Is it ok to reject a man's proposal due to low income job?

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EgyptPrincess

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As-salamu alaikum,

Is it "wrong" to reject marriage if the man has a low income job / career? If the woman works and brings in £50,000 a year for example and he brings in £25,000 a year, if they have children the wife would be the one to drop her job but she earns much more than he does and thus cannot provide for her and her family as she would like?

Essentially what I'm getting at is if you feel that the money the man makes is not up to your standards, is it "wrong" to reject him based on this factor? So if you want a new car, a holiday or even just new shoes or whatever and he isn't able to provide these things, it would be a bit frustrating. Considering the money she was earning previously.

Some might view this as "money grabbing" but it's just the opposite, the woman has dropped her good paying job to be with you but if you cannot provide financial security or luxuries for her and the children then it's going to put strain on the marriage?
 
Wa alaykum salam,

Priority must be given to religion of the person but money is also an important factor to take into consideration.

At the end of the day, it's a personal choice of a woman whether she wishes to marry someone that earns enough to her standards.

Keep in mind, circumstances change. Someone could be rich at the time of marriage and end up being poor, what happens then?
 
Alpha Dude said:
Keep in mind, circumstances change. Someone could be rich at the time of marriage and end up being poor, what happens then?
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If that happens it probably means he is a gambling addict. It's not about being rich, it's about having a stable career that brings in decent money. Then if he does lose his job, he has the skills and experience to get another job in the same field but with a different company. I don't really see how one can go from "rich" to poor unless they have a gambling problem or drug habit etc.
 
If that happens it probably means he is a gambling addict.
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Wow. Sure, that must be the only reason why people go from rich -> poor. Clever assessment.
 
EgyptPrincess said:
If that happens it probably means he is a gambling addict. It's not about being rich, it's about having a stable career that brings in decent money. Then if he does lose his job, he has the skills and experience to get another job in the same field but with a different company. I don't really see how one can go from "rich" to poor unless they have a gambling problem or drug habit etc.
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Lots of reasons sis.

Laid off
expensive illness
skills are not marketable anymore (like knowing older programming languages)
Any number of myriad personal calamities and misfortune.

Wealth is ultimately not something that we can predict and rizk is entirely dependent upon Allah.

but as for your original question, yes of course it is permissible to reject a potential on the basis of their wealth.
It should not be the biggest factor, but it is not something you must ignore either.
If you feel they will not being able to sustain a life style that you are accustomed to and that this will ultimately raise issues of incompatibility between the two of you, then might as well not waste his time and cause heart break to the both of you further down the road.
Primary consideration should of course be his deen

The Hadith here is about things bruvs should consider in women for marriage, but it would be wise for any woman to also consider these same points in considering potential brehs

http://hadithoftheday.com/when-you-marry-for-four-reasons-dont-forget-your-reason
 
Alpha Dude said:
Wow. Sure, that must be the only reason why people go from rich -> poor. Clever assessment.
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Anyway, to answer your question. If I am married and he becomes poor, then of course I will stay by his side and be supportive so he gets another job. How ever if he can't support me or the family for a significant amount of time then that is something for both to discuss.
 
Greetings and peace be with you EgyptPrincess;

Is it "wrong" to reject marriage if the man has a low income job / career? If the woman works and brings in £50,000 a year for example and he brings in £25,000 a year,
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About half the world population lives on less than $3 per day,


· Got $2200? In this world, you’re rich. Assets (not cash) of $2200 per adult place a person in the top 50% of the world’s wealthiest.*

· If you made $1500 last year, you’re in the top 20% of the world’s income earners.**

· If you have sufficient food, decent clothes, live in a house or apartment, and have a reasonably reliable means of transportation, you are among the top 15% of the world’s wealthy. **

· Have $61,000 in assets? You’re among the richest 10% of the adults in the world.*

·If you earn $25,000 or more annually, you are in the top 10% of the world’s income-earners.***


· If you have any money saved, a hobby that requires some equipment or supplies, a variety of clothes in your closet, two cars (in any condition), and live in your own home, you are in the top 5% of the world’s wealthy. **

·If you earn more than $50,000 annually, you are in the top 1% of the world’s income earners.***

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occassion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.~
https://irememberthepoor.org/3-2/

In the spirit of praying for justice for all people.

Eric
 
First off, why would you assume that the woman who earns more than the husband would have to renounce her job?

