can the husband demand

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Sex if he works long hours and comes home and wife is asleep. Can he wake her up for sex even if he knows that she doesnt get enough sleep as she has to get up early for work?
 
Salam

unfortunately he can. Saying that, the husband should be considerate. You may have to give up work. This is something you should discuss with your husband. Does he know how you feel?

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
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In another narration: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "By Him in Whose Hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is above the heaven becomes displeased with her until he (her husband) becomes pleased with her".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
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This Hadith makes it abundantly clear that obedience of the husband is compulsory on the wife. If, in the absence of any lawful reason, she refuses to obey the orders of her husband, she will be liable to the Wrath and Curse of Allah until she returns to obedience. This Hadith has a stern warning for those women who do not care for the displeasure of their husbands because of their bad temperament, stubbornness and habit of dominating their husbands.

284. Abu `Ali Talq bin `Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, she must go to him even if she is occupied with the oven".
[At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i].

285. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband".
[At-Tirmidhi]
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This Hadith also shows the unique importance of the wife's obedience to her husband within her capacity and as long as he does not order her to disobey Allah.
 
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To add you have the same right over him. It goes both way not just one way (husband). You really need to talk to him. None of us here can help you.
 
Aslaamu`Alaaykum

Sistah you got any Scholarly daleel on this? This hadeeth you posted
In another narration: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "By Him in Whose Hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is above the heaven becomes displeased with her until he (her husband) becomes pleased with her".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

To me that seems only when Wife and Husband are active. If the wife is asleep then like you said "To add you have the same right over him. It goes both way not just one way .", how is it the right of the wife fullfilled when the Husband wakes her up? What if the Wife is in no mood, how is that respecting the wifes right? What if the wifes also been busy all day and finally needed some rest?

Astagfirullaah thats just my opinion InshaAllaah i intend for no arguments just for a clarification dear Sister Sweet

@Anonymous Poster, i suggest you ask someone with Knowledge on this topic.

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam
 
Do you want me to post Islam question and answers as well as several other websites that say whenever the husband ask for it, she has to have sex with him.

WHat about mood? Shall I also post hadeeth about a woman's father died and he has to go to his funeral but her husband ask for sex and she slept with him. She was not in the mood (obviously because her dad died) but the hadeeth suggest she did a good thing.

ishallah I find what scholars say about this. I might have it wrong. :/
 
Aslaamu`Alaaykum

InshaAllaah sistah my Q was asked sincerely , i also like many other Brothers and Sistahs want my answer being clarrified

I would awesomely appreciate if you would post those hadeeths InshaAllaah :)
Please do post when the Husband asks for it from Islam Q n A, and about Mood and when a Sistahs father passed away InshaAllaah :)

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam
 
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/2006/angel curse

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/33597/angel curse

I found similar problem like the above:


Her husband has strong desire; what should she do?
My husband and i have been married for nearly 6 months. We are having re-occuring problems regarding how much sex we have. My husband has strong needs in this area، which he has told me about many times. I have tried hard to meet his needs، but find myself unable to keep up with him for more than a week or so. I become very tired، and feel physically unable to do this.
My husband now finds the situation hard to deal with، and often separates from me - within the home. I understand that it is my obligation to respond to his need، but what are our rights to eachother in the case that one finds it hard to keep up with the other، even though their intention is to please them. Is my husband allowed to separate from me in this way. Also is he allowed to come to me for such relations when we have had an argument and have no been speaking to eachother.
We are alhumdulillah very happy together otherwise and love and respect eachother very much، and would like to find an islamic resolution to remove this problem from our marriage.


Praise be to Allaah.

The husband is obliged to treat his wife in a kind and reasonable manner. Part of that kind and reasonable treatment is intercourse, which he has to do. The majority of scholars set the time limit beyond which it is not permissible for the husband to forego intercourse at four months, but the correct view is that there is no time limit; the husband should have intercourse with his wife according to what satisfies her.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Intercourse is obligatory upon the man if he has no excuse. This was also the view of Maalik.

Al-Mughni, 7/30

Al-Jassaas said:

He (the husband) is obliged to have intercourse with her, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“…so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married)…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:129]

meaning, neither divorcing her so that she can marry another or leaving her without a husband because he is not fulfilling his duty of having intercourse with her.

