walk away?

 

[FS123]

I can't make it personal, but there shouldn't be any issue. Allah forgives and removes the sin then man is nothing. A man should see the future not the past. That's my opinion.

Regards,

 

[Riana17]

Salam Alaikkum sister,

Yes of course If I am a man and you are peaceful and kind, generous and you fear Allah, absolutely no DOUBT i would marry you!

You shouldnt explain further to the man, perhaps reveal him that you are not virgin anymore so he wont expect, if he is outrageous then stay away from him, a man who would really love you will not judge you for your past.

and inshallah from now on, you will be stronger. Amen

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa Alaaykum As'Salaam

Sins are not be exposed, so you wouldnt have any need to go ahead and tell him about so and so. Ask Allaah to hide your sins for you and put your trust in him.

A good muslim would forgive and forget if he knew, the past is past and present is present. The past is never coming back, we are to move on and ask Allaah for forgiveness for all the wrong actions, if we tell others our bad deeds, it will make you feel sad, guilty, hurt and Allaah SWT doesnt want that, he wants you to keep them hidden.

And know that we are human and we are weak, when we sin we will naturally feel sad, regretful and so we will repent. We are not perfect, nobody is. We must strive to please Allaah insha'Allaah.

If you (a muslim man) knew about this would you marry me?

So,there is no need of him knowing. but if he did he will have to look at you now and not how you were back then, he cant not accept you because you did something and now when you have sincerely repented, its more worth accepting a person when they repent rather than what they were like before and not repent.

 

[ardianto]

Sister, can you accept man's past ?

Usually men can accept their life-partner's past. So, as long as you can accept your spouse's past he can accept your past too.

But let me give you an advice. When you have find your spouse, you don't need to reveal your past relationship except when he asks you about it. If he looks jealous, it's a normal reaction. But don't worry, it's just for a moment.

 

[Salahudeen]

I don't see why not, the past is the past, if you were still like that then he would probably be put off but since you changed and are a good person now I don't see why he would be put off.

We've all done things we regret, and wish we hadn't done them, but we just have to live with them and ask Allah to cover them up for us and remove them from our book of deeds so we don't bear the shame of what we done on day of judgement.

I don't think you should tell him though just incase because some me let it affect them, they can't take it that their wife has been with other men etc even though it was in the past when she was ignorant it still affects them so I don't think you should tell him unless you have to??

 

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

For me, how practicing they are in the deen, how enthusiastic they are to learn, are the most important thing for marraige. The past is the past, what matters is the present.

However, I will say that, if you were to reveal your past, it would (as a natural reaction) create doubt (even amongst the most pious of men). The rape part is nothing, what would be bothersome is the part where you said you have been involved with other men, sort of like dating (forgive me if I'm misunderstood). In such a case, the man may fear that you could leave him at any point for another man. For now, it would just be a doubt, how the person handles it, just depends on the person.

For this reason, I would advise you not to reveal your past, as it certainly is not necassary. And it's not like your being dishonest, everyone has a past, which is their own business.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Salaam Wa alikium:

I am a female, educated women, I am starting Law school soon. When I was 14 I was a survivor of a rape, I thankfully fought until I broke free and I still am a virgin. However, since than I wasn't the same, I lost faith for a long time. When I was 18 I met a man, I cared for him, he made me believe he was going to marry me. after two years of a promise, he broke me mentally, manipulated me, and and I sinned, I don't want to do into details. Anyways after months he left me via text message. I was heart broken. He explained his family wants him to marry a Yemeni and not me anymore... I was hurt, devastated from what I did... I lost hope, and sadly lost faith... I fell into the hands of 3 men.... but it didn't lead to anything. I am still ashamed and have been since than. I have sincerely repented everyday. imsad.There is not a day where I ask Allah to forgive me. This all happened in the years of 2007 to 2009, I was not very religious than... I know the reason this all happened with me sinning was because of the rape. I know it is because I lost my self esteem and did not seek consoling that when a man l cared for me, I was happy and vulnerable. I know that is wrong, but I went through something hard, and didn't seek help. I am change and have learned from my mistakes BIG TIME.
Today, I am changed. I have repented. I learned to pray, I am in Law school, I am and always have been a sweet and kind heart girl, I don't hurt anyone even the people who hurt me. I cry every day because of my mistakes. Recently, I know a man who is asking for my hand whom I care dearly for... I know he was in a relationship before but it didn't work out.. I care so much about him, I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt him. I truly love him for the sake of Allah. But I am scared because I don't know if I am a bad girl for him?!