There's a story about a couple that got married in Kuwait,
The wife was a doctor (surgeon) and the husband had a job with a lower income. They got married nonetheless
The husband asked his wife to give him the banking account and if she needed money for anything, to ask him. He would keep her money safe.
So, she didn't want to have issues with him and obeyed him and gave him his banking account.
Every time she wanted something, she asked him.
Pretty soon, he was getting a new house, buying new cars, giving her presents.
The wife had a bad idea, she thought that he was using her bank card and her money to get these things.
She started to complain to her family and her in-laws that her husband was using her money and she earned more than him.
She began to humiliate him and then she went to her parents house and asked him over the phone to give her back her banking information and her money.
He got kind of tired of this constant back and forth, asking her if she was missing anything. If he was doing anything wrong to her, she said that he was taking her money and buying these expensive things and she had to always ask for him to give her money.
Well, the husband really got tired and went to her parents house and gave her back the information.
Turns out, he didn't touch a single cent in her bank and had kept her money safe.
All of the things he had bought for her, the new house, the cars and all of what he had spent had been from his money.

Moral of the story, he took her banking card because he didn't want her to spend her own money and also didn't want her to get used to living whilst spending 10,000 a month, when he could only spend 5,000 a month. Nevertheless, he kept her comfortable and saved her money from being spent.

If you like someone, if you find they have good deen and you want to spend your life with that person because you know they will treat you well. So what if you earn more than him? There's nothing stopping you from working if you establish early on that you will both work and contribute to the home. Establish that first, for example if I am earning a lot and I find someone who is so good in his deen, who is kind, who I really want to spend the rest of my life with because I know he will treat me well, I would marry him and tell him that I would like to continue working in order to contribute to the home. If he says he has no problem with me working, then why not? I think most guys lol actually want their wives to work, this world is TOO expensive not to have double income in the household, plus with extended families... most of the time you can have your mother take care of the kids, lol!!!!!
 
Nothing wrong but nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam stressed that one should choose the person with the most Deen.

Also experience has shown that doesn't mean happiness. If your spouse has deen in them they will treat you better.

Also, 'a new car, a holiday' doesn't sound too good. Makes you sound like a gold digger. More importantly going on holiday is non muslim custom that just wastes money. And many times the laws of hijaab are violated, muslims go to places with fitna etc. You shouldn't be doing that anyway. A husband that doesn't take you for that is gold.

In essence if your living standards are high you can refuse marriage based on low income. However be careful a good match may come along and you may refuse him based on this small thing. Maybe you should lower your standards 50,000 pounds is alot. I don't think there's many guys in that category to begin with then among them how many are nice guys only Allah knows.

Read more about the early muslims and sahaba. It'll teach you to live a more simple life.
 
In Jannah you will be able to visit 500 of places and more.. As many as you want.

So strive for Allah SWT and attain Jannatul Firdaus.

And Allah SWT knows best.
 
Saleem Khan said:
Nothing wrong but nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam stressed that one should choose the person with the most Deen.

Also experience has shown that doesn't mean happiness. If your spouse has deen in them they will treat you better.

Also, 'a new car, a holiday' doesn't sound too good. Makes you sound like a gold digger. More importantly going on holiday is non muslim custom that just wastes money. And many times the laws of hijaab are violated, muslims go to places with fitna etc. You shouldn't be doing that anyway. A husband that doesn't take you for that is gold.

In essence if your living standards are high you can refuse marriage based on low income. However be careful a good match may come along and you may refuse him based on this small thing. Maybe you should lower your standards 50,000 pounds is alot. I don't think there's many guys in that category to begin with then among them how many are nice guys only Allah knows.

Read more about the early muslims and sahaba. It'll teach you to live a more simple life.
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Thanks for your post brother Saleem. £50,000 isn't THAT much especially when you consider that rent is £2800 a month. Anyway I was just using that as an average. It's not really being a gold digger because if through no fault of your parents, you're used to having a little bit of money and buying nice things and live in a nice home etc then when you meet someone you kind of want to still be able to have that style of living right?

I really don't mean to come across as being a gold digger lol this is not my intention.
 
We don't know what will happen to a man in the future. Poor man probably will be rich. Rich man probably will be poor.

