I need some advice.

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anonymous

anonymous

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Asalaam alayukm,

I'm having a problem with my "husband". Basically, we live in separate countries, I live in the UK, he lives in Pakistan. We haven't seen each other for maybe 2 years. But that is because his attitude towards me is appalling.

Before I got married, I was non muslim, I went to Pakistan, converted and got married in secret. I told my now husband, I don't think we should get married, our parents don't know, I don't think it's right, but since we were already at the office he said, if we don't tell anyone, no one is going to know, don't chicken out now. So I went along with it. Now i'm starting to regret it.

He's abusive, he tells me he no longer considers me his wife, he tells me I'm a liar, but before all that happened, He kept asking me to bring him to the UK. I told him I wasn't able to because I didn't have a good job and didn't earn enough money and he reacted with abuse constantly. So the more abusive he got, the more I refused to bring him here.

Then he started telling me his life was at risk because he didn't marry his cousin and I must bring him to the UK. Again, I said I was unable to... I got more abuse. You are a bad wife, you're meant to support me not leave me here to suffer, *insert nasty names here* . He'd call my parent's house at 3am, threatening to tell them we were married if I didn't do what he said. He was starting to make me ill.

He had a tribal court hearing between his family and his cousin's family, because he didn't marry his cousin and that resulted in lashes and a fine.
The he said he wanted to leave Pakistan and go to Turkey, so he could pay the fine. I inquired how he was going to get to Turkey, if he didn't have money to pay his fine? I was worried he was going to go illegally. He said he'd got a visa for Iran and he'd go to Iran and then he'd go to Turkey by road and he could apply for his Turkish visa in Iran.

I told him, if he was going to go illegally, then I wanted nothing to do with him and I wanted a divorce. He told he, he wasn't going illegally and he had the required visas, so I believed him. Then I was talking to another friend from Pakistan who said he had to go for training in Turkey, but if they didn't get back to him soon, he wouldn't be able to apply for his visa in time. I asked him, can't you apply for your visa at the Turkish border? he said not any more you can't.

So, now I believe my husband has gone assumingly to Turkey illegally, but I've not had any contact with him since he left for Iran. I'm so angry with him.

Now, he's lied to me, he hasn't supported me since we've been married and all he does is demand I bring him to the UK. I am seriously considering a divorce, but I don't have the Nikah papers and i'm not sure if our marriage is legally recognised in the UK.

I know in Islam, a husband can only issue a divorce, but, we've spoken about divorce many times and he frequently tells me he doesn't consider me as his wife anymore, but he refuses to divorce me and continues to put me through this hell.

I spoke to a charity who said because you didn't want to get married at the time, it's like you were forced into it, therefore your marriage is void and it's as if you were never married. But I don't think that's right. Does anyone have any knowledge on this? I don't want to get married again and commit bigamy, but I really want a fresh start to my life.

I don't have a job, or any money and I don't want to go and see a lawyer and ask them do I need a English divorce, because if I don't, they will probably lie and say yes just so they get money out of me.

 
Assalamualaikum, sister.

At first, husbands who treat their wives badly are exist in everywhere, including in my place, Indonesia.

But what a wife can do if her husband treat her very bad and make her need to get divorced but the husband does not want to divorce her?. In my place, if they got married trough KUA (Indonesian sharia affair office) and recorded in government data, the wife can go to sharia court and tell the officer there about her problem and register a request to get divorced. Sharia court officer start to collect evidences, including (if possible) call the husband, and start trial process. If they get enough evidences that the husband neglect his duties like treat the wife badly, did not give the wife her rights, etc, the judge in sharia court would decide, divorce can be done, and they get divorce.

If they got married not through KUA and did not registered in government data?. In case like this the wife can go to local Alim. The process is similar. If the local Alim can find enough evidence, he will issue a fatwa that the marriage has ended in divorce.

Islam is not religion that oppress women. Islamic knowledge is like a tree with some branches. Marriage and divorce are accomodated in a branch that called sharia.

So, you should tell your problem to sharia Ulama in your place. If I am not wrong, there is sharia council in UK. Maybe akhee Hamza Asadullah can give you an access to meet them.
 
Sister if you can wait a day or so to call the islamic shariah council, I will give you the name of a scholar whom I've spoken to on behalf of a sister and found him to be extremely helpful. He was willing to call people he knew in her country to get her the help she needed. Masha Allah. Only, I've forgotten his name and will have to call the mosque again. I'll try to do this asap insha Allah.
 
Sorry for late reply sis. Here are the names of the shaykhs you can ask to speak to. Shaykh Suhaib Hassan and Shaykh Hathem Alhadad. May Allah, The Highest, rectify your affairs. Ameen
 
Dying Rose said:
Sorry for late reply sis. Here are the names of the shaykhs you can ask to speak to. Shaykh Suhaib Hassan and Shaykh Hathem Alhadad. May Allah, The Highest, rectify your affairs. Ameen
Click to expand...
But sis, how can our sister contact those shaykhs?


I mean, how to contact them? our sister must be want to know.
 
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^ that number is only 3 digits off from my home line looool (the last 3 digits - don't go trying to call my home now will ya ;D). Shariah Council must be really local to me... anything I can do?

Scimi
 
I contacted the Shariah Council, No one has got back to me :exhausted

I don't know what else to do other then go and see a Solicitor and go via the English courts and just incur the debt.

I can't go on like this.
 
PM me your case in full and I will go there in person and hand in the printout... and demand they take action on your behalf. Would this be ok with you?

Scimi
 
anonymous said:
I contacted the Shariah Council, No one has got back to me :exhausted

I don't know what else to do other then go and see a Solicitor and go via the English courts and just incur the debt.

I can't go on like this.
Click to expand...

Did you ask to speak to one of the shaykhs I mentioned? Call them back insha Allah, and say that you had been expecting a call back but no one had got back to you. And ask specifically to speak to one of those scholars.
 
anonymous said:
I contacted the Shariah Council, No one has got back to me

I don't know what else to do other then go and see a Solicitor and go via the English courts and just incur the debt.

I can't go on like this.
Click to expand...
Go to the nearest Islamic center. InshaAllah, they can connect you with competent ulama.

I mean, visit directly and tell your problem to officer there, not only contact with e-mail.
 
Sadly now it seems he's moving illegally from place to place, so I've had to contact a lawyer. imsad

But thank you for all your advice my dear brothers and sisters.
 

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