A righteous husband is the key to her Jannah ♥

[Rhubarb Tart]

Noone here including sisters mentioned women working...so that is completely irrelevant.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Noone here including sisters mentioned women working...so that is completely irrelevant.

Yes, not any more .

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

Yes, not any more .

Most sisters who are married in this forum don't work and this is entirely up to the couple...

Best regards,

 

[ardianto]

Noone here including sisters mentioned women working...so that is completely irrelevant.

No one in this thread said about women working. But sis, in the real world, when people see a woman who her husbands doesn't have a job, often they give advice "if your husband could not get a job, it's your turn to find a job".

It's not good.

If a wife wants to have a job and her husband allow her, it's okay. But do not ever the wife makes money while the husband stay at home, except if the husband has a barrier that really prevent him to work.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

No one in this thread said about women working. But sis, in the real world, when people see a woman who her husbands doesn't have a job, often they give advice "if your husband could not get a job, it's your turn to find a job".

It's not good.

If a wife wants to have a job and her husband allow her, it's okay. But do not ever the wife makes money while the husband stay at home, except if the husband has a barrier that really prevent him to work.

He wasn't talking those women that work whilst their husband don't. I don't think he cares for them....

 

[جوري]

There's nothing more appalling than a lazy Muslim who doesn't provide for his family.
There's a hadith on it being better to be the hand that gives than the hand that takes. And the prophet once saw a man begging and he asked him what he owns, the man owned a pitcher, he asked who would buy it at the highest price, sold it, bought an axe so the man can work chopping wood and selling it rather than have his hands out.
Let's not make this about a woman's place or a man's place. Believe me I don't know what woman would want to deal with what we deal with unless they had to whether they're CEO's or working cleaning toilets. And I have met such sisters actually with their masters or doctorates and cleaning toilets. Get off this idyllic world you live in and join the living (my post isn't directed toward anyone here but as a general comment) because I really don't want to deal with sheltering egos.
If you feel emasculated by an intelligent hard working woman because you're a lazy buffoon able bodied but can't do the bare minimum then get over it!!!!!!!
It is also better to be a servant who works than a servant who worships. Take heed from the story of Barsisa, those stories are there for a reason, not just for mere amusement!
You can sit all day worshipping and it would mean jack. In fact you working is a form of worship!
If you want to be an authoritarian figure in your house then work to earn it.
As authoritarian as any woman could be, she still wants to be in the arms of someone who will take care of her and is that much more challenging and superceding her in every way. It then becomes dynamic, it isn't about role reversal and I am not sure I'd personally have respect for a guy who prefers it the other way around or accepts less and less because he has no desire to give 100%. Give your 100% and 10% more - give all you can plus one and then you'll know you've done all you can before Allah swt. But don't just leave it be and say the fates are already written!
But a weakling marrying someone weaker.. well that does explain the state of the ummah doesn't it?
Get up do your thing and quit dreaming of the idealism -- it doesn't exist!!!!!!!!!
Make decisions like men if you're men!

 

['Abd-al Latif]

He wasn't talking those women that work whilst their husband don't. I don't think he cares for them....

Allah knows me better than you

 

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

I have been told (repeatedly) that I should not judge prospective suitors by their external appearance.
That the man who choses not to follow the sunnah of the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam), e.g by not wearing a beard, should still be considered - for piety resides in ones heart......(or something to this effect :/ )

What was I thinking by listening to such advises? : (

If the womans hijab is one of the criteria when assessing her state of taqwa......then why does the same not apply for men?
(for those who, like myself, consider the beard as being waajib).

I realise that Allah grants hidaayat and people can change with time......but surely, we should not marry someone, with the hope/ expectation that he/ she changes?

If a man/ woman by their early 30s has chosen not to wear hijab/ a beard, then this would mean that they have made a conscious decision in this regard......and the first meeting with them should not include an attempt to convince them otherwise.

Thank you for all the advices in advance.

But insha Allah, never again.


JazakAllah khair.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

e.g by not wearing a beard

I don't wear a beard but I do grow one.

 

[جوري]

If a man/ woman by their early 30s has chosen not to wear hijab/ a beard, then this would mean that they have made a conscious decision in this regard......and the first meeting with them should not include an attempt to convince them otherwise.

