Salaams all.
Jazakallah for your responses. They are much appreciated.
HULK - Thanks for letting me know about the rules.
GREENHILL - I have no issues with going to the Masjid and standing next to smelly people - that was just an insignificant rant. I had someone next to me in Taraweeh last night who smelt like he had not bathed for twenty years but I was OK with that. It made no difference to me as I put Itar on my nose and I had sprayed lots of fragrance on both my shoulders so when I did the salaam at the end of each set of prayers, I only smelt myself. And I don't go to the Masjid very early now so the regulars can sit and talk about Indian movie stars and their wives to their hearts content. As long as I am not getting free sins, I don't really care.
My only bug is with the neighbours which I will talk more about in a bit.
Also, thank you for making me feel so welcome. I know I am new, I know I have opened up a few crazy threads - I would not be surprised if some of you thought I just came on here to bash Islam.
MUHAMMAD - If my Mom knew I was posting things about losing my faith online, she would no doubt get a baseball bat and smack me a few. I come from a very noble Muslim family and my Nana (Mom's Dad) was one of the first Aalims to come to England from India in the 50's. I'm very proud to say he was the person that was involved in inventing the salaah timetable in the UK and also helped with the erection of one of the first Masjids in the UK too! Woohoo. So yeah, saying I am about to lose my faith etc does make me feel very ashamed of myself, but like I said in my first post on this website, I was going to be honest and that is genuinely how I feel.
Also, thanks for the video you have linked which I will look at again later.
BERRIES'FOREST - How are you coping? How do you get back on track? I am a Hafez so I pray the Qura'an on a daily basis. When I am on way to work, I will pray Yaseen / Kahf / Mulk and various others and I do this on a daily basis. I've never abandoned my prayers / Islam before. It's normally a thought which goes on in my mind but then I forget about it. However this Ramadhan, the neighbours have just driven me to the point of no return.
We just can't reason with them. If they were Christian/Jewish/Hindu/any other religion, I would fully understand why their lives are so full of joy and content as they are NON MUSLIMS and this world is meant to be paradise for them. However animal like the neighbours are, they do come to Jummah every Firday, the old man does pray Qura'an in Ramadhan (prays so loudly and incorrectly, it's enough to make you want to smack your head against the wall), and they do come to the Masjid in Ramadhan too, so they are NOT non Muslims.
I have explained my predicament in
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-and-support/134323562-dua-accepted.html in full detail and have included details of what they do / are like. I don't want to go on about it as it would be classed as backbiting, but I mentioned it so you guys know what they are like.
My issue and what I can't get my head around, leading me to ditching Islam is why Allah would listen to their duas and give them happiness and make our lives hell? Have I missed something completely? It's Allah's hikmat to do what he wants, but I am just wondering whether I am supposed to do the opposite of what Islam says (like the neighbours) to get my duas accepted. That's where my issue is.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect to go to the Masjid and pray Qura'an and think Allah will accept all my duas. I don't expect to click my fingers and expect things to happen just like that, it's not how life is. I fully get that.
I fully get what you guys say about Prophets and Sahabas, and the trials and tribulations they went through, but you have to understand I am just a mortal. I am not a Prophet or a Sahaba, so to expect me to wait for 20 years is a bit too much. I think waiting 7 years is more than enough to be honest. Besides, it was a Muslim vs a Non Muslim in those stories, i.e. Hadhrat Bilal vs Christians, the Prophet vs Jews etc. In my case, it's a practising Muslim vs a non practising Muslim.
The neighbours are the issue which is driving me to breaking point. I have loads of other issues in my life - crazy family, big brother (he is an Aalim) comes to bully us daily - he wants us to vacate the house so we can sell it (it won't sell because people know who lives next door so why he thinks it will sell is beyond me!), awful job, bullied at work for being a Muslim, health issues, Mom's health issues. All that is fine, I can deal with it. It's just the neighbours are driving me mad. As I have explained, I have tried getting in touch with various Aalims and Muftis asking for help, but again, what they have asked me to do is not working or they simply just don't have time to help.
I know I am not perfect and I have done many things wrong in my life, but I have repented and made amends. For example, I had a skincare eBay business and was selling a lot of products from companies that supported Israel in it's campaign against Palestine. I found out recently, so I have stopped stocking those items and I went to the local Muslim charity shop and donated £500 out of my profits. I used to have something to say about everything even if it did not involve me, and I have now changed by keeping my mouth shut and only talking if it is of importance to me or I have something genuine to add.
Anyway, I am going on and on and I seem to have lost the plot. Allah listened to Iblees's dua to give him eternal life and that was accepted, so if my dua's don't get accepted, that must make me worse than him, so for me to follow Islam would be completely pointless. I know I am not a bad person. If any of you asked anyone who knew me, they would confirm this. I cause no one any trouble (well some slugs got salt on them the other day as there were too many in my yard and I could not get past them to go the Masjid and I am petrified of slugs), I am a quiet person, I don't *****, I don't backbite, I mind my own business, I don't cause the neighbours any trouble.
Part of me was hoping one of you would have a special dua that I could pray so the animal like neighbours would understand that closing a door gently would mean it still shuts and there was no need to hammer it shut at full force repeatedly throughout the day, and all would be good, but it looks like that's not going to happen.
Thank you for letting me post on this website though. I know my Islam is not just going to disappear like that. I was trying to train myself the other day, but I kept praying Bismillah before I did anything even though I was trying to force myself not to. And I am still praying the Qura'an and going to the Masjid too. I'm not a very ex Muslim am I! Doh! Almost time for Asar, so I must go and get changed.
Thanks for listening.