Opposite Gender Concerns

[AnonymousPoster]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

Another thing is, I thought it was a good thing to be shy and modest and all that. Bu the says being 'shy' if im married to him is such a 'turn off'. I cant help being shy about matters such as this. I dont want to keep him waiting or frustrated with me.
BTW, thanks abdulhakim for you kindness. I will try it out inshallah!! Thanks so much.

 

[Kittygyal]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

salamualikum
hope goes well inshallah, go to a msque if have to
ma'assalama

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?



Inshallah it will become much easier once you move in with him, talking to someone like that on the phone aint easy especially for a sister..

But just give it some time you haven't moved in with him yet. So you dont really know the guy properly and talking to someone you dont really know aint easy.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!




If your parents agee with you marrying her, than they shouldnt have a problem with her having lukhemia. but what anout u bro do u wanna marry her. are you willing to look after her, be with her for the rest of your life, cuz this is a big decision especially for you

And what about her parents do they want there daughter marrying you. don't rush into things. talk to there parents. tell your parents about her.. INshallah hope it all works out for you.

 

[swanlake]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?



Ask him what he wants you to say and say it. Ask him to teach you. Please remember it is halal for you and practice makes perfect.

 

[rubiesand]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

.. what i am asking is that, is itbad to leave her due to her condition would Allah swt be upset or anything? And her intentions to convert o islam is to please my family and be with me thats all and try to practise it....

She's not your wife, so you don't have the same obligation to stay with her through her illness that you would if she was your wife.* I get the feeling that there is some guilt within you that makes it hard for you to say no to her, and I think you are a bit scared of her desperation. I'm curious why you haven't told your parents about her condition. I think you should tell them. They may well advise you that this marriage would be a bad idea for you. At least you could talk things through with them, since they know you better than we do. And it's a good idea to pray istikarah.


Edit*
But if you have promised to marry her, you should be careful about keeping your promises.

 

[tomtomsmom]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

If you love her, then marry her.

A few years of having true love is better than a lifetime without.

 

[tomtomsmom]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

No worries sis. You will become more comforable after you start living together. Let him know that you will need some time once this happens. After you start having feelings for him then the other stuff will come to you naturally. That is part of what we were all made to do. Just don't stress out about it and you will be ok!!!


PS-If you can get access to the mixed-female section or the sisters section we can ummmmmm go into a bit of detail to help you!

 

[Mawaddah]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?



I can imagine it's stressful! mg: But then your hubby should know better than to push on you like this too I think. Sometimes it just ends up making a person even more reserved and stressful. Ask your hubby to give you time? Tell him that it's probably because you are not used to being around men (including him) so things like this are very strange and uncomfortable to you. Also maybe make it clear to him that you're not trying to give him the cold shoulder or anything, but you just need time.

Otherwise I really dont know mg:

 

[جوري]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

I am inclined to say not to go to an imam for this.. this is a psychological issue not a religious one. At least that is my feeling--I just don't think you are comfortable with him yet... I think you need to spend some time with him (not on the phone) personal meetings are better... believe it or not talking on the phone is weird for so many people not just the shy religious type...so find out what interests him-- maybe he likes going to the lake or something?.. just spend a nice afternoon together, find a field of corn, sit under a big tree far away from people and the city-- and tell him what is on your mind, and the virtues of patience... he is your husband-- you need to communicate your feelings to him...
The good thing about marriage.. it is very much like birth and death.. shocking at first but then you have your whole life to adjust.....

 

[AvarAllahNoor]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

Out of curiosity, are all imams male? or can the sister get a female imam? if they exist? I can't imagine a women telling a stranger her woes, especially an intimate thing such as this to a male.

 

[Mawaddah]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

I am inclined to say not to go to an imam for this.. this is a psychological issue not a religious one. At least that is my feeling--I just don't think you are comfortable with him yet... I think you need to spend some time with him (not on the phone) personal meetings are better... believe it or not talking on the phone is weird for so many people not just the shy religious type...so find out what interests him-- maybe he likes going to the lake or something?.. just spend a nice afternoon together, find a field of corn, sit under a big tree far away from people and the city-- and tell him what is on your mind, and the virtues of patience... he is your husband-- you need to communicate your feelings to him...
The good thing about marriage.. it is very much like birth and death.. shocking at first but then you have your whole life to adjust.....

I agree with this :thumbs_up

Talking on the phone can be extremely uncomfortable for some people (take me for instance :rollseyes ) Spend some time together like how the sister suggests

 

[Mawaddah]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

Out of curiosity, are all imams male? or can the sister get a female imam? if they exist? I can't imagine a women telling a stranger her woes, especially an intimate thing such as this to a male.

Imams are all men. But maybe instead of going to an Imaam she can consult a learned sister in her community. For example where I studied, the women would go and consult the Sheikhs wives and daughter in such cases.

But then, there is no shyness when it comes to learning about Islaam, you can find numerous hadeeth in which women came and consulted Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam about personal matters.

 

[جوري]

Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?

Imams are all men. But maybe instead of going to an Imaam she can consult a learned sister or her community. For example where I studied, the women would go and consult the Sheikhs wives and daughter in such cases.

But then, there is no shyness when it comes to learning about Islaam, you can find numerous hadeeth in which women came and consulted Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam about personal matters.

:thumbs_up :thumbs_up :thumbs_up
Yup.. not just hadiths but in the Quran as well... such as sura # 58.......

anyhow I would like to add.. that you should really look into site seeing where you guys live.. giant trees are a great big ice breaker... plus cedar wood smells phenomenal especially this time of the year. I am not sure if you are in the states OR England? but surely magnifcent trees exist everywhere as well as the glorious skies above.... I think that should take both your minds off things for a while until you get to know each other better.. fi aman illah

 

[limitless]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

I liked rubiesand and Grace Seeker's advise much better. I haven't made any promises about marriage. I told my mom (dad doesnt really care) and she advises me that it is not good due to her condition. My mom is not saying don't marry her, its just that she might pass away soon or later because in leukeimia i asked around, survival rate is 25% but people do survive. She won't die instantly, but once she is pregnant her chances of surviving are very slim from what I read and heard from cases and generally what doctors say. I don't want to have a heart broken after I marry her that I can't be with her anymore that she converted for me my family not for islam itself or Allah. I will be more stressed, true love is nothing without Allah. I am just unsure of a lot things. I would take care of her, but I don't want to have a heart broken later on she passes away, I can't handle that and I know it. I am don't her to go insane or do something stupid if I dont marry her. Her parents agree and so does mine, but my mom warned that she can't survive for long maybe 10yrs at max (on rare cases).

 

[Kittygyal]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

salamualikum
well if she is keen to convert then tell her to do it now before tis late for her, then get married && whatever happenes is in Allah subhanwatallah's hands inshallah
ma'assalama

 

[Joe98]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

Marry her and love her. You will have some happy years together till she dies.

-

 

[vpb]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

You will have some happy years together till she dies.

well, you never know, my neighbor had a cancer and he lived till he was somewhere 96 years old

 

[limitless]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

salamualikum
well if she is keen to convert then tell her to do it now before tis late for her, then get married && whatever happenes is in Allah subhanwatallah's hands inshallah
ma'assalama

No, no! Why the heck should I let her convert for me? I don't want that.

And no. NO@~!!

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!

No, no! Why the heck should I let her convert for me? I don't want that.

And no. NO@~!!

she didnt mention anything about being for you bro lol

shes saying tell her to convert before Azrail AS comes, if faith has entered her heart why wait?