please help me

[Ummu Sufyaan]

well bros and sisters i just wanted to say thanks for the advice.

But i need some advice for something else that troubles me in life i forgot to add this to my original post... well u c im not really comfortable with the way i look but it just bothers me wen i wake up or do something. i dnt have much confidence or self esteem in myself. like ppl treat me differently bcoz of the way i look. ive noticed this alot i try and ignore it but i just cant. like nowdays ppl in school college think they are superior or something because they look better. i dunno why its like this but this really affects me in everyday things.

brother and sisters.

why aren't you comfortable with the way you look? i mean im not asking you to describe yourself, but maybe to yourself you aren't good looking, and maybe to someone else you are. it seems to me that you can't be that not good looking because you mentioned in a previous post that you do have friens. so maybe it bothers you that you are not attractive to girls (i don't mean to embarrass you). not everything has to do with looks. when people see the real person, believe me looks become nothing. like someone can have the ugylist looks, but their personality makes their physical looks attractive and vise versa; someone can be really good looking, and yet have the most feral attitude. And this is a good way to see who your real friends are. why would you want to befriend people who judge you on looks.
let me tell you something. I know a large family of 7 girls and two boys. the girls used to get teased and had hardly (and some of them) no friends because they wore hijaab, and plus their dad used to earn this really junky car and everyone used to pick on them for it. so some of the girls had more friends than the others, but the ones who didn't, didn't have friends because of the hijaab. and you know what, of of them said that she looks back and thinks, alhamduliah, because she saw her younger sister go through school and and have friends and they weren't all that much of a good influence. i mean she didn't do anything too bad, but she did get into trouble alot.
and you know what else? one of the sisters was sitting once at school by herself at lunchtime (she was abit of a loner), and a bunch of girls came up to her and one of them said :'you know that if you dressed the way we do, you would have more friends.' and she was like thinking well thank god that i don't, because what a stupid thing tho base your friendships on!!!
anyways my point is it's better to have no friends than to have frends who jude you on looks, and who influence you in a negative way, which disleases allah.
oh and about the beard, i advice you to grow it now. shaytaan will always up an obstacle in your way from doing something good. in the next few years when you plan to grow it, shaytaan will come to you and say: "oh how am i gonna get a good job with this beard." or something like that. im sure you know the drill.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

whats up dad , lol yeah thinking about marriage too early can be a problem, bros right here i must say

brothers and sisters.
hmmm.. im gonna have to disagree with you on that one. i think it is better to get married early. your hormonesare going crazy at that stage, and they need suppressing as much as possible and the best way to do it would be the islamic way.
whats the hadith about young people (or is it young men?) getting married early, and if they cannot, then they should fast? im not gonna comment anymore, just in case i oppose it. if i had that hadith, then maybe i would comment alittle further, but better to keep it shut.

 

[rozeena]

that is sooooooooooo true sis. if ur frends dont appreciate you 4 who u r den they not reali ur frends r dey. At the end of the day we have the whole world 2 critisis evry little thing we do but the ppl who dnt criticise u n stick by u r ur family n GOOD frends

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

that is sooooooooooo true sis. if ur frends dont appreciate you 4 who u r den they not reali ur frends r dey. At the end of the day we have the whole world 2 critisis evry little thing we do but the ppl who dnt criticise u n stick by u r ur family n GOOD frends

brothers and sisters.
I kinda feel sorry for Muslim teenagers. i mean all teenages go through it, but i feel sorry for the muslim ones more. they are at such a vulnerable age. they go this way, it will make them. if they go that way, it will break them. i mean young brothers and sisters ask yourselves where is/are these people going to be in ten years time when your life is a mess for hanging out with them. they aren't gonna come to your rescue.

anywayz, thats my two cents.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

brothers and sisters.
hmmm.. im gonna have to disagree with you on that one. i think it is better to get married early. your hormonesare going crazy at that stage, and they need suppressing as much as possible and the best way to do it would be the islamic way.
whats the hadith about young people (or is it young men?) getting married early, and if they cannot, then they should fast? im not gonna comment anymore, just in case i oppose it. if i had that hadith, then maybe i would comment alittle further, but better to keep it shut.

assalamu alaikum

sister in an ideal world where everything works perfectly it most certainly is best to think about marriage at a young age and get married young. however if this is a possibility or not is an entirely different issue. If the brother from a young age can look after teh wife, pay for her and give her proper accomodation then let him think about it to his hearts extent assuming that his parents agree with it. However if he cannot meet these conditions then thinking about it will just be a fitnah for him... i hope you know where im coming from

 

[Hamas]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I would like to say that it is one thing to be able to have girls and stay away from them and another to not be able to have them and stay away from them.

In your case your basically saying when your with your friends they talk about or have girls but you dont show any interest maybe because of your confidence but when your alone you watch porn and masterbate, thats what your saying isnt it? but it turns out to be that your better than them because atleast your doin it in secret.

Sometimes you find ones who can get and have girls and stay away from them but the ones that cannot daydream and wish for them. The one who has girls and stays away from them gets more reward than the one who cannot in the first place because usually the one who cant tell himself oh i cannot get girls so i might as well try not to get them, do you get me?

Assalamu Alaikum

 

[Hamas]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I would like to say that it is one thing to be able to have girls and stay away from them and another to not be able to have them and stay away from them.

In your case your basically saying when your with your friends they talk about or have girls but you dont show any interest maybe because of your confidence but when your alone you watch porn and masterbate, thats what your saying isnt it? but it turns out to be that your better than them because atleast your doin it in secret.

Sometimes you find ones who can get and have girls and stay away from them but the ones that cannot daydream and wish for them. The one who has girls and stays away from them gets more reward than the one who cannot in the first place because usually the one who cant tell himself oh i cannot get girls so i might as well try not to get them, do you get me?

