My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter

[*charisma*]

I don't know why but I felt like replying here with what's new as some of you seem to genuinely care for my well-being rather than just bash on me for sinning so here it is.

I phoned my father and we spoke for about 30 minutes and I just got it all off my chest about how I feel, my lack of belief in Islam and how I just want to be a bit more free in life. We came to an agreement that I would return home to live with my parents again and in exchange I'll honestly learn about Islam (I promised my father) AND I am allowed to keep my boyfriend, he won't get on my case about him. He says it makes him feel sick and empty inside, like he failed as a parent but my mother is a little more open and said she just wants me to come back home and they're sorry for kicking me out. They only meant it as a threat and didn't actually think I would stay away.

It's all a bit awkward at the moment, I've been back just a few hours and so everything is a little bit on edge but I am leaving for university in 4 months and I will live on campus anyway. My boyfriend agreed that if I end up regaining my faith in Islam and want him to do the same, he will also learn it.

I know some of you will still say "end your relationship blah blah" but this is what I think is best for right now. My parents have said he is not allowed to come to the house which is fair enough I don't exactly want to rub it in my parents face... but I am still allowed to spend time with him which is great. My boyfriend actually drove me back home and met my mother and she was a bit more relaxed than my father and just happy I was home again.

So it's not perfect by any means but none of us are. Thanks again for all the PM's and other advice, we never set out to upset anybody especially my parents so at least this way I am back home living with my parents until university but I still get to have my boyfriend :statisfie

I guess my parents will think twice next time before trying to threaten me with such treatment haha.

I am really happy to hear that you have taken the step to speak with them. I know that there will still be some tension, but you did the right thing. Things aren't perfect, but inshallah with time things will get much better. Your parents' pain is very understandable. I only wish the best for you, I'd never wish anything less. So May Allah guide you and your family and mend your relationship to better than it was before. Please do keep us updated inshallah and we will be here to help or even provide resources for you whenever you ask

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

I wish to you a good life, sister EgyptPrincess. Do what your heart says is right. :statisfie It sounds great you was able to return to home. Hopely everything goes well after this.

 

[piXie]

Im glad you are home and I don't want to bash you but I just want you to realise and understand that your father has been forced to agree to something (your boyfriend), to compromise his religion, his honour and everything - just so you would come back home. He is a broken and desperate man, therefore please don't end your post with those words and haha as though this is a victory because this is not a victory.

Whatever your parents said before, it was because they love you dearly and feared for you in front of Allah, they feared for your chastity, dignity and honor and hoped that you would come round and think about these fundamental elements to your faith and most importantly, value your religion & yourself. But you are in love and cannot see beyond that right now.

Your family has been made to compromise their deen by allowing you to spend time with your boyfriend, they have been put in a difficult position with Allah, but the wrong (having a boyfriend) is not ready to let go. I understand you are very much in love and you both want to look into Islam which is great, but please, after everything that has happened, at least show some regard & some consideration. If not to your religion because you don't feel connected to it, then at least to your father if you love him. Many people take a break from their boyfriend/girlfriends due to work commitments, jobs, will you not even agree to part for a short time for the sake of your Lord? Take a break from your relationship, be patient. Let him look into Islam while you strengthen your relationship with your Lord. Give yourselves some time to sincerely do that, and just like you had to make some major decisions, let him make some major decisions. It is his turn, and Your boyfriend sounds like the type of person who will find Islam to be a dignified & beautiful way of life. And your father sounds like the type of dad who would accept him as a Muslim and marry you both if that is what you want. But be patient, do things the right way round this time, don't do it in a way where u have to compromise your religion or displease your Lord or parents because all these positions eventually bring loss to a person, in this life and the next. Please at least acknowledge the seriousness of the situation, make the intention and try, so that Allah will make it easy for you, and bless you.

May Allah have mercy upon your parents. May guide you all (including Youngen) to what is pleasing to Him. Aameen.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Im glad you are home and I don't want to bash you but I just want you to realise and understand that your father has been forced to agree to something (your boyfriend), to compromise his religion, his honour and everything - just so you would come back home. He is a broken and desperate man, therefore please don't end your post with those words and haha as though this is a victory because this is not a victory.

