I have no issue listening to them when they talk ABOUT Islam. I am not adverse to learning more about it. But as far as joining them on their "journey" or whatever, I can't see any conceivable way that I would ever feel that way about Islam or any other religion. And I don't know what else I should really be doing? What am I supposed to listen to?
Earlier you made the analogy to a steak eater who has become a vegetarian. While some may not see the parallel, I think you've come up with a good illustration. Another might be the former smoker who quits. My experiece is that the convert is often much more aggressive in promoting their new found faith, truth, even favorite band than the person who grew up with it. I once had a friend aggressively try to steer me into martial arts because she had found it and it had made such a difference in her life; she treated it like a religion. What you might try is to say to them as plainly as you have here: "I am not adverse to learning more about it. But as far as joining them on their 'journey' or whatever, I can't see any conceivable way that I would ever feel that way about Islam or any other religion." The point is not that you reject them (or even Islam for that matter) but that you are establishing the boundaries of your life and the context in which you are comfortable having the conversation that is so important to them. But frankly, if they are truly sincere in their new found faith (be it Islam or any other religion) don't be surprised if they never loose their enthusiasm. I've been a Christian 37 years and I still haven't lost my enthusiasm for it. What I have done is learned to moderate the manner in which I present myself to others in order to continue relationships that are important to me. And don't be misled. If you family does this, and I hope/expect they will. It won't be because they have any less desire to see you "join them on their journey", but because they understand that they can't let a wall develop between you and them if they ever want to see you take the steps toward them necessary to make that journey.
So, can this work out to a place of comfortability between you and your family? Certainly. But for it to work, it will require your love for each other to be big enough to accept the differences that exist and learning how to live respecting those differences. And that means that you can't expect things to go back to the way they were before. There is a change that has taken place. It is a real change, and thus there is no going back because you are no longer in the same place that you once were. But you can go forward. And in going forward you can find (and even enjoy) your new relationship. At first it won't seem normal because it isn't what you are used to. But just because it is different doesn't mean it has to be bad. That, again, is for you as a family to work on. It will take time, but given that time (it won't take 37 years, but it will take more than 5-6 months) I new normal will develop and as it does I expect a certain level of comfortablity will emerge.
Thanks for your response, aadil77. In all honesty, I think I'm the one pulling back from them. I know its not right, but it doesn't feel as if there is much to say, and any discussion inevitably leads back to Islam. As I'm sure you're aware, Islam (as is the case with devout followers of any religion) is not JUST a religion, but a lifestyle. Their lifestyle used to be rather similar to mine and because of that, we had much in common. But religions change the way you see the world, and change your behavior. And it seems that half the stuff I do is Haraam.
David, it is good that you can see that you might be the one pulling back. Though the impetus for this discomfort might have to do with your family's new found faith. The process of addressing your concerns really aren't as much about religion (and I say this knowing that Islam is, as you say, not just a religion but a lifestyle), but about inter-personal and family dynamics. Recognize that some of that is in your control, and some of it is not. I would encourage you to work on that which you can. Learn not only to be internally tolerant, but to externally practice tolerance. Accept what you can. As I said, I am a Christian, not a Muslim. But when my Muslim daughter is in the house during Ramadan, I keep all aspects of Ramadan right along with her -- prayers, fasting, giving to charity, everything except saying the Shahada -- for none of this is against my own beliefs. On the other hand, I do have to draw some boundaries because Islam and Christianity are different. And since you don't seem to have any faith in a divine being, you're going to have differences as well. Ask your family to not only recognize that these differences exist, but to honor you enough that they can respect that this is what you have chosen for yourself. Thank them for caring enough about you and your eternal destinty that they want to do all they can to lead you into the truth (and remember it is the one and only truth from where they are coming from), but then help them to see that their manner of doing so is actually being counter productive. If they really want to reach you with this new found truth advise them on ways that you will be more comfortable in hearing it. Encourage them to do more praying for you, but less proselytizing of you. And help them to see that if you see this new found faith to actually become not just a short term experience, but a long-term blessing of their life, that it is likely to carry more weight and to lead you to seek the same thing for your life in the long-term than any argument that they could make in the short-term.
The above I share with you from the perspective of one who has had to counsel people experiencing the enthusiasm you say your family is demonstrating. I'm not just a Christian, I am also a pastor. And many a member of my congregations have shared their grief with regard to other family members who don't have the faith they have. And while I have no problem with the basic idea of sharing one's faith, I find that there are productive and unproductive ways to do that. In a sense, I hope your family never gives up in sharing their new found faith with you, for the essence of loving another is to share the good things we find that benefit our lives. But I also understand that you and they need to find a way for them to do this that maintains the cohesiveness of your family while they do this. Again, my experience is that this comes through learning tolerance of differences, clearly knowing who one's self is and defining that person independent of the group (which means establishing and respecting boundaries), but also showing a willingness to engage each other communicating about those things which are important in life yet doing so in a way that grants the sort of space those boundaries require. It is a balancing act. And one that changes with each step, not just in their faith journey, but also in each of our life journies. And recognize it or not, like it or not, none of our lives are static, including your own.
