attraction to wife: Qn for the brothers

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i can understand why this thread would be deleted or whatever, but i am genuinely interested to know the answer to my question.
ive posted in this section, so that the anonymous option may be used (by the brothers) if need be.

just something from another forum has has my mind ticking away...
it is known that men tend to be more visual/attracted to physical beauty. say a dude is a married to someone he finds his wife attractive (obviously), but one day his gaze accidentally falls on other than his wife and he finds the other girl attractive. now, naturally (if im thinking right) he'll want to see in his wife what he saw in this other girl. you know he wants his wife to look like her, and as a result he really isn't attracted to what his wife originally looks like, even though he found her attractive before.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

 

[aamirsaab]

Re: attraction of wife: Qn for the brothers


That doesn't just happen solely in men. Both genders have several physical features that create attraction, so the question can be applied to both male and female.

But, its not just physical attributes that sustain a relationship; security (i.e. care) is also needed.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

Lol, not quite sure to be honest. Guess it would depend on a lot of things really: just exactly how attractive that other person is; current mood set etc.

 

[convert]

Re: attraction of wife: Qn for the brothers

Frankly, I'm not looking for some knockout dimepiece. I dated before I was muslim and I know the hassle of putting up with high maintenance people.

I just want someone who is "practicing" (whatever that means) and would make a good wife and mother.

Besides, I'm a powerlifter, former football player and wrestler and look like a big, barrel-chested gorilla myself.

 

[Snowflake]

Of couse men find other women attractive. But that doesn't mean they will find their own wife less attractive after seeing others. A guy would have to be really shallow to do that.

There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) said that if a man sees a woman he is attracted to, he should come home to his wife and 'cover her' so to speak. Attraction to other women is usually lust, so once that's been dealt with, he should be ok. I'll try to find the hadith inshaAllah.

 

[AbuSalahudeen]

I think every man wants to be attracted to his wife, and it probably is a healthy thing in a relationship. But we should marry someone for more than just their looks, you must get along, enjoy each others company, love each others personalities etc etc. But if someone marries a sister for just her looks and she is amazingly beautiful, after a while her looks will be normal for the husband and if she has a bad personality, or their personalities clash then they are in muddy waters.

As men we must be aware of the plot of Shaytaan, and his love to distroy marriages and families.

Marriages are more than just romance, they are about establishing a god fearing family, raising pious children who worship Allah alone, contributing to their communities by forbidding what is wrong and enjoy what is good as a family. I'm not saying love dubby love and romance shouldn't exist, but what I'm saying is marriage should be about the greater love, and that love is the love of Allah and his messenger.

 

[Yanal]

For me I will always love and find my wife who Allah has found. I don't know about gazing at other women because that is haaram so most likely I will lower my gaze to the ground when some sister is passing me because "Between two people,the third is the Shytaan" and he will definately try to create love between these two individuals and will cause fitnah and many other things. But that is my opinion,if from my answer someone has an opposite he should use the anonymous user.

Btw let's try to stay on topic. Ameen! And may Allah never have stress on us and guide us to the right oath Ameen!

 

[noorseeker]

Theres going to always be someone better looking than your own wife,
it doesnt mean you will loose attraction.

You should be content with your spouse, and not wish, i wish my wife looked like that.
Its not only about looks, you might see another woman, and wish your wife had their qualities
e.g, i wish my wife would do that for me, cook me my favourite meal all the time, not moan 24/7 e.t.c

We all are going to lose our looks any way,

 

[nebula]

I think once a person has a wife she should be the most beautiful women to him, because like shes your wife!! you have a relationship that Allah loves with her, shes ur companion ur friend for life!

yeah like the brother said, they'll always be someone better looking maybe? but no1 can take the place of your wife because shes special! chosen 1. I wouldn't feel the need to ever stair at another women besides my wife.

 

[ahmed_indian]

I think once a person has a wife she should be the most beautiful women to him, because like shes your wife!! you have a relationship that Allah loves with her, shes ur companion ur friend for life!

masha'allah brother....100% right!

looks are not everything. ur wife is ur partner, ur friend, ur heart!

if there is a strong bond of love between the husband's and wife's heart it does not break just by looking at other woman(by mistake).

 

[Banu_Hashim]

When a brother marries someone (at least it would appear so for me), you're marrying them because you find them attractive as a whole person, which of course includes their looks, and intelligence, deen, their etiquettes etc..

