Frustrations in getting married

There is going to be a 'top secret marriage section' kind of a thing here, where only people of distinguished smartness* are to be allowed :X

*smartness is to be measured by the mods/candidates by the reputation the posters receive, plus only those who request membership of that section, be allowed there. brothers can post their profiles and sisters can pm their interest, if any, people can keep a different account for that section specifically so that they are comfortable posting. *

hey hey, where y'all going! wait up, it hasn't been made!, just kidding, :s: sorry to race that pulse rate, just offering a possible solution, Dont really think that things work out like this, but if people can apply on matrimonial websites, whats the glitch in letting them pursue the matrimony in a decent and restricted way like the forums are moderated here and so many people are wondering about the solution to marriage...just a thought.:phew

 
'Abd Al-Maajid said:
You run a marriage bureau or somethin'?
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No bro. But I learned many things about women. I will explain how.

Out of friendship with opposite gender is forbidden, when I was young I had three close friends who all of them had similarities. Female, my classmate, and .... beautiful. :D

The first was my classmate when I was in grade 3 in elementary school. She phone me almost every evening and spent around 1 hour to chat with me. She was the first girl who sent letter to me. Funnily, she sent it directly but she used stamp on the envelope. But in grade 4 I moved to Bandung city and never heard about her again.

The second was my classmate in grade 6 in elementary school who lived near my home. We often chat together, until we graduated from elementary school. We studied in different secondary school and she moved to another house that far from my house. Last time I meet her in school reunion. My son still use the stationary that given by her to put his pens and markers.

The third was my classmate in grade 12 in high school. This was the closest and the most important friendship because this is the girl who now becomes my wife.

From them I learned about interaction with girls/women.

Besides friendship with girls, I also made friendship with ...... grandmas. They were my friends grandmas. I often chat with them while my friends only watching. They treated me very well, even one of them often cooked me foods. From them I learned how to treat women nicely.

Now, when old ladies come to my office, I often tell my employee to step aside at let me serve them.

And like I said several times, I was The Lucky Guy. I didn't need to looking for girls, but girls came to me. I was familiar with situation when girls tried to approach me. They were from various characters and personalities. From them I learned similarities and differences between one woman and another woman. Also from these experiences I learned about what's women feel about love.

I also made some temporary friendship with other girls who just wanted to have friend for talking. From them I learned about woman's mind.

I am sure there are many brothers here who dream to have experience as The Lucky Guy. But no ! they do not need to expect it. And that happened to me when my Islamic knowledge was very very low.

Also. I often drove my mother when she wanted to go in car. We often went anywhere with her friends in the car. From what my mother talked with her friends, I know if women in 'mother generation' have hobby to matching someone with another.

---------

And to my brothers and my sisters here who regard themselves as 'ugly'. Please do not envy to those who handsome or beautiful, and do not ever questioning why Allah made you as not beautiful person.

Allah always fair. If you don't have beauty, it's means you have different fortune, maybe smart brain, maybe high iman, maybe easiness in every matter, or other fortune.

Remember, Allah always fair.
 
SFatima said:
There is going to be a 'top secret marriage section' kind of a thing here, where only people of distinguished smartness* are to be allowed :X

*smartness is to be measured by the mods/candidates by the reputation the posters receive, plus only those who request membership of that section, be allowed there. brothers can post their profiles and sisters can pm their interest, if any, people can keep a different account for that section specifically so that they are comfortable posting. *

hey hey, where y'all going! wait up, it hasn't been made!, just kidding, :s: sorry to race that pulse rate, just offering a possible solution, Dont really think that things work out like this, but if people can apply on matrimonial websites, whats the glitch in letting them pursue the matrimony in a decent and restricted way like the forums are moderated here and so many people are wondering about the solution to marriage...just a thought.:phew
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Wow! that's not gonna happen here. lol

noorseeker said:
I see mostly bros posting in here
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Should it be moved to brothers' section, we can discuss... :p
 
ardianto said:
Just a tip for sisters.

You are not in position that "find someone", but you are in position that wait and "be found". It makes you have less mobility than men.

My advice. Don't lock yourself in your room. But try to associate with older women in your Muslim community like your mother friends, your auntie friends. Active in their activities, like join in their cooking club, or their Qur'an recitation group. Make them have a good image on you as a girl who can be a good wife.

I suggest it because one hobby of women in that age is 'matching' someone with another. :D

So, when they know a brother looking for a wife, they will recommend you.
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woww.. how could you discover that ^^'

for this specific reason i stopped going to the local Masjid!, i started to feel like i'm going to a matching event!, not to mention i started to notice girls wearing like they were in a wedding or a fashion show ... this was making me sickkkkkkkkk:heated:
 
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noorseeker said:
I keep on thinking this is happiness , being the lucky guy. Everymans dream
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:sl:

I used to want to be That Guy. Even moreso because my best friend for a time was That Guy. He was athletic, good-looking, popular, all the girls wanted to be with him. Then there was me. Goofy, awkward, a total dork. None of the girls wanted to be with me. It really used to bother me back then.

Now I know I am a dork, and I embrace my dorkdom. It has become a part of me, and I cannot deny it now. I read history books and play video games, and enjoy a good session of D&D. I am a dork and proud of it. ;D

Anyway, I do have a serious question for the sisters (if there are any still around here). Are there any specific qualities of a Muslim man that you look for? What do you consider to be the best qualities of a husband?

Enlighten us, please.
 
