Let us continue the healing.....

[flowergarden]

It seems you completely missed the point of my post and went off on a defensive tanget, i'm not sure why, please don't take my post as an attack against you or your charachter. Some words of my post wern't related to you and had nothing to do with you, but you took all my post as referring to you when it wasn't, some parts were a general reminder for everyone including myself.

JazakAllah Khair, I am sorry for misunderstand brother please forgive me. I didn't want any subject to start anything new again!

Jazak Allah Khair and may Allah's peace and blessing be upon you!

 

[flowergarden]

if you have forgiven the man who tried to rape you, then you will also come to terms with forgiving yourself, we are often harder on ourselves than we are on others.

Healing is a slow process always one day at a time, we pray for the peace, serenity and strength to get through this day and every day, always one day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

Our God wants us to achieve salvation, he will not place a burden on any of us that we cannot carry. The more you trust this to be true, the more you will be healed.

In many towns there are help groups for women who have suffered in the same kind of way as you have. You may find forums for victims of attempted rape on the internet. Maybe you are in a position to help others who have suffered, when you strive to help others you also help to heal yourself.

Blessings

Eric

Peace and blessings be upon you brother Eric,
I really hope the healing process will be fast, it seems like I have been trying and trying but only achieved very little. But you are right. And I thank you for your kind and healing words they mean a lot to me!

As for;

Maybe you are in a position to help others who have suffered, when you strive to help others you also help to heal yourself.

I choose law because of the incident, I hope to help women and men in situation to seek justice and help them heal. As I did not take the advantage of seeking cousoling, I would highly recommend that to other survivors.
Blessings upon you brother~

 

[flowergarden]

One lesson that I have learned in life.

When people give us negative comment, they say it loudly and long. In example, if we are failed in an attempt, some people tell us loudly "That's what I have said !! you would be fail !! because you could never do anything properly !! you are..blah..blah..blah..!!!".

But when other people give us constructive advice they say it in sound that almost like a whisper and usually short. In example "It's OK, you were failed today, but you can do better next time".

Unfortunately, when we hear the negative comment and the constructive advice simultaneously, many of use focus on the negative comment and forget the constructive advice. But this is something that can be understood, because the words that loud and long are more audible than short whisper.

Focus on negative comment and forget the constructive advice will makes us regard ourselves as 'low person', and later we will lose our motivation to do better. Different than if we focus on constructive advice and ignore the negative comment. This will revive our spirit to do our best, and InshaAllah, we will get the better future.

Sister Flowergarden, I know you have heard some or maybe many negative comments about you. But I am sure, you also have heard some constructive advices that aimed at you. My question, will you focus on negative comments and let yourself 'going down', or you will focus on constructive advices that will revive your spirit ?.


I am waiting for an answer from my strong and brave sister.

Salaam Brother ardianto,
Any time I hear from you, I can feel wiser and better educated. And I thank you for the time and patience! I guess after hearing all the negative comments and than having another comment which scared me of closing the thread again, I just couldn't take it longer.

Sister Flowergarden, I know you have heard some or maybe many negative comments about you. But I am sure, you also have heard some constructive advices that aimed at you. My question, will you focus on negative comments and let yourself 'going down', or you will focus on constructive advices that will revive your spirit ?.

I will defiantly keep my heart and mind on the adive that has been giving. But I will admitt, as brother Eric said we are naturally hard on ourselves, so once I hear somone say something rude, or just horrible/negagitve than I just look at than but in the back of my mind I am saying "don't worry so many other brothers and sisters are on your side go back and look at their advice, and I do! I just need to always remind myself.

I need to learn better and not take everything to heart and I have a lot. I used to always take everything to heart now, I just need to rid myself of the negative and remember always the positive!

JazakAllah Khair brother, You will be in my dua'a, you and your family. May Allah's blessing be upon you always!

 

[IslamicRevival]

I wsh i could go back in time to rectify my mistakes but the fact is I cant. Whats happened has happened, Remember the good times and to hell with the bad experiences. Overide your bad thoughts with good ones and focus on the future

 

[flowergarden]

You have more strength than you realize.

,
Thank you, but I want to be stronger! And I think that is why I am here, to not only heal but gain strength that will not only help me in the long run, but help me help others. And that is what I want the most, to help others.

