Ex won't stop hassling me

[EgyptPrincess]

As-salaam alaikum,

I just ended a haram relationship but he won't leave me alone. He is texting and calling me all the time and it's becoming more and more difficult to try to move on because it's a constant reminder. I can feel myself being pulled back to him and he knows it... At first I didn't answer the calls or texts and then I gave in and answered and spoke to him for a bit. He was tearing up on the phone and I feel so emotionally weak that I'll end up going back to him.

Then today I go to the masjid and he is waiting outside for me in his car! I'm with my sister and he just beeps his horn and calls me over... My sister went bat crap crazy and accused me of seeing him again but I assured her I didn't arrange this... My sister went over instead and told him she will break his legs if he keeps on bothering me, obviously I think she is just joking but I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I just want him to not contact me for a few months so I can get myself together but I think he won't give up...

He knows I love him dearly and I can feel myself giving in and going back to him and I really don't want that to happen. I don't want to change my number because it's a hassle and I blocked his number but he just calls from a friends phone. social media isn't helping either cos I see his photos and he "likes" my photos and stuff. I'm really trying to move on and with Ramadan coming up I want to focus on this special month but I know I can feel myself tilting and even though I know that it's wrong I will end up giving into him and that would be the worst thing to happen. What should I do? :hmm:

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Ever since you've been on this forum you've made so many improvements and I can see the change in you, but you know you still have a long way to go. To be honest your ex should understand how important this is to you, and if he really wants to be a part of your life he should take time away from you as well and maybe learn about Islam. You need your space right now, and he shouldn't be emotionally blackmailing you. If he becomes a Muslim on his own and asks for your hand properly I'm sure at the very least you and your family will have more respect for him even if in the end you don't end up together. Try to think with your head and not with your heart on this matter. if you go back to him it will upset your family and you will not feel so good either. Our life is so short, Inshallah with this sacrifice Allah will give you something a million times better and fill your heart with a love incomparable to any other. Be cold if you have to, but he needs to realize there's something more important in your life and that's Allah. May Allah rectify your affairs ameen.

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:


change your phone number , close your fb account . May Allah help u to stay away from haram relationships.


Is he a Muslim ? Then what about marrying him ? If he is not , then remember the severe punishment of disobeying Allah and stay away from him .

 

[Arfa]

Sis I know this may not sound sugar coated but instead of creating your relationship based on hormones calling just focus on the fact if this relationship has long term potential of marriage provided your bf is Muslim.If not follow straight path of Sunnah and surround yourself with decent company!

 

[Umm Malik]

As salamo alaykum sister
The first thing I will tell you is to just asking Allah because he know that you want to go a steps to him even it's hard for you
But Allah is worthy to do more for the sake of him
Ramadan will came and this is the chance to be close to Allah
Can I ask you sister ... do you think he will marry you ??
If yes ... let him for the sake of Allah and if he love you as he say , Allah will make him love you better
And if he don't want to marry you and just trying to break your heart and feeling Allah will protect you from him
And if your answer is no about the mariage ... My advice is also to stop and forget him .. because he may be a siner and can't stop and take this as bed habit
so don't be a part of his sins
sister don't let him on your Facebook .. or if you can't block it especially if you know this parson from Facebook
let him for the sake of Allah and don't break your heart and lose your Iman for anyone
just Allah who worthy to love in this way
I am sorry for my strange language .. but because you trust in us and ask us .. I told you what I do and what I think is the best
and one day you will be happy when you think of this test and you will be a winer coz you chose Allah
if you know Arabic tell me to speak to you in Arabic it's better be strange sister it's a bottle and a test be the winner .. life is short and Allah's side is better for you than any one and his love will make your life amazing I will return soon <3 wait me
your sister Maryam from Algeria

 

[EgyptPrincess]

It's so much easier said than done though. Part of me wishes I never met him considering the amount of anguish I've gone through the last week.

I'm trying my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about it and then when he calls or whatever I'm just reminded of how good it was and how tempted I am to go back to that.

If he is willing to wait out the masjid for me I really can't get away from him... Perhaps if I just go to explain it to him again face to face he will finally get the message. I told him to convert to Islam but he hasn't even mentioned it, perhaps he doesn't know where to start and by me ignoring him I'm potentially turning him away from discovering Islam. If he had some Muslim friends then they could introduce him to Islam and stuff but I don't think he has any... I'm the only Muslim he knows.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

As salamo alaykum sister
The first thing I will tell you is to just asking Allah because he know that you want to go a steps to him even it's hard for you
But Allah is worthy to do more for the sake of him
Ramadan will came and this is the chance to be close to Allah
Can I ask you sister ... do you think he will marry you ??
If yes ... let him for the sake of Allah and if he love you as he say , Allah will make him love you better
And if he don't want to marry you and just trying to break your heart and feeling Allah will protect you from him
And if your answer is no about the mariage ... My advice is also to stop and forget him .. because he may be a siner and can't stop and take this as bed habit
so don't be a part of his sins
sister don't let him on your Facebook .. or if you can't block it especially if you know this parson from Facebook
let him for the sake of Allah and don't break your heart and lose your Iman for anyone
just Allah who worthy to love in this way
I am sorry for my strange language .. but because you trust in us and ask us .. I told you what I do and what I think is the best
and one day you will be happy when you think of this test and you will be a winer coz you chose Allah
if you know Arabic tell me to speak to you in Arabic it's better be strange sister it's a bottle and a test be the winner .. life is short and Allah's side is better for you than any one and his love will make your life amazing I will return soon <3 wait me
your sister Maryam from Algeria

Thank you sister Maryam I think he would marry me in a heartbeat if it meant we could be together but he is not Muslim... My parents also do not like him, well my mother is open to him becoming Muslim but my father dislikes him very much for some reason even though he is a very nice person.

 

[*charisma*]

It's so much easier said than done though. Part of me wishes I never met him considering the amount of anguish I've gone through the last week.

I'm trying my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about it and then when he calls or whatever I'm just reminded of how good it was and how tempted I am to go back to that.

If he is willing to wait out the masjid for me I really can't get away from him... Perhaps if I just go to explain it to him again face to face he will finally get the message. I told him to convert to Islam but he hasn't even mentioned it, perhaps he doesn't know where to start and by me ignoring him I'm potentially turning him away from discovering Islam. If he had some Muslim friends then they could introduce him to Islam and stuff but I don't think he has any... I'm the only Muslim he knows.

Yes it is easier said than done, but this is your test isn't it? If he knows where the masjid is, then he can go inside and inquire about Islam. Don't make excuses for him. You're not his only source of information. He's a smart guy, he can figure it out. It's not worth the pain to go back to a man who doesn't believe in Allah. If you remain steadfast, these feelings will go away. If you keep going back and forth about it, then shaytan will have hope in you and will continue to entice you. Haram love is not worth it. Its not worth it to be with someone who's not on the same journey as you. Allah left a little bit of iman in your heart to make you feel bad about being with him when you were with him. He gave you the rope now you have to hold tight on to it and reach your goal inshallah. Before, you blamed your parents for not teaching you Islam correctly and perhaps Allah will forgive you for your wrongdoings inshallah because of your ignorance, but you now know what's wrong and whats right so this time you don't have an excuse if you go back to him. Make your repentance genuine and put your faith in Allah that he will heal your heart and make it easy for you.

 

[Serinity]

I can relate to some degree. Although mine, I assume, isn't as severe as yours as I, by the help of Allah SWT, avoided such a degree of hurt.

I assume from experience that if he takes another gf, that feeling will turn into envy and regret, and more hurt - don't act upon it!

try to prevent ANY contact with him, be busy, if he rings don't take it, start doing something else. Read Qur'an, or make dua, anything halal that'd divert your mind from him.

May Allah SWT help you. Ameen.

 

[Cpt.America]

It's so much easier said than done though. Part of me wishes I never met him considering the amount of anguish I've gone through the last week.

I'm trying my best to move on but I can't stop thinking about it and then when he calls or whatever I'm just reminded of how good it was and how tempted I am to go back to that.

If he is willing to wait out the masjid for me I really can't get away from him... Perhaps if I just go to explain it to him again face to face he will finally get the message. I told him to convert to Islam but he hasn't even mentioned it, perhaps he doesn't know where to start and by me ignoring him I'm potentially turning him away from discovering Islam. If he had some Muslim friends then they could introduce him to Islam and stuff but I don't think he has any... I'm the only Muslim he knows.

I know this line of thinking and I've been drawn to make this mistake before.
Sister no matter what you have to remember that Allah is the turner of hearts, and that we have no control on outcomes.
In Islam the ends DO NOT justify the means, because the ends are decided by Allah. We are only responsible for the means.
So if I want to do something haram convincing myself it has a good reason or to prevent a bigger haram... that is Shaytaan trying to seduce us with good intentions.
It is hard.
But the halal route is ultimately the only route to follow. Everything else ends up in pain. A little pain in the dunya, and a lot of pain in the akhirat, but ultimately pain.
Right now the fact that you are sticking by your guns shows that you are serious.
InshaaAllah serious enough to get him to think of looking into Islam for real
(One of the Prophet Muhammad SAWS daughters' husband did not convert to Islam at first and they had to separate, until later on he eventually became Muslim. You have to stay strong.)
By sticking by Islam, that is your dawah. And InshaaAllah it will have barakah.

Maybe he will accept Islam, and then you can marry him, and you will know then that this is a union blessed by Allah.
And maybe he won't accept, and you will know then that despite the immense pain now, Allah is protecting you from what is guaranteed to have resulted in even more severe pain (and I'm not even talking about the akhirat, just in this life alone.)

whatever you you do keep faith in Allah.

I would write more but I am a bit busy at the moment.
so for now I can only give you this:

http://muslimmatters.org/2014/05/13...haram-relationship-and-move-on-with-your-life

there was a time when this article helped me immensely

 

[Cpt.America]

Also, you need to quit social media contacts with him for now. Or just quit social media altogether if you must, to escape that pain of connection. We all cyber stalk.
You cannot heal until you go cold turkey radio silence,
and he may not seriously consider Islam until he realizes that is the only path and that this is not just a fad for you.

 

[Serinity]

As Cpt.America nicely put it, stay away from him, as this will and may be your dawah. Perhaps Allah SWT will guide him, thereby.

 

[Regrets1]

As salaamu Alaikum sis hope your in good health.


I can somehow relate to your situation only difference is I was going crazy coz of the doubts I was having. You two still have trust so I'm sure if you speak to him for the last time and explain everything he will understand and leave you alone as you want.
Love is not always about being together with that person but care and respect even when you aren't together. He should understand your deen is your everything and your happiness is getting closer to Allah and staying away from haram.

Iv read some of your posts and can see you really want this change Alhamdulillah and become a better Muslim. It's beautiful how Allah swt guides his slaves you should consider yourself lucky that you took that one step towards Allah and look where you are now, wanting to become better and better MashAllah.

We humans are emotional and weak, your attached to him so yes you'd want to go back to him as you don't want to see him hurt, its all really emotional sometimes youl end up thinking I'm selfish for hurting someone but don't let that thought get to you, always think just to make someone happy and gain little bit happiness for myself in this dunya I can't start walking towards hell.

Think about your parents and everything they went through because of you even though your intentions weren't to hurt them but be happy yourself, don't make them go through all that again, don't let them suffer because of your actions, they love you and care for you that's why they have accepted you after everything..make them proud now

All must be hard and hurt u a lot but don't go back to the haram relationship no matter what happens, and I know you won't that's why your here asking for advice. Whenever you start thinking of him start praying, recite Quran or start watching videos about hell that surely will help.

Think of how messed everything was b4, how hard it was and it is for you to leave him but you managed to do it..it hurts but you still don't wanna go back to him because you know it's wrong deep down you know leaving him is the best decision Youv made. If he's the one for you then you never know he might accept Islam and meet you again in future and you both get married but for now try forgetting about him and focus on deen. May Allah swt make it easy for u, may He increase your imaan and love for Islam. Ameen.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Thank you Cpt.America and Serinity. Do you think I should just go one last time and explain again why this cannot go on... I told him that Ramadan is coming up and I cannot have this weighing on my shoulders, I have enough to be sorry to Allah for already without doing anything more... Perhaps if I do just go "cold turkey" on him then this will be what it takes for him to turn to Islam when he realises this is the only way. At the moment I think he feels that if he keeps "pressing those buttons" I'll eventually crack and give in and the scary thing is I can feel it's working.

Inshallah I have the strength to be determined.

 

[Cpt.America]

Thank you Cpt.America and Serinity. Do you think I should just go one last time and explain again why this cannot go on... I told him that Ramadan is coming up and I cannot have this weighing on my shoulders, I have enough to be sorry to Allah for already without doing anything more... Perhaps if I do just go "cold turkey" on him then this will be what it takes for him to turn to Islam when he realises this is the only way. At the moment I think he feels that if he keeps "pressing those buttons" I'll eventually crack and give in and the scary thing is I can feel it's working.

Inshallah I have the strength to be determined.

If I were in your position, and I went to the person whom I had loved or still have love for, I would feel too weak... to not lose myself there, or to not lose sleep over everything for days and weeks and months afterward.
Going through a third party, is what I would do.
Either write an email from a burner account, or send a letter from a trusted mutual friend explaining everything.

The thing is, once we open one gate, Shaytaan tries to utilize it to open more.
This example shows an extreme but it is a good reminder to me:
https://tasfiyatarbiya.wordpress.com/2011/02/28/the-story-of-barseesa

This video was good also:
https://www.google.com/search?q=boy...=boyfriend+girlfriend+stop+it+nouman+ali+khan

and this article may also come off as a bit harsh, but the main points are good
http://www.islamnewsroom.com/news-we-need/2038-its-haram-sister-qbut-i-love-him-q

Overcoming the heart... is honestly one of the most painful tests in life. And if we've sinned and failed once, then InshaaAllah maybe by the difficulty of the test of overcoming it after our sins will be expiated quickly during this life time, and our status in Jannah will be elevated.

I am sorry if my words do not quite convey how deeply I feel the struggle and pain you are going through, but truly "I know that feel"

 

[Umm Malik]

Thank you sister Maryam I think he would marry me in a heartbeat if it meant we could be together but he is not Muslim... My parents also do not like him, well my mother is open to him becoming Muslim but my father dislikes him very much for some reason even though he is a very nice person.

Then be close to Allah and ask him to guide him
Ask Allah in the third part At night and every thing is easy for Allah to do
I understand and I feel you .. but you know Allah's wisdom will Surprise you in the future .. he may be your husband in the future as a reward for you patient .. just keep asking Allah and be close to him may Allah give you patient and give you Strang
Everyone gave test in this life .. so be strange sister
May Allah guide him and gather you here and in paradise if it good for you
Ameeen

 

[noraina]

Sis, you have done so well ever since coming here ma'sha'Allah, it takes a lot of strength to do what you have done so don't let him weaken your resolve now.

I know that you still have feelings for him, and when you are so attached to someone they can be your biggest weakness - which you shouldn't allow to happen. And don't feel like you have the responsibility of converting him to Islam, Allah swt is the Turner of hearts, and the decision to whether this guy accepts Islam is completely up to him - you could spend your whole life giving dawah to him but if he refuses to listen then he just won't. Definitely don't go up to him yourself, that may make things complicated especially if your family see, try to ask a mutual friend or someone you trust to give your point across to him.

In all honesty, I think you should break all ties with him. Being in a relationship like this isn't worth the pain it will give you in both this life and in the next, nor is it worth you compromising your deen for.

If he will convert to Islam, it will be independent of any involvement from you. Keep in mind that much more than your love for him is your love for your parents, and more than that your love for Allah swt - this is why you have gone back to your parents in the first place. No person will love you or provide for you like Allah swt will.

I understand this is so much more easier said than done, but if you end this now, rather than leaving it lingering in limbo like this, you will come out a stronger person with more conviction than before. Whilst it may hurt, you'll look back now and be so grateful you made the right decision - because when you make a choice out of love for Allah swt, it can never be wrong.

May Allah swt make it easy for you and give you strength. Ameen.

 

[azc]

Ask him to send his parents to meet your parents for marriage. It apears that he has taken you for granted as a toy to play with and your allowing her to play. If you think he also loves you then marriage is the ultimate step.

As-salaam alaikum,

I just ended a haram relationship but he won't leave me alone. He is texting and calling me all the time and it's becoming more and more difficult to try to move on because it's a constant reminder. I can feel myself being pulled back to him and he knows it... At first I didn't answer the calls or texts and then I gave in and answered and spoke to him for a bit. He was tearing up on the phone and I feel so emotionally weak that I'll end up going back to him.

Then today I go to the masjid and he is waiting outside for me in his car! I'm with my sister and he just beeps his horn and calls me over... My sister went bat crap crazy and accused me of seeing him again but I assured her I didn't arrange this... My sister went over instead and told him she will break his legs if he keeps on bothering me, obviously I think she is just joking but I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I just want him to not contact me for a few months so I can get myself together but I think he won't give up...

He knows I love him dearly and I can feel myself giving in and going back to him and I really don't want that to happen. I don't want to change my number because it's a hassle and I blocked his number but he just calls from a friends phone. social media isn't helping either cos I see his photos and he "likes" my photos and stuff. I'm really trying to move on and with Ramadan coming up I want to focus on this special month but I know I can feel myself tilting and even though I know that it's wrong I will end up giving into him and that would be the worst thing to happen. What should I do? :hmm:

 

[Regrets1]

He's not a Muslim so they can't get married [MENTION=38240]azc[/MENTION]

 

[muslimah_B]

Thank you Cpt.America and Serinity. Do you think I should just go one last time and explain again why this cannot go on... I told him that Ramadan is coming up and I cannot have this weighing on my shoulders, I have enough to be sorry to Allah for already without doing anything more... Perhaps if I do just go "cold turkey" on him then this will be what it takes for him to turn to Islam when he realises this is the only way. At the moment I think he feels that if he keeps "pressing those buttons" I'll eventually crack and give in and the scary thing is I can feel it's working.

Inshallah I have the strength to be determined.

Sorry to but in

But sis that is honestly the worst idea you can think of and do.
1. You still love him and have feelings for him, and by seeing him it will be harder for you to stay away, he will beg and plead with you to stay with him and this WILL pull on your heart strings this WILL pull you back to where you done so good MashAllah to get out of and move foward.

2. You admitted all this is working and having an effect on you.

Men sometimes dont know how to let go and move on, and find it hard to accept that, the best way is too ignore him, if he rings on another number and you pick up then lock off the call immediately dont even wait to hear what he has to say or if you want to you can just play Quran down the phone untill he locks off himself
If he texts delete it before you process the text or even read it

Honestly you have to be harsh to yourself and him, paying him any attention or time will hurt you and draw you back to him feeling sorry for him..

Dont feel bad or sorry, your jannah means more than anything, it means more than him, keep reminding yourself that its either him or Allah and you know which choice you should pick sis.

I know its hard believe me iv been there so many times, but sometimes you have to be selfish and choose yourself, choose your emaan your deen your Allah over that person causing destruction to your soul which would eventually happen.

If he becomes muslim alhamdulilah then you can if you want marry him, but untill that time, pretend he is dead to you, this is the only way to move foward, delete any social media where he can pop out of nowehere.
Start fresh let him remind you of how you do not want to be, of who you do not want to be with.

It gets better with time sis, you just have to ride this out and be strong and not give into the temptation that is him.

Look if you have to, pretend he is shaytan (sorry) but if that helps you stay away then do it