A righteous husband is the key to her Jannah ♥

[Scimitar]

Understood sis Zaria. I've known you for a while now, across different platforms / forums, and know you well enough to not address that post of mine to you, but to others here as a general reminder

One thing I have to say here is, no one can assess the state of anothers imaan and taqwaa, it's not like we can rip open their chest to see what is inside...

...SO basically, what we need to do when considering a person for marriage is do some research on them, and then consider that they feel they are ready for marriage - so we must give them the benefit of the doubt, and then put our trust in Allah - istikhara.

IMHO, this equates to tying the camel and trusting in Allah.

If we put up barriers for ourselves because we are chasing a bunch of "requirements" then we will only set targets that make married life impossibly difficult to get to grips with.

I've known some brothers who changed their whole lives after marriage and did good - whereas before marriage, they were actually quite bad.

Alhamdulillah, HE is the ONE who guides.

We should be able to trust HIM, especially if we are marrying for the sake of deen, right?

 

[~Zaria~]

Understood sis Zaria. I've known you for a while now, across different platforms / forums, and know you well enough to not address that post of mine to you, but to others here as a general reminder

One thing I have to say here is, no one can assess the state of anothers imaan and taqwaa, it's not like we can rip open their chest to see what is inside...

...SO basically, what we need to do when considering a person for marriage is do some research on them, and then consider that they feel they are ready for marriage - so we must give them the benefit of the doubt, and then put our trust in Allah - istikhara.

IMHO, this equates to tying the camel and trusting in Allah.

If we put up barriers for ourselves because we are chasing a bunch of "requirements" then we will only set targets that make married life impossibly difficult to get to grips with.

I've known some brothers who changed their whole lives after marriage and did good - whereas before marriage, they were actually quite bad.

Alhamdulillah, HE is the ONE who guides.

We should be able to trust HIM, especially if we are marrying for the sake of deen, right?

JazakAllah khair akhee.

Unfortunately, I dont think I can let go of this requirement anymore.....
It has become as important to me, as knowing whether the person is offering his salaah.
I know this sounds strange.....;/

(Maybe some sisters just want to be able run their fingers through a brothers beard, ok? lol )

And I do agree that people can change.
Alhamdulillah - Allah knows best how He turned my life around, in the most amazing ways.
I dont even feel worthy of this mercy, with regards to this....and so, I know that it is possible for ANYONE - even the worst of sinners.....to do a 180.
SubhanAllah.


However, this worries me....

I've known some brothers who changed their whole lives after marriage and did good - whereas before marriage, they were actually quite bad.

Allah knows what the future holds for any man/ woman.
But I do not.
So, I fear taking this chance......esp. if at the time of meeting them, they are not already making a change for the better.

Everyone has made mistakes, and has regrets of the past.
However, whats important, is that they actually feel remorse - and it is apparent that they are re-focussing their lives.


Insha Allah, i believe that if we seek those, whose hearts are attached to Allah, we will have nothing to fear.

The prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) also recommended marrying a 'religious' person - above all other criteria:

"A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari)

"When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. " (Tirmidhi)


I guess, everyone may have different definitions of what they regard as 'righteousness'/ 'piety'.

Which is fine.

As long as your partner is a means of directing you towards Allah, and working towards Jannah together - then, Alhamdulillah!


:wa:

 

[Scimitar]

So, I fear taking this chance......esp. if at the time of meeting them, they are not already making a change for the better.

which is why I recommend doing Istikhara when considering any one for marriage.

If anything, doing istikhara increases you in imaan, because you are relying on HIM solely for guidance on a difficult issue, and not your own ability to pre-judge someone.

Like I said before, we may never know what is in a persons heart. Maybe externally they come across unsuited, but internally they aspire to be better individuals in the sight of Allah most high. And all they need is the right woman, to nudge them on. You know, a little love can go a LOOOONG way.

If you believe you can be that woman, who can inspire a man from the sincerity of your own actions and gently show them how to overcome objects that you yourself have had to overcome, through your own experiences - then why not?

If you are considering someone for marriage then do istikhara on it, and keep doing it until you get your answer

Allah never abandons one who is sincere in asking for HIS guidance.

 

[~Zaria~]

^ I firmly believe in Allahs blessing to us, by means of Istikharaah.

However, I think that one has to have an inclination towards another first, before reading istikharah.

I know I may be sounding a little unreasonable......in my desire for the 'Bearded Brother' (Look, Ive just developed a new mnemonic for him - BB : D)
Wish they werent such a rare breed :/

And if I had to look for the ones with 3/4 trousers as well......then, I may as well give up from now i think!

In any case, I trust in Allah's plans for me, and for all of us.

