The righteous wife is the one whom the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, advised should be obtained from the beginning. As aboo hurayrah, radiyallaahu anhu, narrated from the prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, that he said,
"A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth; for her lineage; for her beeauty; and for her religion (deen). So marry the one who is good in her religion (deen) - may your hands be covered in dust."
(reported by al-bukhaaree and muslim)
Attributes of the righteous wife - part 1 of 2
1. Devotion and obedience to Allaah, the Most High, such that she fulfils His rights, such as prayer, fasting, chastity, covering herself, withholding her gaze and so on.
2. Obedience to her husband in that which does not involve disobedience to Allaah, the Most High, such that she fulfils his rights completely.
3. That she guards and preserves herself and her honour, in the absence of her husband, from the hand of anyone wishing to touch her, the eye of anyone to look upon her, the ear of anyone wishing to listen to her.
Likewise that she preserves her husbands children, home and wealth. Allaah, the Most High, says:
“Therefore the righteous women are obedient to Allaah and their husbands, and guard that which Allaah has ordered them to guard (their chastity and their husbands property) in the absence of their husbands.” surah an-nisaa’ 4:34.
The prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam said, ‘if a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (i.e. ramadaan), guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘enter paradise through whichever of the gates of paradise you wish.” [1]
4. Serving her husband. First of all by carrying out what is required in his house, such as bringing up and educating the children, preparing the meals and the beds and so on.
From husayn ibn mihsann who said that my paternal aunt said, “I came to Allah’s messenger, salallaahu alaihi wa salam for some need, so he asked, ‘you there! are you married?’ I replied, ‘yes.’ he then asked how are you towards your husband?’ she responded, ‘I do not fall short in his service except with regard to what I am unable to do.’ he said, ‘then look to your standing with him, for indeed he is your paradise and your fire.’” [2]
Here is an example of how asmaa’ bint abee bakr, radiyallahu anhumaa, served her husband. she said “az-zubayr married me and he did not have any property or slaves or anything upon the earth except for a camel which drew water from the well and his horse. so I used to feed his horse, draw the water, stitch his water bucket, and prepare the dough, but I was not proficient in baking bread – so ladies from the ansaar who were my neighbours and were honourable used to bake the bread for me. I also used to carry the date stones upon my head, from the land given to az-zubayr by Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, and a group of the ansaar were with him. so he called me and said, ‘ikh, ikh.’ [3] in order to carry me behind him upon the camel. but I felt shy to proceed along with the men, and I thought of az-zubayr and his sense of jealousy, and he was one of the most jealous of the people. so Allah’s messenger, salallahi alaihi wa salam, saw my shyness and so passed on. so I came to az-zubayr and said, ‘Allah’s messenger salallahu alaihi wa salam, met me while I was carrying the date stones upon my head and with him were a group of his companions. he caused his riding camel to kneel, but I felt shy and remembered your sense of jealousy.’ so he said, ‘by Allaah your having to carry the date stones is harder upon me than that you should ride along with him.’” she said, “then later on aboo bakr sent me a servant to look after the horse, so it was as if he had set me free.” [4]
The scholars differ with regard to the ruling about women serving her husband. shaykul-islaam ibn taymiyyah said, the scholars differed about whether she has to serve her husband with regard to the like of household bedding preparing food and drinks, baking the bread, grinding the corn, and providing food for his slaves and cattle – such as providing fodder for his riding beast and so on.
“Some of them say: it is not obligatory for her to serve him – and this is a weak saying, like the weakness of the saying that it is not obligatory upon her to live together with him and have intercourse with him! however what is correct is that it is obligatory to serve him, since the husband is her master according to the book of Allaah, and she is captive with him according to the Sunnah of the prophet, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, [5] and the captive and the slave have to serve – and this is something known.