Whatever your parents said before, it was because they love you dearly and feared for you in front of Allah, they feared for your chastity, dignity and honor and hoped that you would come round and think about these fundamental elements to your faith and most importantly, value your religion & yourself. But you are in love and cannot see beyond that right now.

Your family has been made to compromise their deen by allowing you to spend time with your boyfriend, they have been put in a difficult position with Allah, but the wrong (having a boyfriend) is not ready to let go. I understand you are very much in love and you both want to look into Islam which is great, but please, after everything that has happened, at least show some regard & some consideration. If not to your religion because you don't feel connected to it, then at least to your father if you love him. Many people take a break from their boyfriend/girlfriends due to work commitments, jobs, will you not even agree to part for a short time for the sake of your Lord? Take a break from your relationship, be patient. Let him look into Islam while you strengthen your relationship with your Lord. Give yourselves some time to sincerely do that, and just like you had to make some major decisions, let him make some major decisions. It is his turn, and Your boyfriend sounds like the type of person who will find Islam to be a dignified & beautiful way of life. And your father sounds like the type of dad who would accept him as a Muslim and marry you both if that is what you want. But be patient, do things the right way round this time, don't do it in a way where u have to compromise your religion or displease your Lord or parents because all these positions eventually bring loss to a person, in this life and the next. Please at least acknowledge the seriousness of the situation, make the intention and try, so that Allah will make it easy for you, and bless you.

May Allah have mercy upon your parents. May guide you all (including Youngen) to what is pleasing to Him. Aameen.

Wa-Alaikum Salaam

I agree I probably should not write "haha" I am not proud of making my parents upset or anxious over me. My boyfriend is already compromising and talked me into returning home mostly. They're not compromising their deen really, they still follow it just as they did before, my actions are separate from their actions. I doubt my boyfriend would be very happy at all to break off all contact while I am learning about Islam, how long might it take... months, years? What if I am still the same and just don't believe after this time? He has probably moved on.

Now I will only stay with him on the weekends most likely.. where is my compromise? I did give into my parents and come back home after all. What about when I go to uni? Again no contact with him at all? Then my father tries to tell me no socialising with boys etc, controlling all over again? I have to put my foot down otherwise it will go back to how it was before. I am still the same daughter my parents raised me as, I still love them with all my heart but I don't think in exchange for their love I should follow their rules to every letter, even when I am an adult.

We both made a compromise and settled on an in between situation. Why must it be 100% parents and 0% for me? It should be 50/50, I am an adult!

I honestly don't think my boyfriend would accept no contact. He likes to spend time with me too much. If of course I start to bond with Islam again then surely I will no have a relationship with him unless he converts but I can't expect or even ask that he wait months or years. He will certainly move on and I might not even end up bonding with Islam, so I wasted my chances with him imsad

 

[Bhabha]

[MENTION=38848]EgyptPrincess[/MENTION]

The no socializing with boys means no socializing like you would hang out with girls who are your friends. I still have "friends" at university who are boys, they are respectful and I am respectful towards them. They know I am Muslim and so they understand that and actually treat me like a sister. I am the only Muslim in my program, although there is another girl who is also Muslim she doesn't practice. So when they all go out for "drinks" or for parties and stuff they know that I will never go out with them and so they don't bother to invite me. When I mean them, I mean the whole program (which is like around 25 students) both phd and master students.

However, I still technically hang out but there is a barrier of respect. I still sit next to my friends who are guys, but our interaction and perhaps because we are mature students is intellectual. Our discussions are about politics, our readings for class, we debate about things but we maintain a distance of how our interaction happens. I don't hug them, I don't shake hands, we are all respectful. I still do technically socialize with guys, because it is impossible not to in my program. I actually prefer to talk with guys in my program because they don't gossip and we stick to criticizing political writers and their shortcomings.