Ahkaam al-Qur’aan, 1/374

Shaykh al-Islam (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

It is obligatory upon the husband to have intercourse with his wife according to what will satisfy her, so long as this will not harm him physically, or keep him from earning a living, and that is not restricted to four months.

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah, p. 246.

It is obligatory for the wife to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed. If she refuses she is sinning.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses to come, the angels curse her until morning comes.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436.

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said:

She must obey him if he asks her to come to his bed, and that is obligatory upon her. If she refuses to come to his bed, she is a defiant sinner… as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance)”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

al-Fataawa al-Islamiyyah, 3/145, 146

It is not permissible for a husband to force his wife to do more than she is able to bear of intercourse. If she has an excuse such as being sick or unable to bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm said:

It is obligatory on slave women and free women alike not to refuse their masters or husbands if they call them, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick in such a way that intercourse will be harmful to her, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse, then she is cursed.

Al-Muhalla, 10/40

Al-Bahooti said:

The husband has the right to enjoy intimacy with his wife at any time… so long as he does not distract her from obligatory religious duties or harm her. In that case he does not have the right to intimacy with her without her permission, because that is contrary to the idea of reasonable and kind treatment. So long as he does not distract her from that and does not harm her, then he has the right to intimacy.

Kashf al-Qinaa’, 5/189

The wife whose husband harms her by having intercourse with her too much can agree with her husband the number of times that she can bear. If he does more than that to the point that he harms her, she can refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), and the qaadi can determine the number of times that the husband and wife should stick to.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

The husband should have intercourse with his wife according to what satisfies her, so long as that does not harm him physically or keep him from earning a living; it is not limited to four months.

If they argue, then the judge should decide on the number of times, just as the judge should decide on the level of spending on a wife.

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah, p. 246

Because there are no sharee’ah courts nowadays in your country, the wife should try to come to an agreement with her husband on this matter, so she should speak to him frankly and remind him of the verses and ahaadeeth that command the husband to be kind to his wife. She should explain to him that she is only refusing because of the harm that is being caused to her, and that she is very keen to obey him and respond to his desires. Our advice to the sister is that she should be patient with her husband and put up with it as much as she can, and she should note that she will be rewarded for that by Allaah.

The husband has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife, and not make her do more than she is able to do. He should be kind to his wife and treat her in a reasonable manner. If his desire is so strong that one wife is not enough for him, then why does he not try to look for a solution to this problem that is affecting his relationship with his wife, or which may lead to something even worse, which would be looking to satisfy his desire in haraam ways?

One of the solutions that would help to solve this problem is to take a second wife. Allaah has permitted men to marry up to four, on condition that he treat them all fairly. Another solution would be to fast a lot, because fasting reduces desire. And another solution would be to take medicine that will reduce his desire, subject to the condition that this will not cause him any harm.

And Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set the Muslims’ affairs straight.

And Allaah knows best.
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Aslaamu`Alaaykum

Jazakallahu Khaayr Ukhtee for the post i appreciate it :)

But the OP`s Question is regarding the wife Sleeping, should he not let her sleep? it doesnt say anything about Sleeping.
"She must obey him if he asks her to come to his bed, and that is obligatory upon her. If she refuses to come to his bed, she is a defiant sinner… as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "

Here it says if that the wife is awake ukhtee, what if she is sleeping?

When a person is sleeping its different to when the person is active and awake!

But Jazakallahu Khaayr for your reply

Wa Alaaykum Salaam

Edit: Im asking and there is no wrong in asking InshaAllaah and forgive me if ive said something stupid and wrong feel free to feel angry!
 
As-salaamu aleykum

Talk to your husband about this and consult a reliable and trustworthy scholar.
 
no you havent said anything stupid. Read the above I have posted maybe he is not allowed to do that because that would mean he is hurting her? It depend on whether the above situation can be considered hurting her?.

The husband has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife, and not make her do more than she is able to do. He should be kind to his wife and treat her in a reasonable manner. If his desire is so strong that one wife is not enough for him, then why does he not try to look for a solution to this problem that is affecting his relationship with his wife, or which may lead to something even worse, which would be looking to satisfy his desire in haraam ways?