I see you have your share of hardships, and I really wish you the best on that, I wish you will see that your worth a lot. I like to think that you have to first love yourself before you can ever truly love someone, and I feel like you are on your way, that Allah tested you and you are now passing.... InshAllah you will heal too, and I hope this thread is not only helping me, but it is helping others!

May the blessings of Allah be upon you!

 

[flowergarden]

You have already committed the sins and you have no choice but to accept the past. Allaah is Most-Forgiving and Merciful and you have repented for your sins. You don't have to tell your husband of your sin. You can get through this as there are many people who are in worse situations and managed to pull through. Actually, you are very lucky that Allaah has guided you back to Islaam and that you have education, food, water, shelter, etc. with every harship there is ease.

Salaam sister,
Yes I do feel very blessed that Allah has guided me back on the right path, but sometimes I also feel hurt that this is the past and I am a muslim... granted I was not truly a practicing muslim, per se I was not very religious at all, so I am thankful that I was brought back to the light, and I feel itnever would have happened had it not been my past. So I am slowlt but surely accepting the past, and actually being thankful that I have a past to keep me wise and know to know better, that it brought me to learn and to help other, and become a sweeter person!

 

[flowergarden]

I wsh i could go back in time to rectify my mistakes but the fact is I cant. Whats happened has happened, Remember the good times and to hell with the bad experiences. Overide your bad thoughts with good ones and focus on the future

Salaam,
Yes sometimes I do wish to go back, but sometimes I wish I just went to seek proper help after the rape... which than in turn would have never lead to my mistakes.

But you are right, Ishould only remember the good and rid my life of bad, as every other else has said, but it can be hard, and I am slowly learning Alhamdullilah.

Jazak Allah khair, blessing to you brother!

 

[ardianto]

Salaam Brother ardianto,
Any time I hear from you, I can feel wiser and better educated. And I thank you for the time and patience! I guess after hearing all the negative comments and than having another comment which scared me of closing the thread again, I just couldn't take it longer.


I will defiantly keep my heart and mind on the adive that has been giving. But I will admitt, as brother Eric said we are naturally hard on ourselves, so once I hear somone say something rude, or just horrible/negagitve than I just look at than but in the back of my mind I am saying "don't worry so many other brothers and sisters are on your side go back and look at their advice, and I do! I just need to always remind myself.

I need to learn better and not take everything to heart and I have a lot. I used to always take everything to heart now, I just need to rid myself of the negative and remember always the positive!

Salaam, sister.

Never give up in your effort to get the better future. And don't forget to always make dua'a. InshaAllah, Allah will give you a lot of easiness.

JazakAllah Khair brother, You will be in my dua'a, you and your family. May Allah's blessing be upon you always!

Thank you very much for your dua'a. JazakAllah Khair.

You will be in my dua'a, sister.

 

[ardianto]

Salam Alaikkum

Subhanallah you are truly gifted
You can shut any argument with your disposition

Mashallah its so rare to see people who stand with the right thing 'properly'. Allah bless you Brother, Allah bless you

I would vote for you as Moderator, Administrator of this forum, I do not like to embarass you with all these compliments, but you just deserve and I cnt help but tell that I need to remember people like you and learn alot from you, inshallah,

you are in my Duaa, you, your wife and your family,

Wa' alaikum salam.

Jazak Allah Khair. Thank you very much for your duaa, sister. And you will be in my duaa too.


But, vote me as moderator ?. What is Mr.Beardo comment on this ?.

 

[Who Am I?]

,
Thank you, but I want to be stronger! And I think that is why I am here, to not only heal but gain strength that will not only help me in the long run, but help me help others. And that is what I want the most, to help others.

I see you have your share of hardships, and I really wish you the best on that, I wish you will see that your worth a lot. I like to think that you have to first love yourself before you can ever truly love someone, and I feel like you are on your way, that Allah tested you and you are now passing.... InshAllah you will heal too, and I hope this thread is not only helping me, but it is helping others!

May the blessings of Allah be upon you!

My problems are nothing compared to yours. We all have problems. That doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else.

But you are right about one thing. I realize that I have to learn to love myself, and I am trying to get to that point. When I do, then I can move on with the rest of my life, maybe get married, etc.

