Is this acceptable? Can my repentence be accepted?

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I know I'm supposed to stay away from 'anything that leads tothe sin' but that doesn't mean normally talking right? Like I know I will never redo the sins but we can just talk normally though
 
Like I know I will never redo the sins but we can just talk normally though
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You are being too confident here. Never say or believe this. You only say this due to the spiritual high you feel at the moment but this high goes up and down. Don't be too arrogant to assume you can be tempted into sin. This is what I've been trying to tell you in my past posts in this thread but you don't seem to get it. Shaytan is your enemy and will entice you. You are not strong enough or smart enough to outsmart him. No man is. That's why we have to seek refuge in Allah from his mischief. So when you make statements like you will never do this or that sin, you are only indulging in self delusion and of underestimating the enemy shaytan.

Also, you should know that most normal 15 year old boys will have a strong desire for sex. You may supposedly feel strong and try to avoid it but he probably won't and given the fact that you've talked in relation to it before, it makes it all the more easy to happen again.

End of the day, you can do whatever you want to do but the rules are clear. If you continue talking to this boy with the intention of becoming friends, you would be sinful and likely to end up indulging in further sin.
 
reemacookii said:
I have commited some sins with this guy. I didnt know they were sins at the time. Alhamdullah i woke up and realized and told him and repented. I told this guy that is a close friend now (and only friends!) thatif we repeat anything i will stop talking to him again. He is muslim and we always discuss Islam. He knows i dont want to be anywhere near zina at all! I made him promise me that he will not do anything related to zina with me.My question is, can my tawba be accepted if i continue to be his friend? With the pure intention of just friends, no zin a AT ALL? He asked his parents and they said yes it can workout and they are very religious people. I just need help though. Can i still talk to him becuase we promised each other that if we get close to zina well stop talking forever. Can my tawba from the sins i commited and am willing to stop be accepted from Allah (swb) if i continue talking to him and no zina at all?
PS we are teens and have STRICT rules that keep us away from other girls/boys (example i can't talk to any boys if i am his friend and vice versa) and STRICT ideas and hopes for us to get married in the future INSHALLAH. We both make dua for marriage and his mom does too.
Thank you fellow muslims! Please help and please understand that this boy is a very religious person as well and comes from a religious mom. Also understand that when me and him don't talk for a few days we feel very sad..
Thank you and please don't give extreme or painful advice as i am already in a lot of pain and worry and i repented a lot repeatedly and mad dua for us. (PS i still don't wear hijab so don't be TOOO strict please :()
Also i already asked many people and they said it was okay to stay friends if we don't flirt or talk about anything bad or be alone or do any of the haram things. Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

ps. please dont be too harsh or religious as i just want to know if my repentence from sins can be accepted..
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Salaams.

A lot of the brothers and sisters on here have given you excellent advice already. I am not qualified to advise but here is my two penny's worth.

You will be just fine if you don't talk to him. It might seem hard but it's not. You will probably feel sad, depressed, cry a lot, but you will get there in the end. I've been in the same kind of situation before and I managed to get through it, and trust me, I am a very weak person. I decided to learn to cook and started helping my Mom out at home. I now do all the cleaning and I can even cook! You could look for something else that is not sinful to do instead, for example, reading Islamic books, maybe start baking or cooking or sewing? Or even start learning some of the shorter suraahs from the Qura'an.

Do you have any aapaas (female Aalims) near where you live? Do they have any classes for girls or drop in appointments you could attend? I know my Masjid has a drop in appointment office for men that are going through problems like you have mentioned.

Good luck, and try your best to stay away from him if you can. Like one of the posters said, it won't ever just be you and your friend, it will be you, him and Shaytan!
 
Thanks a lot guys,
Btw I talked to him about it again and he promised on his life that he won't do anything bad, and he'd do anything for me to just talk to him and not leave him, he promised again and he said that talking isn't wrong as he asked his like super religious mom as long as we don't compliment each other or do anything more than just that.
 
Salaam Sister reemacookii.

