anonymous
Anonymous User
- Messages
- 4,134
- Reaction score
- 133
Asalaam alayukm,
I'm having a problem with my "husband". Basically, we live in separate countries, I live in the UK, he lives in Pakistan. We haven't seen each other for maybe 2 years. But that is because his attitude towards me is appalling.
Before I got married, I was non muslim, I went to Pakistan, converted and got married in secret. I told my now husband, I don't think we should get married, our parents don't know, I don't think it's right, but since we were already at the office he said, if we don't tell anyone, no one is going to know, don't chicken out now. So I went along with it. Now i'm starting to regret it.
He's abusive, he tells me he no longer considers me his wife, he tells me I'm a liar, but before all that happened, He kept asking me to bring him to the UK. I told him I wasn't able to because I didn't have a good job and didn't earn enough money and he reacted with abuse constantly. So the more abusive he got, the more I refused to bring him here.
Then he started telling me his life was at risk because he didn't marry his cousin and I must bring him to the UK. Again, I said I was unable to... I got more abuse. You are a bad wife, you're meant to support me not leave me here to suffer, *insert nasty names here* . He'd call my parent's house at 3am, threatening to tell them we were married if I didn't do what he said. He was starting to make me ill.
He had a tribal court hearing between his family and his cousin's family, because he didn't marry his cousin and that resulted in lashes and a fine.
The he said he wanted to leave Pakistan and go to Turkey, so he could pay the fine. I inquired how he was going to get to Turkey, if he didn't have money to pay his fine? I was worried he was going to go illegally. He said he'd got a visa for Iran and he'd go to Iran and then he'd go to Turkey by road and he could apply for his Turkish visa in Iran.
I told him, if he was going to go illegally, then I wanted nothing to do with him and I wanted a divorce. He told he, he wasn't going illegally and he had the required visas, so I believed him. Then I was talking to another friend from Pakistan who said he had to go for training in Turkey, but if they didn't get back to him soon, he wouldn't be able to apply for his visa in time. I asked him, can't you apply for your visa at the Turkish border? he said not any more you can't.
So, now I believe my husband has gone assumingly to Turkey illegally, but I've not had any contact with him since he left for Iran. I'm so angry with him.
Now, he's lied to me, he hasn't supported me since we've been married and all he does is demand I bring him to the UK. I am seriously considering a divorce, but I don't have the Nikah papers and i'm not sure if our marriage is legally recognised in the UK.
I know in Islam, a husband can only issue a divorce, but, we've spoken about divorce many times and he frequently tells me he doesn't consider me as his wife anymore, but he refuses to divorce me and continues to put me through this hell.
I spoke to a charity who said because you didn't want to get married at the time, it's like you were forced into it, therefore your marriage is void and it's as if you were never married. But I don't think that's right. Does anyone have any knowledge on this? I don't want to get married again and commit bigamy, but I really want a fresh start to my life.
I don't have a job, or any money and I don't want to go and see a lawyer and ask them do I need a English divorce, because if I don't, they will probably lie and say yes just so they get money out of me.
I'm having a problem with my "husband". Basically, we live in separate countries, I live in the UK, he lives in Pakistan. We haven't seen each other for maybe 2 years. But that is because his attitude towards me is appalling.
Before I got married, I was non muslim, I went to Pakistan, converted and got married in secret. I told my now husband, I don't think we should get married, our parents don't know, I don't think it's right, but since we were already at the office he said, if we don't tell anyone, no one is going to know, don't chicken out now. So I went along with it. Now i'm starting to regret it.
He's abusive, he tells me he no longer considers me his wife, he tells me I'm a liar, but before all that happened, He kept asking me to bring him to the UK. I told him I wasn't able to because I didn't have a good job and didn't earn enough money and he reacted with abuse constantly. So the more abusive he got, the more I refused to bring him here.
Then he started telling me his life was at risk because he didn't marry his cousin and I must bring him to the UK. Again, I said I was unable to... I got more abuse. You are a bad wife, you're meant to support me not leave me here to suffer, *insert nasty names here* . He'd call my parent's house at 3am, threatening to tell them we were married if I didn't do what he said. He was starting to make me ill.
He had a tribal court hearing between his family and his cousin's family, because he didn't marry his cousin and that resulted in lashes and a fine.
The he said he wanted to leave Pakistan and go to Turkey, so he could pay the fine. I inquired how he was going to get to Turkey, if he didn't have money to pay his fine? I was worried he was going to go illegally. He said he'd got a visa for Iran and he'd go to Iran and then he'd go to Turkey by road and he could apply for his Turkish visa in Iran.
I told him, if he was going to go illegally, then I wanted nothing to do with him and I wanted a divorce. He told he, he wasn't going illegally and he had the required visas, so I believed him. Then I was talking to another friend from Pakistan who said he had to go for training in Turkey, but if they didn't get back to him soon, he wouldn't be able to apply for his visa in time. I asked him, can't you apply for your visa at the Turkish border? he said not any more you can't.
So, now I believe my husband has gone assumingly to Turkey illegally, but I've not had any contact with him since he left for Iran. I'm so angry with him.
Now, he's lied to me, he hasn't supported me since we've been married and all he does is demand I bring him to the UK. I am seriously considering a divorce, but I don't have the Nikah papers and i'm not sure if our marriage is legally recognised in the UK.
I know in Islam, a husband can only issue a divorce, but, we've spoken about divorce many times and he frequently tells me he doesn't consider me as his wife anymore, but he refuses to divorce me and continues to put me through this hell.
I spoke to a charity who said because you didn't want to get married at the time, it's like you were forced into it, therefore your marriage is void and it's as if you were never married. But I don't think that's right. Does anyone have any knowledge on this? I don't want to get married again and commit bigamy, but I really want a fresh start to my life.
I don't have a job, or any money and I don't want to go and see a lawyer and ask them do I need a English divorce, because if I don't, they will probably lie and say yes just so they get money out of me.