Maybe the third meeting then?
I have known many people who've taken up hijab in their thirties and even much later... You'd be surprised what makes some folks hesitant.
You could potentially let a very good person go because of a physical appearance & that's not how we're meant to judge someone's character - just sayin'

 

[CosmicPathos]

comparing a beard with hijab? really? You feel so insecure in following what Allah has said in Quran for drawing jilbaab that you have to compare it with men "wearing" a beard? Facial hair is determine by hormones, skin pores, blood supply, genetics and tons of other things. Some brother dont grow facial hair at all and others are hairy as a baboon. On the other hand, hijab is a piece of clothe worn to hide satr and is not dependent on hormones, genetics etc but taqwa and desire to follow Lord.

 

[Scimitar]

Gosh, people are so opinionated over these things, it's rather frightening *shivers*.

Do istikhara, and if you get a good result, say bismillah and go for it.

Life is a learning experience. Sometimes you'll get things right, sometimes wrong. When you get it wrong - LEARN.

It's really not that complicated. Allah gave you Aql (intellect and common sense) so use it for the best of reasons - to get close to Allah.

A successful marriage is based on mutual respect and devotion to eachother, and protection of eachother against the temptations of this world. To help eachother fulfil eachothers Deen.

Just - get - a - grip - people.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

A person's piety doesn't revolve around a beard. Nor around the Hijab.

They're good to have, and it's better it's there, but a person shouldn't be discounted just because they dont have a beard or wear the Hijaab. I know so many people who don't have a beard and many sisters who don't wear the hijaab but are far better people than others who do.

Don't judge a book by its cover. Especially when you don't know what struggles and challenges they face. You are no one to judge.

And yes, piety is in the heart. The Prophet (saw) pointed to his chest three times and said, التَّقْوَى هَاهُنَا - "Piety is here."

Assalamu-alaikum,

I have been told (repeatedly) that I should not judge prospective suitors by their external appearance.
That the man who choses not to follow the sunnah of the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam), e.g by not wearing a beard, should still be considered - for piety resides in ones heart......(or something to this effect :/ )

What was I thinking by listening to such advises? : (

If the womans hijab is one of the criteria when assessing her state of taqwa......then why does the same not apply for men?
(for those who, like myself, consider the beard as being waajib).

I realise that Allah grants hidaayat and people can change with time......but surely, we should not marry someone, with the hope/ expectation that he/ she changes?

If a man/ woman by their early 30s has chosen not to wear hijab/ a beard, then this would mean that they have made a conscious decision in this regard......and the first meeting with them should not include an attempt to convince them otherwise.

Thank you for all the advices in advance.

But insha Allah, never again.


JazakAllah khair.

 

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

As mentioned, shukran for all the advices : )

I am satisfied that I have at least given it a chance, as I valued the opinions of those around me.

But its not going to work - and I understand why:

We are all at different stages of our imaan (and Im not referring to the fluctuations we experiece from time to time) - some reach high levels of taqwa very early in life, others at a later stage, and some not at all.
And some may also fall from their level of imaan, if they do not actively make an effort to work at it.....

The man who grows a beard (rather than wears one ) and the woman who wears hijab/ or niqaab/ or jilbaab - are doing so, because (hopefully), they have reached a certain understanding with regards to their deen - out of LOVE and FEAR for Allah and His prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam).

This has nothing to do with judging someone.

But rather, ensuring that we are on the same page (or at least the same chapter) with respect to practising our deen.

I do realise that, by the mercy of Allah, people can change.
But we should not marry someone, in the hope that he/ she will change......or having the intention to change the person into your line of thinking.

Insha Allah, we all get to higher and higher levels of imaan and taqwa.

I consider it in the following way:

The beard (or hijab) - is a sensitive test, for trying to assess someones direction in life (at that point in time).
However, its not very specific - i.e. there are those who carry the external appearance, but they do not live up to it.
In other words - we may have 'false positives' along the way.....which is fine.

(Ps. if there is a medical reason for not growing a beard - i can understand this. These cases are quite rare though.)


If piety is one of the most important attributes when looking for a spouse.....then we should keep bearing this in mind, and also ensure that you are working on your own as well.