I like to believe we are not all carnal animals. The veil should be both physical, such as in ensuring that there is a certain kind of veil that hides things from the other, hijab etc. And in the kind of topics we discuss with members of the opposite sex. In reality, we will always have to socialize with people of the opposite sex, but train yourself to be respect, to demand that kind of respect that says "this is a serious woman, who deserves the respect that my mother and sister have from me" and not "this is a playful woman, who doesn't know what respect is"

See the difference

 

[EgyptPrincess]

The no socializing with boys means no socializing like you would hang out with girls who are your friends. I still have "friends" at university who are boys, they are respectful and I am respectful towards them. They know I am Muslim and so they understand that and actually treat me like a sister. I am the only Muslim in my program, although there is another girl who is also Muslim she doesn't practice. So when they all go out for "drinks" or for parties and stuff they know that I will never go out with them and so they don't bother to invite me. When I mean them, I mean the whole program (which is like around 25 students) both phd and master students.

However, I still technically hang out but there is a barrier of respect. I still sit next to my friends who are guys, but our interaction and perhaps because we are mature students is intellectual. Our discussions are about politics, our readings for class, we debate about things but we maintain a distance of how our interaction happens. I don't hug them, I don't shake hands, we are all respectful. I still do technically socialize with guys, because it is impossible not to in my program. I actually prefer to talk with guys in my program because they don't gossip and we stick to criticizing political writers and their shortcomings.

I like to believe we are not all carnal animals. The veil should be both physical, such as in ensuring that there is a certain kind of veil that hides things from the other, hijab etc. And in the kind of topics we discuss with members of the opposite sex. In reality, we will always have to socialize with people of the opposite sex, but train yourself to be respect, to demand that kind of respect that says "this is a serious woman, who deserves the respect that my mother and sister have from me" and not "this is a playful woman, who doesn't know what respect is"

See the difference

Yes I do see the difference and I do have respect. This is my first boyfriend I had and it's not like I am desperately trying to be in a relationship... We met and just got on really well and fell in love.

So what must I do? Break up from him and only have an islamic husband? Without being disrespectful most muslim men are quite unattractive, I dislike beards for a start and it's a bit awkward when you're more intelligent than he is lol ;D

I just don't know if I was cut out to be a muslimah maybe it's just not who I am meant to be. I am struggling to feel god in my heart and fear Allah. I don't really know what else to say, the answer for you is very simple but for me it's not. I don't want to turn away from Islam but I also don't want to give up things I enjoy doing. Maybe once I am a bit older I might come back to Islam fully, then I can ask for Allah's forgiveness and everything will be forgiven

Ramadan in about a month, I will seek Allah's advice during this time. What is my boyfriend doesn't want to wait until I figure out if I actually want to be a proper muslim or not, then I might lose him.

 

[sister herb]

Even as you are a born Muslim, I would like to give you the same advice like to new reverts: don´t try too much in one time, at the beginning take just a little steps and don´t try too much at once.

Sorry my bad English, I might not find the right words but hopely you understand.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Even as you are a born Muslim, I would like to give you the same advice like to new reverts: don´t try too much in one time, at the beginning take just a little steps and don´t try too much at once.

Sorry my bad English, I might not find the right words but hopely you understand.

I understand you sister

That is what I am trying to do. I agreed to my parents I would give Islam a serious try because all these years I "followed" it but never really understood much about it.

 

[Bhabha]

Yes I do see the difference and I do have respect. This is my first boyfriend I had and it's not like I am desperately trying to be in a relationship... We met and just got on really well and fell in love.

So what must I do? Break up from him and only have an islamic husband? Without being disrespectful most muslim men are quite unattractive, I dislike beards for a start and it's a bit awkward when you're more intelligent than he is lol ;D

I just don't know if I was cut out to be a muslimah maybe it's just not who I am meant to be. I am struggling to feel god in my heart and fear Allah. I don't really know what else to say, the answer for you is very simple but for me it's not. I don't want to turn away from Islam but I also don't want to give up things I enjoy doing. Maybe once I am a bit older I might come back to Islam fully, then I can ask for Allah's forgiveness and everything will be forgiven

Ramadan in about a month, I will seek Allah's advice during this time. What is my boyfriend doesn't want to wait until I figure out if I actually want to be a proper muslim or not, then I might lose him.

If your 'boyfriend' doesn't want to wait until you figure out if you want to be a proper Muslim or not... Is it worth it?

I actually find Muslim men more attractive and not all Muslim men have a beard. Thought I have had the same struggle, for example my mother says to me how can I marry someone who is Muslim and has a phd? Lol because I haven't seen a lot of Muslim men in my program, doesn't mean they don't exist outside of my own little bubble.