King of Nines said:
:sl:

I used to want to be That Guy. Even moreso because my best friend for a time was That Guy. He was athletic, good-looking, popular, all the girls wanted to be with him. Then there was me. Goofy, awkward, a total dork. None of the girls wanted to be with me. It really used to bother me back then.

Now I know I am a dork, and I embrace my dorkdom. It has become a part of me, and I cannot deny it now. I read history books and play video games, and enjoy a good session of D&D. I am a dork and proud of it. ;D

Anyway, I do have a serious question for the sisters (if there are any still around here). Are there any specific qualities of a Muslim man that you look for? What do you consider to be the best qualities of a husband?

Enlighten us, please.
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Confident, has to make me laugh, has to have a job, must like to travel, has to have a great sense of humour, this is what I've ready mostly on their profiles :hmm:
 
Salahudeen said:
Confident, has to make me laugh, has to have a job, must like to travel, has to have a great sense of humour, this is what I've ready mostly on their profiles :hmm:
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Well I have the sense of humor, or else I'm part of a very cruel practical joke where people tell me I am funny and I am really not. So I think I can make sisters laugh.

I do like to travel. I just don't do much of it now due to time and money.

I do have a job.

So that only leaves... confidence.

Oh... crap. I'm in more trouble than I thought...
 
I think if you can make em laugh you are half way there;D, I made a matrimonial profile:embarrass , i used to get soo many compliments, because i wrote onr the funniest profiles lol ;D

A good looking guy will take advantage of his looks with women,, but ive still not heard women hitting on men.


I get looked at or i think i do when i wear my topi :hmm:
 
Any how , the longer we stay single, the more we value marriage .

So all is not lost, And Allah swt knows best.
 
Well to be honest there was a time when i thought of marrying soon, sooner than the time lol...but then i sat down and contemplated, and realized that there are other things in live which we can enjoy and being single spending late night hours with friends and partying around, these time will not come back, man. ;D

And when i resigned from my job, my grandma told me that they were thinking of marrying me off...lol. Then I was like, "Oh! snap! only if i knew..." lol
 
King of Nines said:
Anyway, I do have a serious question for the sisters (if there are any still around here). Are there any specific qualities of a Muslim man that you look for? What do you consider to be the best qualities of a husband?

Enlighten us, please.
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Deen of course, if a man doesn't fear Allah then that's a big no-no. Patience is a big factor to me, has to have some level of sabr within him. I'd like to see the way he interacts with the females in his life, mother sisters etc. Also his choice of friends is quite important.
 
ardianto said:
If you have a husband who always treats you well, then the marriage is not scary thing.

So, always make du'a, wish Allah give you a good husband.
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Inshaa Allaah ta'aalaa maybe someday, when I can handle the all the responsibilites, definitely not now!!!
 
Ghazalah said:
Deen of course, if a man doesn't fear Allah then that's a big no-no. Patience is a big factor to me, has to have some level of sabr within him. I'd like to see the way he interacts with the females in his life, mother sisters etc. Also his choice of friends is quite important.
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:sl:

Well the only females in my life are my mother and sister. I don't know if that is good or bad, but I don't really have any non-related female friends.

I had created a profile on SingleMuslim at one time, but I deleted it. It didn't feel right to me to be communicating with sisters when I already knew I wasn't going to be married anytime soon.
 
Salahudeen said:
Confident, has to make me laugh, has to have a job, must like to travel, has to have a great sense of humour, this is what I've ready mostly on their profiles
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Hmm, looks like all I need is a job... Just give me two more years ladies. ;)
 
'Abd Al-Maajid said:
Well to be honest there was a time when i thought of marrying soon, sooner than the time lol...but then i sat down and contemplated, and realized that there are other things in live which we can enjoy and being single spending late night hours with friends and partying around, these time will not come back, man. ;D

And when i resigned from my job, my grandma told me that they were thinking of marrying me off...lol. Then I was like, "Oh! snap! only if i knew..." lol
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Well, my definition of partying around is quite different. It doesn't mean going to Hard Rock cafe and taking tequila or vodka shots or smoking hooqah at hooqah parlor or dancing with non-mahram ladies (harlots probably)...
-In response to one of the rep. comments.
 
King of Nines said:
I used to want to be That Guy. Even moreso because my best friend for a time was That Guy. He was athletic, good-looking, popular, all the girls wanted to be with him.
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I was not a guy who could raise hysteria among the girls. I am just an ordinary good looking guy like other people who you can find in everywhere, even I have body that too easy to going fat, and I am an introvert person who prefer being alone than became limelight.

If those girls tried to approach me it's because I was not surrounded by girls, and it's made them thinking, there's no competitor. And if women love to talk with me. it's because as introvert I could be a good listener.

So, who said the introverts are unlucky people ? :D

Salahudeen said:
Confident, has to make me laugh, has to have a job, must like to travel, has to have a great sense of humour, this is what I've ready mostly on their profiles
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Do you want to change your character into character that expected by those women ?. It will make you look weird.

trust me. Always be yourself.

noorseeker said:
A good looking guy will take advantage of his looks with women,, but ive still not heard women hitting on men.
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At least two of my good looking friends were slapped by women who cheated by them.

A good lesson for those playboy

'Abd Al-Maajid said:
Well, my definition of partying around is quite different.
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Sometime I made 'party' like this in ..... my house.

Gathered with several men, enjoy coffee, and chat until midnight. My wife didn't object. She is always understand if sometime I need time to gathering with my friends.
 

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