confused about helping boyfriend back in UK

i didn't mean run after guys, i mean run after ppl, friends etc keeping in touch with them and they sometimes get back to you, i didn't mean after guys
 
Why is this a hard decision?

1. You are not sure if he is using you so he can stay in the UK by marrying you?

2. You already know that haviing boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is wrong?

3.Your parents will not support the marriage?

4. The guy as no job ? He has no money ? He even asking you to spend money to visit him? You think you might become the provider if the relationship continues?

ETC

ETC



:hmm:
 
Last edited:
and few years after then he will propose to my family withhe help of his family also
Click to expand...
Oh sis... he is taking you for a fool. He just want to keep you believing he will marry you when everything is ok. It's the kind of excuse married men give their mistresses.. ' I will leave the wife when the kids are older blah blah' No sis, don't fall for it. No man who has self-respect and respects women would expect her to travel to see him - before marriage! Please stop being sweet in his case, because you sound so sweet and innocent. This man is taking advantage of you. Get rid of him.


,i don't know why my feelings for him are strong only when i miss him, even though sometimes i think he is the one for me.other than that i start thinking negative about him,
Click to expand...

The shaytaan loves you being in a haram relationship so he makes you miss him. But your heart is true and thats why you feel negative about him and also more at peace when you don't hear from him. He sounds like trouble.
 
sweetgujjigal said:
salaams all
RELATING TO THIS PREVIOUS ARTICLE BELOW, I ONCE AGAIN ASK FOR YOUR HELP READ ON AND MY NEW POSET WILL START AFTER SALAAMS....

i really need help regarding this so if any1 can give me advice i will appreciate that.
i am in a situation where i am struggling to make a 100% decision about me and my boyfriend. i am 21 and he has just turned 24 in april.
i have been with him for a year, he is a really nyc person and down to earth,he told me earlier that his family live in uk, but this april he got caught by immigration because he has overstayed, and since then he told me that his family are backhome and didnt tell me that because he didnt wana lose me. He has been in detention centres from manchester to cambridgeshire and now at heathrow airport, i really want us to be together.

in court he told them about me and they wanted proof that me and him are real, but i was too scared at that point and didn't know what to do, they said he has 5/4 weeks left before they send him bak to bangladesh, i still have the option of getting married to him but he has to ask his legal advsor about that, but i would like to marry him in the future, i am scared to lose him, i have been doing istikhara last month and i didnt get any feelings, and i have been doin it again and have done it 6times from today and inshallah today will be the 7th day, but still i am confused and not really clear.

Also i don't want to tell my parents because they have the issue of getting married to a different race and culture to our own and i am gujarati,my sis wanted to marry a pakistani last year but my parents said no to this and strongly agreed she marrys in the same culture and race, and my parents tawk about their parents repsect but i dont see how marrying into a different culture and race would make a difference. i've seen people marry in different race and they're happy or not its like every married couple. i have acousin who has married to a pakistani boy even though her dad did not agree that time but they're ok with it now.
i want us to be together in future,ever since he been in detention centre he has been readin namaaz daily where as before it was mainly jumah and i feel everyday stronger that i want to be with him but confused at same time to what steps to take

can someone please give me some advice pleaseeee
thank you
salams


SALAM EVERYONE
i would like2 ask for help again,ever since my boyfriend has been deported back2 bangladesh,hes been asking when i am gna kum2 c him in bangladesh which at the same time we would sort sumfin out on paperwork so he can kum bak 2 the UK within few moths with the help of his frends also,i am 2 minded about this i want2 c him because i miss him, and sometimes get upset thinkin about him,i think back 2 the past tyms and the times he has lied to me and i keep thinkin he may keep lying to me again and again about little things, i get confused about helping him kum bak to the uk, i sometimes sit and wonder wat if i do get him over and this could mayb b a mistake,he says wen he kums bak he wil get a job n later call his parents n brother slowly and few years after then he will propose to my family withhe help of his family also,but i find it all too much,i sometimes dont think of him too much and i feel peace and quiet and as soon as he mentions about me goin2 c him its like i tremble inside and don't know what to say, i don't wana give false hopes and can't promise either2 c him, i only knew him for1 year,i have been keeping intouch by msn and txt,calling him,he also seemd frustrated and angry once and i asked him wats wrong, and he said his dad keeps asking when he's going back 2 the uk, as they dont know he has been deported. i sometimes feel its a bit like emotional blackmail as he does try and make me see the times he is upset, i do miss him alot but jus dont kno wat to do apart from ask for help in my duas, wat if i do get him over and nothing goes the way we want?i don't know
can anyone help me out with advice:( i feel torn apart and need someone2make me think straight about this
jazakhallahkhair x
Click to expand...



:sl: sister,

I could understand how people behave and talk, when I see your explanation. I could sense it that he is NOT right guy period. I don't want you to feel REGRET after you maybe married to him. Then you will feel realize that you made mistake and trap with him in many issues that will upset your whole family matters. I am telling you that future husband is better taking care of you than this nyc guy. Be strong and Be secure yourself for your best future Alhumdulillah.

Take my words. Don't rush anything, don't make mistake, and don't feel regret later. You have alot of ahead of your life. Hope you agreed.

:alright:
 
:sl: sis

. No man who has self-respect and respects women would expect her to travel to see him - before marriage!
Click to expand...
Completely agree with this.Sis i guess you need to rethink about that guy.