Assalamu Alaikum

Assalamu Alaikum,

Brother i would like to say that i wasnt pointing any fingers or refering to you in any way, i was talking in general, your 16 years old and its that time of age for you where your hormones will start to play up.

The best thing for you to do would be to spend your youth and your life in the path of Allah but especially your youth, InshaAllah that would sweeten your life and your imaan. Allah will bless you with a beautifully content feeling when you worship Allah and give up your desires for Him. Im 24 years old and whatever ive done uptill now what i have left to spend in the path of Allah is the peak of my youth if that but your at the begining of yours, You have a very profitable chance and offer here from Allah in regards to your deen. You should research about the reward a person gets who spends his youth in the path of Almighty Allah.

Assalamu Alaikum

 

[rubiesand]

Re: a issue that affects me

Wa alaikum assalam

When you feel really uncomfortable in yourself and self conscious and anxious about how you look, people around you pick up on that and it affects how they respond to you. People are basically good and well intentioned but are not so great at dealing with anxiety in another. They would prefer not to have to deal with it and try to exit themselves from the situation (and that goes double for schoolgoers because of their lack of maturity and the stage of life they are at). But from your perspective, that looks like they aren't getting along with you or they don't like you or it's all because of how you look. You can be polite and try to be nice, but it won't solve this, because what is going on in your head is affecting your communication with people, and the message other people get from you is not 'he's nice', it's 'he's uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable'.

So can you try and change the message you are sending out? By accepting that how you look is ok, and gradually lessen your self consciousness. You wouldn't dislike someone just because they don't look as good as you would you? Of course not. That would be a mean and shallow attitude to have. So, try not to attribute that kind of nastiness to the people around you. They are not that different from you, and most likely lots of them have their own anxieties that trouble them. Make it your task to relax and help other people feel relaxed around you too.

asalaamalakum bros and sisters

I need some advice for something else that troubles me in life i forgot to add this to my other post... well u c im not really comfortable with the way i look but it just bothers me wen i wake up or do something. i dnt have much confidence or self esteem in myself. like ppl treat me differently bcoz of the way i look. ive noticed this alot i try and ignore it but i just cant. like nowdays ppl in school college think they are superior or something because they look better or something, even other muslims dnt get along with me or dnt like me for sme reason ?? i dunno why i try and be polite to people i try and be nice to everyone i meet. i dunno why its like this but this really affects me in everyday things, this issue has gone so bad i cant talk to people without thinking about what they think about me (phyically).

 

[nebula]

Re: a issue that affects me

Wa alaikum assalam

When you feel really uncomfortable in yourself and self conscious and anxious about how you look, people around you pick up on that and it affects how they respond to you. People are basically good and well intentioned but are not so great at dealing with anxiety in another. They would prefer not to have to deal with it and try to exit themselves from the situation (and that goes double for schoolgoers because of their lack of maturity and the stage of life they are at). But from your perspective, that looks like they aren't getting along with you or they don't like you or it's all because of how you look. You can be polite and try to be nice, but it won't solve this, because what is going on in your head is affecting your communication with people, and the message other people get from you is not 'he's nice', it's 'he's uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable'.

So can you try and change the message you are sending out? By accepting that how you look is ok, and gradually lessen your self consciousness. You wouldn't dislike someone just because they don't look as good as you would you? Of course not. That would be a mean and shallow attitude to have. So, try not to attribute that kind of nastiness to the people around you. They are not that different from you, and most likely lots of them have their own anxieties that trouble them. Make it your task to relax and help other people feel relaxed around you too.

thanks sis, inshallah i will accept the way i am and the way allah has made me and inshallah i will try to talk comfortabley and nicely to people around me. u were right about the message ppl get frm me ill try and change that.

i just wanna say thanks 2 everyone for the advice and ask everyone just do dua from me please and remember me in ur duas if u can please i will really appreciate it.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

assalamu alaikum

sister in an ideal world where everything works perfectly it most certainly is best to think about marriage at a young age and get married young. however if this is a possibility or not is an entirely different issue. If the brother from a young age can look after teh wife, pay for her and give her proper accomodation then let him think about it to his hearts extent assuming that his parents agree with it. However if he cannot meet these conditions then thinking about it will just be a fitnah for him... i hope you know where im coming from

brothers and sisters.

i do see where your're coming from, and that is a good point.

 

[saira-k]

dont worry inshAllah things wil get better

 

[vorx]

Things you should know that makes your confident:

-Look at the eyes of your audience.

-Keep your head up when you want and shoulders high.

-For first impressions when you are on the line, make a very strong handshake and deep stare in the eyes with a big confident smile.

-Never bite your nails and lips.

-Dress with your **** tucked inside your pants (no jeans) with matching shoes(no sneakers) when you are going out to give impression. Comb your hair behind with some gel, and make sure you don't smell bad. clean your teeth too.

-If you meet a girl, be yourself and make her interested in the real you. Pick a subject that she has less knowledge about and you sure can handle it comes to a debate. in the first date, you never ever talk about yourself unless she asks you. Its A-L-L A-B-O-U-T H-E-R. so make sure you ask alot of intersting questions..

Hope this help out.

 

[vorx]

-Dress with your **** tucked inside your pants (no jeans) with matching shoes(no sneakers) when you are going out to give impression. Comb your hair behind with some gel, and make sure you don't smell bad. clean your teeth too.

Hope this help out.

I dont know why i got the word banned but what i meant is you should put your shirt inside your pants.

 

[Woodrow]

I dont know why i got the word banned but what i meant is you should put your shirt inside your pants.

Since I do not see where any mod edited the post. I believe the auto censor did the deletion. Perhaps you made a typo and the word came out as something on the blocked list.