:wa:

 

[CosmicPathos]

for record, can you explain what being "pious" means? the word piety gets thrown around a lot, who exactly is a person of piety?

 

[Scimitar]

I know so many people who don't have a beard and many sisters who don't wear the hijaab but are far better people than others who do.

^ This

I'm in India atm, and I've seen plenty of men with beards who throw around the worst swear words and cheat others in business (happened to me a dozen times) - now I just purchase strictly from Hindu owned shops, and I tell you all something, they are the best people to do business with here.

One bearded guy dropped his mother off outside her village and the poor old lady (who has crutches) had to walk for a quarter mile before she got to her house.

A beard don't mean jack here...

... In london, my own neighbours on the opposite side of the street have a bunch of daughters who wear the headscarf. 1) it's a camel hump and 2) they wear leggings and skin tight jeans which reveal their aura (body shape).

So the whole Beard and hijaab thing is nonsense n modern day.

I've given you two examples from very different countries. One in the west, and one in the east. I can give you more but I think you get the point.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

guys I find it better to not compare practising with non-practising as it can lead down a bad path of discouragement.

we should just stick to condoning right and discouraging bad without getting into the details. makes life simpler I say

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

guys I find it better to not compare practising with non-practising as it can lead down a bad path of discouragement.

we should just stick to condoning right and discouraging bad without getting into the details. makes life simpler I say

I disagree, if you read the entire thread you will see why the comparison is going on. It is assumed here(in this thread) that piety is equal to growing a beard and wearing hijab, and that is simply not the case. I think, rather than discouraging,it helps people see the reality of things and aim NOT to be such people.

- cOsMiC

 

[~Zaria~]

for record, can you explain what being "pious" means? the word piety gets thrown around a lot, who exactly is a person of piety?

When I speak of 'piety', I am referring to:

The person who is living his/ her life for Allah (subhanawataála).

Whose every action (to the best of his/ her ability) is out of love for Allah and his messenger (sallalahu alaihi wasalam)......and if not for this, then at the least, out of His fear.

The one who desires complete obedience to Allah and his prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) - which means, that no matter how hard it may be, he is able to give up his desires, simply because it is the command of Allah.
Who says to himself: "My Rabb has commanded. And I will obey."

The one who is in submission to the will of Allah.

Who has detached himself/ herself from this dunya.....and all that their heart desires is the Aakhirah and the meeting of their Lord.

This is my definition.
It may differ for others.

^ This

I'm in India atm, and I've seen plenty of men with beards who throw around the worst swear words and cheat others in business (happened to me a dozen times) - now I just purchase strictly from Hindu owned shops, and I tell you all something, they are the best people to do business with here.

One bearded guy dropped his mother off outside her village and the poor old lady (who has crutches) had to walk for a quarter mile before she got to her house.

A beard don't mean jack here...

... In london, my own neighbours on the opposite side of the street have a bunch of daughters who wear the headscarf. 1) it's a camel hump and 2) they wear leggings and skin tight jeans which reveal their aura (body shape).

So the whole Beard and hijaab thing is nonsense n modern day.

I've given you two examples from very different countries. One in the west, and one in the east. I can give you more but I think you get the point.

Which is why I have mentioned:

The beard (or hijab) - is a sensitive test, for trying to assess someones direction in life (at that point in time).

However, its not very specific - i.e. there are those who carry the external appearance, but they do not live up to it.

In other words - we may have 'false positives' along the way.....which is fine.

I do realise that what lies on the exterior, may not necessarily reflect whats in the heart.

And I have chosen my words to indicate that I do not directly equate piety to growing a beard/ wearing hijab.


However, on the flip side: surely, if taqwa resides in the heart for long enough......it should spill over into ones way of life, ones appearance, etc?

Just a thought......


Allah knows best.

And may He bless all our brothers and sisters with righteous spouses.
Ameen

:wa:

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I disagree, if you read the entire thread you will see why the comparison is going on. It is assumed here(in this thread) that piety is equal to growing a beard and wearing hijab, and that is simply not the case. I think, rather than discouraging,it helps people see the reality of things and aim NOT to be such people.

- cOsMiC

I can guarantee that should you do what you believe to be right and work on your own heart then you will never become such people.


I honestly believe simplicity has its rewards