Mingling and Mixing of sexes

[Ghazi]

you should throw yourself in the deep end

again this doesn't make sense and isn't logical, the whole point is to stay away from fitnah you'll be rewarded from staying away and punished if you put yourself in that situation.

 

[Muezzin]

but then you havnt taken the test to be "on guard", you have pre-empted the test so when allah asks you about youre morality your gonna say i didnt take the test i circumvented it,

I see. What I was trying to get at is, we shouldn't consciously go and seek out such situations, but if we find ourselves in one, we should act as we are told to in the Quran and Sunnah.

i believe if you are saying to live by gods will then you should throw yourself in the deep end and take on all lives challenges,

I disagree, but I can see the logic of such an approach.

because i feel like people see it that a women should not put herself in a position to be abused, however abuse is in itself is a grave assumption i cant stress that enough!!!!

Fair enough.

and if were completely honest is there a place anywhere in the world which has no intermingling.

Prisons?

The kind of 'mingling' that goes on in those places is just... wrong.

The same goes for those types of people who still feel attraction when seperated, they have to take the same test, no?

Yep. So there's really no issue, because everyone is tested regardless, right?

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Idon't thinkAllah wants us to bring fitna toourselves,he brings the tests to us... what you gonna say,O Allah i was hanging around with that guy because I wanted to show you how strong I was'???
Well i've free-mixed before,and alhamdulillah it didn'tlead to anything serious but it's still not beneficial in the least. Theonly thing it did was stealmy hayaa away from me and cause more fitna. Trust me free-mixing is totally haraam...i've seen the effects of it on other people and myself included.

 

[ISDhillon]

I see. What I was trying to get at is, we shouldn't consciously go and seek out such situations, but if we find ourselves in one, we should act as we are told to in the Quran and Sunnah.


I disagree, but I can see the logic of such an approach.


Fair enough.


Prisons?

The kind of 'mingling' that goes on in those places is just... wrong.


Yep. So there's really no issue, because everyone is tested regardless, right?

true, so i dont think this pm business should be limited between members of the same sex, we should have trust in our brothers and sisters to face the test and have faith in them.:thankyou:

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

But the mods have the right toenforce that. And unneccessary PMing between members of the opposite sex is against the rules. Do not underestimate the shaytaan, he is your biggest enemy.

 

[ISDhillon]

Idon't thinkAllah wants us to bring fitna toourselves,he brings the tests to us... what you gonna say,O Allah i was hanging around with that guy because I wanted to show you how strong I was'???
Well i've free-mixed before,and alhamdulillah it didn'tlead to anything serious but it's still not beneficial in the least. Theonly thing it did was stealmy hayaa away from me and cause more fitna. Trust me free-mixing is totally haraam...i've seen the effects of it on other people and myself included.

can i ask the other ladies on the forum did you all have this experience, can one experience serve as a rule for others i don't think so, muminah youre on youre path so you live your path and let others live their islam you dont need to judge, say it wasnt right for you and you have made your own path let people learn from there mistakes, who knows they may handle the situation better than you.

no offence

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Handle the situation better than me?Excuseme but i go to High school and i've seen it happen all too many times! Why would you wnat tomake your own mistake? Oh, zinna isn't so bad...lemme just try it and see formyself... maybe that's an extreme example, but it's the same thing.You have no idea what is on that guys mind.Just because he seems alright doesn't mean he has pure intentions. Shaytaan willmake the best of it trust me and unless Allah takes you away from that unmodest situation you are going to see the effects for yourself.But fair enough, you want to make that mistake good for you. Just don't plead ignorance on yawmal qiyamah.

 

[ISDhillon]

Handle the situation better than me?Excuseme but i go to High school and i've seen it happen all too many times! Why would you wnat tomake your own mistake? Oh, zinna isn't so bad...lemme just try it and see formyself... maybe that's an extreme example, but it's the same thing.You have no idea what is on that guys mind.Just because he seems alright doesn't mean he has pure intentions. Shaytaan willmake the best of it trust me and unless Allah takes you away from that unmodest situation you are going to see the effects for yourself.But fair enough, you want to make that mistake good for you. Just don't plead ignorance on yawmal qiyamah.

You see this is the problem muminah one thinks that one is above all others cos one does not intermingle, hoever one is as i have been saying just "one", one is not everybody some people may intermingle and keep their modesty and all else in tact. I intermigle with loads of people even if you like someone thats not a bad thing if you feel them up then you should get a slap but that doesnt happen usually. I know growing up we used to feel quite embarassed because the english people always talked about sex in the class room and we felt shame becuase sex was never discussed at home so it was taboo, if you educate youre children about these things then they can face all challenges and win.