...the saying of Allaah, the Most High,
“Therefore the righteous women are obedient to Allaah and their husbands, and guard that which Allaah has ordered them to guard (their chastity and their husbands property) in the absence of their husbands.” surah an-nisaa 4:34
“This aayah shows that it is obligatory upon her to serve her husband unrestrictedly, including: serving him, travelling along with him, making herself available to him, and so on – just as it is obligatory to obey the parents, since the obedience due from her to the parents transfers to the husband.” [6]
5. Keeping the husbands secrets. Particularly what occurs between him and her in private – with regard to sexual matters and the private affairs within the marriage. disclosing the husbands secrets will hurt him and anger him and this contradicts obedience to him and seeking to please him. furthermore preserving his secrets is one of the duties of the righteous and obedient women, as described in the saying of Allaah,
“Guarding that which (Allaah has commanded them to guard) in the absence of their husbands,” surah an-nisaa 4:34
Part of their guarding what they are to guard in the absence of their husbands is that they should not broadcast their secrets.
From asmaa bint yazeed, radiyallahu anhaa, who said that she was in the company of Allah’s messenger, salallahu alaihi wa salam, and the men and women were sitting, and he, salallaahu alaihi wa salam, said, “perhaps a man mentions that which he did with his wife, and perhaps a woman informs of what she does with her husband?!” so the people were silent, so I said, “yes, by Allaah, o messenger of Allaah! the women certainly do that, and the men certainly do that.” he, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said, “then do not do so, since that is just like a male devil meeting a female devil upon the way, and he has intercourse with her while the people are watching.” [7]
6. She should appear before the husband in the best appearance, such that if he looks at her it pleases him.
aboo hurayrah, radiyallahu anhu, narrates the messenger of Allaah, sallaahu alaihi wa salam, was asked, “ which of the women is the best?” he replied, “ the one who gives him [8] pleasure when he looks; [9] obeys him when he orders; and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or her wealth by doing that which he dislikes.” [10]
[1] saheeh due to supporting narrations as has preceeded.
[2] reported by al-hakim (2/189) and others, he declared it saheeh and adh-dhahaabee agreed; and shaykh al-albaaneewith them in aadaabuz-zifaaf (p.285).
[3] a word said to make the camel kneel down.
[4] reported by al-bukhaaree (eng. transl. 7/111/no.151) and muslim (eng. transl. 3/1190/no. 5417) and others.
[5] as the messenger of Allaah, salallahu alaihi wa salam, said in the sermon of the farewell pilgrimage, ”...treat your women well, for they are captives with you.” reported with this wording by at-tirmidhee(no. 1163) and he said, “hasan saheeh.” and ibn maajah (no. 1851). declared strong by al-albaanee in irwaa’ul ghaleel(7/52).
salaam alaikum
i am not saying we have to obey EVERYTHING i have said some aspects we should others we shouldnt... i do not wish to continue this argument- it is good to do so as at the feet of our spouse is Jannah- i mean this for wife or husband- i merely brought the evidence i was asked....
the fact we are so divided over this matter is funny and we all have our own opinions on this.
once again ukhti jazakallah khair & barrak allahu fiki for starting the thread.
The issue of obeying one's husband can be found in both the Qur'an and the Sunnah. For discussions on the authenticity of hadeeth and their importance, please refer to the following threads:
The entire process of gathering hadith is weak, because it was collected from the people centuries later, just how authentic can you get two centuries later? Generations later?
If you wish to discuss the topic of hdaeeth in more depth, then please continue the discussion in a seperate thread as it is not appropriate to begin in this current thread.
The mere existence of this thread, discussing the 'right' of the husband, is all due to these discrepancies in certain hadith.
I doubt that this is true, since we have Qur'anic verses that teach us that both men and women have rights over each other.
I wonder if "obeying" is really the appropriate word to use here. I think more in terms of respect. Men want to feel thier wives respect them and since they are the head of the household and the providers we should respect them! Maybe to some ppl its "petty" for him to ask his wife not to leave the home without him. But wouldnt it be even more petty to go against his wishes?? Doing so would show a lack of respect, it would make him angry and it would cause more trouble than its worth. The shopping center or whatever will be the same in a few hours as it is now so what does it hurt to wait? If my husband doesnt want me to go out without him, then I'd rather wait until he gets home than to go against his wishes.