Lol. I have known lots who are doctors, engineers and I met a nice brother who was working as a surgeon in the university that I go to, it has one of the best hospitals and research centres for neurological research, he was inspired to be a surgeon because his little brother suffers from neurological problems. He was from Saudi, so he went back after his time here was done.

There are a lot of wonderful Muslim men who are smart, educated and who have been raised in an environment of love where they have deep care for their sisters and mother and would treat their wives like precious princesses because they know their duty and responsibility as Muslim men.

A man raised with the knowledge of Islam and who loves Allah will respect you, care for you and be there for you. Even if he is angered at something, his treatment for you will continue to be just because he loves Allah and fears Allah's punishment for neglecting, disrespecting and harming his wife. A man who does not know Allah his love might be temporary, and his love might not be consistent because there is nothing that continues to assert that need to maintain respect, care and love for his wife. That is the difference between a man who understands Islam and one who does not.

At 17, you are so young. If I had ever moved out and stayed with a boy at that age, and FYI my parents are not Muslim, I would have been disowned for real. I would have most likely been dragged on my hair, my boyfriend would have been hunted down by the police with dogs and my mother would have shipped me off to boarding school or gotten a restraining order. Because you are a baby in their eyes and even if you are 20, or 30 and so on. You will continue to be their child, their precious baby, whom your mom held in her stomach for 9 months, who fed you and cared for you when you were sick and who would choose to feed you and not themselves if they had no more food. Your parents saw you grow from a helpless child to a lovely woman, and will continue to want to protect their daughter even if sometimes they loose their way and it comes out wrong. Its their love and parents love is one of a kind. Just imagine what orphans go through they don't have parents that care for them, and wish they could

So your parents love for you is unconditional! Don't hurt them, cause them grief or pain. One day when you are older, have children of your own, you will realize that what they feel for you is out of concern and love of loosing you and of you loosing out.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

If your 'boyfriend' doesn't want to wait until you figure out if you want to be a proper Muslim or not... Is it worth it?

I actually find Muslim men more attractive and not all Muslim men have a beard. Thought I have had the same struggle, for example my mother says to me how can I marry someone who is Muslim and has a phd? Lol because I haven't seen a lot of Muslim men in my program, doesn't mean they don't exist outside of my own little bubble.

Lol. I have known lots who are doctors, engineers and I met a nice brother who was working as a surgeon in the university that I go to, it has one of the best hospitals and research centres for neurological research, he was inspired to be a surgeon because his little brother suffers from neurological problems. He was from Saudi, so he went back after his time here was done.

There are a lot of wonderful Muslim men who are smart, educated and who have been raised in an environment of love where they have deep care for their sisters and mother and would treat their wives like precious princesses because they know their duty and responsibility as Muslim men.

A man raised with the knowledge of Islam and who loves Allah will respect you, care for you and be there for you. Even if he is angered at something, his treatment for you will continue to be just because he loves Allah and fears Allah's punishment for neglecting, disrespecting and harming his wife. A man who does not know Allah his love might be temporary, and his love might not be consistent because there is nothing that continues to assert that need to maintain respect, care and love for his wife. That is the difference between a man who understands Islam and one who does not.

At 17, you are so young. If I had ever moved out and stayed with a boy at that age, and FYI my parents are not Muslim, I would have been disowned for real. I would have most likely been dragged on my hair, my boyfriend would have been hunted down by the police with dogs and my mother would have shipped me off to boarding school or gotten a restraining order. Because you are a baby in their eyes and even if you are 20, or 30 and so on. You will continue to be their child, their precious baby, whom your mom held in her stomach for 9 months, who fed you and cared for you when you were sick and who would choose to feed you and not themselves if they had no more food. Your parents saw you grow from a helpless child to a lovely woman, and will continue to want to protect their daughter even if sometimes they loose their way and it comes out wrong. Its their love and parents love is one of a kind. Just imagine what orphans go through they don't have parents that care for them, and wish they could

So your parents love for you is unconditional! Don't hurt them, cause them grief or pain. One day when you are older, have children of your own, you will realize that what they feel for you is out of concern and love of loosing you and of you loosing out.

