confused about helping boyfriend back in UK

[limitless]

he keeps his rozas and reads tarabee namaz, i do want to be with him, but little things make me confused,wen he was in the uk he did tell me about his past and so did i, but i've been thinking more of his past n bringing that forward even though it didnt matter to me that time as people do make mistakes and i've made mistakes in the past too, i knew he was honest about his past,i dn't know if i am over exagerating now,he sed him,his brother and friends have been sponsored for this party n they need 1000 people,so he said hes been adding people and same with his bro and friends

Sis, you need to stop talking with him. The only reason you want to to be with him is simply because you've been with him for one year and are in constant talk with him. This is attachment. And Shai'taan is getting the best of you. Your heart feels guilty and regretful, yet you are still wanting to purse a marriage with him despite what he does. You said he lied to you before, he could be lying about this recruiting part.

I've read most replies and how you have been. You need to like other users said, get closer to Allah swt. Recite Qur'an, or Surah Yaseen. Pray more, and stop contacting him, close any form of communication with him. It is not good for you sis. You're torturing yourself. You are just emotionally attached to him, and how you let feelings get to you. This is why having a boyfriend - one of the few reasons - is haraam.

Can you comprehend the stress this will have on your mother? Don't get involved with this guy, he is no good for you. He is using you for that red passport. It happens, its common. You have a very good heart, good intention , use this month to make yourself closer to Allah swt. In time, you will be over him, insha'Allah. Don't give up and have faith in Allah swt, you'll get through it. It's tough, you will be hurt, feeling lonely, you will want to contact him, miss him a lot, beyond it. But you gotta resist to it, say no, just recite any surah you know or open Qur'an and read it. Do something to take your mind off him, anything *halal of course*.

If you do purse marrying this guy, you will ,as you said have financial problems, you will have a bad relationship with your family, especially the parents. He might find some other girl and marry her and leave you or not. His deen is weak, he is too materialistic, that is not how a muslim should be.

Please for your own sake, don't do anything with him. Cease all your communication with him at once. And resist to the temptation that shai'taan brings to you, that you need him, you love him, this is all lust and greed to him. Real love isn't selfish, its selfless, you put the other person first, you care for their safety and health. Someone once told me that and it makes sense.

The first step of accomplishing in your case is, stop talking. Its hard, its torment for you, but you have to do it. And pray to Allah swt, do islamic activities, recite surah, as i said before and Qur'an. You will be rewarded tremendously for reciting Qur'an in this beautiful month.

And Do not visit him at all! Do not. This is FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Don't even think about it. He is not trustworthy guy, how can he ask a muslim woman to travel all the way to Bangaldesh, this is not safe for you, your digging your own grave. Please don't do it. You will find a loving and caring husband insha'Allah just make dua and repent for the sins in this month . Just give yourself time to get over him.

I hope everything goes well for you sister, insha'Allah.

:wa:

 

[cat eyes]

sis i don't know what to say just be strong. shaytaan is pulling you in more deep... i guarantee you that you will get nothing from a haraam relationship. Allah swt will go far from you and shaytaan will get close and one day you will wake up feeling so much shame and asking yourself how did i let it get this far! i doubt he is a practising muslim..

think thats how hes sweetning you up that he prays etc and dose everything cos he knows thats what every girl wants to hear at the end of the day. illegals don't care about there religion ive seen it with my own eyes, they do so much haraam things, they have no care in the world! i even heard of one illegal he is a big con man and hes taking money from people left right and centre but its a long story i won't go in to it how hes doing it but they are clever im telling you. i wouldn't believe what hes telling you

sis i don't know if this guy is for real or not but i am just saying its better not to take the risk considering these people have bad reputations and bad past thats why they are the way they are so i would not take this risk thats all.

shatian wants to confuse you now thats what you are feeling. its shatian

 

[sweetgujjigal]

how do i stop tawking?i don't know how to,he will still send messages on facebook am not sure if you can block people from facebook. he will ask his 2 friends to ring me, i dont know yesterday when he said that to me about a party i was still angry about it at the fact he askin girls to get to know him, to this he replied i have to get to know them or else how are they going to come to the party, but i still felt he shudnt ov dun it this way, when i got off msn last nyt, i was feeling quite relieved and clear minded, and he kept coming to mind again and again even though i tried hard not to think about him. i come on msn today and he was on,hes askin why i dont talk,why i am still being like this with him and i did not tawk properly back either i just said i got to go now and logged out.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

sis we can advise and advise till the cows come home, but it is essential to realize that it wont benefit you until and unless YOU are ready to change. so make your utmost effort :thumbs_up

be strong and remember it is for your own good

besides, i thought Bengali's only marry bengalis anyways? so even if everything was smooth sailing, would it really make a difference?