One of the solutions that would help to solve this problem is to take a second wife. Allaah has permitted men to marry up to four, on condition that he treat them all fairly. Another solution would be to fast a lot, because fasting reduces desire. And another solution would be to take medicine that will reduce his desire, subject to the condition that this will not cause him any harm.
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He is not asking too much from her but just at the wrong time. This why I suggested she may have to quit work or he should change his work hour. Allah (swt) knows best...

I found another link that might help:
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...nglish-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaEAskTheScholar
 
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anonymous said:
Sex if he works long hours and comes home and wife is asleep. Can he wake her up for sex even if he knows that she doesnt get enough sleep as she has to get up early for work?
Click to expand...

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb,jazakallahu khayran for the question. My sister we should realise that the husband and wife are like a garment to each other as Almighty Allah explains to us in the Qur'an.

Both husband and wife have a right over each other to be sexually satisfied through marriage and both must meet each others sexual needs but both must also be understanding and not demand it if their partner is clearly not in the state to do so. There should always be a good level of understanding and communication between the couple.

The simple answer to your question is that yes your husband can demand it as long as you are not menstruating, post natal bleeding, illness, exhaustion, and physical inability. And it is authentically established that he (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

But Rasulallah (Pbuh) also said:

“Verily your wife has rights over you.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

The law of love is different: seeking one’s rights through demands, argument, and firmness is contrary to the spirit of the sunna of the Beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace).

It is established in the Sacred Law that it is disliked for a man to have intercourse with his wife without foreplay, given that women generally take longer to reach high sexual arousal. [Khadimi, al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa, 4.203 and elsewhere]

This is based on the reported words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace),

“Do not begin intercourse until she has experienced desire like the desire you experience, lest you fulfill your desires before she does.” [Mentioned by Imam Ibn Qudama in his Mughni]

If you simply do not feel up to it, then the best thing to do is to explain to your husband how you feel. Perhaps there are other ways you can explore to satisfy him. You should let him know that when you feels better then you will look forward to having intercourse. This will create a sense of anticipation and let him know that you love him and long to satisfy him.

Both spouses need to understand that sometimes one or the other won't be in the mood but this should not become a habit. A suggestion is to look at your husband's timing. Do you have children? Do you work or go to school? Perhaps your husband is approaching you after you've had a long day. There are things you can do to alleviate this and create a positive, loving environment where BOTH of you crave intimacy.

Communication is crucial in a marriage in order to understand one another better. You and your husband need to sit down and talk and come up with times that suit both of you best. Marriage is all about comprimise and corporation. Therefore talk and open up to him and also share your feelings with him at all times. Also pre-plan these things in advance so that both of you can have sex when it suits both of you best and that way you can both be satisfied.

and Allah knows best in all matters
 
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Thanks for clearing it up Hamza

I like your responses in this section. You are so helpful. May Allah (swt) bless you and reward you. ameen
 
Salaam Alaykum

anonymous said:
Sex if he works long hours and comes home and wife is asleep. Can he wake her up for sex even if he knows that she doesnt get enough sleep as she has to get up early for work?
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earning money is a not must for Muslimahs. So , if her job is creating problem in married life , she must not continue it or find a part time job .

If day by day , wife refuses husband in bed , surely it creates serious problem like divorce or forcing husband to have a secret affair . So , unless wife is sick , she must not say no . I m not sure about mental condition like if father died and she has to go to the funeral .

And Allah knows Best.
 
Reading the OP it says the husband work long hours thus he comes home at night when she is asleep. The problem lies with the husband, regardless if she was working or not the next morning she would be tired naturally like we all are during the night. So changes may have to made with the husband working hours as well as changes from her. Also husband meant to considerate of his wife, what kind of a man wakes his wife up for close intimacy...

Initmacy between two spouses is not meant to be a burden. Take Hamza advise and I wish you luck sis.
 
^ Thats the point i was trying to make earlie in the thread Uktee, i guess i didnt make it clear enough, but Alhamdulilaah you understood now :)
 
мυѕℓιмαн 4 ℓιfє;1355398 said:
^ Thats the point i was trying to make earlie in the thread Uktee, i guess i didnt make it clear enough, but Alhamdulilaah you understood now :)
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Sorry sis I misunderstood you then.
ishallah let hope the sister worked things out.
 

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