You explain is very well and I do understand. How do you know a non muslim man cannot also treat his wife the same way? It's not always fear from Allah that people do good things. So what you're essentially saying is that a muslim husband only treats you well because he fears Allah and so if he did not believe in god, he would not treat you well. Doesn't seem like a nice person to me.

My boyfriend has spoilt me and treated me well for a year without any god in his heart, there is no reason this cannot continue to be the case. I know my parents care deeply for me but there are some things need to be overwritten. If you parents are scared for you to go on holiday, do you just not go? What if they don't want you to go to uni, you just don't go? If you live your live purely to please your parents then that is a recipe for disaster.

I got good grades at school, I don't do drugs or smoke or anything, I don't eat pork, I love and care for my sister, I do have self respect and don't dress like a ****, I love and care for my parents. I try my best to be a decent person. Who I fall in love with is something they just don't have a say in unfortunately. It would be a bit different if I was with a drugged addicted low life with no job... he is successful, caring etc I mentioned it enough times, plus he has money lol I joke it's nothing about the money.

I have lived my life to please my parents but some things just have to be accepted by them, it's not up for discussion. As I said if I connect with Islam again it might change my attitude but until such a time, I will stay by his side, go to uni, get a career, go on holiday and live a fun life. I've been on holiday 3 times and each time was to my relatives home in Egypt... I want to go to the Maldives!! or French Polynesia!! Which I can do with him... I can't do that with my parents they won't go to that type of holiday.

I'm sorry if I am a failure or a bad Muslim to the people in the forum imsad

 

[Bhabha]

You explain is very well and I do understand. How do you know a non muslim man cannot also treat his wife the same way? It's not always fear from Allah that people do good things. So what you're essentially saying is that a muslim husband only treats you well because he fears Allah and so if he did not believe in god, he would not treat you well. Doesn't seem like a nice person to me.

My boyfriend has spoilt me and treated me well for a year without any god in his heart, there is no reason this cannot continue to be the case. I know my parents care deeply for me but there are some things need to be overwritten. If you parents are scared for you to go on holiday, do you just not go? What if they don't want you to go to uni, you just don't go? If you live your live purely to please your parents then that is a recipe for disaster.

I got good grades at school, I don't do drugs or smoke or anything, I don't eat pork, I love and care for my sister, I do have self respect and don't dress like a ****, I love and care for my parents. I try my best to be a decent person. Who I fall in love with is something they just don't have a say in unfortunately. It would be a bit different if I was with a drugged addicted low life with no job... he is successful, caring etc I mentioned it enough times, plus he has money lol I joke it's nothing about the money.

I have lived my life to please my parents but some things just have to be accepted by them, it's not up for discussion. As I said if I connect with Islam again it might change my attitude but until such a time, I will stay by his side, go to uni, get a career, go on holiday and live a fun life. I've been on holiday 3 times and each time was to my relatives home in Egypt... I want to go to the Maldives!! or French Polynesia!! Which I can do with him... I can't do that with my parents they won't go to that type of holiday.

I'm sorry if I am a failure or a bad Muslim to the people in the forum imsad

I am not saying that a non-Muslim will be a horrible husband lol. My mother is married to a non-Muslim and he has not been a horrible husband. He is caring, considerate and spoils her like crazy. I didn't mention non-Muslim or Muslim. I said love for Allah, which can be absent or present in a Muslim, a practicing Muslim versus a verbal one. Quite the difference and practicing is both what is in his heart and what you see, felt by the way he treats others around him.

A non-Muslim can also be a good husband. When I mean love for the sake of Allah it is like an unconditional love. For example the love a parent has for a child despite the child misbehaving, being rude, etc. The parent will not cut off ties with the child, because there is a deeper connection that maintains their relationship one that cannot be severed. Like the husband who has a deep connection with Allah will not sever his relationship with his wife and will strive in all of the ways to ensure that his wife is treated like a princess.