If you (a muslim man) knew about this would you marry me? Would you forget the past and see I am sincere to my religion and love Allah so much and repent? I really need help healing, because everyday I wake up and sleep to this thought of him walking alway because of my hardship past... I am so scared I won't ever be happy! I am so scared I will never find a good muslim man to marry me... and most of all I want to marry him, he is the one I care for and see as the father of my children. I need help knowing I will be forgiven for my actions knowing I am remorseful to the point I am killing myself with regret and tears. IstarferAllah. <br><br>To add, I did sin but I remain a virgin. <br><br>Help em know I am still a good Muslim women, help me see the truth! Please tell me if you knew me would you marry one like me or walk away?

:salamext:

I have no doubt of a righteous man accepting you for who you are, even after hearing all of this. Nor do I have any doubt that you'll find happiness, with the permission of Allah, with a loving family with whom you'll spend the rest of your life with.

But this is upon the condition that you are sincere and true to Allah. You should manifest your repentance through actions, through your character. You should strive hard to rid yourself of any traits that you may have picked up from your past. You should be firm in the belief that Allah will never break your heart, have firm faith that He will heal you from your past and a promise of a bright future. While on the other hard you should not allow your past experiences to determine the person who you are now. Don't allow your insecurities to let you betray others, to be coarse in your manners or to be crude in your speech as you may have once faced in the hands others yourself, nor allow yourself to think that a righteous Muslim male will treat you as the men in your past have.

If you show sincerity towards Allah and a sincere change within yourself, Allah will bless you in your efforts and will give you what your heart desires the most.

 

[flowergarden]

Wa Alaikum Asalaam,
Dear sister I think you for your time...

I just want to clarify I am still a virgin, I don't want to go into details with my sins, but I did not lose my virginity.... But your response is nice and I appreciate it sister. Thank you

Salam Alaikkum sister,

Yes of course If I am a man and you are peaceful and kind, generous and you fear Allah, absolutely no DOUBT i would marry you!

You shouldnt explain further to the man, perhaps reveal him that you are not virgin anymore so he wont expect, if he is outrageous then stay away from him, a man who would really love you will not judge you for your past.

and inshallah from now on, you will be stronger. Amen

 

[flowergarden]

Salaam,
Jazak Allah Khair for you reply! It helps me. I just fear because on the internet it say that a person who commits such act will only marry such one... I know I made mistakes, I am just so scared that I will go to hell, or that Allah won't forgive me. I get comfort when I remember "Abu Sa'id and abu Huraira reported that they heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Never a believer is stricken with discomfort, hardship or illness, grief or even with mental worry that his sins are not expiated for him. (Muslim - Book 032, Hadith Number 6242)." But I am scared for when I want to marry, I am scare he will leave and I will never be forgiven or never happy with the man I want to be married to

 

[Riana17]

Wa Alaikum Asalaam,
Dear sister I think you for your time...

I just want to clarify I am still a virgin, I don't want to go into details with my sins, but I did not lose my virginity.... But your response is nice and I appreciate it sister. Thank you

Wa Alaikkum Salam Sister
Oh I am so sorry to jump into conclusion, it sounded to us like that, really sorry, please accept my apology
So khallas if the situation is like that, then you have nothing to fear, ill tell you what, I think you will get a husband who is equivalent or in line with your qualities, meaning he is also kind, patient and someone who fears Allah inshallah. Amen

 

[flowergarden]

My dear sister, Your so generous! I don't know you but I can see what a pure hear you have!
Jazak Allah Khair for your advice. And it is okay for the misunderstanding, I wrote it fast and should have clarified it better. Thank you dearly for all your time and help!

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Would I marry a Muslimah like the OP?

Yes, yes and yes!

Why, why and why?

Because, for me, virgins are a discomfort in the nether regions.
Because, I have not read anywhere in the Holy Quran or the Sahih Ahadeeth, that marrying a virgin will improve my chances of going to Jannah.
Because, I am looking for a wife and this is the most important reason. If I am not looking for a wife, it would not make any difference if the OP is a triple-rated, fully-accredited AAA virgin with a ten billion dollar inheritance.