When you actually get married, you've found your spouse who will confide in you their problems etc. and you'll become so close that even if there's a another woman "better" looking; who cares right?

For me the original beauty would always be present and should become even more apparent as the marriage progresses.

 

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


bro, anything is possible in life. if you work on your wife to be attractive the way u want her to be, and keep telling yourself that you're attracted to her.. then your mind will believe it. especially because of the fact that u did like her beauty at one time.

also remember to lower your gaze alot.. otherwise, theres so much evils that come out of it. if u ever do accidentally stare at a girl, then try to remove her from your mind and try to prevent yourself from thinking about her. if you do get emotions though, then try to apply them emotions onto your wife so you love her more than any other girl.

 

[AbuSalahudeen]

i can understand why this thread would be deleted or whatever, but i am genuinely interested to know the answer to my question.
ive posted in this section, so that the anonymous option may be used (by the brothers) if need be.

just something from another forum has has my mind ticking away...
it is known that men tend to be more visual/attracted to physical beauty. say a dude is a married to someone he finds attractive (obviously), but one day his gaze accidentally falls on other than his wife and he finds the other girl attractive. now, naturally (if im thinking right) he'll want to see in his wife what he saw in this other girl. you know he wants his wife to look like her, and as a result he really isn't attracted to what his wife originally looks like, even though he found her attractive before.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

You see sister, we brothers are not as shallow as people think we are. :bump1:

 

[Hamayun]

If you had a Rose in your hand and you really liked it, then saw a tulip and found that to be very pretty too. It doesn't make the rose any less beautiful.

A man may find himself attracted to another woman but I don't think it changes how he feels about his wife. This is only my opinion of course.

Personally if a person loves someone for physical beauty then that person is really shallow.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

To find something more attractive than my wife? Auzubillah!!

"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." ​

[Sûrah Rûm: 21]

To have found "love and mercy" in marriage, why would husband be attracted to someone else?

When theres love, affection, desire for your wife, you will no longer need anyone else. Attraction is just not looks, its the way she does everything. The wife is THE package, the complete package!! Never let anyone get in the way!!!! Alhamdulillah!

Beauty never disappears.

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum


my answer is simple..


firstly: the man aint suppose to look for a long time - a glance aint enough to see amazing beauty in another.

secondly: if he does "STARE" at another woman and thus finds her intoxicatingly more beautiful then his own wife, the whole situation comes down to him, will he be sick enough to treat his wife badly? or will he know that girl is nothing compared to the woman his spending his life with.


thirdly: it is impossible to be infatuated with a girl without knowing her... IMPOSSIBLE ! therefore the guy will DEFINITLY forget the girl he found attractive ! unless his stupid enough to meet up with her.




ok maybe my answers not so simple...




Assalamu Alaikum

 

[convert]

thirdly: it is impossible to be infatuated with a girl without knowing her... IMPOSSIBLE !

I got an engineering degree in college and I disagree with this statement based on the type of men I studied with.

 

[idk]

Oh dont worry sis, we can always snap them back into action (sharpens knife).

JOKE !

Nah thats just a girl he saw for a fleeting moment.
Guys tend to have the mind of a goldfish lol, so a girl is probably instantly erased.
And this girl doesnt cook your meals, or help you when your sick, or raise your kids.
Plus, even if he is attracted to his girl, he should love his wife, even if her hair looks dangerously flammable from how dry it is, even if she looks like a cheetah shes breaking out in so many zits.
Love is deeper than that, i should hope.

Salam.

 

[idk]

thirdly: it is impossible to be infatuated with a girl without knowing her... IMPOSSIBLE ! therefore the guy will DEFINITLY forget the girl he found attractive ! unless his stupid enough to meet up with her.

Judging from all the guys in my school who love Beyonce, Rihanna, Shakira and Katy Perry, and all the girls that are in 'love' with Chris Brown, Cristiano Ronaldo, T.I and all the other celebs then it is more than possible, lol.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I got an engineering degree in college and I disagree with this statement based on the type of men I studied with.

i disagree with your disagreement based on every men ive ever known ! including my own personal experience!



HAH !

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Judging from all the guys in my school who love Beyonce, Rihanna, Shakira and Katy Perry, and all the girls that are in 'love' with Chris Brown, Cristiano Ronaldo, T.I and all the other celebs then it is more than possible, lol.

sis your mistaking a "crush" with "infatuation"


infatuation or "love" as mnay people call it, is IMPOSSIBLE without knowing someone properly


crushes can be forgotten... as for infatuations... good luck!