Looks, money and the sexual lust between husband and wife can fade. If you marry a good looking man who has no love for Allah, no respect and who has no fear of Allah in committing harm can easily stray away over time. His looks will fade eventually. Just as your youth and your looks will fade. A man with money, perhaps one day he will not have any money. The same thing. You can marry someone rich and all of a sudden money fails. However, a man who is kind and whose love extends beyond the looks, the youth, the lust will love you for the commitment that he has made to Allah to care for you no matter what.

My step-father, despite not being Muslim is fearful of God if he commits harm to my mother. Even if he gets angry, he does not raise a hand because he knows the punishment that will come to him, not from the law because the law does not protect women from domestic abuse. But because he knows that if he dies, he will pay for his crime against my mother in the afterlife. Even if he is so angry.

I am also not saying to go and marry someone who is poor. Because there is that belief that having money is something wicked amongst the community. There are good men who are fearful of Allah, who love اللهُ and who will respect you and are also well endowed economically and in looks. However to marry someone just with money and without that ingredient in his heart is also a recipe for disaster. If he is in a good mood when he has money, what will happen to his good mood and his temperament if he looses his money? Will he continue to treat you like a princess?

Even if parents have nothing to eat themselves, the first one they feed and care for is their child. Even if parents are struggling economically, their children are cared for, without knowledge of what is happening because there is that deep love that is not conditional but everlasting.

 

[Kiro]

I'm sorry if I am a failure or a bad Muslim to the people in the forum imsad

don't worry, we're all learning, little by little

 

[s.ali123]

You explain is very well and I do understand. How do you know a non muslim man cannot also treat his wife the same way? It's not always fear from Allah that people do good things. So what you're essentially saying is that a muslim husband only treats you well because he fears Allah and so if he did not believe in god, he would not treat you well. Doesn't seem like a nice person to me.

My boyfriend has spoilt me and treated me well for a year without any god in his heart, there is no reason this cannot continue to be the case. I know my parents care deeply for me but there are some things need to be overwritten. If you parents are scared for you to go on holiday, do you just not go? What if they don't want you to go to uni, you just don't go? If you live your live purely to please your parents then that is a recipe for disaster.

I got good grades at school, I don't do drugs or smoke or anything, I don't eat pork, I love and care for my sister, I do have self respect and don't dress like a ****, I love and care for my parents. I try my best to be a decent person. Who I fall in love with is something they just don't have a say in unfortunately. It would be a bit different if I was with a drugged addicted low life with no job... he is successful, caring etc I mentioned it enough times, plus he has money lol I joke it's nothing about the money.

I have lived my life to please my parents but some things just have to be accepted by them, it's not up for discussion. As I said if I connect with Islam again it might change my attitude but until such a time, I will stay by his side, go to uni, get a career, go on holiday and live a fun life. I've been on holiday 3 times and each time was to my relatives home in Egypt... I want to go to the Maldives!! or French Polynesia!! Which I can do with him... I can't do that with my parents they won't go to that type of holiday.

I'm sorry if I am a failure or a bad Muslim to the people in the forum imsad

Salam Alaikum! Glad to hear from you I am glad you you took right step.
What you said about non muslim treating wife well. I agree with you. I have seen many athiest treating wives and gf very well. I don't have doubt they cannot. And I don't think anyone ever said that non muslim cannot treat wife well. The other sister was just replying that many muslim also treat wife well. I have seen that as well

Now I would suggest you something after which even my own thoughts about marriage changed. And I started to always think about getting married because it is was so much beautiful. Read the treatment of the Prophet with his wives. Previously I did not have realised the beauty of having a spouse. I came to realise the love, resoect and honor one should have towads the wife through his character, and also through the behaviour of the companions with their wives. You may think them of being unromantic and unloving etc, but to be honest I learned the best love stories from their lives. I would highly recommend you to look into that. The companionship Khadija had with the Prophet S.A.W., the love Prophet S.A.W had for Ayesha, really I got interested into marriage after reading them As the respect, love and dignity they have for eachother, I never find it anywhere.
So are there muslims who practice it? I would say Yes! May be you havent met them

One important thing that I always stress about in my friends is that Islam in not just "intellectual" gymnastics. It is true that one will find the reasons and enough proofs for everything it says, but real Islam is in the character of a person. Proofs and reasons may satisfy your brain, but it will never satisfy your heart unless you remove all the bad character traits from it.

