Frustrations in getting married

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Will you marry a young man who is good in religious level, character, and personality, but he just worked for a year, in low position and with low income?

What some woman don't know is how marriage can save someone's life. Whether it be yours and/or your partners life.

If a man like you described above does not get married, what will become of him? He may lose his Iman (faith), get involved in drugs, hang out with friends in bars every night, spend their nights with their friends smoking and wasting money on gas driving motorcycles.

By getting married, you give this man an amazing opportunity apart from work to succeed in. He now knows he is working to support his family. He will try harder for promotion so he can buy his wife gifts. He will come home from work knowing there's a wife waiting for him at home who is smiling and thinking about him. For a man who's been pious and religiously committed for so long, marriage is the best gift for him. He will give all his emotions to you, he will love his first and only woman, and he will take care of you.

Marriage is talked about so much in the hadiths of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him.) (Think about why!).

Al-Bayhaqi narrated in Shu’ab al-Eemaan from al-Raqaashi: “When a person gets married he has completed half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.” Al-Albaani said of these two hadeeths in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (1916)

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in the hadeeth, “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity…”

“Whomever Allaah blesses with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.”

Just something woman should think about. We all started as babies and grew up, we all were new to job but we will Inshallah eventually grow up in terms of rank.

 

[ardianto]

Basically the women, whether they have a job or not, expect to have husband who can give financial secure, who can fulfill their needs. So, when they are looking for a husband, they expect the men who have stable and good income.

But in another side, when the men start looking for a wife, mostly of them haven't yet in this condition. But still as a beginner in career who still work in low position, not as manager or director, and still in low income.

So, sister, if you get marriage proposal from a man who is religious, good in character and personality, have great sense of responsibility, but his income is still low, would you accept him? or you would reject him due to his current low income?

 

[ardianto]

Attention, unmarried sisters! Ardianto asked you a question. When he speaks, you listen. When he asks, you answer. Get to it! :raging:

If I myself did not mind with no response, why did you angry like this, bro?

Just something woman should think about. We all started as babies and grew up, we all were new to job but we will Inshallah eventually grow up in terms of rank.

Salam Iceee

When I was young an older relative told me that the man should not hesitate to get married just because low income because after getting married the income would be increased.

Emmm, ...... he's right.

 

[Aprender]

Basically the women, whether they have a job or not, expect to have husband who can give financial secure, who can fulfill their needs. So, when they are looking for a husband, they expect the men who have stable and good income.

But in another side, when the men start looking for a wife, mostly of them haven't yet in this condition. But still as a beginner in career who still work in low position, not as manager or director, and still in low income.

So, sister, if you get marriage proposal from a man who is religious, good in character and personality, have great sense of responsibility, but his income is still low, would you accept him? or you would reject him due to his current low income?

Yes. I would still accept him. I would be happy to have a man who is religious with a good character and personality and a sense of responsibility. These characteristics are more important to me than a man with a high ranking job title anyway. Low income is better than no income and we can work together until he gets into that next level in his career. I do not mind. I would still stand by him. Allah would be with us, taking care of us so as long as he keeps that in mind we would be OK in shaa Allah. I wouldn't reject a man who is religious, with good character and personality simply because he's just starting out in life. That's no problem for me.

There was a time in my family when we used to live in a car for a while. Then we had to stay with a relative. But then alhamdulillah we were able to find a house to live in again too.

Things aren't always going to be perfect starting out. But in marriage I think it's important to be supportive of each other during all times. The good and the bad and in the beginning.

 

[ardianto]

Yes. I would still accept him. I would be happy to have a man who is religious with a good character and personality and a sense of responsibility. These characteristics are more important to me than a man with a high ranking job title anyway. Low income is better than no income and we can work together until he gets into that next level in his career. I do not mind. I would still stand by him. Allah would be with us, taking care of us so as long as he keeps that in mind we would be OK in shaa Allah. I wouldn't reject a man who is religious, with good character and personality simply because he's just starting out in life. That's no problem for me.

There was a time in my family when we used to live in a car for a while. Then we had to stay with a relative. But then alhamdulillah we were able to find a house to live in again too.

Things aren't always going to be perfect starting out. But in marriage I think it's important to be supportive of each other during all times. The good and the bad and in the beginning.

Jazakillah Khayr for your response.

To be honest, sis. I asked that question because I've ever heard a woman said that she expect to get a husband who has been really stable in financial matter with big enough income. But I noticed the reality that men like this usually have been married with women who focus to those men personalities, not the current income when those men proposed marriage.

 

[Futuwwa]

If I myself did not mind with no response, why did you angry like this, bro?

Because it is a matter of utmost importance.

People can rant for 47 pages about frustrations in getting married, but can't be bothered to actually discuss one of the main underlying reasons for why young guys have difficulties getting married. Are we actually interested in solutions, or do we just rant for therapeutical purposes?

 

[Predator]

So, sister, if you get marriage proposal from a man who is religious, good in character and personality, have great sense of responsibility, but his income is still low, would you accept him? or you would reject him due to his current low income?

This question is best directed at the parents especially the father of the sister as he plays big role in rejecting low income guys as he doesnt want his daughter standard of living to go down . All these materialistic monsters have a benchmark like Bill gates in their minds and prevent lots of men from marrying when they are young and cause lots of fitna and corruptions in the society in the process . Hope the materialism come back and bites all these monsters some day .

 

[ardianto]

This question is best directed at the parents especially the father of the sister as he plays big role in rejecting low income guys as he doesnt want his daughter standard of living to go down . All these materialistic monsters have a benchmark like Bill gates in their minds and prevent lots of men from marrying when they are young and cause lots of fitna and corruptions in the society in the process . Hope the materialism come back and bites all these monsters some day .

I know that in certain Muslim societies the authority to decide marry or not marry is not on the hand of the girls, but on the hand of their fathers who often reject the suitors with irrational reason. It cause problem for the girls and also for the guys there.

However, there are other Muslim societies where the girls and the guys have big freedom to decide with whom they will get married. But in Muslim societies like this I found that there are some girls who prefer suitors that already stable in career and financial matter, not the beginner in career that haven't stable in financial matter.

 

[Musaafirah]

My two pence in response to futuwwa's numerous questions..
Usually the decision may be out of the girl's hands, as their parents/relatives/guardians may already have this image of the 'perfect' man for their daughter. The girl, if she's islamically inclined, will leave the matter to their parents, because 'ideally' their parents will be looking for a compatible islamic match... Ideally.

However, I don't think parents of said girls who may ever be in the above situation will ever be posting on this board...
It's all in Allah's hands at the end of the day, so there's really no point getting all theoretical and hypothetical...

 

[ardianto]

Usually the decision may be out of the girl's hands, as their parents/relatives/guardians may already have this image of the 'perfect' man for their daughter. The girl, if she's islamically inclined, will leave the matter to their parents, because 'ideally' their parents will be looking for a compatible islamic match... Ideally.

But Islamically the decision to accept or not accept the marriage proposal is on the girl's hand. Parents, relatives, or anyone can looking for the right man and propose him to the girl. But if the girl is not willing to marry this proposed man, she cannot be forced.

Forced marriage is forbidden, arranged marriage is acceptable only if the girl and the guy do not mind to accept it.

 

[Musaafirah]

But Islamically the decision to accept or not accept the marriage proposal is on the girl's hand. Parents, relatives, or anyone can looking for the right man and propose him to the girl. But if the girl is not willing to marry this proposed man, she cannot be forced.

Forced marriage is forbidden, arranged marriage is acceptable only if the girl and the guy do not mind to accept it.

I didn't imply the girl was going to be forced. Merely, that if such characteristics of a potential dude are presented to the girl's wali and they do not approve, the girl will never hear of the details..

 

[3abcira7man]

It has nothing to do with wealth or witty, it is towfiiq minallah.

However, we always have the faculty to initiate and act. So, let people keep on trying, and praying. Rest assured it will be kheir insha Allah

 

[Mr.President]

Another frustration is parents ! :raging:

They do not understand the concept of marriage in islam and its difficult to educate them about this matter,

What they say is first good salary, then place to stay and then some say buy vehicle and get married ............................
bloody heck I have to wait till I am 52

 

[ardianto]

What they say is first good salary, then place to stay and then some say buy vehicle and get married ............................
bloody heck I have to wait till I am 52

It's ironic.

Some of 50's age men who I know already have children or even grandchildren. But they still don't have good salary, house, or car.

 

[Predator]

^^^That because they don't give much importance to wealth in your village. Its sad that not all people think like that.

 

[cogito ergo sum]

I don't belong to any of eastern traditions where your parents/relatives find you a partner and you just sit back and relax while they are doing the hard work :heated:

 

[Muhaba]

I don't belong to any of eastern traditions where your parents/relatives find you a partner and you just sit back and relax while they are doing the hard work :heated:

everybody has something to complain about. those from east complain that their parents / relatives make decisions for them. those from west complain that their parents / relatives don't make decisions for them.

 

[cogito ergo sum]

everybody has something to complain about. those from east complain that their parents / relatives make decisions for them. those from west complain that their parents / relatives don't make decisions for them.

yeah, true. What can I say. I'd like them to care that much as to find several guys so I could pick one of them

 

[Muhaba]

yeah, true. What can I say. I'd like them to care that much as to find several guys so I could pick one of them

Well, not all people from the east are so lucky either. In fact, match-making has become quite a frustrating process. I think it was better when people had to choose among those living close to them. But now the pool of potential partners has grown and with it the process has become more and more complex, if only because people just can't choose one among so many.

 

[cogito ergo sum]

Tell me about it ;D

Sure it's hard, but inshallah everyone will get their share of the destiny..