 

[Rebel]

i am going to delete everything of him!

Well, what are you waiting for?

I don't mean to sound rude but it looks like you're not willing to do anything to get yourself out of this mess. And your last post proves it.

Besides, why are you shocked that he's getting to know other girls? Weren't you one of those girls once upon a time? You didn't seriously expect him to stay true to you?

 

[sweetgujjigal]

i have deleted and blocked him from from msn and facebook, mmmm taking a deep sigh of relief

 

[- IqRa -]

Make sure you stick to it inshaAllaah...

 

[Alphadude]

i think im going mad or your your saying he is you boyfriend and ur not married ? right and yet u pray and ask allah to make u togheter what da hell and u have ben 2gether for years common are u fooling ur self or making fun of islam or us one side u pray the next u commite the biggest sin.

can some 1 tell me if im wrong or this is wrong

 

[- IqRa -]

^ No you understood right.

 

[sweetgujjigal]

sis i don't know what to say just be strong. shaytaan is pulling you in more deep... i guarantee you that you will get nothing from a haraam relationship. Allah swt will go far from you and shaytaan will get close and one day you will wake up feeling so much shame and asking yourself how did i let it get this far! i doubt he is a practising muslim..

think thats how hes sweetning you up that he prays etc and dose everything cos he knows thats what every girl wants to hear at the end of the day. illegals don't care about there religion ive seen it with my own eyes, they do so much haraam things, they have no care in the world! i even heard of one illegal he is a big con man and hes taking money from people left right and centre but its a long story i won't go in to it how hes doing it but they are clever im telling you. i wouldn't believe what hes telling you

sis i don't know if this guy is for real or not but i am just saying its better not to take the risk considering these people have bad reputations and bad past thats why they are the way they are so i would not take this risk thats all.

shatian wants to confuse you now thats what you are feeling. its shatian

can u explain more here sis

 

[cat eyes]

salaam sis whats the story now. have you spoken to him?

what exactly did he ask those girls on facebook?

sister he is not a good example for you and i believe asking girls to go to his party says alot about him don't you think?

its better you should break it off now forever.. its hard to let go i know but i don't want you to get your heart broke and he has lied to you before.

don't take the chance. find a proper practising muslim who dose things the right way sister and inshallaah you will find peace in your heart

 

[Alphadude]

^ No you understood right.

thank bro T.I.A

why is every 1 helping this sister ? i mean she asked if she could trust or could be togheter with his boyfriend and all of u giving her advice instead of tellin her that we cant tell u what to do with your boyfreind isnt this haraam its crazy just tell her to stop seeying him unless they are married i think the advice every 1 is giving is more sin then she is comiting.

 

[mathematician]

thank bro T.I.A

why is every 1 helping this sister ? i mean she asked if she could trust or could be togheter with his boyfriend and all of u giving her advice instead of tellin her that we cant tell u what to do with your boyfreind isnt this haraam its crazy just tell her to stop seeying him unless they are married i think the advice every 1 is giving is more sin then she is comiting.

Well here is the thing. It is not recommended to play the "I am holier than thou" game when it comes to advicing somebody. Allah ta'ala warned us that other people may be better than us so we have to be humble. Yes, she is asking about boyfriend, but it's not really up to us to judge her. Let Allah ta'ala do it. Here we can try to get her to come to her senses and then maybe insha'Allah she will do the right thing.

Personally, when it comes to advicing someone I think it's immature to throw in their face the "haraam" word. We should try to help and not bully a brother or sister.

 

[sweetgujjigal]

jazakhallah for that mathematician!
why are people helping me???
brother khalid i only came on here for advice,i don't understand why you are being harsh,reading your reply didn't make me feel any better:'(

-should't muslim brothers and sisters help each other out?
-isn't that what ALLAH(swt)wants us all to do? to follow the right path?
-if no1 helped me out on this forum, what would i be doing right now? being blind in the things i do, carrying on carelessly??

yes i know i have sinned,i have repented,asked for all the borthers and sisters help aswel ALLAH(swt)'s help!

-if you see someone or even hear of someone who needs help would u just ignore them for their actions etc or would you be kind hearted and give them your helping hand???
and if you read the threads properly i am not seeing him for quite a time u are wrong here

 

[sweetgujjigal]

i am deeply offended by u brother khalid

 

[Caller الداعي]

salams having pre martial relations is haram in islam it leads to bad consquences! sis if u r really searchin for the truth in an islamic point of view then u woudnt lead this realtionship otherwise coming into an islamic fourm and asking for help in something haram is totally out of order and those who help u will have to answer to Allah :
Allah says : help each other in good deeds and taqwa and dont hekp each other in sin and enmity!

 

[Rasema]

Assalamu Alikum

Why are woman so so .....

Someone has to be there to always protect them...

Sisi, ditch this guy and be harsh with him. Change your self from being sweet and kind into being harsh to guys. That way they realise that you're strong in your faith and serious.

 

[sweetgujjigal]

salaam sis whats the story now. have you spoken to him?

what exactly did he ask those girls on facebook?

sister he is not a good example for you and i believe asking girls to go to his party says alot about him don't you think?

its better you should break it off now forever.. its hard to let go i know but i don't want you to get your heart broke and he has lied to you before.

don't take the chance. find a proper practising muslim who dose things the right way sister and inshallaah you will find peace in your heart

sis i spent over half an hour writing u a message,and then i was logged off and the message was lost as i am not a full member cant send u private messages

 

[Alphadude]

jazakhallah for that mathematician!
why are people helping me???
brother khalid i only came on here for advice,i don't understand why you are being harsh,reading your reply didn't make me feel any better:'(

-should't muslim brothers and sisters help each other out?
-isn't that what ALLAH(swt)wants us all to do? to follow the right path?
-if no1 helped me out on this forum, what would i be doing right now? being blind in the things i do, carrying on carelessly??

yes i know i have sinned,i have repented,asked for all the borthers and sisters help aswel ALLAH(swt)'s help!

-if you see someone or even hear of someone who needs help would u just ignore them for their actions etc or would you be kind hearted and give them your helping hand???
and if you read the threads properly i am not seeing him for quite a time u are wrong here

sister im not being harsh im just telling the truth and what is right and not roght u came here here asking from us to help u and we will we didnt say we wont but we cant give u advice on a haram relationship.

i am deeply offended by u brother khalid

im sorry if i offended u sister but im doing whats right dont be offended

Well here is the thing. It is not recommended to play the "I am holier than thou" game when it comes to advicing somebody. Allah ta'ala warned us that other people may be better than us so we have to be humble. Yes, she is asking about boyfriend, but it's not really up to us to judge her. Let Allah ta'ala do it. Here we can try to get her to come to her senses and then maybe insha'Allah she will do the right thing.

Personally, when it comes to advicing someone I think it's immature to throw in their face the "haraam" word. We should try to help and not bully a brother or sister.

yes it not upto us to judge and we cant giv the advice on this matter can we?

salams having pre martial relations is haram in islam it leads to bad consquences! sis if u r really searchin for the truth in an islamic point of view then u woudnt lead this realtionship otherwise coming into an islamic fourm and asking for help in something haram is totally out of order and those who help u will have to answer to Allah :
Allah says : help each other in good deeds and taqwa and dont hekp each other in sin and enmity!

thank you brother caller right to the point thats what i mean not to offend the sister in anyway

 

[cat eyes]

sis i spent over half an hour writing u a message,and then i was logged off and the message was lost as i am not a full member cant send u private messages

poor sis:giggling: sorry that you got logged off..

yeah you have to send 50posts i think to be full member.

how are you? mabe we could exchange email and i can guide you further inshallaah. i hope your okay.

the others are only trying to help also sis. the brothers are not so sensitive to these issues as the sisters so forgive them:statisfie