Recently I read a book about the Prophet, "In the footsteps of the Prophet" by dr. Tariq Ramadan. You may also find pdf copy online. I would highly recommend it since it is in plain english, and is written keeping in mind the current situation of the muslims. Start from there if you want.
And it is also true that you may change your mind over time as well. I am also not the same kind of person as I was when 17. I used to feel that oh I am mature and adult etc, but the reality is I learned many things from experience and reading and learning. Even many of my approaches about Islam got matured over time. You will realise it as you start reading and getting more experience from surrounding.
Others have already told you about resoecting the parents. I also agree with them in this regard. There is one beautiful hadith, " God does not show mercy to the one who does not have mercy to the people".

 

[s.ali123]

I am not saying that a non-Muslim will be a horrible husband lol. My mother is married to a non-Muslim and he has not been a horrible husband. He is caring, considerate and spoils her like crazy. I didn't mention non-Muslim or Muslim. I said love for Allah, which can be absent or present in a Muslim, a practicing Muslim versus a verbal one. Quite the difference and practicing is both what is in his heart and what you see, felt by the way he treats others around him.

A non-Muslim can also be a good husband. When I mean love for the sake of Allah it is like an unconditional love. For example the love a parent has for a child despite the child misbehaving, being rude, etc. The parent will not cut off ties with the child, because there is a deeper connection that maintains their relationship one that cannot be severed. Like the husband who has a deep connection with Allah will not sever his relationship with his wife and will strive in all of the ways to ensure that his wife is treated like a princess.

Looks, money and the sexual lust between husband and wife can fade. If you marry a good looking man who has no love for Allah, no respect and who has no fear of Allah in committing harm can easily stray away over time. His looks will fade eventually. Just as your youth and your looks will fade. A man with money, perhaps one day he will not have any money. The same thing. You can marry someone rich and all of a sudden money fails. However, a man who is kind and whose love extends beyond the looks, the youth, the lust will love you for the commitment that he has made to Allah to care for you no matter what.

My step-father, despite not being Muslim is fearful of God if he commits harm to my mother. Even if he gets angry, he does not raise a hand because he knows the punishment that will come to him, not from the law because the law does not protect women from domestic abuse. But because he knows that if he dies, he will pay for his crime against my mother in the afterlife. Even if he is so angry.

I am also not saying to go and marry someone who is poor. Because there is that belief that having money is something wicked amongst the community. There are good men who are fearful of Allah, who love اللهُ and who will respect you and are also well endowed economically and in looks. However to marry someone just with money and without that ingredient in his heart is also a recipe for disaster. If he is in a good mood when he has money, what will happen to his good mood and his temperament if he looses his money? Will he continue to treat you like a princess?

Even if parents have nothing to eat themselves, the first one they feed and care for is their child. Even if parents are struggling economically, their children are cared for, without knowledge of what is happening because there is that deep love that is not conditional but everlasting.

Ma shaa Allah sister you said what I wanted to say I really get amazed that how much the reverted people learn and so quickly, and especially they focus on polishing the character. This is something which everyone should do as well Subhanallah. I love reverted muslims

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Thanks again for your replies, I am reading them all but I don't have much left to say. If I have any more questions about Islam I'll probably ask here or on google rather than my parents. I'm watching some of "The Merciful Servant" videos too and I like Sheikh Hamza Yusef's videos

 

[piXie]

You explain is very well and I do understand. How do you know a non muslim man cannot also treat his wife the same way?

Of course he can. He can offer her many things but what can he offer her in the next life? He can take her to beautiful places in this life, but where does he take her in the afterlife?

He is an atheist. He doesn't believe it this, he doesn't know. But you do.

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You see this long line. Imagine this line represents infinity. And you see that little red dot at the beginning. That is our life on this world. The rest represents the next life. Many people sacrifice the rest of eternity for that small red dot. A momentary pleasure. It is true that you are an adult and as adult we make decisions, but keep this reality in mind when you do and know that death does not wait for man to be ready. It comes suddenly.