You too must learn to love yourself. Whatever you did or did not do in the past does not matter anymore. Yesterday is gone. Today is tomorrow's yesterday, so make it count.

 

[Ansariyah]

Sister I see this is still troubling you. May I suggest When you make Sujud ask Allah for help for anything that's making you upset. The other day I had this feeling, a bad feeling but I didn't know where it came from why or how. I perfected my wudu and In my sujud I asked Allah to help me get rid of this, I swear by my lord by the time I raised my head from sujud and sat down It was gone. Do this for anything that's causing you grief, trouble, unsettling feelings, guilt, Allah has the answer.

 

[flowergarden]

Sister I see this is still troubling you. May I suggest When you make Sujud ask Allah for help for anything that's making you upset. The other day I had this feeling, a bad feeling but I didn't know where it came from why or how. I perfected my wudu and In my sujud I asked Allah to help me get rid of this, I swear by my lord by the time I raised my head from sujud and sat down It was gone. Do this for anything that's causing you grief, trouble, unsettling feelings, guilt, Allah has the answer.

Salaam Alaikum sister,
Yes it still is hurting me so much, like many are saying it is easy to forgive someone, but hard to forgive yourself. It just hard to see that I am a pure girl. And what hurts a lot is when I read the Qur'an and I don't feel worthy of being a Muslim, yet love Allah so much! Also, the Qur'an says

The man and the woman guilty of fornication, flog each of them with a hundred stripes and let not compassion move you in their case in the enforcement of the law of God, if you truly believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment. This man guilty of fornication may only marry a woman similarly guilty or an idolatress and this woman guilty of fornication may only marry such a man or an idolater. The believers are forbidden such marriages. (24:2-3)

I don't know if my sin is in that category (fornicator). But I just feel awful, and I am repenting and I think I always will ask Allah to forgive me that ever angers Him.

You're right praying helps, its just I want this feeling of me being a dirty/bad women to go away. I know I made my mistakes but how do I make those feelings just leave for good? Allah help me!

I don't feel like a pure women, and that is what hurts the most! I am crying as I type this because I wish I could just go back and be like Rapunzel, lock up in a castle so I can't hurt.

I know I am worth a man giving me a chance, but sometimes I just feel like may be I am wrong. What is important is just getting through these bumps.

I feel selfish and stupid, because there are probably other out there going through much worse and I try to keep that in mind, but I am my head has su much pain, and my heart is still healing. I feel ashamed that I am like this. I feel weak. imsad

 

[ardianto]

I am heereee ..., sister flowergarden.

I am just an ordinary Muslim, not aleem. But from what I know, surah An-Nuur 2-3 are about people who still do fornication, not about fornicators who have been repent. And from what I know, fornicators who have been repent can marry pious people.

However, you were not fornicator, you were good girl and now you are good woman. So, why you are still feel you are a bad woman ?.

There are many men out there who would marry a woman, without questioning her past, whether good or bad, because it matters to them whether this woman could be a good wife in the present and in the future. Unfortunately, they will not marry a woman who always thinks she could not be a good wife, because who they expect is a woman who is ready to build a happy family.

If you want to get married, you must stop thinking of yourself as a woman who does not deserve to get married. rest assured, you are a good woman who can be a good wife, so, you will be a good woman who can be a good wife in the future.

Always make du'aa, wish Allah send you a pious man as your husband in the future, and prepare yourself to welcome this pious man.

 

[Who Am I?]

Every day, I see more and more of myself in you, sister flowergarden.

You just have to get to a point where you're OK with who you are. Same as me. I have to let go of my past just as you have to let go of yours.

The one difference is that you want to get married and I'm still not sure that I do.

But that's neither here nor there. What's important is that you become OK with yourself.

Just remember, we all love you for the sake of Allah.

 

[flowergarden]

am heereee ..., sister flowergarden.

I am just an ordinary Muslim, not aleem. But from what I know, surah An-Nuur 2-3 are about people who still do fornication, not about fornicators who have been repent. And from what I know, fornicators who have been repent can marry pious people.

However, you were not fornicator, you were good girl and now you are good woman. So, why you are still feel you are a bad woman ?.

