I Need Help :(

[Muslima_82]

brothers and sisters.

I come for advice in great distress. I simply don't know what to do and I kindly ask for a dua or a surah from the Holy Quran to help me cope the difficult situation I am facing

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman. This came as a shock to me as we had a very loving and understanding relationship, his sudden decision ruined my whole life. I loved him still and a part from being my significant other he was my every thing. With no choice, i left him with a heavy heart. That was almost a year ago. Since he is no longer my mehram I have no choice but to move one, but my heart wont let me. I have turned to family and friends for comfort and support, yet everyones assurances on that "time will heal all wounds" have fallen short.

I can't seem to forget about him, and a year prior to the incident my wounds are still fresh and hurting...another problem is I cant seem to cut him out of my life...and i feel weak and desperate. We are no longer living like husband and wife, naturally...but i wish to never see him again. Yet i feel my own weakness will never let me.

Help me...please

 

[PersianPrince]

I am very upset to hear about your situation. I don't think anyone can truly understand your feelings. Only you know them. So be very careful of those who push you to forget and move on. It will only irritate you more.

I know some may disagree with me, but I believe that our feelings define who we are. Your feelings are a part of you and define you. And from that, I would say you are a wonderful person.

Remember, you should only do things when "you" feel you are ready. I understand that you can't just pull the plug on your feelings just because of what has happened. I am a little confused though. Is he still around you? This is probably one of the things that is making it difficult for you.

In terms of a Surah to read, I'm afraid I'm not sure of anything specific, but I would recommend keeping up with your prayers. Say all your prayers from your heart. Insha'Allah Allah will hear your prayers and you can seek his guidance and support through your difficult times.

And remember, there's no rush for anything. Before I exit, I was thinking perhaps you could pull out an old childhood hobby or something. Something that gets your mind ticking. It might help you a little bit.

I really hope and pray that you feel better. You cannot ignore your feelings though. They are part of you. You are human, not machine.

 

[Nasir666]

brothers and sisters.

I come for advice in great distress. I simply don't know what to do and I kindly ask for a dua or a surah from the Holy Quran to help me cope the difficult situation I am facing

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman. This came as a shock to me as we had a very loving and understanding relationship, his sudden decision ruined my whole life. I loved him still and a part from being my significant other he was my every thing. With no choice, i left him with a heavy heart. That was almost a year ago. Since he is no longer my mehram I have no choice but to move one, but my heart wont let me. I have turned to family and friends for comfort and support, yet everyones assurances on that "time will heal all wounds" have fallen short.

I can't seem to forget about him, and a year prior to the incident my wounds are still fresh and hurting...another problem is I cant seem to cut him out of my life...and i feel weak and desperate. We are no longer living like husband and wife, naturally...but i wish to never see him again. Yet i feel my own weakness will never let me.

Help me...please

You know what your problem is sister? you are holding on to the past and thinking that "time will heal all wounds"...that will never happen, as long as you hold on to the past nothing will change.Pray to Allah for guidence,throw out all the stuff which reminds you of that man,do stuff that makes you happy and find another man if you can.

I'll pray for you my sister.

 

[syilla]

sis...why don't you come to muslimmomscafe and share with the other wives...

some of them have the same experience...and InshaAllah it'll lessen the pain.

this lady too having the same problem as you.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/54983-marriage-break-up.html

Love can't be forced ukhtee...no one can force your hubby...and no one can force you from missing your hubby.

Just remember the love to Allah subhanahuwata'ala will last forever and much more beneficial.

You'll be in my dua sis...Please hang on there and stay strong.

From this thread... http://www.islamicboard.com/miscellaneous/1947-fiqh-love.html

5. The ruling of Love in Islam

Love is not in our hands. What proves this is what Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said when he used to distribute provision for his wives, he'd say, "O Allah, this is my distribution for what I have control of, but please don't hold me accountable for something I cannot control (his love for A'isha.)" In the Qur'an, Allah says, "It has been adorned for mankind (esp. for men) the love for shahawaat (desires) from the women, (and vice versa)" (Surah Al'Imran, 3: 14) In Ibn Qayyim's, al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, he says, "As for loving women, there is no blame on a person who has love for them.

