heartbroken

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xa_xa786

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Hi All,

I am new to this forum so apologise if i'm pasting anything incorrect.

I was in love with this man whom promised me marriage and soi started seeing him (my mistake i know)

i didnt let him get too close and always asked him if he wanted marriage - he promised me he did and so i thought it was ok seeing him as i wanted to get to know him.

Anyways after a year and abit he left me and got married to someone else and didnt even apologise or give me a reason

since ive been so heartbroken and always hope that he doesnt get away with hurting me like this :(

i always pray he realises as he doesnt seem to care.

neways im very sad that my time got wasted and this happened :(

please help/guide.
 
:sl:

My dear sister, you should be relieved that this man is no longer approaching you. It is clear that he wasn't serious, thus left you. Good riddance I must say. Allah protect our women from such men.

You can't do anything about the past, but you have all control over the present, he doesn't deserve any of your 'missing him' and you should move on. I know it is hard for you to forget him, but this might affect you in a bad way.

Busy yourself with a good hobby, or maybe talk to someone about it, that is if you trust that person.

May Allah ease your affairs :)
 
I know, i hope hes sorry for it tho. I hope god doesnt let him get away with this
 
Assalamualaikum young sister. Welcome to the forum.

Quarter century ago when I was young I lost the girl who I loved. But then Allah gave me another girl who later become the mother of my children. I really love her and happy with her, although now she has passed away.

Yes, young sister, as people say, spouse is in Allah's hand. If someone is not destined to become your spouse, then you will never marry him. But if someone is destined to become your spouse, then whatever happen, you will marry him.

So my advice is, try to accept that he is not destined to become your spouse. Release him from your heart. And make dua, wish Allah give you another man who is destined to become your spouse. In Shaa Allah, after you marry him you will be happy and your heartbroken will be cured.

:)
 
Welcome to the forum.

This is one of the harder areas of life that will have to learn to deal with. Everyone should get married, hence it is natural to always be on the look out for potential partner. Only, how do we learn to control our emotions and actions?

That is the difficult part.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:
 
Welcome aboard. I'm new here myself, but I've found it nothing but welcoming and with many a nice member.

As for the topic, while I can't say I've been in your exact sort of situation, I have been cheated on by the one I had intended to marry. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, things didn't work out. It was unpleasant, and heart-breaking, and tough to deal with, but it was ultimately something I managed (and actually, am much better off given the way events have played out for me since). Some people who enter our lives just our meant to stay there, and it hurts when we find this out. I don't know how deep this has hurt you, but I know I find it very tempting, in moments of heartache, to lose oneself to the muck and mire of negativity, disregarding others in our lives, losing touch with friends and all that. Given that, I'd suggest trying not to dwell on what might have been, and don't forget to keep living. Feel your emotions, deal with them, but don't let them dominate you and keep you in a dark place. As much as it hurt, I found that the more I focused on the issue, the more ill-will I had for this person, and the less I recovered emotionally. Even if you can't ever forgive him, I'd say try to get to a place where, at the very least, you aren't actively wishing harm or ill-will upon him.

Maybe spend more time with friends and family, do the things you love doing, whatever it takes to move on. And of course, I'd think the more you get out, the more you socialise with those in your life, the more likely the man who will one day be your husband will be brought into your life.
 
xa_xa786 said:
I was in love with this man whom promised me marriage
Click to expand...
So, what he was expected to do, was to go to your family, and make an offer.

I wonder what took him so long? What was the justification for dragging his feet? I really do not understand why marriable girls don't just tell a suitor to make his move, put his money where his mouth is, and get it over and done with? What was there to "wait" about? If he wants something, he should just do what it takes, or otherwise he should stop wasting everybody else's time, no?

I think it is the girls themselves who should be more negative, and more resolutely put a stop to situations where the man just isn't doing what is expected from him.
Don't give him the opportunity to go on and on and on about what he will be doing some day in the future. Tell him to do it now, or else move on.
 
Assalamu alaykum,

Ukhti, don't dwell on this for too long. Just be grateful that this man's reality was revealed sooner rather than later, unfortunately there are many men out there who take advantage of our sisters. And always remember that Allah swt has given you a very high status as a women and this man wasn't worth being in your heart and not worth having the power to break it.

Just leave this behind you now, repent and move on, it can be hard but the past should be left where it is. InshaAllah there's someone much, much better planned for in the future, just have patience and the rewards for it will be great.

I think it's good for all sisters to keep in mind that if they are discussing with someone about marriage, get both your own and his parents involved immediately. This demand is your right and if he stalls it or keeps on making excuses it means he isn't serious. A man with honest intentions would get his parents or an elder involved straight away, and once the decision is made the nikkah should be ASAP, let there be *no* compromise on this at all.