I got a way better idea in which everyone is happy. Do you have a mosque near your area which you can attend? If so, ask your friend to talk to the Imam and request a meeting with him during the weekend. Then both you, your friend, and both your parents should attend to speak to the Imam together. This way, he can suggest ideas and advise and see how you two can work things out. That's my advise to you sister, since it seems like he doesn't fear the power of Allah according to your texts or maybe he does, but we don't know because we don't know him in real life and his intentions.

Maybe you two can actually get married (Islamically) right now and live together in his parents home with him. Isn't that what both of you want? I don't know what the Imam will say, but I would recommend you talk to him Inshallah as soon as possible. If he doesn't want to, ask your protector (father) to request a meeting with the Imam.
 
it is wrong. You CANNOT be friends with him.

whenever a man is alone with a woman, the devil makes the third - hadeeth in Tirmidhi

that includes phonecalls, internet, text messages - etc. This is all considered "private communication" between the two sexes - it is haraam.

Do not call on women in the absence of their husbands because the shaytaan may be circulating in you like the blood circulates - hadeeth in Tirmidhi... and you aren't even married.

The man who touches the hand of a woman without having lawful relation with her (ie: marriage) will have an ember (burning coal) placed in his palm on the day of judgement - hadeeth in Fath al Qadir

and there are more.

I ask you to do one thing, go to youtube and see what scholars say about boys and girls be friends in Islam?

for example:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZSeAH522Y

this is the video the brother was talking about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

point is, you are young and naive - you like this guy and want to marry him, he is not your mahram, further, you have no mahram - all you have is the permission of your mother - which is NOT enough, because she is not the LAW, she is not SHARIAH.

If you listen to your mother in this, then be assured, you will end up in the fire. She is not protecting you. Are your parents divorced? Does your father know about this? I can be sure that he doesn't - because if he did know - knowing what knows about the lusts of men, he will definitely not approve.

Your emotions and confirmation bias is sickening to be honest. You are trying to justify your need of a relationship by claiming that you talk only in an islamic context with him - well if that is your true purpose - to learn about Islam, then what do you need him for? Nothing... you learn your Islam through conventional methods outlined for you in the institutions and books and examples of Islam found from history right up til the modern age... you are very mistaken that you can take your deen from a non mahram whom has ideas of marriage for you, and vice versa - that is shaytaan setting up the stage for you both to end up in hell fire.

But you won't listen to us... you came here - to the best Islamic forum on the internet and WE ALL TELL YOU THE SAME THING - IT IS HARAAM FOR YOU TO MAINTAIN RELATIONS WITH HIM.

So consider this your warning from Allah - HE has forbidden you to have any relation with man outside of marriage. And your intentions are clear, you seek to justify your need to be his friend thru the excuse of learning about deen - this is what sickens me. It is a clear hypocrisy.

If you was sincere about your intention to learn the deen - you don't need him.

Further, why don't you invite this friend of yours to join this forum and talk to us? We will surely make him understand through the Islamic understanding that he is fooling you and fooling himself in the process, and shaytaan is laughing because he has found two more companions to join him in the fire of jahannam.

So invite him here, and lets get this started. My challenge to you.

if you cannot rise to this challenge, then you will have inadvertently exposed that you know how wrong your actions and intentions are, and we will wash our hands with you, and let Allah judge you on that day when HE judges all of creation. And know this: your place will be in the fire.

One last thing, your repentance is insincere - because you still want to engage in this unislamic relationship with him, even after you've supposedly repented - that is clear hypocrisy.

Assalaam alaikum

Scimi
 
Yeah I alredy saw many videos and looked up many things but some said that's it's okay if there is no flirting and the intention is pure and it is a pure relationship so I wasn't sure,
Sure ill tell him about what u said and ill send him the links but I don't think he'll wanna join becuase he gets all his islamic answers from his parents

thanks guys
 
Sounds like he wants to get married.
 
Bottom line is, just look up that video "can men and women be just friends" and then see the reality of what women think, and what men think - and that will close the case.

This excuse of reemacookii that she is only interested in the firendship because she wants to discuss Islam - is a weak excuse considering she has already claimed she has sinned with him.

If she truly feared Allah, she would break all ties with him and be repenting for a faaaaaaaaaaaaaar longer time than what she has done. Further, what's really given the game away for her is that she still wants to be "friends" with him, after her repentance - what a joke.