There are many men out there who would marry a woman, without questioning her past, whether good or bad, because it matters to them whether this woman could be a good wife in the present and in the future. Unfortunately, they will not marry a woman who always thinks she could not be a good wife, because who they expect is a woman who is ready to build a happy family.

If you want to get married, you must stop thinking of yourself as a woman who does not deserve to get married. rest assured, you are a good woman who can be a good wife, so, you will be a good woman who can be a good wife in the future.

Always make du'aa, wish Allah send you a pious man as your husband in the future, and prepare yourself to welcome this pious man.

Salaam Wa Alaikum,
My apologizes on such a late reply, my studies have kept me busy!
JazakAllah Khair for your kindness, and true support brother. It means a lot. Its a hard bump I came across, and I guess I felt like a bad girl because I feel guilty and sorrowed for trusting someone who hurt me, when I never could hurt them. I know I repent and Allah hears me and is with me, and deep down inside I know I am not a fornicator because I just don't think I am, I didn't do anything such as.
I just feel bad... but I am getting better Alhamduillah. I see that I do deserve to have a nice man, because I am a nice women. I can see that I may have made mistakes but I am taking responsible actions by repenting.

I actuallyu had a Sister message me with a nice respond saying that with what I have been through, and the past... it is Allah's way of testing me, and showing he loves me! What do you brother's and sister's believe with that!

Sometimes, I feel like yeah I been through a lot, but I never thought about it that way?! She said something very nice. " Allah loves those that he tests"

I actually thought the opposite, I felt like I was being punished for my wrongs! I felt like a bad person, and this was a punishment... so what is your opinion?!


:statisfie:wa:

 

[Who Am I?]

I have recently learned that this life is about doing the right thing. Sister, you are on the right path. You're well on your way to becoming the kind of woman that you are supposed to be. This is all you can do. This life is our test, to see who will become who they are supposed to be. Love your enemies, be good to your fellow man, do and say the right things. This is all we can do. This is what we are supposed to do.

Most of us never even realise that we're supposed to do this. Some us figure it out but have trouble figuring out how to do it. A very few of us figure it all out and become who we are supposed to be.

You're on the right path, sister. Don't get discouraged now.

 

[Beblessed]

Salaam Alaikum sister,
Yes it still is hurting me so much, like many are saying it is easy to forgive someone, but hard to forgive yourself. It just hard to see that I am a pure girl. And what hurts a lot is when I read the Qur'an and I don't feel worthy of being a Muslim, yet love Allah so much! Also, the Qur'an says

The man and the woman guilty of fornication, flog each of them with a hundred stripes and let not compassion move you in their case in the enforcement of the law of God, if you truly believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment. This man guilty of fornication may only marry a woman similarly guilty or an idolatress and this woman guilty of fornication may only marry such a man or an idolater. The believers are forbidden such marriages. (24:2-3)

I don't know if my sin is in that category (fornicator). But I just feel awful, and I am repenting and I think I always will ask Allah to forgive me that ever angers Him.

In this ayah Allaah swt talks about those who committed fornicator not those who were raped.

I do not know if the brothers here say they will marry you that will make any better for you, since they are not the ones that are marrying you, the best thing is you should turn to Allaah swt and ask Him to Heal you give you a pious husband.

my advice is to read alot of Quran, wake up for qiyaam ul layl and ask Allaah swt to heal you and ask Him for everything you want.

“O you who believe remember Allah with much remembrance, and glorify His praises in the morning and the afternoon.” [Surah Al-Ahzaab: 41-42]

And Allah says: “Those who believe and whose hearts find tranquility in the remembrance of Allah, verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find tranquility.” [Surah Ar-Radd: 28]

In another Hadith on the authority of Abu Musa al-Ash’aree (radyAllaahu ‘anhu), the Messenger of Allah said: “The comparison of the one who remembers Allah and the one who doesn’t is like that of the living and the dead.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Jabir (radhi allahu anhu) reported, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) saying: “There is an hour of the night which no Muslim person encounters and asks for a good thing for this life or the Hereafter, but Allah grants it to him. This happens every night.” [Saheeh Muslim]

Abu Umamah (radhi allahu anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) was once asked: “When are the supplications most acceptable?” He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) replied: “In the last depth of the night and at the end of the prescribed prayers.” [(hasan) at-Tirmidhee

