Bully advice

[anonymous]

Re: Bullying

u feelin ok ?:?

Another Anonymous (girl)!
Well, I would kisson the cheeck 2 the girl if u are a girl/ mayb a soft hug if it were a guy! & say i love u!
Mayb s/he might lose dat bit of hatred away 4rm her/him
so s/he may get ashamed ->so gets away 4rm u OR
s/he might h8 dat 4rm u & run away!
Without any other intention of by u! (hope sooo)

 

[anonymous]

Re: Bullying

Kick

Their

Ass

You'll get all this lah-de-dah advice, but with habitual bullying that has not stopped when all other avenues have been exhausted, that's the only viable solution short of calling the police.

Couldna said it better maself
that's tick tock advise, kick their rearend...and then get them rushed
& who said violence wasnt the way out? :rollseyes

 

[Malaikah]

You all might remember Aaya, the 13 year of British revert... mashaallah. Well she has some trouble going on at school, she started to wear hijab there and there is punk kid bullying her! He used to hit her and pull of her scarf. Then he said if you pay me weekly I won't harm you. She has been paying him for about 2 weeks now (and he decided to put the price up this week :mmokay, and he hasn't harmed her since.

This has got to stop, but what can she do? I thought fighting back would be a good idea but he is much stronger than her, I also suggested staying close to friends and not letting him corner her alone. She doesn't want to tell any teachers because he threatened to get her if she did.

Also, a problem is that her parents don't know that she is a Muslim yet, so intervention by school authorities might require them to talk to her parents, which wouldn't be the best way to expose that Aaya has become a Muslim.

Any advice??

 

[Umm Yoosuf]

I don't remember but that is really sad! I think a group of brothers should sort him out of course no physical activity just talk.

 

[sevgi]

well, how is she wearn a hijab to school if her parents dnt no.?

she has to tell her parents somehow. and that bully has to be stopped fully. not just towards aaya but anyone else so i wud get the parents to get the police involved and scare that little bully abit.she needs to record the dates and times of all the bad things he does to her and get either the scool admin involved and get him kiked out or get police involved.

she can jst tell her family nicely. she can say that she is jst looking into new things and discovering where she wants to stand.and they shud support her. if they bully her also, then we'll think of new ways to help.

 

[lolwatever]

You all might remember Aaya, the 13 year of British revert... mashaallah. We she has some trouble going on at school, she started to wear hijab there and there is punk kid bullying her! He used to hit her and pull of her scarf. Then he said if you pay me weekly I won't harm you. She has been paying him for about 2 weeks now (and he decided to put the price up this week :mmokay, and he hasn't harmed her since.

This has got to stop, but what can she do? I thought fighting back would be a good idea but he is much stronger than her, I also suggested staying close to friends and not letting him corner her alone. She doesn't want to tell any teachers because he threatened to get her if she did.

Also, a problem is that her parents don't know that she is a Muslim yet, so intervention by school authorities might require them to talk to her parents, which wouldn't be the best way to expose that Aaya has become a Muslim.

Any advice??

salams

1. Dua of the opressed is accepted, tell her to make dua against him "Allaahuma ikfineehi bi maa shi-ta wa kayfa shi-ta" (O Allah make me sufficient of him with whatever you want, however you want)

2. Does she have friends at school who she can hang out with?

3. Tell teachers and ask them to keep the case confidential, ther'es alot of excuses she can mkae up to keep the teachers quiet about it.

4. If she's got a fone or something she can record the audio between her n the bully n report that to police or even the teachers as evidence so that there's quick and sharp evidence to get the boy in trouble without having to make alot of investigations.

Finally... mashalah this reminds me of exactly what people of makkah go through when they beacme Muslim, hit, attacked, insulted, made to give up their money for their saftey (abu yahya (i think his name was suhaib/suhayl) for example).

She should make alot of dua against the idiot while she takes th enecessary measures inshalah. Tell her to hang around with people and refuse to give him the money and embaress him when he asks her for it infront of people... he'll be ashamed.

all the best! may allah keep her firm and give her vicotry over that shaytan.

 

[Dawud_uk]

You all might remember Aaya, the 13 year of British revert... mashaallah. We she has some trouble going on at school, she started to wear hijab there and there is punk kid bullying her! He used to hit her and pull of her scarf. Then he said if you pay me weekly I won't harm you. She has been paying him for about 2 weeks now (and he decided to put the price up this week :mmokay, and he hasn't harmed her since.

This has got to stop, but what can she do? I thought fighting back would be a good idea but he is much stronger than her, I also suggested staying close to friends and not letting him corner her alone. She doesn't want to tell any teachers because he threatened to get her if she did.

Also, a problem is that her parents don't know that she is a Muslim yet, so intervention by school authorities might require them to talk to her parents, which wouldn't be the best way to expose that Aaya has become a Muslim.

Any advice??

assalaamu alaykum,

the local muslims should go and sort him out. this is the only thing a bully understands and usually they know the rules of prosecution and the schools well enough to know they can continue for quite a while before they get stopped as long as clear evidence is not gathered.

so the muslims there should sort him out for her. people like this need to know that muslims cannot be messed with ever, subhanallah what is the ummah coming to when a sister has this happen to her and the local muslims do not act?

assalaamu alaykum,
Abu Abdullah

 

[Snowflake]

The sister should involve her parents. I don't think they will allow their daughter to be bullied even if she has reverted to islam against their wishes.

I also agree that some brothers need to go and warn this bully to leave the sister alone. He should be told that he can't get away with it.