On the contrary, it is part of his perfection (as a human being) for Allah says, 'wa min ayaatihi an khalqa lakum min anfusakum azwaajal li taskunu ilayha wa ja'ala bainakum mawaddatuwn wa Rahmah' (Quran, Surah ArRum.)" In Ibn Jawzee's book titled "Dhaamul Hawaa'," he criticizes al ishq. He set a difference between the two types of love. He said that there are those who have kindness in their hearts, and then there are those who don't love (and their hearts are hard as rocks - "if you haven't loved passionately or known the meaning of desire then get up and eat hay for you are nothing but a donkey" and "you and the hard rock are equal.") Ibn Qayyim: "when we speak of rulings of love, we must describe two things.

One is optional and one is not. The optional love is what leads to love (eyesight, association, etc.) and this is the love that you have to beware of (for it may lead to unlawful acts.) The non optional love, if it happens by the sudden look, or natural passions that develop, you cannot be blamed for it, but it's how you react to it that Allah will hold you to accountable for.

Intro II: Falling in Love

The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam was telling his uncle Al Abaas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, he said: "O Abbas! Isn't it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah loves/hates? Mugheeth?"

Bareerah was a female slave and A'isha was interested in buying her. She was married to Mugheer, and Ai'sha freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolvent of the marriage. She said, "Alhamdulillah, I'm tired of this marriage, I'm going to get out." Mugheer loved her so much, sincerely and honestly. After she left him, he couldn't take it, so he went in public weeping, chasing her, asking her "Ya Bareera just look at me or talk to me." He went to sahaba and said, "Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wassalam) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (peace be upon him) (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he'd do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, "Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?" The Prophet said, "I'm interceding." She replied, "If this is the case, then I don't want him", and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her.

What to gain from the hadith:

Excessive love sometimes causes the forgetfulness of shyness. Just like in his example, he could not hide his love for Bareerah, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't chastise him for it (becuse it wasn't in his hands.) He wouldn't have been chastised for it unless he totally crossed the limits. Imam Ibn Hajr said that it is permissible if it's out of someone's hands. If a man is engaged to a lady and the family decides to break off their engagement, he may get really frustrated, and out of excessive love for her, he may act out. We can't do much for that person, so it's okay. In the story above, Mugeeth even went to the extent that he asked the Prohet to intercede for him. Mugheeth loved her so much that the Prophet didn't deny that love, and he didn't say, "You can't because she's not your wife anymore."

*Love is a secret and it's an amazing secret from Allah (Subhanaw wa Ta'Ala!)*

 

[------]

:salamext:

Do you have children?

 

[Muslima_82]

I am very upset to hear about your situation. I don't think anyone can truly understand your feelings. Only you know them. So be very careful of those who push you to forget and move on. It will only irritate you more.

I know some may disagree with me, but I believe that our feelings define who we are. Your feelings are a part of you and define you. And from that, I would say you are a wonderful person.

Remember, you should only do things when "you" feel you are ready. I understand that you can't just pull the plug on your feelings just because of what has happened. I am a little confused though. Is he still around you? This is probably one of the things that is making it difficult for you.

In terms of a Surah to read, I'm afraid I'm not sure of anything specific, but I would recommend keeping up with your prayers. Say all your prayers from your heart. Insha'Allah Allah will hear your prayers and you can seek his guidance and support through your difficult times.

And remember, there's no rush for anything. Before I exit, I was thinking perhaps you could pull out an old childhood hobby or something. Something that gets your mind ticking. It might help you a little bit.

I really hope and pray that you feel better. You cannot ignore your feelings though. They are part of you. You are human, not machine.

Thank you for your concern brother, i really appreciate it.

After a year of constant complaining i can understand that people want me to forget and move on, but you are right...no one can understand what i am going through...and i wouldn't wish for anyone to ever go through what i am. But after struggling with this, i myself am tired...physically and emotionally. There is no solving this. Being Muslim we can't reconcile, he divorced me and there is no other way than to move on for me. But my heart has no peace...sadly.

Making a rash decision he did regret after a while...he isn't even with the woman he initially left me for...and every now and than he come to play with my mind making things even worse. I miss him and our life together, and after all he put me through i do still love him...with all my heart. But what good does that do? He is still in my life...because he wanted to be friends, but that is no option since i can't put what has happened behind me. We had a huge fight 1 week ago, and I haven't talked to him since...mainly because he ignored me. I think with Strength from the all mighty i will try to make it through this, I am young and my whole life seems like a big long journey...an unbearable journey...I hope i find peace. Ameen.

 

[Muslima_82]

You know what your problem is sister? you are holding on to the past and thinking that "time will heal all wounds"...that will never happen, as long as you hold on to the past nothing will change.Pray to Allah for guidence,throw out all the stuff which reminds you of that man,do stuff that makes you happy and find another man if you can.

I'll pray for you my sister.

