You're not confused. You're being human.
Islam came to guide you, to channel this innate quality so that even while in love you worship Allah.
Heed my advice, if you're old enough, volunteer to mentor a child now. Those are the finesse that are hard to find.
Everyone can have sex, but not everyone can be compassionate enough to take care of their "doings". Go and do the right thing. Don't leave it to your wife's so called "natural instinct" to take care of your kids. They don't have natural instinct. If they do, then Dave Pezler's mom wouldn't have abused him and then on her death bed, when asked, why did she just not kill him, after all that abuse? She nonchalantly said:
"I didn't know where to hide the body".
[for those who crave daleel and proof, please do yourself a favor and read, A Child Called "It", truly, leave your Quran and Sahih Bukhari for a while]
All of us must go out and see the effects of sexual relations. These things happen to all families, muslims or non muslims alike. Muslim families are the worse, in my observation. Owing to the culturally embedded patriachal dominance, some fathers slap, kick, bruise wives and kids. Wives who have been brought up to "obey their husbands" would keep quiet and be patient, hoping for ajr from Allah. Allah wants easiness for you, and he doesn't want for you hardships. [2:185]
No wonder Women's Lib orgnization are hard on Islam, due to these unscrupulous males who reproduce but have no idea how to deal with their product of reproduction. And we have all the male scholars who would not admit that muslim males need to be educated about their responsibilities. Go figure.
Propagate ahadeeth about how the prophet [he's a male] dealt with children as much as you propagate hadeeth about how you make solah or whether your must have a beard or not and we will see the difference. Also cut down on the how long your pants should be. Get your Bukhari Muslim hadeeth software and rather than searching for what qualities a wife should have, look for how the prophet treated children and their wives.
Muslim women must also concentrate on Quranic verses and ahadeeth that tell them more about THEIR rights rather than the ones telling them they will outnumber men in the hellfire. They should know that a woman stood up in front of the caliph to correct him regarding mahr. They should also know about the ones who taught the companions after the demise of the prophet was a woman. Maybe then they won't have time to wait and sit down and be content at the lower end of the food chain or waste time having emotional diarrhea in forums.
[some of them]
Do you see how wonderful Islam is? It releases you from all subordinations except to the One who holds your soul! It widens your scope on how life should be. It frees you from racial arrogance and gender conceitment other than what Allah has prescribed.
There's no jannah for men and women. There's only jannah.