Muadh bin Jabal (radhi allahu anhu) reported that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Whenever a Muslim goes to bed in a pure state (with wudhu), falls asleep while mentioning Allah and then wakes up during the night and asks Allah for anything good, He grants it to him.” saheeh (Musnad Ahmad and at-Tirmidhee)]


Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Our Lord descends every night to the lowest heaven, when only one third of the night has remained. He says: “Who will invoke Me, so that I may give him? Who will seek My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him.” [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim] In another report, he adds: “Then Allah extends His Hand and says: “Who wants to invest (good deeds) with the One who is not wasteful or unjust?” He continues to say this until the dawn arrives.” [Saheeh Muslim]

 

[Beblessed]

The Qur’an: A Healing of Hearts:

Allah Almighty says: “We reveal of the Qur’an that which is a healing and a mercy for believers.” (Al-Israa 17:82)

“We do indeed know that your heart is distressed at what they say. But celebrate the praises of your Lord, and be of those who prostrate themselves in adoration. And serve your Lord until there come unto you the hour that is certain.” (Al-Hijr 15:97-99)

THREE CURES OF HEARTS DISTRESS:

These last verses of Surat Al-Hijr guide us to three cures of hearts distress:

The first cure is to praise Almighty Allah and glorify Him every now and then. Glorification of Almighty Allah really has to do with relieving a person’s distress and delivering him of the calamities that may afflict him: So was the case with Prophet Yunus (alayhis salaam) who was swallowed by a big fish but Almighty Allah saved him from it. Allah says about this incident:

“And had he not been one of those who glorify (Allah), He would have tarried in its belly till the day when they are raised” (As-Saffat 37:143-44)

There is indeed a strong relation between glorifying Almighty Allah and one’s feeling of comfort and relief, as well as of bodily strength. This is indicated by the following Hadith:

“Fatimah (radhiyallahu anha), daughter of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) came to him and asked for a servant to help her in doing the household, work. He (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, ‘May I not direct you to what is better than the servant for you?’ She answered in the affirmative. He (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) then said, ‘Say SubhanAllah (glory be to Allah) 33 times, Al-Hamdulillah (praise be to Allah) 33 times, and Allahu Akbar (Allah is the Greatest) 34 times as you go to bed.’ When Fatimah (radhiyallahu anha) did so, she felt strength in her body and was able to do all the household work by herself.”

The second cure referred to in the above verses of Surat Al-Hijr is prostrating oneself to Almighty Allah. This prostration is reflected in submission of one s heart and soul as well as physical submission during Prayer. When a person prostrates himself in utter submission to Almighty Allah, he forgets all about the worldly ill-feelings of hatred, envy, etc., and experiences lofty spiritual feelings. That is why the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), when feeling any distress, would call, “O Bilal! (Get up and) comfort us with it (the Prayer).”

The third cure is to stick to serving and obeying Almighty Allah in preparation for The hour that is certain, that is, death. Hence, adherence to glorifying Almighty Allah and submission to Him Most High heart and soul throughout one’s life is the way that brings one inner happiness and peace of mind and delivers one from distress and life pressures.

walaikum salaam warahamtullahi wabarakatuh


my advice may not be the best advice but for me I only trust in Allaah and have faith in Him, I will ask Him whatever I need, and pray istikhara for my descions. and Allhmdulilah.
everyone has small or big problems this is a test from Allaah, only with patients we will succeed.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you flowergarden;

You can never forget the past, at some point you will come to terms with the past.

Failure is only failure when you give up on the mercy of Allah.

Every blessing

Eric

 

[flowergarden]

In this ayah Allaah swt talks about those who committed fornicator not those who were raped.

I do not know if the brothers here say they will marry you that will make any better for you, since they are not the ones that are marrying you, the best thing is you should turn to Allaah swt and ask Him to Heal you give you a pious husband.

my advice is to read alot of Quran, wake up for qiyaam ul layl and ask Allaah swt to heal you and ask Him for everything you want.

Salaam Alakium sister!
Thank you for your reply. I appreicate it. Allah is the only one to heal, but I am still so sad. I feel ups and down. And today, I don't feel worthy of asking Allah (swt) for anything.