I know all to well, that His plans are all that matters : )
SubhanAllah.

Wasalam

 

[CosmicPathos]

When I speak of 'piety', I am referring to:

The person who is living his/ her life for Allah (subhanawataála).

Whose every action (to the best of his/ her ability) is out of love for Allah and his messenger (sallalahu alaihi wasalam)......and if not for this, then at the least, out of His fear.

The one who desires complete obedience to Allah and his prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) - which means, that no matter how hard it may be, he is able to give up his desires, simply because it is the command of Allah.
Who says to himself: "My Rabb has commanded. And I will obey."

The one who is in submission to the will of Allah.

Who has detached himself/ herself from this dunya.....and all that their heart desires is the Aakhirah and the meeting of their Lord.

This is my definition.
It may differ for others.

So when you are seeking a man/husband who meets the criteria of piety, do you also meet that criteria? Do you live your life for Allah? Are you able to give up all of your desires? If your answer is no to any of those questions, it is very hypocritical to desire such a man. Such a man, if he exists (I am 500% sure he does not exist), deserves as pious of a wife as himself.

w salam

 

[Scimitar]

tell a man you like beards, and he'll save a packet on shaving materials. Trust me, he'll probably go for it. ofcourse you need to lead him to believe in it gradually... start with the "I like the rough, unshaven - 4 day growth look" and work from there...

btw, I honestly believe beards don't mean anything today sister... they are used by some to fool others. Say you met a man, who had a beard, talked the talk and married him... then discovered he was a total fraud, how would that leave you?

It's rare to find a man who has a beard, that isn't unmarried, as you are finding out.

I recommend you do istikhara for every man you are shown for marriage... who knows? Don't limit yourself due to cosmetic appearances. Things change. Nothing is ever static in this world... nothing.

A clean shaven man one day, may turn into an unshaven one the next... and vice versa.

I don't think you should place this restriction on yourself, or another.

Also, there's absolutely no way you can know if the man is keeping 5 times salah, until you've married and lived with him. If that bothers you, then you'll probably remain unmarried for a long time, and let's face it, time moves faster the older we get.

 

[Scimitar]

There were two boulders on a hill, a medium sized one and a BIG one. the BIG one was kept in place by a small stone. If the stone was removed, the BIG boulder would tumble down the hill. The medium sized boulder was next to the BIG boulder... it started to roll, and as it did, it nudged the BIG boulder. \in doing so, the BIG boulder crushed the small stone that held it in place and then both, the BIG boulder and the medium sized boulder, came tumbling down the hill... the BIG boulder picked up more velocity than the medium boulder due to its sheer weight, and reached the level surface/ground first, the medium sized boulder reached the level surface/ground a little later.

Sis, see yourself as the middle sized boulder... your prospective husband as the BIG boulder. The level surface/ground - your piety level at peak.

You, the medium boulder started to move first, but due to your effort, that little nudge, the BIG boulder reached that state of peak piety before you did

I hope this makes sense.

Scimi

 

[~Zaria~]

So when you are seeking a man/husband who meets the criteria of piety, do you also meet that criteria? Do you live your life for Allah? Are you able to give up all of your desires? If your answer is no to any of those questions, it is very hypocritical to desire such a man. Such a man, if he exists (I am 500% sure he does not exist), deserves as pious of a wife as himself.

w salam

Insha Allah, this is my intention and my effort is in this regard.
Alhamdulillah.

Such people do exist : )

It is better to be married than to be single.
But i think it is also better to be single, than in a marriage with someone who does not add to your imaan (and could possibly be a means of drawing you away from Allah).

Its a short life, this dunya......

So, theres no need to fret if we do not get all that we desire.

The aakhirah holds so much more : )

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Insha Allah, this is my intention and my effort is in this regard.
Alhamdulillah.

Such people do exist : )

It is better to be married than to be single.
But i think it is also better to be single, than in a marriage with someone who does not add to your imaan (and could possibly be a means of drawing you away from Allah).

Its a short life, this dunya......

So, theres no need to fret if we do not get all that we desire.

The aakhirah holds so much more : )

It's your intention and something you aspire to right? But it isn't something which is completely existent at this time, which means you still have ways to go. So why hold those expectations when it comes to a possible husband? What matters is the potential in a person, if you judge outwardly you could quite possibly end up turning down a man who would in the future become exactly what you always wanted plus more. Scimi gave great advice already, which I agree with 100% so I'm not gonna say the same things again.

Just don't limit yourself, it is when ur not looking and when u let go of requirements, it is when you LET GO and trust Allah, that things happen the right way. This goes for any situation in life. Tie your camel.

- cOsMiC

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Honestly, I think a discussion about hijabs and beards is very superficial. A beard does not make a marriage nor a hijab.