 

[The Ruler]

ah aaya...i haven't seen her online for a long time :hmm:

she ought to stand up for herself, if he gets physical, she should talk to a teacher she trusts the most and ask that the information be kept confidential. talking to the class tutor helps a lot, since usually, they are the most trusted of the teachers.

if there are any muslim elders in school, she should tell them, i hope that helps.

 

[lolwatever]

The sister should involve her parents. I don't think they will allow their daughter to be bullied even if she has reverted to islam against their wishes.

I also agree that some brothers need to go and warn this bully to leave the sister alone. He should be told that he can't get away with it.

allahu alam but that could lead to her parents also goin against their daughter... like saying things like "see wat ur doing 2urself.." etc etc... which isn't exactly what a good child would wanna hear from her parents...

best to tell her parents in a way that is independent of trouble.. so they dont have any emotional arguments to resort to.

just me.. allahu alam

 

[Dawud_uk]

assalaamu alaykum,

the sister should not have to do this herself, this is the brothers in her community's job to sort out.

yes she can go to the authorities herself, yes it is her duty to try to inform her parents if possible but it is not her duty to give this guy a kicking because the men should do that for her.

assalaamu alaykum,
Abu Abdullah

 

[S_87]

bullies like this generally have problems of their own and are really insecure and so pick on others. the kid isnt bullying her because of her hijab hes bullying because hes a bully. she should tell her teacher/ head and they dont involve parents in all cases..they may involve the bullies parents and inshaAllah that should make a difference. but inform the teachers atleast. her being a muslim should not come into it at all as that is not a reason for bullying
how old is the bully? is he her age?

 

[tomtomsmom]

In a perfect world this young girl should be able to go to her parents and tell them. But nobody has said or asked why she hasn't yet. Is she afraid they will hate her for it? Are they closed off to accepting her differences? If so that makes them worse than the bully and then she will have to deal with it at home and at school. So if she can't talk to her teachers or parents then I agree that she should get some older brothers to scare the crap out of the kid. If she can't do that there is only one other thing I can think of and it worked really well for me when I was in school. She will only get one shot at it so tell her to pick her time wisely. Stop giving him the money and then take the abuse for a few days to make him think that she is weak and won't fight back. Then catch him off guard. If he is close enough to her to snatch her scarf off then she is close enough to plant her foot right in between his legs. Tell her to kick/knee him there as hard as she can. He will hit the floor and never want to mess with her again. I know some of you brothers might think this cruel, but I ask you, is it any worse than what he is doing to her??

 

[aamirsaab]

Here's what you do

Get a group of brothers (3 or more) and tell them to tell the punk kid to back off the sister.

No violence, just pure intimidation.

Also, the sister is well within her right to defend herself should the punk kid attempt to touch her again.


If you can think of a better or more effective solution, by all means do so. Until then, this is the best advice you're going to get.

p.s; the sister in question should tell her parents that she has reverted/converted to Islam - important things like this should under no circumstance be kept from ones parents.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ agreed, malaikah get some people to intimidate the lil b£$£5 m^$£$ w£$^$ man i hate bullies :anger:

 

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
calm down Akhi ^, we all hate 'bullies' but remember this need to be sorted out by an adult we don't what sister Aaya be hurt more i understand it's very difficult wearing an hijab where you haven't worn it before, she needs to confirm this immedietly to tell an adult. what i don't get is she is a muslim convert && her parents don't know so then how can we she wear the scarf:? maybe i have misuderstood there allah hu alim. All i can say is before it gets really worse she needs to confirm this immedietly to an adult such as her parents IF not then the teachers inshallah.

i haven't heard of this Ukthi for a very long time hope she's okay with her condition wise inshallah, sis Malikah say i said 'salam' to her inshallah && tell her to take things easy inshallah .

i pray that allah suahwatallah helps her && makes her life easier inshallah.
Ma'assalama

 

[Snowflake]

allahu alam but that could lead to her parents also goin against their daughter... like saying things like "see wat ur doing 2urself.." etc etc... which isn't exactly what a good child would wanna hear from her parents...

best to tell her parents in a way that is independent of trouble.. so they dont have any emotional arguments to resort to.

just me.. allahu alam

Maybe they will say such & such.... but at the end of the day it's their daughter and I doubt they will say she deserves to be bullied. As a parent, I can tell you that if my son went against my wishes and was bullied as a result of it, I'd still go and kick the bullies backside regardless.

In fact she should tell her parents, because bullying can go to extremes and even lead ppl to suicide. She could get into more trouble from being bullied than by disclosing her reversion to* her parents. God forbid.

may Allah render the bully weak and harmless against the sister. Ameen.

 

[tomtomsmom]

This is in Britain correct?
Does anyone know the situation for muslims in her direct area?
Children pick on anything that is different but how do most adults react to islam in this part of the world?

 

[lolwatever]

Maybe they will say such & such.... but at the end of the day it's their daughter and I doubt they will say she deserves to be bullied. As a parent, I can tell you that if my son went against my wishes and was bullied as a result of it, I'd still go and kick the bullies backside regardless.

In fact she should tell her parents, because bullying can go to extremes and even lead ppl to suicide. She could get into more trouble from being bullied than by disclosing her reversion from her parents. God forbid.

may Allah render the bully weak and harmless against the sister. Ameen.

hmm maybe make istikharah.. in short term you might b able to ward off the bully, but the long term trauma caused by parents nagging etc could be more stressful since you're facing it 24/7 and no one to resort to.

all the best insh

 

[Malaikah]

If he is close enough to her to snatch her scarf off then she is close enough to plant her foot right in between his legs.

LOL!! ;D ;D Best advice so far. :thumbs_up Why didn't I think of that...

Thanks everyone for the advice, I'll talk it over with Aaya inshaallah and see what she thinks is best.