Frustrations in getting married

[noorseeker]

Yeah, man. Just go to the courthouse and get your marriage license. No ceremony, no money spent, no drama.

Problem solved.

Especially if your family isn't Muslim...

well if you are a revert, you are more than likely going to have to marry in this way.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

The weddings we have nowadays hosted by brides parents with big halls, tonnes of guests, and a meal are not how nikah was done at the time of the Prophet .

Oh, how peaceful and amazing it must have been. no frustrations for sure!

Islam has made things so simple for us, yet we humans insist on burdening ourselves and making them harder.

wa'lhamdulilaahi rabbil alameen!

 

[Who Am I?]

well if you are a revert, you are more than likely going to have to marry in this way.

Don't I know that? It's already what I have decided to do. Courthouse, marriage license, no drama, done.

 

[Periwinkle18]

Oh, how peaceful and amazing it must have been. no frustrations for sure!

srsly i so wish ppl hav marriages like tht nowadays too

 

[ardianto]

Sounds good bro, maybe we should al come over to Your country ;D

No seriously i wouldnt feeel like a man if i got things handed to me

Do you think those guys will admit openly that what they have actually were given by the parent in-law?. Never. They do not want people mark them as "cowok matre" (materialistic guys) ;D

But sometime their parent in-law or even their wives disappointed with them. They have received many facilities and help but they are never going better like their parent in-law and wives expectation. In case like this, the mother in-law, sisters in-law and even their wives would tell everyone about it, and the 'news' becomes a gossip in community.

 

[Endymion]

My plans for my weddings are rebellious (living in this society).Nikah at Masjid and a simple dinner for very close relatives.I said this to my parents and they are 50% agree but to say this before the elders of family,i need to have an Elephant's heart :skeleton: I can argue with a hungry lion but i cant argue with south asian Aunts :hmm:

 

[Periwinkle18]

I can argue with a hungry lion but i cant argue with south asian Aunts

lol alhumdulillah me n my sis argued n won lol so its gonna happen our way i mean the sunnah way inshaAllah i hope cuz ppl arnt willing to do it tht way, they won't get all the free stuff then

 

[green9]

My only problem is actually finding a girl that is worth marrying, yet at the same time parents/her a ccepting my simple life. Sounds easy but actually makes it impossible

 

[Hiraislam]

May be they feel more comfortable or some responsibilties on their shoulders who restrict them to married.

 

[Mr.President]

Correct me if I am wrong btw this is my opinion !

A girl and her parents expect a job, a house and sometimes a vehicle now

Not only the girls parents also my parents they ask me all these question

so if I wanna get married I have to earn all this in couple of years !

come on !

ITS NOT SIMPLE !

 

[piXie]

the reason why you haven't gotten married so far?

Pata nahi, everyone runs away... :-\

 

[Futuwwa]

Yay, this thread is back!

 

[ardianto]

Correct me if I am wrong btw this is my opinion !

A girl and her parents expect a job, a house and sometimes a vehicle now

Not only the girls parents also my parents they ask me all these question

so if I wanna get married I have to earn all this in couple of years !

come on !

ITS NOT SIMPLE !

It's true that every woman want to have rich husband. But actually, mostly of women do not mind to marry men who are not rich, if they sure those men have good responsibility to fulfill the wife's need, and have the potential to get better future. In fact, many of rich husbands who I know today were 'poor' when they got married.

We don't know what will happen to us in the future. Probably after you got married you will lose your job (remember, I do not expect this). If you have wife who married you because you were rich, she would leave you, or at least would not respect you anymore. However, if you have a wife who married you not because what you had when you got married, but because she believe you can be a good husband with good responsibility, she would always loyal to you and always support you to pass your hard time.

Ignore what people say about you should be rich if you want to get married. What you should do is find a woman who does not look at what you have today, but look at your level of responsibility. Can you find a woman like this?.

 

[Paprika]

It's true that every woman want to have rich husband. But actually, mostly of women do not mind to marry men who are not rich, if they sure those men have good responsibility to fulfill the wife's need, and have the potential to get better future. In fact, many of rich husbands who I know today were 'poor' when they got married.

We don't know what will happen to us in the future. Probably after you got married you will lose your job (remember, I do not expect this). If you have wife who married you because you were rich, she would leave you, or at least would not respect you anymore. However, if you have a wife who married you not because what you had when you got married, but because she believe you can be a good husband with good responsibility, she would always loyal to you and always support you to pass your hard time.

Ignore what people say about you should be rich if you want to get married. What you should do is find a woman who does not look at what you have today, but look at your level of responsibility. Can you find a woman like this?.

I think a man should be rich if he wants to get married. He might get married if he is not rich, but trust me his life will be on the verge of unbearable. Many women get married to poor on not so well of guys, but very few are able to live a life of prolonged poverty. I have seen this with my own eyes on many occassions.

Most women love to compare, they love to be better than others and they love to be spoilt. Very few poor men will be able to live up to these expectations. Don't marry if you are poor for heavens sake, if you value your sanity remain single and do not even think about marriage, until you have your own house and car at least.

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

What's your biggest frustration / fear in getting married , the reason why you haven't gotten married so far?

The case is pending however SLA has not been breached yet.

 

[Scimitar]

If I had a pound for each time some estranged aunt said "get married, son" - i'd have paid for my flight to India twice over... fleh. LOL.

 

[Futuwwa]

Did the Prophet give his wives bling to pander to their egos?

 

[Periwinkle18]

Pata nahi, everyone runs away... :-\

Lol kyun sis?

 

[Who Am I?]

Yay, this thread is back!

And I'm all out of rants... :heated:

 

[Trying2bbetter]

The women in my family are just as worse. I don't blame the Pakistanis in Pakistan as such, because the girls and families here are pretty bad too. It's the women in my culture, both in Pakistan and abroad, weddings can never be simple. For some inexplicable reason they've created a system where you have to try and outdo all previous weddings in terms of extravagance.

The men try to speak out and explain why this is not good, but their wives accuse them of being like Scrooge or very stingy.

It sounds sexist, but it's the truth, the women are the selfish money wasters and the men just go along to avoid weeks and possibly months even years of headaches about how awful their wedding is.

I can understand why many brothers are put off marriage.

What makes it worse is, after all that money spent on the wedding to make the females happy, I mean most men couldn't care less about the wedding. But after all that money spent on the wedding, the girl's family have the nerve and the audacity to ask for a high mahr?

I've been reading a LOT of comments about how women are so "GREEDY/SELFISH". All the people I know (family & friends) go for simple weddings. Even though MashAllah Allah has blessed our family & we can afford big weddings. My parents had a very simple wedding (my mum chose such a simple suit for her wedding that her in-laws refused to let her wear it, no joke. Apparently she wanted something simple enough that she could wear after her wedding too). It's a waste of money to spend extravagantly on weddings (why have 10 dishes when you can have one well-cooked one?). Not to forget, it's unIslamic to spend extravagantly too - you might as well give that money to someone else for educating their children or to pay for someone's medicine.


I agree the sub-continental culture can be rather twisted at times (I don't mean to be racist or anything I'm from there too). However, I don't think women are greedy at all. In fact I think it's the other way round. Women will go through hell to please their families. I mean even if you read around on this forum you'll find women who would give up their well-being just to please their "other-half". Men, they're just too stubborn & they just don't care about their partner's feelings.That's one reason why "love" marriages seem like such a wonderful fantasy to young girls at times. It's sad. If men learnt to express themselves more they'd see their women go to extents for them they would've never thought of. Women just want to be loved, nothing more nothing less. :happy: