Bully advice

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

The sister should involve her parents. I don't think they will allow their daughter to be bullied even if she has reverted to islam against their wishes.

I also agree that some brothers need to go and warn this bully to leave the sister alone. He should be told that he can't get away with it.

Thats what I told her, last time we spoke. She wants to tell her mom, but everytime she tries too, she is afraid.

From what she has been telling me, she said her mother likes the changes that she sees in her, which is good actually.

Also it wasnt just a boy, a girl used to punch her in the stomach everytime she saw her in the bathroom, but she dares not to tell anyone. She needs to tell her mom sooner or later. It's better than getting hurt. I think her mother will be more concerned with her daughter getting hurt at the moment, rather than her reversion.

 

[lolwatever]

Thats what I told her, last time we spoke. She wants to tell her mom, but everytime she tries too, she is afraid.

From what she has been telling me, she said her mother likes the changes that she sees in her, which is good actually.

Also it wasnt just a boy, a girl used to punch her in the stomach everytime she saw her in the bathroom, but she dares not to tell anyone. She needs to tell her mom sooner or later. It's better than getting hurt. I think her mother will be more concerned with her daughter getting hurt at the moment, rather than her reversion.

hav u considered the long term effects of wat i mentioned?

it might be a quickfix... but it could lead up to huge longterm stressful problems that alot of people go thru.

 

[Malaikah]

There is a female Muslim teacher who she can go to- so we don't need to think about parents yet.

Her parents are an issue in and of themselves.

 

[Snowflake]

hav u considered the long term effects of wat i mentioned?

it might be a quickfix... but it could lead up to huge longterm stressful problems that alot of people go thru.

actually bro, the sooner the better. There's going to come a point in the sister's life where she'll have to tell her parents. Say for instance, when she gets married. There may be occassions prior to that which may force her to tell them e.g not eating haram food/alcohol etc etc..

If the sis leaves it, say until she has to get married, it will ruin her happiness of getting wed, if her parents object etc.. But if they find out earlier, they'll have time to accept and get used to it. The sis can't live the rest of her life being a 'closet muslim'.

 

[Malaikah]

She isn't leaving it sis, she is just waiting for the right time- she tried 2 weeks ago but her mum wasn't in a good mood so she didn't bring it up...

 

[lolwatever]

actually bro, the sooner the better. There's going to come a point in the sister's life where she'll have to tell her parents. Say for instance, when she gets married. There may be occassions prior to that which may force her to tell them e.g not eating haram food/alcohol etc etc..

If the sis leaves it, say until she has to get married, it will ruin her happiness of getting wed, if her parents object etc.. But if they find out earlier, they'll have time to accept and get used to it. The sis can't live the rest of her life being a 'closet muslim'.

no sis i dont mean hide it 4 ever...

i'm just saying don't try telling the parents in the context of the bullying she's facing... first get the bullying solved, and then tell the parents so that they don't know about it as well as the fact it's one less tool they can use against her "see wat happens when u become muslim etc etc etc..."

 

[glo]

This is in Britain correct?
Does anyone know the situation for muslims in her direct area?
Children pick on anything that is different but how do most adults react to islam in this part of the world?

Every school should have anti-bullying policies and procedures in place.
I have been a school governor for four years, and the schools I know of deal with bullying and racism very severely.

Aaya needs to tell an adult about her problems - a teacher or her parents (and I am not sure she has confided in any adult about this ...).

Here is some information from the Department of Education and Skills which may be helpful. There is some very practical advice. (Malaikah, perhaps you can pass it on to Aaya)

 

[Snowflake]

She isn't leaving it sis, she is just waiting for the right time- she tried 2 weeks ago but her mum wasn't in a good mood so she didn't bring it up...

MashaAllah, that's good. I pray Allah makes it easy for her. Ameen.

no sis i dont mean hide it 4 ever...

i'm just saying don't try telling the parents in the context of the bullying she's facing... first get the bullying solved, and then tell the parents so that they don't know about it as well as the fact it's one less tool they can use against her "see wat happens when u become muslim etc etc etc..."

acha acha.. got ya. I'm not being stubborn here lol. But I do think, that the sis should involve her parents to deal with the bullying. It worries me to think she could come to great harm otherwise. The fact that she's a muslim is likely to come out then. But that would still be good in the way that she can overcome her obstacles at the same time. Either way her parents will still stand up for her against the bullying.

 

[glo]

MashaAllah, that's good. I pray Allah makes it easy for her. Ameen.





acha acha.. got ya. I'm not being stubborn here lol. But I do think, that the sis should involve her parents to deal with the bullying. It worries me to think she could come to great harm otherwise. The fact that she's a muslim is likely to come out then. But that would still be good in the way that she can overcome her obstacles at the same time. Either way her parents will still stand up for her against the bullying.

Am I understanding correctly that she hasn't told her parents about her conversion to Islam? But she is wearing hijab at school?

