Haraam to marry if you dont take wife to malls/cinema

[Ali Mujahidin]

Exactly . You hit the nail on the head . I am that type of man and the question is whether this character of mine would put me on the same level as a poor begger and exempt me from marriage .

Oh dear, you are not serious, are you? I mean you are not really the type who stays inside his room the whole day long, are you? Don't you even go out to work? Or go to the mosque for solat jemaah? Or go out to learn from the maulanas? Or go out to do your duty in spreading the truth about Islam?

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Exactly . You hit the nail on the head . I am that type of man and the question is whether this character of mine would put me on the same level as a poor begger and exempt me from marriage .

find at least one spiritual person who has in-depth knowledge of islam and practises it and follow him for a while. this will help you come out of this seclusion i guarantee it.

ensure he is strictly following shariah and sunnah - madhab etc !

 

[anonymous]

There are times when the wives want to go out although not always to mall. And they want to go out with their husbands and children. I think this what your parent want to say.

And I am fine with going out in those times to places as long as it isnt anything extravagant and boring like windowshopping to malls/cinema etc.

Oh dear, you are not serious, are you? I mean you are not really the type who stays inside his room the whole day long, are you? Don't you even go out to work? Or go to the mosque for solat jemaah? Or go out to learn from the maulanas? Or go out to do your duty in spreading the truth about Islam?

Really rubbish questions and also irrelevant to the subject . Of course i work 5 days a week , do Salaah and spread messages of islam , its just that I dont want to take with wife out in weekends unless its something critical and want to just relax at home after a tiring week .

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Really rubbish questions and also irrelevant to the subject . Of course i work 5 days a week , do Salaah and spread messages of islam , its just that I dont want to take with wife out in weekends unless its something critical and want to just relax at home after a tiring week .

Good. Now we are getting somewhere. So you are actually a regular guy who works and performs solat in jemaah and do your duty as a slave of Allah. Now what have you learned about the duties of a husband? Does it include keeping your wife as a, more or less, permanent prisoner in the house?

Myself, I am not a great fan of window-shopping nor do I believe that shopping malls, where men and women mix freely, are the best places to bring my wife to, but I also understand that my wife was not brought up the same way as I was nor does she think exactly the same way I do about Islam. So I make some compromises here and there. As long as I can keep things within the broad guidelines of Islam, I think I am doing alright.

The way I see it, Islam is a way of life which makes living on this earth a good experience. Islam, as far as I know, is not such a straight and narrow path which is so very limited and restricted that only very, very few people can follow it.

 

[ardianto]

I often went out with my wife and my children. Usually my wife took initiative "I want to go to ...." so we went to the place that she want. I knew my wife would be getting bored if she always stayed at home. She had done many thing to please me and made me happy. So, why didn't I please her with giving what she want?

We went to various places. Relatives and friends homes, recreation center and parks, marketplace and supermarket to buy household needs. And we often enough went to bazar or mall. My wife bought clothes, shoes, handbag, accessories, and I paid what she bought. I've spent much money for it. Extravagance?. No!, this is the husband duty, and I'm proud I could fulfill my duty.

Anon, if you could thinking like me, then your parent would not get a big difficulty to find a wife for you. You trust your parent to find a wife for you. And your parent try to maintain trust from your wife parent, if your parent could get a wife for you. They don't want your wife depressed because she is jailed at home, and when she want to have something you call it extravagance.

Your parent did not 'paint' the sisters as window shopper or movie watcher, they just tried to tell you how the female world is, but you misunderstood them. I've ever been a son, and now I'm a father, in your parent age, and I have two sons.

Actually not all women are movie watcher. Mostly of married women prefer to watch movie at home. And not all women are shopping maniac. Of course they need clothes, or other things, and they enjoy the time when they shop what they need. Don't worry, a good wife will not demand anything beyond the husband ability.

Being a husband is not easy. But also not as hard as my assumption before I got married. And don't believe if some people say a number of divorces are happening because of husbands failing to take their wives for outing to malls and cinema. This is just a lie that made by some ex-husbands to hide their fault in being a good husbands.

 

[anonymous]

Does it include keeping your wife as a, more or less, permanent prisoner in the house?

What about all those people in remote areas and village ? I suppose they are all hermit nazis suffocating their other halves at home .

