Coping with Depression, stress and anger

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Re: Depressed.

Mezier said:
:sl:
I see alot of problems with what you just wrote...I dont agree with half of what you said................................:heated:
"There is no problem?" Of course there is:
1) She cries everyday
2) She works 13 hours a day (even though she has EVERY right to stay at home) which is obviously going to be spent on her husband..but she does this out of love; that means that her husband is only supporting his other wife financially (he is NOT just with his wives)
3) Even after this he goes and flirts with other girls
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You didn't get me brother, you're seeing the post from another perspective.

When I said "There is no problem." Then I meant 'no problem to be worried about.' If she cries everyday, that dosen't mean there needs to be a real problem. For example, suppose, for example, I cry everyday, that my parents are very harsh on me for they want me to work hard at school (just an example), and believe me, I really used to cry on this a few years ago. But now I know, its not something to cry on, its actually normal. This is what I meant by that.

"..She dose this out of love..." Why?!? When she knows its not her job to earn, then why dose she work? She won't die of hunger, believe me. Its my garuntee to you. Because Allah is the "Raaziq" and he has taken the responsability of providing "Rizq" to everybody.

"that means that her husband is only supporting his other wife financially (he is NOT just with his wives)"

You know today in the world, there are thousands of cases pending for women protesting against their husbands. And the worst thing happans when some silly people like us start to take side of those women, and start to assume that the man (her husband) is an animal and has no feelings. Mosly when women explain their problems, the also add unrealistic stuff (I have some experience that's why I am saying so, I'm not reffering to our sister's problem here.) they add unrealistic stuff which dosen't actually exist, plus it also contradicts themselves.

The sister said that he loves both of his wives equally. Now, why should a man who loves two ladies equally be unjust with them? We actually haven't seen the situation, and have not heard a single word from the husband, and are thinking that the solution we will find will be completly perfect, if not, atleast really good for her.

Is her husband and animal?!? NO! What if he gives his salery to the other wife because she cannot earn anything? Why do we always assume the other person to be completely wrong. We should not do this.

Next, what if its not possible for him to support both the families togather? And if she is helping him, isen't she also doing the right thing?

You know, I know of a girl, who when ever got herself in a fight with her spouse came running to her friends and told them how bad he was. And they were all perfectly convienced that he is a bad man, and she is very innocent (because they had not heard anything from him). And at once, even her freinds asked her to leave him. Later, one of them went to fight with that guy as to why dose he hurt her. Believe me, I know the boy personally, he even used to cry for her, that what should he do to solve the issue.

A man has already got two wives, and is facing difficulty in supporting his wifves, why would he flirt with women? Plus he is a muslim Alahmdulilah. He must have his own list of problems. And they might also be concerning her. Therefore making an image of the situation and finding out a solution is completly rediculous.

Even though the Prophet (saws) treated all of his wives justly and equally, he still prayed to Allah because he could not control his heart. He loved Aishah (ra) more.
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She wrote in her post her self that he loves both of them equally.

Well the way you see it is wrong brother.
Do not get offended, but your post came off as very cold and impersonal :(
:w:
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Because you know, its impossible to think that the husband is a crazy person and has no feelings. Obviously he is married now. He has two wives he will have too much burden, how can he even find the time to flirt with other women. OK I don't assume he dosen't but again, we don't know his arugments, if we listen to him, i'm sure we'll be convienced to him as well.
 
Re: Depressed.

:sl:
Brother, fair reply. We do not know the husband's arguements. From Isra's post: he does comfort her after she cries. But we dont know whether or not he is really a bad person.

So what I did was give sister Isra a little support, comfort her because from what she says, she is very unhappy. You are right, I may not know the entire story...but what I know is that I like to show empathy. And thats what I did. You might have sat there and seen her post as some sort of emotional outlet (which it is) but thats all you saw (judgding from your post). You made it look like she was totally wrong (which we do not know for sure); thats why I said your post sounded cold and impersonal.

I will stop here since I do not want to pollute this thread anymore :(
:w:
 
Re: Depressed.

Mezier said:
:sl:
Brother, fair reply. We do not know the husband's arguements. From Isra's post: he does comfort her after she cries. But we dont know whether or not he is really a bad person.

So what I did was give sister Isra a little support, comfort her because from what she says, she is very unhappy. You are right, I may not know the entire story...but what I know is that I like to show empathy. And thats what I did. You might have sat there and seen her post as some sort of emotional outlet (which it is) but thats all you saw (judgding from your post). You made it look like she was totally wrong (which we do not know for sure); thats why I said your post sounded cold and impersonal.

I will stop here since I do not want to pollute this thread anymore :(
:w:
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Comforting and giving a bit support to her is alright, but we must be sure that we are not blindly taking someone's side while supporting him or her. She may not get this feeling from our behaviour that she has no mistake and her husband is completely wrong. While supporting her, we need to make her realize that there needs to be something wrong from her side, and something from the husband's side. First of all, we need to fix our own problems. What are the things that her husband dosen't like in her? Etc. And we know its not possible that there is "NO" such thing. There has to be many of them. Once such problems are fixed, then we should wait to see if she feels satisfied or not.

While supporting her, we have to make her realize that the situation is not that much bad as she think it is. And that is my point.

Secondly, we are not polluting the thread. We, too, are searching for a solutio for sister Isra.
 
Re: Depressed.

Assallaamu alykum

If he (flirts) with other females, how do you come to the conclusion that he loves you?

That shows that he doesn't respect the Last Cermon that was given by our beloved Prophet, when he said that women are only a trust (amaanat) from Allah and that they do not belong to us.
****
There is no power in evil. It is nothing; therefore can only come to nothing.
 
Re: Depressed.

Tell him to sort his act otherwise you'll walk out the door.

if he doesnt sort out his act,he doesnt love you as much as he says he loves you.

Because if you love someone or something,you will do everything and anything in your power to make that person or thing satisfied.

So for your sake sis,i hope he does sort his act out,because it sounds like you truly madly love him,otherwise you wouldnt make excuses for his behavior.

May allah s.w.t give you both happiness and increase your iman.

wa'salaam.
 
achieved nothing in life

:sl:

first of all i've done nothing in islamic education, tried hifz, gave it up
second, i'm not great at sport, always wanted to be a football, never got there, never will
thirdly, in college education doing average, not excelling, not enough to get the best jobs that I want
fourth, i've done not much in terms of praying salaah and things

all in all, I've lived all these years, nothing to show for it, nothing working out.

sucks to be me....
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

anonymous said:
:sl:

first of all i've done nothing in islamic education, tried hifz, gave it up
second, i'm not great at sport, always wanted to be a football, never got there, never will
thirdly, in college education doing average, not excelling, not enough to get the best jobs that I want
fourth, i've done not much in terms of praying salaah and things

all in all, I've lived all these years, nothing to show for it, nothing working out.

sucks to be me....
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hey calm down bro/sis. remember that if u work for islam it may be hard but it's the best thing u can do for urself in life. if u are successful in islam u are eternally successful-in the akhirah when whatever you will receive is eternal...dunno about waht you think, but i think that's most important.
mah Allah guide you and keep you guided, ameen.
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

^Ameen, What's this dunya but a short time, The one who enters janna is succesful.
 
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Re: achieved nothing in life

:sl: brother/sister

True success comes with the deen Al-Islam, so insha Allah if you can try and pray salaah regularly with full concentration. Allah s.w.a will come running to you and help you insha' Allah. You've still got time left to be a hafiz or a true mumin insha' Allah! Don't let the shaytaan decieve you in thinking you're useless and haven't achieved nothing. Turn to Allah s.w.a because he's the one who can help you!

All the best...

:w:
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

:sl:

it doesn't seem like things will work out, every career i want, is out of reach, be it grades, talent, or *insert factor here*, becoming aalim/mufti comes with complications (family). quite frankly, i don't see a way past this.

this life may be short, but there is nothing to say we can't aim to be successes in this world as well as the hereafter is there?
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

:sl:

this life may be short, but there is nothing to say we can't aim to be successes in this world as well as the hereafter is there?
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A sheik once told me this, "who chases the dunya the dunya will run from him, and who disires the hearafter the dunya will come to him"
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

anonymous said:
:sl:

first of all i've done nothing in islamic education, tried hifz, gave it up
second, i'm not great at sport, always wanted to be a football, never got there, never will
thirdly, in college education doing average, not excelling, not enough to get the best jobs that I want
fourth, i've done not much in terms of praying salaah and things

all in all, I've lived all these years, nothing to show for it, nothing working out.

sucks to be me....
Click to expand...

Don't be too hard on yourself, anonymous!
We all feel like that sometimes. We (and others) expect much from us, and - human as we are - we don't always come up with the goods! :rollseyes

Sometimes, the harder we try to please God, the more we miss what he is trying to tell us! It may be that God has very different plans for you; it may be that your purpose in life does not require being sporty, or academic!
Ask God to reveal what plans he has for you and what gifts he has given you to fulfill them!

This passage speaks about people who may be ill equipped to spread God's message. It is meant for Christians, but you may find it helpful nonetheless:
"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (I Corinthians 1:26-27)

I hope you find peace in God. :)
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

:sl:

Trust Allah s.w.a and like i said before turn completely to Allah s.w.a. When you make a dua try your best to cry a bit and if you can pray during the night when everyone is asleep. Allah s.w.a loves those whom sacrifice they sleep for him. A degree in life isn't essential, you can be someone really special without a degree. In my view, a degree makes you have pride in yourself which isn't allowed in islam but im not discouraging you from aspiring to professional careers. Just do your best in life and please Allah s.w.a.

One more point i would like to make is sometimes Allah s.w.a doesn't give us something because he knows whats best for us, so don't just look at it from a negative perspective.

Sorry if my advice isn't helping you

:w:
 
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Re: achieved nothing in life

serve ur parents

be good to ur neighbours and people in general

do small kindnesses

fulfil your obligations towards deen

and thank Allah swt for everything

Every little bit helps - so even if the small kindnesses and good deeds you do may not see much to you - they may please Allah swt greatly :)
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

:sl: sister/brother

I feel you need to concentrate on what you have achieved rather than what you havent.

You say youve tried hifz, althought u gave it up this is surely an achievment in itself. You must have learnt a lot of knowledge even if its not much - its more than some others. I myself wish i could read arabic, and despite trying to learn i still cant accomplish it...see you've achieved something more than me.!!

Keep on doing the good things that yu are currently doing, and slowly try to implement other things that help you to feel like uve achieved somethings. Keep up with ur salaah...spend slightly more time reading Quraan.

Keep on studying!! who cares if u cant get the BEST job - what is the BEST job anyway? the one with the most money? or the one with more satsfaction?

stand back, make a list of good things, and things to concentrate on. take them one at a time and slowly u will ACHEIVE a lot more than you already are achieving :)

May Allah continue to guide you and bless you....ameen

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

jazakallah for all the advice

i seem to be complaining alot, but its just the fact that i have no good attributes and traits..be they

social
sporting
academic
religious knowledge

i don't want to have lived this life in mediocrity, both islamically, physically, and academically

i always wanted to be a hafiz, aalim, mufti....the works, as well as having a degree in maths/engineering/something science related in the health profession

oh well, if its meant to be
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

:sl:

these things do not come without work. If you sit back and do nothing you will achieve nothing.

If you make a little effort, Allah will help you and inshAllah things will become easier for you.

Look at your life, sort out what you want to change or where you wants to start, and take it slowly, one stepo at a time.

You can do it!!!InshAllah

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

Try the book "seven habits of Highly effective people" by Stephen R. Covey. Sometimes we all need to think differently.
 
Re: achieved nothing in life

assalamu alaikum,

Firstly..Allah loves you, as He is the one who blessed you with Islam.
I am sure u have many good things about you. Try writing a list about the positives instead of the negatives.

I am in a similar situation, education wise. Now i am a muslimah, and i wish that i had done something halal that i could be doing today (work wise).

I have wasted a lot of time as well.

However i am not going to give up on myself, i am going to remain positive insha Allah....so pls dont despair...ask Allah to help you, as this seems like the whispers of shayateen. (a'uthu billah)

May Allah make it easy for you dear sis/bro in Islam...and a failure is what you are not !
 

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