Can a Muslim be attracted to a persons Din and Intellect without meeting them?

[sabr*]

سم الله الرحمن الرحيم​

Bismillā hir Rahmā nir Rahīm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful​

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):​

Is being attracted to the opposite sex's Din (Way of Life) and intellect possible without ever meeting or seeing the person? A strong Iman (faith) and Taqwá (التقوى ') ("Allah-consciousness") is required when reviewing the situation. ​

Is it possible for the forum to constructively address the issue of unmarried brothers and sisters who opt out of marrying within their local Masjid, etc and desire to establish a Nikah with people they are attracted to their Din and intellect? Are they even seeking Nikah or something haram by intent. Is there any solutions? Are we that naive or stern in our own image of self importance that this can't even be discussed? ​

It would be difficult for me to consider the concept because I would have to be attracted to the sister. Her having Iman (faith) and Taqwa (Allah-consciousness) are first but second is her appearance. Online everyone has the highest standards. I am no different. ​

We should be harder on ourselves than others. We know our own faults better than any other human.

Surah Fatir 35:45

45. And if Allah were to punish men for that which they earned, He would not leave a moving (living) creature on the surface of the earth, but He gives them respite to an appointed term, and when their term comes, then verily, Allah is Ever All-Seer of His slaves.
(Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan translation) REREAD!

​

Sahih Bukhari Book 039, Number 6769: ​

Jabir reported: I heard Allah's Apoetle (may peace be upon him) as saying: None of you would get into Paradise because of his good deeds alone, and he would not be rescued from Fire, not even I, but because of the Mercy of Allah.​

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27: ​

Narrated Abu Huraira: ​

The Prophet (

) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. ​

Is sapiosexual not even applicable? ​

Really interested in a constructive response hopefully based upon Quran and Sunnah.​

 

[Muhaba]

There are many ways that may make a person attracted to someone, and i don't see why one can't use someone's writing to get to know whether that person is appropriate. A person's character does affect people, for example when the Prophet Musa (A.S) went to Madain and helped the two helpless women water their camels, the women were impressed and asked their father to hire Prophet Musa (A.S), giving their reasons (I don't remember them right now but I believe they are in Surah Taha or Al-Qasas) and after their father met Prophet Musa A.S he told him of his desire that Prophet Musa A.S. get married to one of his daughters. And a person's character can be judged by their writing, even online. However, that may be possible so long as the person in question isn't here looking for a spouse. If they are, then it's possible for them to write stuff just to make someone attracted to them, and their writing won't really be their real personality. In such a case, the outcome may not be good.

 

[marwen]

What to say ? emm .. I dunno ! the issue is really sensitive brother, but it's good you raised that point. Hope other members would collaborate in this discussion.

My opinion is, in a general islamic forum like this one, which purpose is learning and promoting islam, I think there is no place for personal interests (like using the forum for earning money, or for earning a spouse , etc.). Here I find the word "attracted" a little bit misplaced, I mean between opposite genders, it really suggests some kind of affection between opposite gender members, which is haram.
A member can approve the ideas or the posts of another member, but this approval or praise for a member does not make us attracted to him/her; though there is a possibility that we could be misunderstood by others.

Here, We are all muslim brothers and sisters, a lot of members are still young, and we should care for our fellow muslims and never put them in fitna and never spoil their deen and expose them to hellfire.

I agree with what's said above. If a member is looking for a partner, he can do it in other appropriate places. Here we should have a sincere will to learn and help the ummah, This doesn't mean we can't have interaction in the forums or give human help to each other, but we should always keep in mind why we are here.

That's only my opinion folks !. I just care about my muslim brothers and sisters, and I don't want to fall in fitna or to be a fitna for someone else.

 

[PouringRain]

Is being attracted to the opposite sex's Din (Way of Life) and intellect possible without ever meeting or seeing the person?​

I have viewed people becoming ashamed and embrassed when their intent is misinterpreted or discovered. They will immediately flee or abandon the forum. (Disabled requests, etc)​

It would be difficult for me to consider the concept because I would have to be attracted to the sister. Her having Iman (faith) and Taqwa (Allah-consciousness) are first but second is her appearance. Online everyone has the highest standards. I am no different.

Is it possible for the forum to constructively address the issue of unmarried brothers and sisters who opt out of marrying within their local Masjid, etc and desire to establish a Nikah with people they are attracted to their Din and intellect? Are they even seeking Nikah or something haram by intent.


Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27: ​

Narrated Abu Huraira: ​

The Prophet (

) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. ​

Is sapiosexual not even applicable? ​

Really interested in a constructive response hopefully based upon Quran and Sunnah.​

Correct me if I am wrong, but one thing that I felt like you were asking in your post, and I am not seeing answered in the replies, is about the halalness/ haramness of seeking a spouse for intellect. I felt this is why you quoted the hadith about what four things people marry for, and then followed it by your question about "Is sapiosexual not even applicable?" Perhaps someone can give a reply to your question on attraction based upon intellect from an Islamic perspective.

To answer your other question (not from an Islamic perspective): Yes, it is possible to be attracted to an individual's way of life and intellect without ever meeting or having seen the person.... but proceed with caution. You can never fully know a person's way of life or intellect until you have married the person and are living with them over time. It is one thing for someone to claim they never miss prayer, but is it true? There was a man on a non-Islamic forum once who was bragging about his Islamic faith and how dedicated and strong he is in his faith-- never missing prayer, fasting, etc. And ironically, given his "location", he was making that post and several others during prayer time. Intellectually, in my line of work, I have seen people who were absolutely brilliant, yet you'd never know it by their job, speech, mannerisms, personality, etc. Some of the most brilliant people I have known were also some of the least likely to show it.


I think a good rule of thumb, if one finds themself attracted to certain qualities in someone, is to recognize that it is the qualities you are attracted to and not the individual.

You wrote that you have difficulty considering the concept, because you have to be attracted to the sister. I am guessing that you mean physically attracted (also since you list that as second in importance). For me, I have difficulty considering the concept of liking an individual for their looks!

However, that may be possible so long as the person in question isn't here looking for a spouse. If they are, then it's possible for them to write stuff just to make someone attracted to them, and their writing won't really be their real personality. In such a case, the outcome may not be good.

This is a good point. Someone who is looking for a spouse is more likely to present themself in a manner that would make them more desirable to others. Those who are sincerely not looking, lack that incentive to appear in a certain manner. I wrote "sincerely not looking" because I have seen repeatedly where people claim to be not looking, but in reality are. The wanting to appear to not be looking becomes a part of their act and ruse.


Also, good points, Marwen.

 

[tigerkhan]

There are many ways that may make a person attracted to someone, and i don't see why one can't use someone's writing to get to know whether that person is appropriate. A person's character does affect people, for example when the Prophet Musa (A.S) went to Madain and helped the two helpless women water their camels, the women were impressed and asked their father to hire Prophet Musa (A.S), giving their reasons (I don't remember them right now but I believe they are in Surah Taha or Al-Qasas) and after their father met Prophet Musa A.S he told him of his desire that Prophet Musa A.S. get married to one of his daughters. And a person's character can be judged by their writing, even online. However, that may be possible so long as the person in question isn't here looking for a spouse. If they are, then it's possible for them to write stuff just to make someone attracted to them, and their writing won't really be their real personality. In such a case, the outcome may not be good.

mashallah nice post......but keep remember Mosa AS has nothing at that time in worldly sense...but still Shoiab AS says that i will marry my daughter with u...and that girl has such a strong emaan that still she know that Mosa AS has nothing but since she know actual worth of man is his character and ahhlaq, so she is ready....now a days i dont think any boy with strong emaan, ahlaaq will be attractive for girls....due to weak emaan we all see beauty and worldly things ...... islam also say that the girl and boy should be finanacially equal, bcz islam dont want we suffer, surely with our weak eman we cant compromise and feel comfortable with such simple life as mosa AS has....but that girl did.... so i dont think love marrige or the marrige decided by girl or boy on their own is good......BUT if they have stong eman and understanding of th reality of this life and ahhra......
JZK
:wa:

 

[tigerkhan]

What to say ? emm .. I dunno ! the issue is really sensitive brother, but it's good you raised that point. Hope other members would collaborate in this discussion.

My opinion is, in a general islamic forum like this one, which purpose is learning and promoting islam, I think there is no place for personal interests (like using the forum for earning money, or for earning a spouse , etc.). Here I find the word "attracted" a little bit misplaced, I mean between opposite genders, it really suggests some kind of affection between opposite gender members, which is haram.
A member can approve the ideas or the posts of another member, but this approval or praise for a member does not make us attracted to him/her; though there is a possibility that we could be misunderstood by others.

Here, We are all muslim brothers and sisters, a lot of members are still young, and we should care for our fellow muslims and never put them in fitna and never spoil their deen and expose them to hellfire.