My wife bought clothes, shoes, handbag, accessories, and I paid what she bought. I've spent much money for it. Extravagance?. No!, this is the husband duty, and I'm proud I could fulfill my duty

I dont have money to keep buying such jewellery,handbags,clothes,shoes stuff each and every week for her nor do i have time, money or energy to spend on nagging wife's window-shopping or watching films in cinemas each week . This is extravagance plain and simple !. and I am proud that I am not extravagant and will give away wealth in charity instead .Hope that solves the mystery for youProphet PBUH also said : "The destruction of my female followers lies in two things – gold and immodest clothes"

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

What about all those people in remote areas and village ? I suppose they are all hermit nazis suffocating their other halves at home .

I have lived in some villages before. In the villages, both husband and wife go out together to get the work done. They go farming together. They go planting padi together. They go rubber-tapping together. As far as I have noticed from real-life personal observation, no women in the villages are being suffocated at home.

Just curious. Have you ever lived in a village before?

Somehow I think we are getting closer to the nub of the problem. Why do you think it's an extravagance to buy things for your wife? Do you really expect your wife to live just on the bare necessities? Surely you cannot be that cruel. Your wife is also a human being. She is very definitely not a dog that you chain under the house and feed with left-overs.

 

[anonymous]

I have lived in some villages before. In the villages, both husband and wife go out together to get the work done. They go farming together. They go planting padi together. They go rubber-tapping together.

You missed the point , there are no malls to windowshop Louie Vuitton, , Paris hilton, jewellery brand and cinemas to watch movies, yet the woman manages to live without it .and you seem u think that it is oxygen to them and they will die like a fish taken out of water if they don’t have all that luxury . How do you explain that ?

Somehow I think we are getting closer to the nub of the problem.

No you don’t seem to being getting close to root of the problem and just seem to be going around in circles .

Why do you think it's an extravagance to buy things for your wife?

Because Those things are not critical and are being bought to mainly show off .I have poor relatives who need money and there is so much inflation around , monthly expenses, maintenance costs, etc thus I would rather save that money for better purposes or give off in charity.

Do you really expect your wife to live just on the bare necessities? Surely you cannot be that cruel. Your wife is also a human being. She is very definitely not a dog that you chain under the house and feed with left-overs.

Now You are putting words in my mouth . I didn’t say that she is a dog being served left overs and I am paying for our food ,dress, medicines , rent for the home where she stays , transport etc but I am not in a position where I can waste money in window-shopping and cinema or feed her jewellery ,antiques and other designer crap every week .

 

[ardianto]

I dont have money to keep buying such jewellery,handbags,clothes,shoes stuff each and every week for her nor do i have time, money or energy to spend on nagging wife's window-shopping or watching films in cinemas each week . This is extravagance plain and simple !. and I am proud that I am not extravagant and will give away wealth in charity instead .Hope that solves the mystery for youProphet PBUH also said : "The destruction of my female followers lies in two things – gold and immodest clothes"

How could you say it's extravagant if my wife bought what she and my family need?. My wife never bought antiques or expensive ornament.

Yes, women like shopping. But it doesn't mean women love to spend money only to satisfy their desire, they just enjoy the time when they buy something for them and their families. I've spent much money, of course, but it's because I have two kids, and my family need other stuffs too like household wares.

Don't worry, the wives understand their husbands financial ability. And don't worry you will not able to fulfill your family needs. If you have family, you would have a better motivation to work. In Shaa Allah, then you would have better income.

I have better motivation to work because I have family. I want to make my family happy, and I'm happy and proud if I could buy something for them.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

ardianto what you described is most certainly extravagance. call it what it is please.

 

[ardianto]

ardianto what you described is most certainly extravagance. call it what it is please.

Is it extravagance if your mother buy some clothes for her, you and your sister?

 

[anonymous]

What? You are *not* the OP? So what are you doing posting under the account of the OP? I just checked the opening post and the stats of the opening poster is the same as yours. So how about posting under your own account so that the situation does not become more confusing. It's already confusing enough as it is.
In the beginning, we seem to be dealing with someone who lives in a cave. A male, too, since he talks about marrying a woman. Then we find out that he is actually a regular guy who goes to work, prays in jemaah and goes out to do dakwah. Now the OP has become a female.
Please post under your own account. That's assuming that the OP is not actually a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde kind of person.

Well I'm sorry it seems that way. I didn't make this thread we are 2 different people. I am a female and I just wanted to say that not all women are obsessed with window shopping and cinemas as this thread is insinuating. Either way, I don't have an IB account and this is not the first time 2 anonymous posters post in the same thread. I understand the bother it causes and this is my last contribution to this thread. Again, I apologise.