As long as a person is i) practicing their five pillars, ii) have a desire to become better and improve and iii) aim to fulfill their obligations - that's all that's necessary for marriage. More importantly, the questions to be asked are whether the two will be compatible as two people with their own backgrounds and life experiences and understandings, and more specifically will she will be a good mother for my children and raise them in an Islamic manner and whether he cares enough to earn through Halal and will he be good to his wife and a good father to his kids.

Student of knowledge, super practicing, super pious etc are really secondary. Earning income for the family (for the guy) and spending quality time with them laughing and joking is piety and worship in and of itself. A lot of people idealize their married life thinking that they'll stand at night in Tahajjud with their wife who will sprinkle water on their face to wake them up but that's because they have a really narrow understanding of Islam and piety and of married life. Reality is that will probably happen once a year, if at all. People need spouses who meet the three criteria I mentioned earlier and who will help them become better people and help them by happy. That's really all. No need to over complicate. If anyone gets anything more, than it's a good to-have but not a necessity.

 

[Re.TiReD]

This will probably be my last post on the forum but I just wanna say that when you think about it simplistically, it might make you feel good that you're considering a person for marriage who has a beard or who is a Hijabi...but please, don't judge by outward appearances.

Don't let it make you feel like a better person because a Hijabi will still have her days where she is moody or depressed, she'll still have her days where she'll need to be reminded that it's time to pray, she might have her days where she'd rather sit back and chill with you on the sofa over a tub of ice-cream rather than go to a talk at the Masjid. You know, a Hijab doesn't make you any more pious than a non-Hijabi, it just means that maybe you're further along your personal journey than she is. Nothing more. Help people become more, don't knock them down for what they're not.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

This will probably be my last post on the forum but I just wanna say that when you think about it simplistically, it might make you feel good that you're considering a person for marriage who has a beard or who is a Hijabi...but please, don't judge by outward appearances.

Don't let it make you feel like a better person because a Hijabi will still have her days where she is moody or depressed, she'll still have her days where she'll need to be reminded that it's time to pray, she might have her days where she'd rather sit back and chill with you on the sofa over a tub of ice-cream rather than go to a talk at the Masjid. You know, a Hijab doesn't make you any more pious than a non-Hijabi, it just means that maybe you're further along your personal journey than she is. Nothing more. Help people become more, don't knock them down for what they're not.

What she said.

 

[~Zaria~]

My brothers and sisters,

I am really grateful for all your input. I realise its coming from a good place, MashaAllah.

As I have mentioned, my reasons for my feelings are these:

The man who grows a beard (rather than wears one ) and the woman who wears hijab/ or niqaab/ or jilbaab - are doing so, because (hopefully), they have reached a certain understanding with regards to their deen - out of LOVE and FEAR for Allah and His prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam).

This has nothing to do with judging someone.

But rather, ensuring that we are on the same page (or at least the same chapter) with respect to practising our deen.

I do realise that, by the mercy of Allah, people can change.
But we should not marry someone, in the hope that he/ she will change......or having the intention to change the person into your line of thinking.

Also, consider that I am not looking for a teenager/ someone in their 20s.
Im a little wiser now (i hope!), and time and experiences has 'roughened' me up some what......
So, I think I am much more focussed (than ever before)......and perhaps this is were these sentiments arise from.

I know of men and families who would never consider a woman for marriage if she does not wear hijab/ cover her hair.
And I can understand the reasons for this.

Perhaps, that same woman may oneday turn a new leaf.
But, perhaps she wont.
Allah knows best.

So, this is not a means of 'judging' another.......but rather a means of placing priority to ones understanding of our deen, and its practising.

Not many people comprehend the significance/ importance of the beard.
Many believe that it is 'sunnah'.....hence it is 'optional'.
I do not want to discuss the rulings on having a beard, apart from commenting that there are many who consider the beard as 'waajib'/ obligatory.
So, bearing this in mind - I cant under-mine its importance.....and its absence indicates a possible lack of this understanding.

Unfortunately, from the brothers who I have spoken to - and who do not keep beards - this is most apparent (in the majority of cases).

Insha Allah, He grants us all hidayat in His deen.


Do not be concerned brothers and sisters.

Whatever is decreed by Allah (subhanawataála) will unfold, irrespective of our own desires.

We pray that He grants us all that is good for us in this dunya, and all that would become a means of attaining His closeness.
Ameen.

JazakAllah khair once again.

:wa:

 

[ardianto]

Beard and hijab do not make Muslims become pious. But piousness make Muslims keep the beard or wear hijab.

 

[Paprika]

righteous has turned to richeous.....

 

[piXie]

..edit...