 

[Bhabha]

Thanks again for your replies, I am reading them all but I don't have much left to say. If I have any more questions about Islam I'll probably ask here or on google rather than my parents. I'm watching some of "The Merciful Servant" videos too and I like Sheikh Hamza Yusef's videos

Feel free to message me if you would like too [emoji5]

 

[~ Sabr ~]

I agreed to my parents I would give Islam a serious try because all these years I "followed" it but never really understood much about it.

You are a grown up - if you had time to go out and find a boyfriend then you had time to learn about why you are doing certain things in "the name of religion"! You were/are not a child... old enough to research.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

You are a grown up - if you had time to go out and find a boyfriend then you had time to learn about why you are doing certain things in "the name of religion"! You were/are not a child... old enough to research.

Stop criticising me. I didn't hunt him down, we just met. Back off and give me a break will you. I'm 18 in a few months so yes, I am practically an adult now and I'll do a I choose, not what others want me to do.

Thank you very much.

 

[piXie]

They're not compromising their deen really, they still follow it just as they did before, my actions are separate from their actions.

Your actions are indeed separate from theirs but you need to understand that your fathers religion, honor, respect, culture, values, beliefs, principles, background and right down to his bones and nerves don't allow him to accept his daughter being involved in a relationship with a man who is not her husband. It kills him, Yet, he has put all these matters aside for your happiness & on the pact that you will study Islam and perhaps realise on your own the values which he feels he has completely failed to install in you. Religion, respect, family values, are important to every person but he has seen that his daughter has not understood, valued or shown any regard to these matters or even to him as her father, and because of this he feels he has failed as a parent. It was the boyfriend who seemed more concerned about the situation than his own daughter was. What can he say after that other than do as you please, these are not the words of permission but the words which come from a broken heart. He has seen his position with his daughter and the regard she gave him, he is a broken father and man who cannot even lift his head in society anymore. He doesn't have 100% - it's 0%. You have got your boyfriend - you have got your way. What can he say to you except hope that you will look into Islam and at least realise what you are doing is wrong and try to put things right. Because if you knew what you were doing was wrong or at least had some regard, you wouldnt speak of spending the weekends with your boyfriend or going on holidays with him at least, even if you cannot leave complete contact. And we certainly wouldn't be reading comments like "I need to put my foot down" especially when, wheather you mean to or not, the foot is going right into your fathers face. It is very sad and the attitude it shows, especially when your father is only trying to advise you about getting the best in this life and the next.

Sincerely speaking, my intentions are not to bash you, but to help you realise and understand, because from your comments it seems like you haven't even began to realise the implications of your decision to remain in a relationship with your boyfriend or long term effects and consequences this will have upon you, your family and your hereafter. It doesn't effect your boyfriend as much as it effects you though the last part (hereafter) effects us all equally.

I honestly don't think my boyfriend would accept no contact. He likes to spend time with me too much. If of course I start to bond with Islam again then surely I will no have a relationship with him unless he converts but I can't expect or even ask that he wait months or years. He will certainly move on and I might not even end up bonding with Islam, so I wasted my chances with him imsad

Are you afraid to test his love for you? How much time do you both need? Islam is clear , it's not a mystery which requires months of investigation. At least then you won't take so long looking into Islam at your own leisurely pace while you sin along the way. What if death met the one of you in that state? That is not showing a regard or sincerely trying and wanting to do the right thing. Why doesn't it matter to you whether your boyfriend accepts Islam? You are a Muslim, you at least believe in Allah do you not? You have something that he does not know about, and if you have any faith at all that Islam is true, then it should matter to you a lot that he seriously look into Islam, for his sake, your sake, your parents sake and if he believes in God then for Gods sake. Why should you be the one to sacrifice all these important matters and put your hereafter at risk, especially when your boyfriend is willing to seriously look into Islam and perhaps even marry you. It is his turn, he needs to make some changes, I know you love him but be patient, stand your ground upon Islam if you believe it is correct, do it for the sake of Allah this time, let your father feel some pride that atleast my daughter tried, after everything that your father has sacrificed for you, you owe him that much atleast. Let your boyfriend earn you, and remember you are only pulling him in a direction which is good for his life and next life , plus you can enjoy each other's company in a lawful way if he accepts. If he loves you and is a reasonable man which it seems he is, if he wants you back in way which would be acceptable to your faith and parents, he would make it a priority to investigate Islam and accept it without delay.