Ma'shaAllah,this is one among the good posts which I have come across since joining this forum.
My fellow brothers and sisters in Islam,Allah(S.W) has kept each and every thing open for us to follow the right path to paradise,if we will fail to enter whom will be blamed for ?.We have to follow what Allah has prescribed to us without judging using a very narrow knowledge we have.Allah the most high has prescribed all these for our own benefits and nothing will he loose or get if we disobey his orders.It must be born in our mind that billions and billions of other creatures worship Allah(angels,animals,plants,etc.}.
Also we shouldn't be angry with the replies of disbelievers and polytheists
because they not yet understand what islam is and what should they behave in issues prescribed by Allah,but we have to use this chance to educate them what Islam is by giving them the true facts and sometimes the wickness of their beliefs.If Allah wills insha'Allah they will embrass islam in the time to come.
Why do these orders about being "righteous" only specific to women? Shouldn't a husband also be a righteous husband? Shouldn't a man also be obedient, honest, loving to his wife? If so, then these orders shouldn't only apply to "righteous wives" but also to "righteous husbands". Islam shouldn't have a double standard when it comes to these things. Otherwise, you are saying that Islamic women are less capable than men, which is unacceptible.
Why do these orders about being "righteous" only specific to women? Shouldn't a husband also be a righteous husband? Shouldn't a man also be obedient, honest, loving to his wife? If so, then these orders shouldn't only apply to "righteous wives" but also to "righteous husbands". Islam shouldn't have a double standard when it comes to these things. Otherwise, you are saying that Islamic women are less capable than men, which is unacceptible.
This thread is only dealing about THE RIGHTEOUS WIFE, so that doesn't mean their ain't ay orders for men.
Allah (swt) says in various verses of Al-Quran that men and women are equal. so how can u say there are double standards, i advice you to look up before you say sumfing nx time.
To ask a question is to show ignorance; not to ask a question, means you remain ignorant
This thread is only dealing about THE RIGHTEOUS WIFE, so that doesn't mean their ain't ay orders for men.
Allah (swt) says in various verses of Al-Quran that men and women are equal. so how can u say there are double standards, i advice you to look up before you say sumfing nx time.
I never said that there weren't any orders for men. I'm just saying that "righteousness" is not exclusive to just women, unlike what the title and message of the opening post suggest. There should be no distinction between a righteous wife and a righteous husband. Again, the virtues of honesty, goodness, and respect are virtues all people, not just Muslims, both men and women, should strive for. You could have entitled it "the righteous Muslim" or whatever.
Let's see if you are able to bring forward ONE - yes just one SINGLE verse to prove what you say.
If you cannot - then let your frustration teach you not to ever tell lies about the Qur'an.
Before I attempt to respond to your post, I hope that you have been so kind as to have read the links I gave you. If so, we can begin to understand the importance of the hadeeth and how they are used to explain the Qur'an, alongside the explanations from the Qur'an itself.
I looked at the post that was linked to by brother Companion, and it seems we have a slight confusion with the context to which the verses are referring, or what they mean exactly. I hope you will therefore agree that people with little knowledge are not to interpret the Qur'an according to their own limited understanding, but should refer matters to people of knowledge, s the Qur'an states:
[4.83] And when there comes to them news of security or fear they spread it abroad; and if they had referred it to the Apostle and to those in authority among them, those among them who can search out the knowledge of it would have known it, and were it not for the grace of Allah upon you and His mercy, you would have certainly followed the Shaitan save a few
Please have a look at the following verse of the Qur'an, and read its explanation by Ibn Katheer (which follows).
[4.34] Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.
Qualities of the Righteous Wife
Allah said,
[فَالصَّـلِحَـتُ]
(Therefore, the righteous) women,
[قَـنِتَـتٍ]
(are Qanitat), obedient to their husbands, as Ibn `Abbas and others stated.
[حَـفِظَـتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ]
(and guard in the husband's absence) As-Suddi and others said that it means she protects her honor and her husband's property when he is absent, and Allah's statement,
[بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ]
(what Allah orders them to guard.) means, the protected [husband] is the one whom Allah protects. Ibn Jarir recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah said,
(The best women is she who when you look at her, she pleases you, when you command her she obeys you, and when you are absent, she protects her honor and your property.) Then, the Messenger of Allah recited the Ayah,
[الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ]
(Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, ) until its end. Imam Ahmad recorded that `Abdur-Rahman bin 'Awf said that the Messenger of Allah said,
«إِذَا صَلَّتِ الْمَرْأَةُ خَمْسَهَا، وَصَامَتْ شَهْرَهَا، وَحَفِظَتْ فَرْجَهَا، وَأَطَاعَتْ زَوْجَهَا، قِيلَ لَهَا: ادْخُلِي الْجَنَّةَ مِنْ أَيِّ الْأَبْوَابِ شِئْت»
(If the woman prayed her five daily prayers, fasted her month, protected her chastity and obeyed her husband, she will be told, 'Enter Paradise from any of its doors you wish.')
I have shown you - using Qur'anic evidence - that 'Qanitat' in verse 4:34 is CLEARLY talking about obedience to Allah.
Now that you decide to follow those who change worship of Allah to worship of husbands, in order to follow men's desires, you have associated partners with Allah - in other words this is SHIRK - there is no other word for it.
If, knowingly, you follow this - you are in essence commiting shirk/polytheism.
The Hadith play a major role in the division of Islam into sects and corruption of Islam using patriarchal fabrication.
In the first article I referred you to, by Dr. Ahmad Shafaat, it explains the meaning of the word Qanitat:
Qanit means one who is devoted to someone and out of love and devotion obeys him or her. Outside of the present verse the word in its various forms, occurs seven times and is used of both men and women. In six out of these seven places, the object of devotion and obedience is understood to be God, in one place it is God and His Messenger. For this reason qanitat may simply mean "devoted to God". In view of the context, the idea of devotion and obedience to the husband may also be read into the word.
Since men are qawwamun over their wives, they must have some authority to make decisions, for a person cannot be an effective guardian or maintainer of someone without having some decision making authority. And whenever there is legitimate decision-making authority on one side, there is some necessity of obedience from the other. In Hadith there are many traditions which encourage women to be obedient to their husbands. Some of these traditions are no doubt forged, being attempts by later Muslims to subjugate their women(1), but others look authentic(2). Thus the Qur'an and Hadith do teach that women should obey their husbands. But this "should" is not a "should" of moral or religious obligation. The Qur'an and authentic ahadith do not command women to be obedient to their husbands, so that it is not a sin on their part if they sometime do not listen to their husbands. The Qur'an and Hadith consider obedience to the husband as simply a desirable quality of the wife.Read more
And the tafseer of Ibn Katheer told us that some of the companions of the Prophet , including Ibn 'Abbaas; who had far better understanding of the Qur'an than any of us, understood the word in question to be referring to husbands.
This, however, as pointed out above, does not mean you worship them and obey them in wrongdoing. It is similar to the example of being dutiful to parents. Allaah says in the Qur'an:
[29.8] And We have enjoined on man goodness to his parents, and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, to Me is your return, so I will inform you of what you did.
So even with parents, to whom obedience has been highly emphasised and commended in Islam; if they order us to disobey Allaah, then we are not to obey them in this regard, while still being respectful and kind to them. From this, we can understand that obeying someone is not the same as worshipping them, may Allaah protect us from that.
So while the word Qanit in the Qur'an has been used to refer to Allaah, this does not mean that it always refers to Allaah and therefore I don't quite see how it is "clear" evidence for what you say. However, I certainly don't think it is impossible for it to refer to Allaah, since that may be the opinion of others - Allaahu A'lam.