I agree with what's said above. If a member is looking for a partner, he can do it in other appropriate places. Here we should have a sincere will to learn and help the ummah, This doesn't mean we can't have interaction in the forums or give human help to each other, but we should always keep in mind why we are here.

That's only my opinion folks !. I just care about my muslim brothers and sisters, and I don't want to fall in fitna or to be a fitna for someone else.

100 % agreed.....

 

[Cabdullahi]

I think the sisters are genuine....they write intelligent posts...the quantity is alot the quality is pristine.....it surely is attractive

But with guys u cant be so sure...some of them are very good actors

My posts are silly and stupid so im out of the discussion....

 

[tango92]

has anybody here met rasulullah? yet we still love him, i think that is enough to answer the question.

 

[Woodrow]

Just my own experience. I have been married 3 times. My first 2 wives (Now deceased) I married before I accepted Islam.

In all three marriages I was attracted by what I knew about them and that was long before I met them or saw them. My first wife actually saw me first while I was in a coma. She was a nurses aide. I heard about her after I came out of my coma, three months later. From what I learned about her, I made up my mind I was going to marry her, and I did.

My second wife was related to a person in my case load. After reading about her, I decided to marry her.

My third wife can only be described as a gift from Allaah(swt) I had no desire to remarry and was not seeking a wife. When I heard about her my first intent was to tell about her to a Brother who was looking for a wife. Allaah(swt) had other plans for me.

 

[Asiyah3]

I have seen too many people who think someone "likes" them simply because they said "hello." The whole "you had me at 'Hello' " phenomenon.

True, someone may misinterpret you simply for trying to be friendly, polite and helpful. I think culture plays a big role in this.

I think a good rule of thumb, if one finds themself attracted to certain qualities in someone, is to recognize that it is the qualities you are attracted to and not the individual.

Very true.

 

[Asiyah3]

now a days i dont think any boy with strong emaan, ahlaaq will be attractive for girls....

I have to agree with that. The same goes for brothers. They'd neither be interested in a sister who has strong iman (faith) and akhaal (character, manners), but lacks the looks.

There are sisters and brothers who aren't like that, but I think they are a minory.

 

[sabr*]

There are many ways that may make a person attracted to someone, and i don't see why one can't use someone's writing to get to know whether that person is appropriate. A person's character does affect people, for example when the Prophet Musa (A.S) went to Madain and helped the two helpless women water their camels, the women were impressed and asked their father to hire Prophet Musa (A.S), giving their reasons (I don't remember them right now but I believe they are in Surah Taha or Al-Qasas) and after their father met Prophet Musa A.S he told him of his desire that Prophet Musa A.S. get married to one of his daughters. And a person's character can be judged by their writing, even online. However, that may be possible so long as the person in question isn't here looking for a spouse. If they are, then it's possible for them to write stuff just to make someone attracted to them, and their writing won't really be their real personality. In such a case, the outcome may not be good.

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Ukhti muhaba:

A very good observation. The type of intelligent responses sought.

Surah Al Qasas 28: 23-29

23. And when he arrived at the water of Madyan (Midian) he found there a group of men watering (their flocks), and besides them he found two women who were keeping back (their flocks). He said: "What is the matter with you?" They said: "We cannot water (our flocks) until the shepherds take (their flocks). And our father is a very old man."

24. So he watered (their flocks) for them, then he turned back to shade, and said: "My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!"

25. Then there came to him one of the two women, walking shyly. She said: "Verily, my father calls you that he may reward you for having watered (our flocks) for us." So when he came to him and narrated the story, he said: "Fear you not. You have escaped from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, disbelievers, and wrong-doers)."

26. And said one of them (the two women): "O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy."

27. He said: "I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years, but if you complete ten years, it will be (a favour) from you. But I intend not to place you under a difficulty. If Allah will, you will find me one of the righteous."

28. He [Musa (Moses)] said: "That (is settled) between me and you whichever of the two terms I fulfill, there will be no injustice to me, and Allah is Surety over what we say."

29. Then, when Musa (Moses) had fulfilled the term, and was travelling with his family, he saw a fire in the direction of Tur (Mount). He said to his family: "Wait, I have seen a fire; perhaps I may bring to you from there some information, or a burning fire-brand that you may warm yourselves."

Jazakumullahu Khair
​

 

[sabr*]

marwen;1378074]What to say ? emm .. I dunno ! the issue is really sensitive brother, but it's good you raised that point. Hope other members would collaborate in this discussion.