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Maybe you don'tknow you'relosing your hayaa... maybe you don'tknow you're causing fitna... maybe you don'tknow that the person you're intermingline with really likes you?
I don't think i'm above any one. I've just made someobservations.

 

[ISDhillon]

Maybe you don'tknow you'relosing your hayaa... maybe you don'tknow you're causing fitna... maybe you don'tknow that the person you're intermingline with really likes you?
I don't think i'm above any one. I've just made someobservations.

what about what youre doing now on this discussion forum with me?

and define hayaa, fitna please?

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

When a person commits a sin for so long they become immune to it and it seems natural to them thereafter.

So many couples date and date and they find it completely natural, yet kids, angelic kids say EEEEEEEWWW at the site
​

 

[NJUSA]

Kids find any intimacy disgusting, including between their own parents. Should married couples not be intimate?

 

[Joe98]

…because i feel like people see it that a women should not put herself in a position to be abused….

Yes I agree.

If you check the statistics you will find the most common location of abuses.

The most common location is the family home. The woman will be in the home with a distant relative or with somebody she trusts.

The abuse happens here because it is in private and the criminal feels he can get away with it.

The abuse is not likely to be in a public place because the criminal will get caught.

From this we learn women are safe in public. They are not safe in their home with a man whom they ought to trust.

 

[Ghazi]

Yes I agree.

If you check the statistics you will find the most common location of abuses.

The most common location is the family home. The woman will be in the home with a distant relative or with somebody she trusts.

The abuse happens here because it is in private and the criminal feels he can get away with it.

The abuse is not likely to be in a public place because the criminal will get caught.

From this we learn women are safe in public. They are not safe in their home with a man whom they ought to trust.

That's only in a few cases go and see the majority of rape cases they're done outside of the house.

 

[Joe98]

That's only in a few cases go and see the majority of rape cases they're done outside of the house.

Is this what you mean?????


“77% of rapes are committed by someone known to the person raped. (Bureau of Justice Statistics 1997)”


“6 out of 10 rapes are reported by victims to have occurred in their own home or home of a friend, relative or neighbour. (US Dept. of Justice 1997)”

http://www2.ucsc.edu/rape-prevention/statistics.html



Acquaintance rape is much more prevalent than stranger rape. In a study published by the Department of Justice, 82% of the victims were raped by someone they knew (acquaintance/friend, intimate, relative) and 18% were raped by a stranger: From a report on Violence Against Women based on data from the National Crime Victimization Survey, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1995

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Sorry... i assumed you were a Muslim female. I didn't bother to look at your profile.
But as Muslims we don't think we should walk into a burning building.
Nor should we assume we have an ounce of faith.

 

[------]

Nor should we assume we have an ounce of faith.

What u mean sis :?

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Well sis.... Umar ibn al Khattab (ra), was scared that he was a hypocrite until his death! Hudhaifa (ra) was entrusted with the secrets, so he would often come to him crying to aks if he was among the hypocrites... the answer was always no of course. Subhan-Allah, this was even though he was among those promised paradise! Now why should we assume we are believers? Arrogance is a vice that shaytaan uses to try to cloud our vision.

 

[glo]

I read the first post carefully, and it seems that most of the rules are there to prevent physical contact, and thereby physical temptation.
That's understandable, especially amongst young people who are not yet married.

As a non-Muslim I have some more questions though:

Given that half the world's population are of the opposite sex, do I not do well to try to understand and relate to them?
How do I learn to understand and relate to them, if not through communicating with them?

What I am trying to say is, that I don't think the opposite sex should be a 'closed book', some great mystery, which will only be revealed through contact with close relatives and finally through marriage.

How much contact, for example, are Muslim women exposed to with Muslim men (In appropriate ways, of course)?
I somehow feel that if I could only speak to certain people whilst averting my eyes from them, and speaking softly, I would find it difficult to get to know them properly.

I am not some loose women, I can assure you!
I don't think of other men as potential sexual partners. And I conduct myself in a manner which gives that message to the outside world.
I am a faithful wife, and have been for 20 years!
And yet, my life would be so much poorer, if it wasn't for male friends, and conversations and an insight into the 'male world'.

Since I have read the 'official stance' on this, can people give me concrete examples of how they interact with the opposite sex - just to clarify this for me?

Thanks!

 

[NJUSA]

Intergender relations are highly contextual. In some Muslim cultures, men and women do befriend one another; in others, they barely speak. In some Muslim cultures, men and women speak freely for matters of commerce, education, esp. religious topics, but do not socialize per se. In all Muslim cultures, chastity is valued, but the association of social intercourse with intercourse of another kind is not universally made among Muslims.