The shaytaan loves you being in a haram relationship so he makes you miss him
Click to expand...

May allah save us all from the temptations of satan.Ameen
 
i am definetly goin to say something to him2day as i know his facebook account passoword and i just went on to check and oh my god! he has been betraying me:'(
asking other girls to get to know him:@ i am going to delete everything of him!
i did istikhara namaaz last nyt after taraweeh namaaz and then i went to slp, i was drreaming and it was unusual,i went to see him and there was a glass wall in between us, and he seemed angry that he cudn't come to my side, it was slightly weird my mum was there and she just was looking at us kind of cross and was saying something like we don't want him in the family and i cannot remember the rest...o well i know what i will do now, i have been repenting continuously for the sins in the past i hope allah SWT forgives me inshallah :( jazakhallah everyone who has helped me through this fake emotional rollercoaster relationship which would have never gone anywhere, jazakhallah for giving me the sense to maka a stop to all this i can't thank you all enough for this jazakhallah xxxx:):D
 
Lots of times when the men get the passport, they leave their wife, even if they have children. If that happens to you, you will have a big problem. Do you want to be divorced with children? This is something you need to think of well.

After doing istikhaara, if you still want to be with him, tell your parents. Let him talk to your parents and let them decide whether he is right for you or not. You don't have to tell them that you were in a relationship with him, just that you met him and he was deported, etc.

No matter what your parents decide, stop direct contact with him as that will only increase your feelings for him. You want to get married in a halal way and not be used and then left.

May Allah solve your problems and give you the best.
 
Hamdulillah, Allah saved you sis. Come closer to Allah instead. He will never let you down. There is no one you can rely on, like you can on Allah. Make Allah your everything. :cry:
 
salaam

wow! after reading your account i have nothing much to say apart from this:

Right now your in the the situation and therefore can not see clearly enough to make your decision. Ask yourself this, had it been a friend of yours in the same situation what would u advice her??

Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow and if u are emotionally attached then it will be more so. U want to believe that he will come over and marry u but if u REALLY believed all that then why would u seek the advice of others? Obviously there is some doubt in your mind about this guy and i find that instinct is the best lie detector device that we have within us...use it, follow it, if it flashes warning signs then treat it as a danger zone.

Avoid going abroad at any cost and limit contact with him until there is non. Your young yet, dont tangle yourself up in situations that are unneccessary and Inshallah if u are meant to be together then one day u will be but til that day sit tight and avoid him.

May Allah SWT guide us all on the right path. Ameen
Peace
 
sweetgujjigal said:
i am definetly goin to say something to him2day as i know his facebook account passoword and i just went on to check and oh my god! he has been betraying me:'(
asking other girls to get to know him:@ i am going to delete everything of him!
i did istikhara namaaz last nyt after taraweeh namaaz and then i went to slp, i was drreaming and it was unusual,i went to see him and there was a glass wall in between us, and he seemed angry that he cudn't come to my side, it was slightly weird my mum was there and she just was looking at us kind of cross and was saying something like we don't want him in the family and i cannot remember the rest...o well i know what i will do now, i have been repenting continuously for the sins in the past i hope allah SWT forgives me inshallah :( jazakhallah everyone who has helped me through this fake emotional rollercoaster relationship which would have never gone anywhere, jazakhallah for giving me the sense to maka a stop to all this i can't thank you all enough for this jazakhallah xxxx:):D
Click to expand...

Alhamdulilah sis Allah helped you there. you were wanting clear anser and you got it. it proves he never loved you because if he loved you and you were his only girl and thought of you as a future wife, he would not be checking out other girls on facebook thats for sure. you seem like a really sweet girl and innocent and he took advantage of you.

i believe he was definatley trying to use you to get back into the country there is no doubt about it. now he will look for his other victim who knows mabe on facebook. don't worry you are only young, right now you feel like he's the only guy and it will be like that for a while inshallaah you will get over him quick. sister i stoped chasing after people also because i never got anything back from them and even got hurt sometimes and now in Allah i only put my trust and i feel a whole lot happier and at peace
 
m chatting with him at the moment onmsn and he said straight away that he is running a project with his friends which is a party, and they need as many people for that,i'm believing that,but still dont knw wat to do:( y am i a little confused now?
 
Ok this is common among young people...........not knowing what they want.

What it is that you WANT? I don't think you know that yet. You see women
generally get much more emotionaly involved in a relationship than men and that can make you very confused. You probably got to a stage where you wanted this guy really bad and now you feel you are missing out on something big.

I will not say the guy is bad, because if you are following such a bad guy then to be honest there isn't much of a difference is it? Why would you even take a chance with someone like him? Yeah you got too emotionally involved, but that's the price one pays for getting into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

The decision is yours to make. I think the brothers and sisters did a great job to wake you up. But if even after that you still have doubts, then there is nothing more anyone can say.
 
he keeps his rozas and reads tarabee namaz, i do want to be with him, but little things make me confused,wen he was in the uk he did tell me about his past and so did i, but i've been thinking more of his past n bringing that forward even though it didnt matter to me that time as people do make mistakes and i've made mistakes in the past too, i knew he was honest about his past,i dn't know if i am over exagerating now,he sed him,his brother and friends have been sponsored for this party n they need 1000 people,so he said hes been adding people and same with his bro and friends
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top