The Islamic context is clear - men and women cannot be FRIENDS.

The opinion of scholars who say contradictory things should always be taken by the safest route to Allahs mercy, in this case it would be total refraining from contact with him.

Yet she only seeks to justify her emotions, which can never be justified in the Islamic context.

Scimi
 
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Go to IslamQA and see what has been said about this:7

meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in one place and exposure of women to men are prohibited by the Law of Islam. These acts are prohibited because they are among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies evil consequences), the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing. even if you are "just friends" ( in reality there is no such thing by the way)

here is some evidence supporting this from the Quran and the sunnah :

-Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning); "...for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs..."

-The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah’s most revered and preferred place, the mosque. This was accomplished via the separation of the women’s rows from the men’s; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing are:

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said that after Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said "as-Salamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullah’ twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought that the staying of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart." Narrated by al-Bukhari under No. 793.

Abu Dawood under No. 876 narrates the same hadith. Ibn ‘Umar said that Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: "We should leave this door (of the mosque) for women." Naafi’ said: "Ibn ‘Umar never again entered through that door until he died." Narrated by Abu Dawood under No. 484 in "Kitab as-Salah" under the Chapter entitled: "at-Tashdid fi Thalik".
This is the greatest evidence that the Law of Islam (Shari'ah) forbids meeting and mixing of men and women. The farther the men are from the women’s rows, the better, and vice versa.

If these procedures and precautions were prescribed and adhered to in a mosque, which is a pure place of worship where people are as far away as they ever are from the arousal of desire and temptation, then no doubt the same procedures need to be followed even more rigorously at other places.

Mixing and crowding together of men and women is part of today’s unavoidable yet regrettable affliction in most places, such as markets, hospitals, colleges, etc., but one should not willfully choose or accept mixing and crowding.

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Consider, if these laws apply to the masjid, the holy place - then the laws in private places are even stricter... and in public also stricter. With that in mind, how can you even entertain the idea of a friendship with him?

It's pure stupidity.

Scimi
 
I don't want to be friends just because we talk about Islam, it's because we've been through a lot and I've liked him fort over 2 years and to me I just won't find anyone better and yeah he really does want to get married
 
you are 15... what do you know about life? nothing.

So now you've admitted you like him (fancy him) and want to marry him - and you think that's a good reason to be friends? :D that's the worst reason.

Grow up first, you're still a kid. Your'e naive, learn your Islam first.

No one here is gonna say "yeah its ok for you two to be friends" lol

If you really came here for advice then take it

if you came here to hear us say "you can be friends" then leave because we are not going to say that - EVER.

[FONT=Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, san-serif]You claim you have repented - but a sign of true repentance is to refrain from any action which puts the possibility of the sin to arise again - in your case that would mean cutting contact with him totally, as a way to show Allah that you are sincere in your repentance.

Instead, you want to justify your sin by being friends and claiming you want to marry him - this is only opening the doors for shaytaan to come and make you sin again.

Wise up[/FONT]
 
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she just wants to be friends with him... I highly doubt she is being honest with us.

Honesty reflects in the text one posts - she has evaded the important questions asked to her in this thread and pretentiously come back with a "thank you all" as a means to alleviate her need to respond bro Hulk.

The truth is all too clear.

Scimi
 
Unfortunately my senses are not very tuned when it comes to people and a lot of times in the past I realise that I am usually not the best judge of character Bro Scimitar. In this instance it does appear that she isn't really addressing the posts that were given as a response to hers, so I thought perhaps a more direct question would be a bit more helpful.
 
reemacookii said:
Thanks a lot guys,
Btw I talked to him about it again and he promised on his life that he won't do anything bad, and he'd do anything for me to just talk to him and not leave him, he promised again and he said that talking isn't wrong as he asked his like super religious mom as long as we don't compliment each other or do anything more than just that.
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1. You and him can promise all you want but shaytan is going to be there to destroy all your promises and lead you to a wrong path, that's why it is wrong even if you are just being 'friends'. Even if both of your are genuine, it is still the problem of shaytan.
2. It is wrong. His mother is wrong. No disrespect to her, but her understanding of this matter is clearly wrong as you've got a forum full of people telling you so and if you did a bit more of your own research, you'll find that what we are saying is correct.
3. If you still want to be with him, get married to him as soon as possible. Get your parents involved and see when the earliest you can get married if they accept. During the waiting time, don't meet him or talk to him in private without someone else being present (this includes private texts on phone and emails etc.). If parents don't accept, move on and don't talk to this guy every again.
 
