Four Husbands

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Asalaamz,

... why women cannot have more than one husband

Main reason is God Almighty did not allow it in His holy book .

Human explanantions could be like this : if a man has say 1000 wives , it's not a problem to find out who is daddy , who is mommy .

If wife has multiple husbands , then her baby and all husbands need to go through DNA test . It's not honourable for any man or baby to find out the identity.

when wife is pregnant , it's husband's responsiblity to take care of her and spend money for her . If all 4 husbands claim that it's not my child and others are responsible , then who will take care of her and the baby ? During the long 9 months , she will stay with which husband ?

May be , it's not good for a woman / pregnant woman to have multiple panters ; it could be harmful for their and babies health etc etc .

The most important matter is God did not allow it , that's all :statisfie
We must not challenge our Creator but must say , we hear and we obey .

 

[AntiKarateKid]

Ok go ahead and have 4 husbands.

When each of them want 1,2,3 or more kids....

Have fun being in labor for the rest of your life!

Have you ever thought that one "freedom" might diminish your other freedoms? Women complain that men view them as just "baby machines" when they themselves are asking for things which will actually turn them into one. Not to mention the fact that men are more possessive and aggressive over their mate.

Ding! Ahmad wants two boys and a girl!

Now Malik wants three boys

After your done, Ibrahim wants a few daughters

And last but not least, Abdullah wants 5 for himself!

Start choosing who goes first but choose carefully! Your husbands aren't going to like waiting years just to get a turn... it might turn ugly!

 

[IslamicRevival]

i would like polygamy to be both ways.. finding out who the father is can be easily solved these days so wouldn't that make it halal in these times

Salaam. Its not for us to decide what we like. Humans like a lot of things but we have to abstain from what is prohibited. Whatever is haraam it is haram Whatever is Halal is halal. Allah SWT knows best

 

[DigitalStorm82]

Thanks for the responses...

I usually engage in religious dialogs with non-muslims and I get some interesting questions. Most of them I can easily answer, but this one got me thinking because everything can be refuted.

Majority of the people said that you wont know who the father is... but with DNA it is possible.

And for cateyez... Sis, there is an easy answer for your question as well... Artificial Insemination. A couple can choose to do this A.I. instead of marrying another woman.

But, I was asked this question by a jewish lady and I gave her some common answers, but they aren't strong enough points because the same can be said for the female wanting multiple husbands.

I had a long discussion with some of my family members regarding this issue, and I'll list few things that we talked about...

1. Mixing of seminal fluids in the woman (roughly 12 hours to - 3 days) may cause/harbor diseases.
2. Head of house hold... Which husband would be in charge?
3. Population of women is higher than men in some parts of the world but lower in others. (not a good argument)
4. DNA testing is not a practical solution on a global scale to determine the father of the baby.
5. Psychological factors - undetermined/undecided at the moment.
6. Being pregnant with a child of one husband - unable to perform her duties as a wife to other husbands - Debatable...


I know some responses were that it is asking questions about Allahs knowledge and wisdom. But, we need to be able to answer questions in defense of our religion which is why I made a post... not to cause fitnah. Although, I do fear that it may have already done some damage. Which is one of the reasons why I'm posting some of the answers that I came up with our small family discussion.

But, please feel free to give me more suggestions.

Thanks,
W'salaamz

 

[Santoku]

:salamext:

Question:

Why are women not allowed to have 3 or 4 husbands but men can have 3 or 4 wives?

. Moreover it is medically proven now that one of the major causes of the serious diseases which have become widespread, such as AIDS etc., is women having intercourse with more than one man, and the mixing of seminal fluids in the woman’s womb causes these lethal diseases.
IslamQA

Medically proven by whom? This is a statement of ignoranceand as a result casts doubt on the rest of the words.

 

[Muhaba]

Thanks for the responses...

Thanks,
W'salaamz

oh that's why you were asking. I thought you yourself were wondering why women couldn't have more than one husband.

one other reason may be that women only need one to get pregnant, but men can make more than one pregnant. Allowing men to marry more than one increases children because one man will be able to father lots of children & since there are more than women than men, all women will be able to get married and have children.

If you look at some animals, like bees and i think ants, one female (queen) mates with many males to fertilize lots of eggs. So in those animals, it's acceptable for the female to mate with lots of males.

 

[Santoku]

oh that's why you were asking. I thought you yourself were wondering why women couldn't have more than one husband.

one other reason may be that women only need one to get pregnant, but men can make more than one pregnant. Allowing men to marry more than one increases children because one man will be able to father lots of children & since there are more than women than men, all women will be able to get married and have children.

It also leads to a society which is unstable - since the ratio of male births to female births is around even for every man that has four wives, three men have to go without. So they will be forced to go outside the social group to find a wife. Perhaps that is the reason why christian and jewish wives are allowed, gives the young men something to go after, aand after they have exhaisted all the women in the area then they will have to invade somewhere else, but what happens when all the lands are occupied?

 

[Malaikah]

Santuko, I have to question that reasoning... you are forgetting that women have choice, and although it must vary significantly depending on the culture, I imagine most women would much rather marry a single man rather marry a man who is already married.

It would also be interesting to see what proportion of men would actually have four wives, and again this depends on the culture. Having four wives would be pretty expensive, not many men would be able to look after such big families.

 

[Santoku]

Santuko, I have to question that reasoning... you are forgetting that women have choice, and although it must vary significantly depending on the culture, I imagine most women would much rather marry a single man rather marry a man who is already married.

It would also be interesting to see what proportion of men would actually have four wives, and again this depends on the culture. Having four wives would be pretty expensive, not many men would be able to look after such big families.

Did you not see the program on the Iranian famer who had 4 wives - he was not rich, Channel 4 I think it was.
I imagine the society would be much like the one the mormon fundies have in Texas? The big boys at the top get multiple wives the kids at the bottom get nowt and if the say anything they are excluded (thrown out).
As for approval the social pressures put on the girls would probably be quite severe. If they were given a choice - we have seen many cases in muslim societies where a girl is married off as a junior wife to an older man and she is definitely unwilling. See those legal cases in the gulf we had earlier this year and for every girl who has he courage to stand up and say "I want a divorce, I was married against my will" how many do not get the chance or lack the courage?

 

[Malaikah]

Did you not see the program on the Iranian famer who had 4 wives - he was not rich, Channel 4 I think it was.
I imagine the society would be much like the one the mormon fundies have in Texas? The big boys at the top get multiple wives the kids at the bottom get nowt and if the say anything they are excluded (thrown out).

No, it is 100% different. In the FLDS, no one has the right to choose who they wish to marry and only their so called prophet can arrange a married after being 'inspired' by God. Of course its all fake and all that happens is the influential men in the community go to the prophet and tell him who they want to marry and the girls have no right to refuse because according to their beliefs this was mandated by God. The only reason they get so many wives, especially young wives, is because they are forced.

Forced married is a sin in Islam and is NOT allowed. Both men and women have the right to choose who they want to marry and no one can force them into it.

As for approval the social pressures put on the girls would probably be quite severe. If they were given a choice - we have seen many cases in muslim societies where a girl is married off as a junior wife to an older man and she is definitely unwilling. See those legal cases in the gulf we had earlier this year and for every girl who has he courage to stand up and say "I want a divorce, I was married against my will" how many do not get the chance or lack the courage?

I know many, many Muslim couples and I have only ever met one couple who was forced to marry each other (both the husband and wife were forced). The fact remains that forcing someone into marriage is a crime, and if the girls or their family or friends don't speak up about it the you can't expect the government or state to help them.

I know of a non-Muslim woman who was forced into married in a Western country... it isn't exclusive to Muslims. Forced marriages happen with or without polygamy and is a separate issue.

 

[Muhaba]

...It would also be interesting to see what proportion of men would actually have four wives, and again this depends on the culture. Having four wives would be pretty expensive, not many men would be able to look after such big families.

Most men, I think, don't even want more than one wife. While living in UAE I noticed that men who remarry usually neglect the first wife altogether and live only with the second wife (unless they have lots of Taqwa and wear Allah, in which case they give equal rights to both wives). So I think it's more like a man in the West remarrying. The other wife is still married to them, but they don't have any relations with them.

So I think polygamy would be a burden on most men and they'd be happier with just one wife at a time.

 

[Woodrow]

The overall and determining answer is because that is what Allaah(swt) has prescribed.

Now to find reasons (Although we should not need any)

1. Men are permitted 4 wives, not required to have 4 wives. This ruling actually eliminated polygamy to a large extent. This is a means to reduce if not eliminate mistreatment of women

2. The rulings for taking more than one wife, if properly followed, serve to protect women as men are obligated to protect them. A woman is not obligated to provide for or protect a man from danger.

3. Any or all of what have been mentioned earlier in this thread.

3.

 

[cat eyes]

Medically proven by whom? This is a statement of ignoranceand as a result casts doubt on the rest of the words.

exactly! medically proven by whom? all of you's are all making statements with no prove or evidence.

if you see in my first posts, i did also ask for you to give me the surah verse where its stated its haraam for a woman to have more then one husband thats all.. and i also asked for hadith evidence..

because i could not find myself.. what is the actual real laws of the shariah anyway? because i find alot of there laws are corrupted and made up by ignorant leaders and you will not find much of there laws stated in the hadiths either.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Meh imagine having more than one hubby to satisfy( not trying to sound gross). Err lets just say they're sex drive is ermm really high as compared to a woman. Could you handle that. Cooking for 2 let alone 4? Cleaning up after all of them. Women complain about their husbands, you want more? Seriously? How could anyone want that? Alhamdulillah but I'd only like to deal with ONE.

Allah knows best what is good for us, people seem to forget that...

You ask, is it written anywhere where they can't. Did Allah state a woman could?? It goes both ways.

Some people are really odd..

 

[Woodrow]

exactly! medically proven by whom? all of you's are all making statements with no prove or evidence.

if you see in my first posts, i did also ask for you to give me the surah verse where its stated its haraam for a woman to have more then one husband thats all.. and i also asked for hadith evidence..

because i could not find myself.. what is the actual real laws of the shariah anyway? because i find alot of there laws are corrupted and made up by ignorant leaders and you will not find much of there laws stated in the hadiths either.

I doubt if there are any hadith that specifically forbid a woman from having more then one Husband. However, it is forbidden for a man to marry a woman who has a husband. In the Qur'an read Surat 4 (Al_Nisa) Ayyat 25 and forbidden to you are married women.

Therefore there is no need for a specific ruling that prohibits a woman from having more than one Husband. If she is married, A Muslim man is forbidden to marry her. So how can she have more than one Husband if Muslim men are forbidden to marry her while she is married.

 

[cat eyes]

Meh imagine having more than one hubby to satisfy( not trying to sound gross). Err lets just say they're sex drive is ermm really high as compared to a woman. Could you handle that. Cooking for 2 let alone 4? Cleaning up after all of them. Women complain about their husbands, you want more? Seriously? How could anyone want that? Alhamdulillah but I'd only like to deal with ONE.

Allah knows best what is good for us, people seem to forget that...

You ask, is it written anywhere where they can't. Did Allah state a woman could?? It goes both ways.

Some people are really odd..

a woman also has a high sex drive also and no it dosen't really go both ways

 

[MSalman]

Majority of the people said that you wont know who the father is... but with DNA it is possible.

is the DNA possibility universal? Meaning,

1 - Did we have this tool in the past?
2 - Do we have any evidence that humanity will never lose this tool?
3 - Do every one has access to this tool even in our period of time? Can we prove that everyone can utilize this tool given any period of time?
​

Conclusion, Islam is not time or people limited. All these people who claim to be rational, the kuffaar, yet bring up this argument really need to check their common sense.

I know some responses were that it is asking questions about Allahs knowledge and wisdom. But, we need to be able to answer questions in defense of our religion which is why I made a post... not to cause fitnah

akhee, may Allah preserve you, there is a proper way of da'wah. We need to understand the difference between their way and our way. As long as the difference lies, they will never be able to understand Islamic rulings and you will be just running in circles...PERIOD. How can you convince a person about Islamic rulings if he does not even believe in Allah or Islam? How can he understand Islamic rulings when he hardly knows anything about principles used to derive rulings? So, first learn the proper methodology of da'wah and how do we answer their contentions, insha'Allah. This is a good place to start

When the text tells us the wisdom/reasoning behind a ruling, we tell them When the text is silent, then we also tell them that. Sometime, we can come up with some answers but sometime we cannot because we do not know the actual reasons and wisdom behind a certain ruling. The more we try to come up, with answers, ourselves, the more we will be cornered and appeared as justifying Islam.

Allah knows best

 

[cat eyes]

I doubt if there are any hadith that specifically forbid a woman from having more then one Husband. However, it is forbidden for a man to marry a woman who has a husband. In the Qur'an read Surat 4 (Al_Nisa) Ayyat 25 and forbidden to you are married women.

Therefore there is no need for a specific ruling that prohibits a woman from having more than one Husband. If she is married, A Muslim man is forbidden to marry her. So how can she have more than one Husband if Muslim men are forbidden to marry her while she is married.

i would like a more clear clarification on it because this verse could mean another thing totally different from what we are actually discussing.. any man would be forbidden to a woman anyway even if she is not married because that would be zina.

can i also just say that the holy qur'an is the only book which says marry only one woman..

so please anybody who says a brother can have loads of women and its not disgusting then think again.. some brothers and sisters seem to think its not a big thing here but it is!

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

It does go both ways. It's known guys have more than women.

I ask you sis, did Allah(swt) claim a woman can marry? Just as much as u think he didn't? And you didnt address the other bits of my post.

Tell me honestly, do you want four husbands?

so please anybody who says a brother can have loads of women and its not disgusting then think again

Are you for REAL? Allah(swt) says this in the Qur'aan that they are allowed. Are you saying what Allah allowed is disgusting?

 

[MSalman]

i would like a more clear clarification on it because this verse could mean another thing totally different from what we are actually discussing..

sister, may Allah preserve you, the ayah is very clear.

any man would be forbidden to a woman anyway even if she is not married because that would be zina.

, allhamdulillah, you just refuted yourself. If any man is not allowed to interact with any stranger woman (married or not married), then why would Allah specifically mention the married ones? This is an evidence in and of itself that this mentioning has a special meaning. The ayah is talking about women which a man is not allowed to MARRY. If a man cannot marry a married woman then it means she can have ONLY ONE husband. Let us look at the ayaat in the context:

And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way.

Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Thus has Allah ordained for you. All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal - money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allah is Ever All Knowing, All Wise

[Surah an-Nisa (4): 22-24 - interpretation of the meaning]
​

I hope this is clear now, insha'Allah

can i also just say that the holy qur'an is the only book which says marry only one woman..

you mean he can marry only one if he fears that he cannot give them their rights?

and Allah knows best