 

[AabiruSabeel]

Well I'm sorry it seems that way. I didn't make this thread we are 2 different people. ...

The Anonymous account is to be used only for creating a new thread seeking advice anonymously and for replying on your own thread. It is not to be used for giving out anonymous advice by replying on anyone else's thread.

Please refrain from doing this again.

Thank you.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

ardianto what you described is most certainly extravagance. call it what it is please.

I think I must have missed something. I did re-read ardianto's post and I still cannot see anything there which is extravagance. Perhaps you can be more specific. It's possible you saw something in his post which I totally missed.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

extravagance is constantly shopping without need my dear brothers. ardianto your patience is to be admired

 

[ardianto]

extravagance is constantly shopping without need my dear brothers. ardianto your patience is to be admired

There are women who urged their husbands when they want to buy something. And if their husbands say "no" they are angry. Of course need a patience if we have a wife like this.

But my wife was not a woman like this.

We often went shopping because there were always something that we need to buy. Yes, often enough my wife bought spontaneously when she saw something that interesting her. But I didn't mind. She was a good wife, so I wanted to please her.

Do you know? I've ever fell in business. I lost my company, a house, car, big amount of money. My position dropped from company director who sat behind big desk and drove good car into a salesman who traveling around on motorbike.

But my wife could accept it. She was still loyal to me, always support me, always made du'a for me. She understood my financial ability in that time, and bought only that we really need.

Alhamdulillah, I could rise again and started new business. My income started increased.

Don't blame my wife if then she was extravagant enough. But blame me who wanted to please her with let her buy that she wants.

Not every woman is same. Do not paint all women with same brush.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ that doesnt sound like extravagance. MashAllaah.

you made it sound extravagant with the eating out and sightseeing etc

brother i have developed a strong distaste for this world because i see it as a distraction towards reality. so what i see as extravagant may be normal to you


i sometimes worry that my wife will not be able to stand me to be honest because i cant stand spending without absoulte necessity

 

[ardianto]

^ that doesnt sound like extravagance. MashAllaah.

you made it sound extravagant with the eating out and sightseeing etc

brother i have developed a strong distaste for this world because i see it as a distraction towards reality. so what i see as extravagant may be normal to you


i sometimes worry that my wife will not be able to stand me to be honest because i cant stand spending without absoulte necessity

In my previous post I admit that my wife was extravagant enough in shopping. But it's because me. She was a good wife. If I told her "no!" she would obey me. But I didn't say no to her shopping habit and it became a permission for her to buy what she want.

So, don't blame my wife, but blame me. What she had done when she became my wife are my responsibility as her Imam.

Young bro, you don't need to follow my way in pampering the wife. Extravagance is not good, of course. You can pamper her in other ways such as always appreciate her.

Do not worry your wife will not able to stand with you if you don't pamper her in shopping. A good wife must be understand if you want to use your money for the good things such as prepare your kids education cost, build a house, etc.

But as a human, your wife must be want to have something too beside have what she need. So, if sometime she tell you she want to have something that not expensive and you have money, why don't you give her as a gift for the good wife who accompany you in your life.

 

[Signor]

Asalamu Alaikum

It will be off topic but I hope not out of context Insha Allah

brother i have developed a strong distaste for this world because i see it as a distraction towards reality.

I wrote this once:

Islam provides a system of balance between spirit and physical needs.For example Islam closes the door of completely abstinence from marriage and intimate relations as done by monks and nuns do.It provides the way to satisfy your sensual gratification in a right way.This is why you see Muhammad(PBUH) having a life with wives and children but at the same time on the spiritual side you will find him on the top.No one has more control on himself than RasulAllah(PBUH).From an Islamic perceptive,We can use world and all whats in it(how Allah told us to do) but we shouldn't be get consumed by it.Unfortunately,with many influences on our minds we forget to attain the middle path and this is why there exists two extremes on both sides now.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ i will marry bro lol and my abstinence isnt anywhere near on the level it should be. i still give into to many things i shouldnt but i never make excuses. if i do wrong i will still call it wrong hoping it opens a door for myself to change.

our beloved saws showed us the greatness of abstinence when he chose to live like the poor rather then like a king when given the choice. it is still very much commendable to live like a king but as a philanthropist. i myself love a certain mu'min who owns a very influential and rich organisation because he has chosen the life of spirituality and spends only on his family and charitable causes so i dont think wealth is a bad thing


but what i saw written before to me seemed like something i cannot do thus i spoke and perhaps out of turn so may Allah have mercy on me