My opinion is, in a general islamic forum like this one, which purpose is learning and promoting islam, I think there is no place for personal interests (like using the forum for earning money, or for earning a spouse , etc.).

Here I find the word "attracted" a little bit misplaced, I mean between opposite genders, it really suggests some kind of affection between opposite gender members, which is haram.

A member can approve the ideas or the posts of another member, but this approval or praise for a member does not make us attracted to him/her; though there is a possibility that we could be misunderstood by others.

Here, We are all muslim brothers and sisters, a lot of members are still young, and we should care for our fellow muslims and never put them in fitna and never spoil their deen and expose them to hellfire.

I agree with what's said above. If a member is looking for a partner, he can do it in other appropriate places. Here we should have a sincere will to learn and help the ummah, This doesn't mean we can't have interaction in the forums or give human help to each other, but we should always keep in mind why we are here.

That's only my opinion folks !. I just care about my muslim brothers and sisters, and I don't want to fall in fitna or to be a fitna for someone else.

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):​

Akhi marwen:

I support your seniments. If you review every post or thread I submitted I have never used a smilely face or established a sweet tone with the opposite gender.


Some Muslims make the practice of Islam inhuman. Islam is a way of life that covers every espect of our lifes. The Muslims in general who impose aggressive and stern rules on others without applying it to themselves will never work. The Muslims you see who are never happy with themselves and struggle with applying Islam but have no problem applying to others. (A fact) If it doesn't apply to you I wouldn't expect you to defend it.

A form of depression and negative cognition that is displayed that people not in the Psychology are unaware.

I understand the purpose of this forum for me is to learn and share the Din. Review my threads and posts.
Is that the reality for others? Review the responses.

Akhi marwan Islam is personal for me and a way of life. I don't seperate Islam into Church and State. I recognize Islam as a theocracy.

The word attraction defined as engaging,drawing too and attraction of eloquence, and not the power of charm or alluring. How in the world could you get a Muslim being attracted to a persons Din mixed with anything negative is shocking.

A practicing Muslim with Iman (faith) and Taqwa (Allah consciousness) (Please reread the OP) doesn't seek to earn (buy) a spouse.

The forum provides a platform for "Ilm (knowledge) which increases a believers Iman (faith) so I wouldn't expect a practicing Muslim to engage in fitna in the first place. Didn't intend for the thread to venture into the nefarious.

Is the prevalent and prominent forum mindset that sisters should only have discussions with sisters and brothers being restricted to the same?

Jazakumullahu Khair

 

[sabr*]

islam also say that the girl and boy should be finanacially equal, bcz islam dont want we suffer,

​

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):​

Akhi tigerkhan:​

can you provide the source for the financially equal you quoted with Quran or Sahih Sittah (Six sound ahadith)? I couldn't locate it. The Prophet Muhammad (

) had no means when he married Khadijah. He worked for her. Reveiw my thread on the Mother of the Believers. The financial status varied.
http://www.islamicboard.com/seerah/134299958-ummul-mumin-mother-believers.html​

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 80: ​

Narrated Sahl bin Sad:​

The Prophet said to a man, "Marry, even with (a Mahr equal to) an iron ring."​

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27: ​

Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (

) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion.
So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. ​

Jazakumullahu Khair​

​

​

​

 

[marwen]

If you review every post or thread I submitted I have never used a smilely face or established a sweet tone with the opposite gender.

Bro relax. I was talking in general, not about you. I consider you one of the best and purest brothers here. My post was about the point you raised, and I gave my opinion for the sake of Allah and my intention was for the benefit of my brothers and sisters here.

If someone uses PMs or Reps or Posts to discuss with or contact a member this doesn't mean he's attracted to him/her; and vice versa (if a member if attracted to another person, he will not necessarly PM him or post him).

I sometimes use PMs if it's needed, and if it doesn't involve fitna. My Pms were mainly about help about Qu'ran verses or about arabic questions, or sometimes about help with life problems. I wouldn't use PMs if I thought for one second that I'm doing wrong conversation or I'm attracted to another member or trying to be attractive. And I try to avoid Pms as possible.

Is the prevalent and prominent forum mindset that sisters should only have discussions with sisters and brothers being restricted to the same?

No one said we should stop beneficial interaction between each other. I even find that many sisters here have more knowledge then some brothers (me including), so I'm interested in this type of beneficial interaction (questions, answers, discussion, help, learning, etc..), and I don't see the "attraction" aspect necessary or inevitable in such constructive interaction.

Some Muslims make the practice of Islam inhuman. Islam is a way of life that covers every espect of our lifes. The Muslims who impose the Taliban rules on others without applying it to themselves will never work. The Muslims you see who are never happy with themselves and struggle with applying Islam but have no problem applying to others. (A fact) If it doesn't apply to you I wouldn't expect you to defend it.

What does the Taliban rules do with this thread ? I don't want to backbite the Taliban more, because the media is doing this job perfectly. May be Allah is more pleased with Taliban more than us (who did nothing to the ummah). Anyway, we're going off topic.
If you're thinking that I'm giving advice and not applying it for myself, I ask Allah to give you Husn ad-Dhan in your brothers. And even if we suppose I'm doing the opposite of what I'm advising people, you still can benefit from my advices if it's correct and it's the truth.

Akhi marwan Islam is personal for me and a way of life. I don't seperate Islam into Church and State. I recognize Islam as a theocracy.

That's correct brother. Islam is Life. Yes islam is covering every area of life. But the problem is, you can't mix an area of islam, with another area of islam. For example, islam covers politics, and covers daw'ah, and covers personal life too. But you can't use the politic part of islam in the dawah part, and you can't use your personal life interests in the dawah part.

The word attraction defined as engaging,drawing too and attraction of eloquence, and not the power of charm or alluring. How in the world could you get a Muslim being attracted to a persons Din mixed with anything negative is shocking.

The word attraction defined as engaging,drawing too and attraction of eloquence, and not the power of charm or alluring. How in the world could you get a Muslim being attracted to a persons Din mixed with anything negative is shocking. A practicing Muslim with Iman (faith) and Taqwa (Allah consciousness) (Please reread the OP) doesn't seek to earn (buy) a spouse.

I'm confused. I don't know if you are using the word "attraction" with the neutral sense. In my post I did say that I was just uncomfortable with the term "attraction" because it was given a personal meaning today, as I said, it suggests some kind of personal affection between tow persons.

If you mean by "attracted" that a person is just approving the writings or the ideas or the deen of another member, Then I agree with you.

But if you mean by "attracted" that a member like another member because of his deen and wants him to be his partner, that's what I understood you are asking about in your OP :

Is it possible for the forum to constructively address the issue of unmarried brothers and sisters who opt out of marrying within their local Masjid, etc and desire to establish a Nikah with people they are attracted to their Din and intellect? Are they even seeking Nikah or something haram by intent. Is there any solutions? Are we that naive or stern in our own image of self importance that this can't even be discussed?

Then I think it's not appropriate to deal with this type of attraction in this forum.

I mean anyone has the right to be attracted to another person and to seek a partner (spouse), but the point is what is the right place to search for a partner. As I said, one can't mix between tow islam areas, because this can change the forum function from a pure learning space to another thing, with all the related infringements.

I don't want to spend other extra bytes about this part.

And forgive me if my ideas seems to be unpalatable for you. I have no intention to oppose anyone, and I don't address any person with my posts, I'm just exposing my opinion in a general form, for the sake of Allah.

And Allah knows best.

 

[tigerkhan]

I have to agree with that. The same goes for brothers. They'd neither be interested in a sister who has strong iman (faith) and akhaal (character, manners), but lacks the looks.

There are sisters and brothers who aren't like that, but I think they are a minory.

agreed...u r right....

 

[Muhaba]

^That is true. When attracted to someone's online personality, people tend to conjure an image of the person in their mind which is an ideal image. They aren't going to think that the person behind the computer screen is going to be ugly or morbidly obese, a no-life couch potatoe etc. If they did, LOL there would be no way they would be interested.

 

[Cabdullahi]

I have to agree with that. The same goes for brothers. They'd neither be interested in a sister who has strong iman (faith) and akhaal (character, manners), but lacks the looks.

There are sisters and brothers who aren't like that, but I think they are a minory.

Im glad you edited that because i was going to be very upset

 

[Cabdullahi]

^That is true. When attracted to someone's online personality, people tend to conjure an image of the person in their mind which is an ideal image. They aren't going to think that the person behind the computer screen is going to be ugly or morbidly obese, a no-life couch potatoe etc. If they did, LOL there would be no way they would be interested.

the ugly,the morbidly obese and the couch potatoes need love too!

 

[Asiyah3]

Im glad you edited that because i was going to be very upset

True, and they may as well be more than a minority. Allah know best.