If that's the case I am beginning to understand why she hasn't told anybody ...
She should tell her parents as soon as possible. How will they feel when they are the last to find out about something so important in their daughter's life?

 

[Snowflake]

No Glo sis, she hasn't told her parents yet. She tried but refrained when she saw her mom in a bad mood. InshaAllah, Allah will give her the strength to do it soon.

 

[tomtomsmom]

Perhaps she should try writing her parents a letter. She can tell them everything she wants and needs to say before they can interupt her and start yelling at her. And she can include some hard evidence of the goodness that Islam is and they can become educated about it before they talk to her. This might be the easiest way for her to tell them as it will take the pressure of a confrontation off of this poor child. If her mother likes the changes she has seen then she might be open to it when she finds out why. But telling them face to face then they might get mad at her before she can get her whole story out. Hope this helps!

 

[Thanaa]

You all might remember Aaya, the 13 year of British revert... mashaallah. Well she has some trouble going on at school, she started to wear hijab there and there is punk kid bullying her! He used to hit her and pull of her scarf. Then he said if you pay me weekly I won't harm you. She has been paying him for about 2 weeks now (and he decided to put the price up this week :mmokay, and he hasn't harmed her since.

This has got to stop, but what can she do? I thought fighting back would be a good idea but he is much stronger than her, I also suggested staying close to friends and not letting him corner her alone. She doesn't want to tell any teachers because he threatened to get her if she did.

Also, a problem is that her parents don't know that she is a Muslim yet, so intervention by school authorities might require them to talk to her parents, which wouldn't be the best way to expose that Aaya has become a Muslim.

Any advice??

I was really badly bullied at school (though not to do with Islam, since I wasnt muslim then), and yes, the teachers failed to sort it...
This girl should definitely report him, as his behaviour should not be tolerated.
People who threaten to "get" other people are usually cowards...so, if she had an older sister or brother to walk with/have ago at him, then she probably wouldnt have a problem.

 

[Thanaa]

I was really badly bullied at school (though not to do with Islam, since I wasnt muslim then), and yes, the teachers failed to sort it...
This girl should definitely report him, as his behaviour should not be tolerated.
People who threaten to "get" other people are usually cowards...so, if she had an older sister or brother to walk with/have ago at him, then she probably wouldnt have a problem.

Soz, forgot a chunk of writing, lol!
I can appreciate that If her parents are unaware that she has reverted to Islam, then this could be a major problem for her.
However, while there are better ways to reveal to people that youve converted to a faith they probably dont like, the bullying is worse than anything her parents could (or would) probably do over her religion.
Everytime the poor lass lets that punk kid get away with it is another time its reinforced to her (and it WILL end up in her subconcious) that she has to put up with bad things in her life, and perhaps even that she isnt worthy enough as a person to be defended.
Also, id like to see what the police would say to the bully-i had a disabled guy cautioned for asking me questions before (I felt sorry for him, because he clearly had no concept of social niceties, but no way is any man-or woman-going to start asking me about my sex life in public!!)...I went straight to the police station, told the officers in there what had happened, and off they went to sort it.
Putting someone in immediate fear of danger to their person is assault.
Touching someone without their permission-let alone trying to rip off their headscarf-is battery. Put together, or alone, I think its something the police may look into for her.
There would be no need to involve her parents either. Theyd probably just caution him, but it may put him off picking on muslim girls.

 

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

What is the situation with sister now?

 

[mahdisoldier19]

Assalam Alaikam

Oh you Muslims where are you? Why do you hide from the kuffar, Seek refuge in Allah swt and put your trust in Allah swt. Is there not any brother that can deal with this is a proper way who knows the school who can contact anyone? There has to be some brother in Manchaster.

 

[Malaikah]

Great news, she finally told her teacher, who took the boy to the headmistress, and he has stopped bullying her now! Alhamduililah!

 

[lolwatever]

excellent news alhamdulilah!
may Allah protect her ameen.

 

[England]

I doubt the girl's a muslim.... I doubt she has read the koran, prays 5 times a day and follows the rules etc etc. Not at that age unless her parents were muslim....

She must be seeking attention..

Still, that boy is a prick and needs sorting out. I don't agree with any male hitting a woman, same vice versa. One day he will look back and regret what he has done.

 

[strider]

I doubt the girl's a muslim.... I doubt she has read the koran, prays 5 times a day and follows the rules etc etc. Not at that age unless her parents were muslim....

She must be seeking attention..

Still, that boy is a prick and needs sorting out. I don't agree with any male hitting a woman, same vice versa. One day he will look back and regret what he has done.

England, you are in no position to judge the girls faith so please abstain from doing so.

 

[Malaikah]

I doubt the girl's a muslim.... I doubt she has read the koran, prays 5 times a day and follows the rules etc etc. Not at that age unless her parents were muslim....

She does pray five times a day, mashaallah, I even helped teach her.

Just because she is young doesn't mean she can't see the beauty of Islam.