Did the OP say anything about being willing to marry a poor old man like me?

 

[flowergarden]

Salaam wa Alaikum,
Thank you brother for your kind words... Once again I thank you for your time, but to clarify I am still a virgin eg hymen intact, I sinned in other way which I decide not to go into details.

That made me smile brother. Thank you for your kindness, and you help!

Would I marry a Muslimah like the OP?

Yes, yes and yes!

Why, why and why?

Because, for me, virgins are a discomfort in the nether regions.
Because, I have not read anywhere in the Holy Quran or the Sahih Ahadeeth, that marrying a virgin will improve my chances of going to Jannah.
Because, I am looking for a wife and this is the most important reason. If I am not looking for a wife, it would not make any difference if the OP is a triple-rated, fully-accredited AAA virgin with a ten billion dollar inheritance.

Did the OP say anything about being willing to marry a poor old man like me?

Would I marry a Muslimah like the OP?

Yes, yes and yes!

Why, why and why?

Because, for me, virgins are a discomfort in the nether regions.
Because, I have not read anywhere in the Holy Quran or the Sahih Ahadeeth, that marrying a virgin will improve my chances of going to Jannah.
Because, I am looking for a wife and this is the most important reason. If I am not looking for a wife, it would not make any difference if the OP is a triple-rated, fully-accredited AAA virgin with a ten billion dollar inheritance.

Did the OP say anything about being willing to marry a poor old man like me?

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

to clarify I am still a virgin eg hymen intact

Doesn't matter to me whether you are a technical virgin or a theoretical virgin or a pompous holier-than-thou virgin. Myself, I have had my share of virgins and, truth be told, having sexual intercourse with a virgin is nothing to write home about. Did I mention that I am not much into bragging rights either?

The important thing is to put your heart and mind and soul into developing a strong and healthy relationship with your spouse after the marriage. Seriously, if a man is fixated on a thin piece of flimsy membrane in your nether regions, then I think he should pay a visit to a neurologist to double check that he has any brain cells still working at all.

WaLLahu aklam.

 

[flowergarden]

Yes I understand. But sometime people take someone's past so seriously and that is what I have been feeling bad about even though I am repenting. Its not only about having a husband, Inshallah when Allah wills it it will be. But It is about gaining forgiveness and having a happy life without thinking am I bad? or thinking no man wil want me anymore. You know!
Jazakallah Khair.

 

[Who Am I?]

Sister, here's how I look at it.

Your past is your past. I don't need to know what you did before you met me, and I wouldn't ask. I too have done some things in my past that I'm not proud of. But it doesn't matter now because the past is the past. You have asked for forgiveness and so you are forgiven.

It's not like you're doing any of these things now, right? So don't worry about it. There are those of us brothers out there that don't care about such things.

 

[flowergarden]

Salaam brother,
Jazak Allah Khair. Inshallah I hope it remains this way. I just care much about a man who is planning on asking for my hand and of course he is a great muslim and had a relationsip before but sometimes I feel he deserves better than me, even thou I would never hurt or harm him... I would take care od my husband. I am just praying it is who I believe it will be. I fear Allah and my actions that is it.

Allah bless all of you for helping me! :statisfie

Sister, here's how I look at it.

Your past is your past. I don't need to know what you did before you met me, and I wouldn't ask. I too have done some things in my past that I'm not proud of. But it doesn't matter now because the past is the past. You have asked for forgiveness and so you are forgiven.

It's not like you're doing any of these things now, right? So don't worry about it. There are those of us brothers out there that don't care about such things.

 

[flowergarden]

No brother, I have been repenting since 2009. Alhamdullah it was my way of seeing the light and truth, as I wasn't religious at those times

It's not like you're doing any of these things now, right?

 

[Jalal~]

Sister, here's how I look at it.

Your past is your past. I don't need to know what you did before you met me, and I wouldn't ask. I too have done some things in my past that I'm not proud of. But it doesn't matter now because the past is the past. You have asked for forgiveness and so you are forgiven.

It's not like you're doing any of these things now, right? So don't worry about it. There are those of us brothers out there that don't care about such things.

right on man; I'd rather marry someone who has made mistakes in the past and has repented from them, instead of someone who has never made any mistakes in their life, because as we all know, no one is perfect. Sister flowergarden, just keep your faith up and don't lose hope in Allah.