Coping with Depression, stress and anger

[Tanya Khan]

Re: Im so depressed

Why are Muslims finding all types of reasons not to be together? Aren't we divided too much as it is? Forgive my ignorance, but you're both Muslims, and the differences you both have are traditional and cultural. They are not differences of the scripture (the Qur'an).

Ahmedis are NOT Muslims. I would do anything to marry him, but Sunni's are totally against Ahmedis, he definitely won't convert even if i tried turning him, and anyway, it's hard to get men to convert. men have too much pride.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Re: Im so depressed

hey :salamext:

sis i reckon you need to occupy yourself with otherstuff, like just go to the park, listen to some nice nasheed you know, play around with some lil kids they always seem to be able to help those lil buggers.

Main thing, Understand that Allaahs got someone planned for you inshaAllaah, and that if you give up something for the sake of ALlaah swt you will get something better in return. Imagine a pious handsome brother for life! got the picture in your head? good! now pray for it!!!

 

[Snowflake]

Re: Im so depressed

I got married at 21 in Pakistan and it lasted no more than 6 months, i hated him and felt very pressurised into it. So my dad thru me out and said he dont want to know me because the marriage didn't work, he's very backwards my dad and he blames the girls never the men.

So im living alone, i will lose my job soon because its only temp, i dont really have much chance of getting another 1 as im not very educated, i have no money, i will be homeless in about 1 month because the friend im living with is getting a 1 bedroom place and she told me to find somewhere else as there wont be no space. Now thats another stress on my head, i feel so lonely and hopeless, Im being tortured left right and centre, there's is no hope for me, i'm even crying while typing this i cant control myself.

I feel as though i will never move on from him, i loved him like iv never loved before. I pray as much as i can but it seems pointless, people who dont pray have a much happier life than me, trust me iv seen it and i know people who only pray once a year in ramazan, and they are so happy. It's not fair, I feel like im being punished. I want to die sometimes

dear sis,

Your circumstances are adding to your misery. You shared happy times and as there's no happiness in your life at present, you are finding it in your memories of him.

Be postive sis. Start looking for another job straight away. There are jobs that offer training even for those with little education. You can even go back to college part-full time and train as a nursery-nurse, teacher, beautician or something else that interests you.

Nothing is impossible sis. Take control of your life and circumstances. Once you immerse yourself in practical affairs, your mind will be occupied in the here-and-now rather than what was.


On a more emotional note, don't regret your decision in leaving this guy. Be proud of yourself for making this sacrifice for the sake of Allah. You wouldn't give a person a gift with a sour face then why give sacrifices of your nafs for Allah and cry afterwards. : )


You're a good girl for having done the right thing. Be happy with yourself, not sad. Not all people put their deen before their desires. But you have. I'm very proud of you.


We will all rot one day hun. The humans we adore and love so much will turn to dust. Skeletons lying in their graves. Our desires and dreams will end with our death. The only certainty is that on the day of resurrection we will be sweating with fear thinking about our conduct in this life. So don't be sad for what you've lost sis. Find peace in the rememberance of Allah. Seek His pleasure through how he has commanded us to. This life is a blip, a transitory stage to the next. Aim to achieve the highest status in jannah, because only that life will be ever-lasting. This life is here today, gone tommorow. Then why worry what we've lost. It was going to end one day anyway. Practice your deen for the pleasure of your creator and in turn He will find ways to please you with His Mercy and Blessings. You're true love is your Creator sis. And unlike humans he never lets down those who love Him.

May Allah guide you and showere His Mercy and Blessings on you. Ameen.

 

[Beblessed]

Re: Im so depressed

wha are ahmedis??? u said they are not muslim so what r they do they have another religion or something? Sorry but I never ever heard about ahmedis before

 

[tomtomsmom]

Re: Im so depressed

wha are ahmedis??? u said they are not muslim so what r they do they have another religion or something? Sorry but I never ever heard about ahmedis before

May I suggest that you go to www.google.com and look it up like I did. There is alot of info on it.

 

[FBI]

Re: Im so depressed



This just goes to show way free-mixing is haraam.

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: Im so depressed

wha are ahmedis??? u said they are not muslim so what r they do they have another religion or something? Sorry but I never ever heard about ahmedis before

:salamext:


I think they believe another Prophet came after the Messenger of Allaah, Muhammad (peace be upon him.) Even though in the Qur'an, Allaah Almighty says:

Muhammad is not the father of any of your men, but (he is) the Messenger of Allah, and the Seal of the Prophets: and Allah has full knowledge of all things.

Qur'an Ahzaab [33:40]
​

more info:
http://www.islamicboard.com/sects-divisions/856-sectarian-article-ahmadiyya-qadiani-movement.html
​

 

[Skillganon]

Re: Im so depressed

Ahmedis are NOT Muslims. I would do anything to marry him, but Sunni's are totally against Ahmedis, he definitely won't convert even if i tried turning him, and anyway, it's hard to get men to convert. men have too much pride.

Sis, I don't think any much advise we can give can replace the way you feel. This is something you have to come to term with and recover from and that takes time. Yo are right when you said Ahmedi/Qadiani are not muslims (i.e. whoever believes in their creed & insist being a Qadiani).

wha are ahmedis??? u said they are not muslim so what r they do they have another religion or something? Sorry but I never ever heard about ahmedis before

More info on Ahmedi/Qadiani:

1. What is the Qadiani (Ahmadiyyah) sect? Is it permissible for a Muslim to marry one of them?

2. Qadianiyyah in the light of Islam

3. Janaazah (funeral) prayer behind a Qadiani (Ahmadi)

4. Muslim man marrying a Qadiani (Ahmadi) woman who is of good character

5. Qadyaniyyah in Focus

6. Al-Ahmadiyyah: Origin and Beliefs

This should put anyone beyond pale of doubt that Ahmedi/Qadiani are not considered as muslims but rather Kaafirs who desbelieved aslong as they remain in that state.

 

[snakelegs]

Re: Im so depressed

He never felt the same as i did, i know he liked me alot at the start but i guess his feelings faded.

this is the key - there is nothing you can do but accept this, as painful as it is. rejection hurts, but you truly have no choice but to move on with your life. it is hard to let go and it takes time and right now you are mourning your loss (tho by what you've written above, what you had wasn't real anyway - on his part).
right now it sounds like you have much more urgent matters in your life - finding a job, a place to live (i imagine it is extremely difficult for an uneducated single woman to support herself in pakistan).
you cannot believe it now, but in time you will heal and some day you will meet someone who values you as much as you value him.
i wish you the best - you are in a rough situation.

 

[Daffodil]

Re: Im so depressed

Remember sis that in everything there is a lesson to be learnt, be thankful that Allah swt saved you from him.

He didnt even like you in the same way that you did, you cant love some one when they dont love you. Its fake, it was jsut an illusion. When you get married you realise what love is. Its a two way street not just a one sided thing.

Avoid going to the places where you and him went, and remember, those places can only get to u if u let them. Shrug it off and just say to ur self oh well thats life, get over it. Make new memories in those places.

Music is haram anyways so dnt listen to the radio.

Its easy to say all this because Im not the one in ur situation but I have been before and time is the best healer and so is doing salah, with each salah u will find your self closer to Allah and you will be remoursful about it.

Dont ponder of how hurt you are because of him, ponder over the fact that you have disobeyed Allah swt and cry over the fact that you could be punished greatly.

Ask Allah swt to forgive you and to remove what feelings u have of this guy and pray that he allows you to move on with your life. You will never be able to forget the guy, but you will be able to take lessons from this and learn from your mistakes.

Whats done is done, dont cry over this issue, because its not going to benefit you, go for a walk if you can, talk to some friends. its not healthy for you to keep thinking about it.

 

[sevgi]

Re: Im so depressed

I know I will sound really bad for going out with this guy (or any guy for that matter) but I need to get this off my chest, I need your help and advice, i'm suffering so much.

I'm a Sunni female and he is an Ahmedi, I know it's really bad but I only found about him being Ahmedi after I got too attached to him, people have told me to keep away as Ahmedi's are known as kafir and they are no good. But i always found it hard as i'd fallen head over heals for him.

I split up with him about a month ago and its been torture for me, I can't seem to move on, I know it's for the best but why can't I accept that it's over and just move on. He never felt the same as i did, i know he liked me alot at the start but i guess his feelings faded. I cant handle the pain of rejection and the pain of him leaving me.

Im finding this soooooooo hard, there's no words to describe this pain. i start crying for him for the silliest reasons, like when i hear a song on the radio, or i go to a place where me n him went... anything and everything reminds me of him and i cant get away from it. I cry myself to sleep at night thinkin about the times we spent together, and my heart breaks into a millions pieces when i think about how he's moved on & forgotten about me so easily.

My heart is not in peace, i need some kind of peace, i have been praying namaz and doing dua in my mind to feel peace, but things r just getting worse and worse and im crying all the time. i dont know wot to do!!!! I have no self control. Im a total mess. Please help.

if u love soemone...love for the right reasons...for Allahs sake...i dnt know what you love about him but its easy to move on when u think of the fact that he doesnt respect teh Allah which has created him and you and all the thimgs around u...

 

[Umar001]

Re: Im so depressed

I dont know, I think its natural to feel the way you feel, I was 'in love' COUGH COUGH before I became a Muslim, but trust me, it'll pass, to me it made me think that love didnt exist.

As I have said before, time and time again, how good of a person can a person be if they reject truth??

Would you really want your kids to be brought up by him?

A thing that I do myself to keep me in check or I tell brothers since we tend to go on looks alot, if I see someone in the street and I find it hard to lower my gaze, I take it to the fundamentals, I think, 'Ok Eesa, well if you think you like her, do you think she'd teach your kids about the most important things? Or would she teach them how to dance and play instruments and forget Allah'

And alot of times it works. THe feeling of such love is not real sister, why? Because such love takes you to disobeying Allah, PURE love is obeying Allah, when you are purely in love with someone it's because you see the truth in that person, how can someone love a person who is on falsehood? It is not possible, noone can love a person who is doing desteble things, rather, it is deception and a need that we have of being wanted and not rejected and when we find someone we try to attach ourselfs and fool ourselfs that we are in love.

Wallahi, Love is pure, and purity leads to Allah.

And Allah knows best.

Your Brother, Abu Ikhlas.

 

[Tanya Khan]

Re: Im so depressed

Snakelegs: (i imagine it is extremely difficult for an uneducated single woman to support herself in pakistan).

Lol i'm not in Pakistan, i'm in the UK.
*****

Muslimah_Sis:
"Your circumstances are adding to your misery. You shared happy times and as there's no happiness in your life at present, you are finding it in your memories of him."

That is very true, and i'm finding it so hard not to think like that, I get really sad and angry because he has everything, money, loving family, friends, a beautiful house, his own business, a nice car, i compare it to my situation and it burns me inside, he would never look back and give me a second glance, even if i could marry him, i would have nothing to offer him, where as he has everything and it makes me so jealous that he will go and find a girl who has alot more than i did, and he will appreciate that, God knows what he thinks of me.

I know materialistic things shouldn't matter but its so hard, almost impossible to think that about life after death and realise that this life is not a permanent life, most people just carry on living and thinking about the present, not what the future holds, i find it so so hard.



I read all the replies to this thread yesterday and I felt a bit better and thought I will go home and pray and not think about him, but when it was time to go sleep, he was on my mind again and I felt so teary.
The problem with me is that when I pray, I feel better and positive that things will get better, but an hour/2 hours later i feel miserable again and start crying. I'm so weak and I wish I had the strength to go on without that man. When things were good with him, I was on top of the world, when things were bad with him, I was the most miserable person in the world, but now that he's gone, I feel like my world has come to an end. I just can't win! :hiding:

 

[Tanya Khan]

Re: Im so depressed

Muslimah_Sis

"Nothing is impossible sis. Take control of your life and circumstances. Once you immerse yourself in practical affairs, your mind will be occupied in the here-and-now rather than what was."

That's another thing, I have no self-control and I feel like I won't get anywhere no matter how much I try. I'm 28 this year and I have achieved nothing in life. It's very hard to accept that you have nothing at this age, no career, no home, no family, no trustworthy friends, no money, makes me feel hopeless. Who would want to marry a girl like this? No one!

I know a 21 year old girl who is on £30k a year, she has a nice car, a family who care for her, a loving boyfriend (even though it's haram) and a big house.
I envy her. People tell me to appreciate what I have, but what is there to appreciate in my life, I have nothing!

Ok maybe i'm alive and there are people worse off than I am, but then why do I feel like i'm worse off than everyone else? When your going through times like these, it's hard to appreciate things because you feel you have nothing, nothing at all. From all the people I have met and known, I have been the worst off!! How am I supposed to appreciate what I haven't got?
I can't take control of my life, I feel hopeless, worthless, unwanted, uncared for and sometimes I wonder why i'm alive.

Why did this guy come into my life if it was going to end in tears!!
The same thing has happened to me twice before, I dont understand why people come into your life if your not ment to be with them, i'm so fed up!

 

[tomtomsmom]

Re: Im so depressed

Every tear falls for a reason dear. Perhaps this happened so when true love finds you, you will be able to see it.
Like I said before, go to your local mosque and see if they can help you go back to school and get a job. It is never too late to start over. But you have to want it. Do not let this depression take over your life!!!!!!

 

[Snowflake]

Re: Im so depressed

That is very true, and i'm finding it so hard not to think like that, I get really sad and angry because he has everything, money, loving family, friends, a beautiful house, his own business, a nice car, i compare it to my situation and it burns me inside, he would never look back and give me a second glance, even if i could marry him, i would have nothing to offer him, where as he has everything and it makes me so jealous that he will go and find a girl who has alot more than i did, and he will appreciate that, God knows what he thinks of me.

I know materialistic things shouldn't matter but its so hard, almost impossible to think that about life after death and realise that this life is not a permanent life, most people just carry on living and thinking about the present, not what the future holds, i find it so so hard.

dear sis,

Having material things doesn't make one a better person in the eyes of Allah. In the akhirah we won't be judged by our wordly possessions, but our deeds, actions and intentions. Don't envy anyone for what they have materially. Instead look up to people who are strong in their deen and strive to become a good muslimah.


As for your job and housing needs, you can get help with that too. It may be a while before you are rehoused but even that will only happen if you take practical steps.

You can either:

1) go to your local council housing and register yourself as homeless. You will made an offer in 28 days. Bear in mind that in this case, with most councils, you don't have a choice but to accept the first offer. But don't take my word for it as policies are changing all the time.


2) go to a women's hostel. You'll be safe and will perhaps get 3-4 offers. You can make a claim for income support/rent if you are unemployed at the time.

employment - check out these sites

1) http://about.monster.co.uk/

http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/index.html

http://www.newjobdirect.co.uk/


2) make an appointment at your local job centre to see a careers advisor.


You can only change your situation by taking practical steps sis.
Once your job problem is solved and you have your own place to live in. Your responsibilites will increase. A new home means a new start. You'll be busy turning your house into a comfy home for you to live in. Needless to say, your mind will be occupied and the change refreshing.

Find spiritual peace in the rememberance of Allah. Fulfil to duties to your creator and He will help you in your affairs. Go along to muslim sister's gatherings and get to know some sisters, and in their company increase your knowledge of Islam.

Look after your health and body. Go for a walk in the park. Browse/buy books at an islamic book shop. Play Quranic recitation (with translation if you don't understand) as you go about doing household chores. Your mind will feel at peace and your focus will be on Allah and His teachings.


I don't mean to be harsh sis. But don't expect anyone to come along and make things better for you. Expectations are rarely fulfilled. Only expect from Allah. Take control of your life and don't give anyone the pleasure of seeing you break because of them. You are number ONE. You come first. You have to put yourself first.

I feel like my world has come to an end.

No, your world is just beginning. A world where you will have control over your own life and will refuse to let others destroy your happiness. Be positive for positivity attracts good things.


If there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesistate to ask.


kindest regards

ur sis







I feel like my world has come to an end.

 

[Maimunah]

Re: Im so depressed

sis even though what u did was right, i know how u feel exactly.
my advice to you is pray to rakaats and complain to Allah. surely Allah is Ar raqiib, Hamiid, Rahmaan and Razaaq. pray qiyaam layl if u can and supplicate to Him, otherwise pray witr before u sleep n make duaa.

hope that helps.

wasalaam

 

[Snowflake]

Re: Im so depressed

Salam Tanya sis,

How are you? Have you managed to sort something out with regards to housing and employment?

wa alaikum aslam.

 

[Tanya Khan]

Re: Im so depressed

Salam Tanya sis,

How are you? Have you managed to sort something out with regards to housing and employment?

wa alaikum aslam.

No I haven't, my problems are getting worse and worse, Allah is not on my side, Allah hates me, he is making me suffer.

 

[Al-Zaara]

Re: Im so depressed

No I haven't, my problems are getting worse and worse, Allah is not on my side, Allah hates me, he is making me suffer.

When things are at its worst, you must have strong Imaan to realize, things will get better and better... Be a strong Muslim and you have nothing to fear, Allah has promised us this. And He keeps every one of His promises.

Allah is on every Muslim's side. It's up to you: Choose to have faith in Allah and continue this fight, which He'll reward you for insha'Allah or fall in despair because of this dunya which isn't our last place to live in, which is only a TEST?

As believers, we choose Allah (swt). Nothing is eternal but Allah.

Love Him and you'll get the same treatment from the Almighty.

Have sabr sister, I am just going through a change which might change my whole life and plans I had and I have no clue what will happen, but I trust in Allah (swt). Now I feel eased and I know, I'll make through it and that Allah will help me.

Everyone gets different tests from Allah (swt). This is your test, and you have Allah (swt) as the Judge, the best of Judges, the Most Merciful, the ever Forgiving. Allah has granted you the Qur'an as your material, to read and study, so you will always find light in the darkness you may fall into. You have Muhammad (saas) as your teacher, he has granted you the Sunnah and ways to live everyday in.

With all that, how could a Muslim not survive this dunya? It's hard, painful and may want us to just shut everything down... But we know there's something better, waiting for us, insha'Allah.


Allah is always with you, all you need is to turn to him and pray.