May Allah swt make everything easy for you xxx
 
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Hi guys, thanks for all the lovely messages :) Alhumdulilah i a feeling much much better and i am trusting Allah surely what he has planned is far better than my dreams. Ameen x

However i do pray that this man also realises what he has lost and hope allah gives him hidayath so he can be a better man. Ameen
 
xa_xa786 said:
Hi All,

I am new to this forum so apologise if i'm pasting anything incorrect.

I was in love with this man whom promised me marriage and soi started seeing him (my mistake i know)

i didnt let him get too close and always asked him if he wanted marriage - he promised me he did and so i thought it was ok seeing him as i wanted to get to know him.

Anyways after a year and abit he left me and got married to someone else and didnt even apologise or give me a reason

since ive been so heartbroken and always hope that he doesnt get away with hurting me like this :(

i always pray he realises as he doesnt seem to care.

neways im very sad that my time got wasted and this happened :(

please help/guide.
Click to expand...

:sl: Sister,

I do not mean to add salt on your injury but this if just a Nasiha . we get hurt when we do something against which Allah orders us.

In Islam Even if you have good intention its allowed to talk to opposite sex only for a little time (not even for weeks )and also ONLY in the PRESENCE of our elders like Aunt etc and never in solitude. Once a spouse is fixed Marriage must be done AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (hadith Salah & janaza is the other two)

We MUST AVOID to love anyone before Marriage because we do not know who is our Spouse in our Qadr so that Shaitan our enemy should not put us in trouble later. and That's why Allah has told us to avoid those things since before marriage just looking into eyes or enjoy speaking in seclusion even in phone tantamounts to Zina though of a lesser degree So Allah told use never ever to go EVEN NEAR IT in a verse of the Noble Quran.



So do taubatun nasuha & Pray Allah to relieve that burden from your heart and Inshallah Allah will bless you with a Better Spouse.
 
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I know and your are absolutely right i was stupid to trust him. Biggest mistake of my life. I hate the fact that only im bearing the consequences of this mistake. He gets away with it and isnt even sorry.
 
:salam:

Be happy and think positive that he has gone. Think of every failure, as an opportunity, and time of self-reflection. The moment you accept failure, that is bad. I imagine it to be hard, when you want to be married.

But think about it. IF you married him, perhaps he'd cheat you? Be distant? someone who really wants you, would do everything in his power to get you. he'd contact your father, and play no games.

If a man comes to you and wants you to marry him, give him a paper with your father's number on it, and let him talk to your father about marriage. Don't let any man sweet talk you into marriage, tell him to contact your father, and speak.

Allahu alam.
 
I know, i should of done that. I hope he just realises what he lost and becomes a better man. Cheating and wasting someones time like this is a horrible thing to do
 
Dear sister,

It is difficult to get involved in a relationship with a man that you expected would one day marry you.Know that one day never came and he left you out in the cold must be very heartbreaking but what's more heart breaking is why you allowed such a coward man space in your life in the first place.Your time and status as a Muslim woman in this journey called life is very precious.Make sure you invest in Halal ways to reach your destination in life.May Allah ease your path and bless you.
 
Yes, i know that. I feel as if im being blamed for his actions and he actually married someone else and living happily ever after :(
 
Say alhamdulillah because it end like this
It might be worst ...he protect alhamdulillah you don't continue until you commit a major sin
Allah show you how this parson is so thank Allah .. he was beside you with you don't know , he was always by your side and just think if he married you and you see him every day go out to disobey Allah or you know that he is with you and your head with another ?? So thank Allah ... this girl is good for him his a test for him and he is also a test for her
So , know that Allah as he prepared for you and protect you from the bad things he will give a good husband by his way and you know ? Now you get strangue to know that not all the saying belive
And you will be able to great Muslimah .. every hardship left will be a great experience if we learn from it and considering what Allah want from us
Sister don't kill your heart and your time for any parson
Just Allah hwo diserve your heart and your time and everything else
( 162 ) Say, "Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.


( 53 ) Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."




( 133 ) And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous
( 134 ) Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;
( 135 ) And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.
 
Thansk marayam... I know its just hard seeing him with another woman and behaving like nothing wrong happened. Sad he gets away with that. Hope god makes him realise
 
xa_xa786 said:
Yes, i know that. I feel as if im being blamed for his actions and he actually married someone else and living happily ever after :(
Click to expand...

Definitely do not look at it like that.
He seems to have deceived you, so you are not at fault by being trusting.
You are not to be blamed for his faults.

Just be happy that you did not end up with a bad partner.
Better luck next time.
 
xa_xa786 said:
Thansk marayam... I know its just hard seeing him with another woman and behaving like nothing wrong happened. Sad he gets away with that. Hope god makes him realise
Click to expand...

Allahu alam, but don't become despondent.

I think you have a good forgiving heart. Don't let people trample over it. Nourish it, strengthen it, protect it.

Allahu alam.
 

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