Thank you for the prayer brother

You are right, I do make myself miserable because there isn't a moment when he doesn't enter my thoughts. After how bad he ended up treating me, i almost despise myself for still loving him...

Its not easy for me to let go, and knowing there is no fixing this....crushes my spirit for ever finding happiness again...I will try, right now i just want to focus on cutting this man out of my life and thoughts.

 

[Muslima_82]

sis...why don't you come to muslimmomscafe and share with the other wives...

some of them have the same experience...and InshaAllah it'll lessen the pain.

this lady too having the same problem as you.

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/54983-marriage-break-up.html

Love can't be forced ukhtee...no one can force your hubby...and no one can force you from missing your hubby.

Just remember the love to Allah subhanahuwata'ala will last forever and much more beneficial.

You'll be in my dua sis...Please hang on there and stay strong.

From this thread... http://www.islamicboard.com/miscellaneous/1947-fiqh-love.html

Thank you, i will read up on the links you sent me

It wasn't meant to last forever...it wasn't even a perfect marriage because his intentions weren't always good. We were married 3 years, and even though i felt he loved and cared for me...there was always a part of him that would wander if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. My friends always said i deserved much better than him. But for me he was my husband...and no problem could make me turn away from him...i always struggled to make it work. Now 3 years of my life with him seem like a waste. I'm stuck with pain and memories from a man who was mine, but never really was...and never will be again...

 

[Muslima_82]

:salamext:

Do you have children?

I thank God that i don't...even though i wanted to...things came to a sudden end before we could start a family together.

 

[Pure Imaan]

Assalamualaikum sister

When I finished reading your thread, I felt really sad for you, such a difficult your in sis, I read what our bro/z and sisz have posted and mashallah it is good advice, I agree with bro PersianPrince when he says that you should do things when you feel you are ready inshallah...I hope that Allah (swt) helps you to move on and remain steadfast inshallah.....this life is full of tests and tribulations, this dunya is contaminated and the Hereafter is pure where no depression will engulf you, no sadness will touch you and so forth...I can see reading from your post that your love for him was pure, what he did was not in accordance with morality, goodness, truth etc, you deserve much more and you shouldn't waste your feelings and time over someone that does not treat you right....im sorry if I am saying harsh words sis, I have no idea how your feeling, but I pray Allah (swt) helps you to move on INSHALLAH, i will pray for you my sister, even though it has been a year your wounds are still fresh, what I am saying is that, be persistant in your prayers inshallah, keep making dua, becuase dua is our weapon against evil, problems etc....try your best to keep yourself busy, like bro Persian Prince sed, carry out a childhood hobby or a new one, talk about your feelings to someone, don't supress your emotions, it will make you ill, ok, make sure you let your feelings out, I have hope that with dua you will have moved on INSHALLAH...and left him in the past where it should be ok...try your best sis, you BEST in your own time of course, take things gradually, but becuase he is in your past try your upmost to not let him interfere with your present...I pray Allah (swt) helps, guides and protects you and helps you to move on and be happy in the future, ameen.

 

[anonymous]

I thank God that i don't...even though i wanted to...things came to a sudden end before we could start a family together.

sister how old are you if you dont mind me asking?

Im sorry to hear about your marriage break up but like you said, you are still young, you can still get marriedagain and inshaAllah one day have children with someone you can 100000% rely on. I know it may be hard for you to trust another man again, but everything happens for a reason. I pray that Allah (swt) makes it easy for you

 

[Omari]

Assalamualaikum Sister,
Peace be with you.

Allah gives happiness to see if his servants will be thankful, likewise allah gives sadness to see how his servants will react. And the best of muslims are those who are patient, those who will not give up the way of allah for any reason, in any situation.
And when a muslim is patient thorough their distress, then surely allah will reward them in the hereafter.

I am infact saddened after reading your thread, but my sister you should not give up. Everything that happens, happens by the will of god.

The best advice for you is to pray, or continue praying and read the Quran.
Mine, and surely everyone else in LI board, prayers are with you sister..

Peace be with you
Omari

 

[qassy!]

Sister

Im praying 4 u, just please dont harm your self pray to Allah and Inshallah you will find someone 110% better, inshallah sister you will have children.

Inshallah

Allah Hafiz!

 

[Nasir666]

Thank you for the prayer brother

You are right, I do make myself miserable because there isn't a moment when he doesn't enter my thoughts. After how bad he ended up treating me, i almost despise myself for still loving him...

Its not easy for me to let go, and knowing there is no fixing this....crushes my spirit for ever finding happiness again...I will try, right now i just want to focus on cutting this man out of my life and thoughts.

Devils job is to make people miserable,crush there spirit and make people feel like crap ,he gets pleasure out of this.Whenever you are feeling down,think happy thoughs...think about all the good things that happend to you and inshallah all the good things that will happen to you in the future...it has always worked for me and i am sure this will help you too. :happy:

 

[Omari]

Devils job is to make people miserable,crush there spirit and make people feel like crap ,he gets pleasure out of this.

And not only pleasure, Muslima1, but followers. You see, some give up on Allah when faced with distress, but those who stay and pray. Allah will bestow upon them his infinite mercy. [Allah Willing][Only he knows best]

peace be with you sister,
and nasir
Omari

 

[Muslim Woman]

About a year a go my husband left me because of another woman.

u 2 are officially divorced or he just left u ??? Which country do u live in ? Is it possible for ur husband to take 2nd wife without divorcing u ?? If yes , then u can think of that possibility instead of divorcing if u still love him.

If not , then u may think of remarry. Do Isthekhara & take a decision . InshaAllah , everything will be ok soon. May Allah reward u for all the pain u went through , Ameen.

 

[Muslima_82]

Assalamualaikum sister

When I finished reading your thread, I felt really sad for you, such a difficult your in sis, I read what our bro/z and sisz have posted and mashallah it is good advice, I agree with bro PersianPrince when he says that you should do things when you feel you are ready inshallah...I hope that Allah (swt) helps you to move on and remain steadfast inshallah.....this life is full of tests and tribulations, this dunya is contaminated and the Hereafter is pure where no depression will engulf you, no sadness will touch you and so forth...I can see reading from your post that your love for him was pure, what he did was not in accordance with morality, goodness, truth etc, you deserve much more and you shouldn't waste your feelings and time over someone that does not treat you right....im sorry if I am saying harsh words sis, I have no idea how your feeling, but I pray Allah (swt) helps you to move on INSHALLAH, i will pray for you my sister, even though it has been a year your wounds are still fresh, what I am saying is that, be persistant in your prayers inshallah, keep making dua, becuase dua is our weapon against evil, problems etc....try your best to keep yourself busy, like bro Persian Prince sed, carry out a childhood hobby or a new one, talk about your feelings to someone, don't supress your emotions, it will make you ill, ok, make sure you let your feelings out, I have hope that with dua you will have moved on INSHALLAH...and left him in the past where it should be ok...try your best sis, you BEST in your own time of course, take things gradually, but becuase he is in your past try your upmost to not let him interfere with your present...I pray Allah (swt) helps, guides and protects you and helps you to move on and be happy in the future, ameen.

Thank you for the prayers, i really need them...

Days like today are really hard...This Tuesday, 15th will mark exactly one year of our break-up...I've carried a heavy aching heart in my chest for a whole year...not to mark it as an event, but i hoped that one year after i would be feeling better...but i don't...right now i just feel like crying imsad

 

[Muslima_82]

sister how old are you if you dont mind me asking?

Im sorry to hear about your marriage break up but like you said, you are still young, you can still get marriedagain and inshaAllah one day have children with someone you can 100000% rely on. I know it may be hard for you to trust another man again, but everything happens for a reason. I pray that Allah (swt) makes it easy for you

I will be 26 in some months...

Thank you for the concern and prayers. Right now I just want to focus on getting over this unbearable pain and depression. Even though many say that the only way to forget is by remarrying. But right now i just don't feel ready

 

[Muslima_82]

Assalamualaikum Sister,
Peace be with you.

Allah gives happiness to see if his servants will be thankful, likewise allah gives sadness to see how his servants will react. And the best of muslims are those who are patient, those who will not give up the way of allah for any reason, in any situation.
And when a muslim is patient thorough their distress, then surely allah will reward them in the hereafter.

I am infact saddened after reading your thread, but my sister you should not give up. Everything that happens, happens by the will of god.

The best advice for you is to pray, or continue praying and read the Quran.
Mine, and surely everyone else in LI board, prayers are with you sister..

Peace be with you
Omari

W/assalam.

This incidence hasn't weakened my faith in Allah. I accept how he keeps me; sady; Happy...all as He wills and has written for me. I don't blame God for what has happened, but I pray that he takes me out of this. Ameen.

 

[Muslima_82]

Sister

Im praying 4 u, just please dont harm your self pray to Allah and Inshallah you will find someone 110% better, inshallah sister you will have children.

Inshallah

Allah Hafiz!

Thank you and Nasri