Salaams to all.

I think the relevant point is here.

reemacookii said:
Also i already asked many people and they said it was okay to stay friends if we don't flirt or talk about anything bad or be alone or do any of the haram things. Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc
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The problem is that you are a teenager with as they say 'raging' hormones and growing up fast (not yet grown up). There is no way unless Allah wills it so that you know who your partner is. Even adults make mistakes in choosing their partner. Don't kid yourself that he is the right one (that is not to say that he isn't, either) But you have your life still ahead of you.

You are being pulled in 2 different direction and the majority of the advise given above is to protect your long term cause. If you allow yourself to mix, albeit in a group, you will open the doors for temptations to creep in.
 
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No I am completely honest and im not addressing cause I'm just sad and I didn't expect it tobe like that after the parents and people I asked.. I just feel down and I feel like I'm just lost and sad and it's just too much to explain
I am completely honest about saying JUST friends and I know I won't sin again and repeat the things I did! I did them because I couldn't say no and because I didn't even know thewy were sins! I knew nothing plus I'm shy and I didn't wanna hurt him! I told him a lot I won't do them and we haven't sinned for 3 months, our last big sin was like 6 months ago anyways..

and hulk I really wanna get married and he asked his parents and they said when he finishes college so that's the answer to that, plus, i'm not giving up my straight A's to be ahousewife.. college comes first, then I think about getting married.

Greenhill, I feel like since you have a daughter around my age you kind of understand it more easily. I KNOW chosing a husband is really tough. Most married people I know are abused and have the worst possible partners.. and I don't want that to be me inshallah.. so I just wanted to have a close friend so that in the future when it's time inshallah I won't get married to some stragern that'll abuse me, ill know the person and ill be safe and sure I won't be abused. Marriage is a scary topic, and that's a big reason for me still holding on to him. Look, thank you a lot guys for warnimg me about the shaytan as I kow his power and I know its huge and uncontrollable, but I can't do those sins again and im sure of it. If I ever did, I don't know what I'd do I'd hatemyself forever.. that's why I'm really really careful now, I'M SURE I won't flirt or redo my old sins, I just know I can't and if I did I'd hate myself even more than I already do. I just wanted to know, let's say we DID NOT sin at all, just normal friends who chat about random topics and movies and football players like a SISTER BROTHER relationship, and we gave advice about Islam and life.. cause I know that's the farthest we'd go, I just wanted to know if that was okay.. because guys trust me.. I CANT be the old me.. I just can't.. and I don't wanna lose the only human being that cares about me and treats me like his sister, he gets mad if I wear a shirt where my arms show or if I put on makeup, he thinks of me as a sister now! And I tell him everyday and he promises he won't be like before.. can't I give hima chance.. I mean, isn't Islam all about chances and being friendly, that's why people convert isn't it?

Also, Haj and Umrah is mixed.. so that shows that Allah didn't forbid mixing with genders.. I mean we are all human aren't we..

And I just wanted to say thank you again especially greenhill.. you guys don't understand how many people I've asked and how hard I cried.. I haven't been sleeping at all!
 
Just talking to him and being friends with him is a sin sister. You can of course do as you please but there is no other way about it, you would be sinning.
can't I give hima chance.. I mean, isn't Islam all about chances and being friendly, that's why people convert isn't it?
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You don't be friendly to non-mahram men (males who are not your immediate relatives). That's what Islam says.

Also, Haj and Umrah is mixed.. so that shows that Allah didn't forbid mixing with genders..
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Mixing of genders in hajj and umrah is worlds apart from the kind of mixing you are thinking of indulging in. In hajj/umrah men and women are praying individually to Allah. They are not finding 'friends' and doing 'friend-like' stuff.
 
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