attraction to wife: Qn for the brothers

[yusuf18]

Comparing women never works, cause you'll always find someone more aesthetically pleasing or appealing and you'll never be satisfied. And looks can be overshadowed by the fact that your spouse makes you a genuinely happy person. If your spouse is highly attractive to you, then maybe you should start reminding yourself of it (''dang, I bagged me a dimepeice'').

All jokes aside, the stuff that your spouse does for you that is beneficial to your eeman will eventually overshadow their downfalls and what the other girl was lookin like will be a mere (clouded) memory.

I think you should always do stuff to keep that alive, like things that you know your spouse loves just to increase the love between the two inshaAllaah. So you can kind of slap yourself whenever these types of things come up.

(And if it's THAT BAD, maybe consider taking another wife.) :X



Yes, Allaah does know best because there are many brothers out there who are more than content with just one, so I don't think you can speak for all men when you say that akhee.

true sister but as a man i know how it feels and allah himself said men were created weak and carnt handel their deisers allah knows all and he knows men and women are diffent in this respect

 

[yusuf18]

Really? what makes you say that since you are not married yourself ? I dont think its fair to generalise something that is entirely your opinion.

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

 

[Intisar]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

She's saying it because Allaah created every man differently, and you're painting all men with the same brush. You're reasoning is ''because you're a man''. That's called a GENERALISATION, so unless you've met every married and they've given you that answer (regardless of whether they have 1-4 wives), then your comment holds no weight.

And you're not even married yourself, to no wife let alone one, so how did you come to such a conclusion? Nevermind, don't answer that, I don't want to derail this thread.

Just some food for thought.

 

[yusuf18]

She's saying it because Allaah created every man differently, and you're painting all men with the same brush. You're reasoning is ''because you're a man''. That's called a GENERALISATION, so unless you've met every married and they've given you that answer (regardless of whether they have 1-4 wives), then your comment holds no weight.

And you're not even married yourself, to no wife let alone one, so how did you come to such a conclusion? Nevermind, don't answer that, I don't want to derail this thread.

Just some food for thought.

sister im not paint all men with the same brush our lord and his messenger already did that and all of us men know that we carnt control our desiers thats a known fact but may allah forgive us all ameen

 

[Ar-RaYYan]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect

In what respect are you talking about? that husband will be attracted to other women and therefore inclined to marry them or husbands will never be fully satisfied with their first wife?
For either of them i dont agree with you and if you read the other male members posts i believe they disagree with you as well

at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/

true but it isnt always the case. Believe it or not there are some monogamy marriages where the couple stay together for over 60 or 70 years

sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

can you show me where in my post i seemed reluctant by the idea my husband should have more than one wife? i was just point out that not all men would agree with your statement.

 

[Vito]

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly A man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam

We are not permitted 4 wives so we can have a little bit of each flavor, if you get what I mean. Not sure where you came up with that 'fact' as far as men not never being satisfied with one wife. I'm also not sure it is safe to say all men are the same. I wouldn't say that all men cannot control their desires as well. Up to this point I've been able to keep control of myself and whenever I get married, I can only see it getting easier, not harder. But of course thats just me.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray

In all honesty, I don't. Even though Allaah has allowed us to take more than one wife I honestly don't think I can. It's just not for me, wallahu 'alam. And I definitly would not do it simply to satisfy my desires. Let's not forget that the Messenger (saw) was married to Khadija exclusively for such a long period of time - he didn't marry anyone else with her. So it does differ from man to man - you cannot paint everyone with the same brush.

 

[noorseeker]

Sisters , i dont think you will ever understand the attraction we have for women, it is so strong .
we can get attracted to a girl from her back, from 200 metres way,

The ratio of good looking men to good looking women is really low

 

[S_87]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

that is an extremely crazy mentality and an insult to men! yes 4 wives are allowed-totally fine but to say that after the honeymoon period men start to stray?! dont you men have no self control? i know many many men who have not strayed and have been married long enough to have 100s of 'honeymoon' periods. 4 wives are permissible but not an absolute necessity for a man to be happy!!!

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

To the thread starter...sister just relax you will find a husband that will only like your uniqueness and beauty.....i dont want to say this but im getting the vibe that you might be feeling self concious and might have insecurities but who hasnt eh!

maybe iam but then again maybe im not as i said, something which was said on another forum just triggered my thoughts to open this thread...

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.

so? that's normal in every marriage. i mean the honeymoon phase being over. it doesn't mean you go out and get married again...that's just called being hasty and immature...and what use is it going to be anyway. its just going to happen again if he did get married.:$ you just need to "restart" or whatever it's called...

 

[Danah]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

OMG!!!!.....that give a VERY dark image about all men in the world which made me feel sick!!+o(

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^but not applicable to all men :exhausted probably not even most...

 

[yusuf18]

what i mean is evey man has urge for multipal wives thats common sence the only reason is the cost of liveing ect at the time of the profhet polagamny was widely practised and the reason why some men get violent to his wife mite come down to his needs not being met just my opoinon.

 

[Sahabiyaat]

we can get attracted to a girl from her back, from 200 metres way,

:ermm:

 

[Raudha]

^In the time of the prophet (SAW), they used to marry the widows in order to protect them and support them financially etc. as well as to take care of their children if they were little. The reason for marrying more than one woman was not always out of personal interest and to feed their desires.

 

[Sahabiyaat]

^In the time of the prophet (SAW), they used to marry the widows in order to protect them and support them financially etc. as well as to take care of their children if they were little. The reason for marrying more than one woman was not always out of personal interest and to feed their desires.

and now if a man does marry a woman with childern, you hear of cases where he has sexually abused his step daughters.........
Its disgusting.Marriage is simply seen as a way for men to have more sex with different women.
The original objectives seem like an impossible joke now.

 

[Raudha]

and now if a man does marry a woman with childern, you hear of cases where he has sexually abused his step daughters.........
Its disgusting.Marriage is simply seen as a way for men to have more sex with different women.
The original objectives seem like an impossible joke now.

oh: I still feel that we are being too general about today's men and their attitudes towards women

 

[maryam87]

im getting a taste of the dark side of men now. Its freaking me out!
I thought the idea of polygamy purpose had more value

 

[Raudha]

^Like I said, not all men are that shallow :X

 

[maryam87]

^Like I said, not all men are that shallow :X

Thanks for the comfort :thumbs_up