More than 15 years ago my female relatives rejected a man who was indeed poor. Now my relatives still unmarried in her 40's age, while the man she was rejected has become manager in big company, rich, and live happily with his wife and children.
 
salaam

Indeed wealth and health are not fixed things - they change over a lifespan - Its why Moral character and Deen is always seen as a priority for marriage. As the famous saying of the prophet pbuh says.

"Oh Abu Dharr! Take advantage of five things before five things seize you; Your youth before Your old age, your health before your sickness, Your wealth before your poverty, your spare time before your being busy and your life before you death.”

peace
 
Yes. You can reject anyone for any reason. If you aren't comfortable with how much he makes, then don't marry him. I would never marry a woman who was fat for example - there is nothing wrong with personal preference.
 
Greetings and peace be with you EgyptPrincess;

£50,000 isn't THAT much,
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It would place you in the top 0.3% of the richest people on Earth.

especially when you consider that rent is £2800 a month.
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If your annual salary was £2,800, (your monthly rent) you would earn more than about three and a half billion people on Earth.

Just as a matter of interest, if you type in your annual salary in this link, it will show you how rich you are compared to the rest of the world....http://www.globalrichlist.net/
If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, it compares your hourly rate with some of the poor people in the world.

In the spirit of praying for justice for all people.

Eric
 
Assuming you have a monthly salary of about 4200£ take out 2800£ and you have 4200-2800 = 1400£ to do with.

Is the house rent alone 2800£? If so that is unreasonably high, to me at least. I hope that includes the electricity bill, food, etc.
 
Let's put another scenario.

Let's say you do meet a guy who makes the amount of money that you'd like for him to make. You marry him, and let's say down the road something happens (Allah forbid this, but it can happen). The guy looses all of his wealth and he has been dismissed from work. What do you do? The guy makes zero money now and has no savings.

If you marry and focus on money, you cannot guarantee that this money will not go away. It is a material thing, it fluctuates with the economy which is always on the brink of explosion. If you marry someone for their looks, one day they will become old, or who knows and perhaps they get into an accident and loose their beauty.

If you marry someone who is kind, who knows their duty and responsibility to you as a wife and who will care for you, despite the hardship, rain or sunshine, whether you are rich, whether you suddenly become poor, whether you become ugly or fat, this man will be there for you.

So focus first on the person's attributes, their kindness, their character, then focus on the additional things that are just accessories that's all.
 
Bhabha said:
Let's put another scenario.

Let's say you do meet a guy who makes the amount of money that you'd like for him to make. You marry him, and let's say down the road something happens (Allah forbid this, but it can happen). The guy looses all of his wealth and he has been dismissed from work. What do you do? The guy makes zero money now and has no savings.

If you marry and focus on money, you cannot guarantee that this money will not go away. It is a material thing, it fluctuates with the economy which is always on the brink of explosion. If you marry someone for their looks, one day they will become old, or who knows and perhaps they get into an accident and loose their beauty.

If you marry someone who is kind, who knows their duty and responsibility to you as a wife and who will care for you, despite the hardship, rain or sunshine, whether you are rich, whether you suddenly become poor, whether you become ugly or fat, this man will be there for you.

So focus first on the person's attributes, their kindness, their character, then focus on the additional things that are just accessories that's all.
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This!

I understand there should be a basic standard of living, he should be educated enough, perhaps have a job with a decent salary, and be able to afford a home...however money is not everything. Wealth comes from Allah swt, and He can take it away whenever he wishes.

Say there is a high-earning, wealthy man, it may be that his character is not good, or he gambles frequently or uses it for bad things (wealth is a test in itself), or he does not fulfil any of his obligations towards his family. Then there may be a man who earns a moderate amount, but has deen, and a good character, and through thick and thin he will strive to fulfil his duties towards his wife and children. As has been said, wealth, beauty, status are all temporary - only character lasts and will be what makes your marriage.

Just as an example, when my parents got married my father was very young, he didn't even have a job. Now alhamdulillah, he has been very successful and can afford a comfortable lifestyle, but I think the reason their relationship is so strong today is because they stayed together when they had nothing except one another.

At the end of the day, rizq is from Allah swt. :)
 
The question is inherently redundant. You are within your rights to reject any proposal for any reason you want. It might not be wise to reject a proposal for certain reasons, but that does not make it immoral, makruh or haram.

As for me, any woman who would not marry me unless I'm rich is unworthy of marrying me in the first place.
 

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