The Hadith play a major role in the division of Islam into sects and corruption of Islam using patriarchal fabrication.
In actual fact, the hadeeth play a major role in teaching us our religion and explaining the Qur'an to us. However, we need to be careful to follow the authentic hadeeth and not weak or fabricated reports, as this will undoubtedly lead to error. I hope you had a look at the links in my other post where I pointed out some relevant articles on this forum about the importance and status of the hadeeth.
The very article you quote froim in-facts supports what I am saying.
Did you miss this part of your quote?:
"Qanit means one who is devoted to someone and out of love and devotion obeys him or her. Outside of the present verse the word in its various forms, occurs seven times and is used of both men and women. In six out of these seven places, the object of devotion and obedience is understood to be God, in one place it is God and His Messenger..."
This makes it clear that the meaning of 'qanit' is with regards to Holy devotion - towards Allah.
Why bend the obvious meaning to conform to men's views?
While I agree that there should be mutual repect and understanding between a married couple. However, Islam is perfectly balanced in all matters. No one can dispute that.
Therefore a husband cannot order his wife in all matters. There are times when he has to/should ask or even request that she does something.
Example: "Darling can you please wait up for me til I get back around 12am." She may oblige out of love and devotion. There is nothing in Islam saying she has to do this. As Islam does not restrict us from doing what is natural. She could happily go to sleep.
But there are times when he may have to instruct her (without any sugarcoating) to do something. And she should obey that instruction.
Example: Wife answers door without covering herself appropriately. The husband has the right (and rightly so) to tell her to cover herself in these situations.
It just wouldn't be right if he came out with, "Darling, can you please cover your beautiful self when answering the door, cuz you are for my eyes only, and I hate to see other men looking at you (sigh)." Most likely the wife will mutter, "Yeah, whatever!"
It's a husband's right to tell her directly to cover herself, provided she is aware of this, but still isnt doing it. Therefore she should obey, not out of love or mutual understanding, but because he is telling her to do something that Islam tells women to do.
So, as far as I'm concerned there is nothing wrong with obeying your husband in matters of religion or with him instructing his wife. And (while the debate on 'obeying' continues) even if women have been told to obey their husband, this does not mean his every word has to be an order or her every act is without her consent. Even the Quran does not tell women to obey their husbands in all things without question. If that was the case why would consultation be recommended?
i had noticed sisters, that relatives of mine that get married in america over half of them actually yeah more than half have gotten divorced. So keep your Islamic value! Dont go getting divorces because your husband says dont dress like a stripper when you go into a mall!
Islamically a woman has to listen to her husband
Unless he tells her to do something harram.
Period.
SaLaMz
A woman should obey in matters of religion when her husband instructs her to do or not do something.
She does not have to obey him if he says "Hey! Don't eat Cheese n Onion crisps cuz I can't stand the pong!" Allah gave her the right to eat what he made halal. Who is the husband to say she can't eat this or that? Do you honestly think she should obey him there?
At that rate, no woman would get married in the first place.
Therefore a woman does not have to listen to her husband in everything he says.
A woman should obey in matters of religion when her husband instructs her to do or not do something.
She does not have to obey him if he says "Hey! Don't eat Cheese n Onion crisps cuz I can't stand the pong!" Allah gave her the right to eat what he made halal. Who is the husband to say she can't eat this or that? Do you honestly think she should obey him there?
At that rate, no woman would get married in the first place.
Therefore a woman does not have to listen to her husband in everything he says.
Thts not true.Now say she eats the chips and gets a heartAttack
She should have just listened.Now she died disobeying her husband.
SaLaMz:sister:
~!My hijab is my crown!~
~For My past will for ever be a part of my present and my future!~
I know i look diffrent--im going through something.Make dua for me
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Quote
xxx 
, including Ibn 'Abbaas; who had far better understanding of the Qur'an than any of us, understood the word in question to be referring to husbands. 
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks