anonymous
Anonymous User
- Messages
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Haha u really need to work harder on ur math.Thank you for the ayah btw, it helps. Because yes, I do feel like I'm fallen. I feel unloved. Lonely. Miserable. Even despised. Not by other people, but by the ones I love. Yes, even my parents. I know they love me, but I can't see it, I can't feel it. Maybe they are the kind who don't feel comfortable showing their love. I know they love me so much. I don't blame them. It's my fault for being so needy. I remember crying when I was quite young because I felt like my mother hated me. I would get nightmares about my parents chasing me, their faces angry and fierce, trying to hit me. But I don't know what made me get such nightmares, Shaitan obviously! But no matter how many pep talks I give to myself, it's always in there you know, that feeling of being unloved. It's so wrong. So evil. But evwrytime I see my family together, having a good time, I would go join them and suddenly, it's like the tension has risen. I can see in their faces that they don't want me there. When I say something it is always wrong. Somehow I find myself reeling with hurt and tears stinging my eyes. It is always like that. It's my fault. I don't know how but I know it is. Maybe I'm not good at talking. Maybe I didn't turn out to be the kinda girl my mom wants me to be. I do feel sometimes that my family would be better off without me.
These days I stay away from them as much as possible. I'm always up in my room, curled up on the bed, skipping meals and avoiding them whenever I could. Becaise I know that if I'm around, someone wouod get hurt. Who can I tell all this to? My mom or dad are the last people I could talk to abouy my problems. I have neber evwr told them my problems, evwn when I was a kid. They wouod never understand me. Maybe because I don't know to speak clearly or something. But I know they love me. But sometimes, I do wish thwre would be someone to tell me that they loved me, to hold me when I'm sad, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold. <br><br><br>I can't help feeling that is why I fell for this guy. Because deep inaide I know he isn't right for me. I hace never spoken to a non mahram before and he was the only one I spoke to. That too because he is my cousin. But things turned out differely and I started thinking maybe I found the one. I started falling into this dream world full of fantasies and hopes and a fairy tale life. Someone loved me? No way! But when I found that he didn't, everything came crashing down. Love left me just when I thought I had it. How stupid and thoughtless of me. Now I must sound like a whining fool. Worrying about feeling unloved when there are...children in Africa who are starving, homeless kids without parents, children who are abused and sold for money! I just feel better now. Letting out what Ive stored up inside for so long
But I know Allah loves me. I don't need anything else. If Allah loves me then it is enough.
These days I stay away from them as much as possible. I'm always up in my room, curled up on the bed, skipping meals and avoiding them whenever I could. Becaise I know that if I'm around, someone wouod get hurt. Who can I tell all this to? My mom or dad are the last people I could talk to abouy my problems. I have neber evwr told them my problems, evwn when I was a kid. They wouod never understand me. Maybe because I don't know to speak clearly or something. But I know they love me. But sometimes, I do wish thwre would be someone to tell me that they loved me, to hold me when I'm sad, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold. <br><br><br>I can't help feeling that is why I fell for this guy. Because deep inaide I know he isn't right for me. I hace never spoken to a non mahram before and he was the only one I spoke to. That too because he is my cousin. But things turned out differely and I started thinking maybe I found the one. I started falling into this dream world full of fantasies and hopes and a fairy tale life. Someone loved me? No way! But when I found that he didn't, everything came crashing down. Love left me just when I thought I had it. How stupid and thoughtless of me. Now I must sound like a whining fool. Worrying about feeling unloved when there are...children in Africa who are starving, homeless kids without parents, children who are abused and sold for money! I just feel better now. Letting out what Ive stored up inside for so long
But I know Allah loves me. I don't need anything else. If Allah loves me then it is enough.