blubutterfly82
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When I start my day, or try to 'live' each day- I don't seem to know when it will strike but it has become a routine that I anticipate for that depression, severe anxiety and fear of life to strike.
Its a feeling that somebody has taken away everything from me and the one I am with- the person to whom I am married to, who, without having a better way of dealing with the ghastly and horrific incident that happened to his wife, has now inflicted further emotional repercussions on me (the wife) to save himself from the emotional pain and perhaps gain any little form of happiness for himself. Probably for him, pretending to be oblivious helps him cope.
I believe in Allah but my faith has been considerably shaken and I am scared and feeling hopeless most of the time. Early this year because of circumstances surrounding some of my life's other events- I found myself back in my home country attending to family. My mother-inlaw passed away soon after our marriage 2 years ago. This time I witnessed that my father-in-law was commiting Sihr/ black magic not only on other people but also discovered on my husband so as to separate us, so that my husband realizes what it is like to be without a wife. My father in law pretends to be religious, but employs people who do the Sihr work for him. I soon found out that I was on many levels a victim of the Sihr that he was committing. Out of respect, I didnot bring it up or tell my husband as my husband does not believe in these things. I informed my parents, and they in turn were referred to an "Imam" from a well-known mosque who apparently gives duas to read and has ways of rectifying or breaking the effects of Sihr. He was renowned it seems in being able to foresee and tell if any person is under a 'bad spell' or in other words, a victim of black magic. Somehow, through works of Jinn or some other method, to my surprise he was able to say everything accurately as to what has happened in my life (thereby gaining trust). According to this religious scholar, I was a victim of 'black magic'. I did not want to believe it, but there were no grounds to question this scholar as he was an Imam (priest) of a well-known Mosque.
It is worse than death itself- to live with the knowledge of their daughters life being compromised and being unable to protect their daughter. This priest had established his trust within our household
As a part of the 'cure' to rid me of the bad spell that was done to me, he had given me duas to read and in addition to that- bottles of 'holy water' to drink over couple of weeks. In my parents home, on one such day as the 'cure' was being implemented- he locked the room that I was in . He then went on to rape me - in my parents home. It was for a few brief seconds but that was all it took to get me impregnated. We found out much later that the Imam himself took advantage of my situation and committed Sihr on me to keep me under his control so that I would provide him with money. I dont have complete recollection now, but kept calling him every day for 5-6 weeks- as though I had no hold over my own life.
He mentioned on that day and on the days following, that notifying family would only bring more harm to me and my family's life safety. It was a threat that was repeatedly mentioned.He repeatedly kept brainwashing me and added to that the threat of harming my family. In the mean time, I came back to live with my husband in the USA- but the phone calls to that 'Imam' (priest) had to continue. I tried to live life as normal as possible- despite having my life sucked out of me. I kept thinking that perhaps if I could keep this ghastly act and knowledge of the violation of my body and my being confined within myself- I can still keep my family who were miles away from me safe and 'happy'. This religious scholar has contacts with the mafia and other corrupt political folks.
But very soon, I noticed that I had become pregnant from that rape. Horrified, since mentally I didnot seem to be able to muster the strength to take on any more threat or hardships- I managed to somehow find information on clinics and went ahead to visit the clinic and initiate an abortion. In all of this- with the phone calls to that rapist and my visits to the clinic, my husband found out what had happened. His life, in that one instant- fell apart. It was devastating to say the least. I had barely come to terms of what had happened with me and now the confrontation with my husband seemed too unrealistic to bare and to be happening to me. It was as though, I was being made to suffer through many more injuries at one given time. He informed my parents and they were in disbelief. That brought further shame on me. But as the shock set in, it has since then become difficult for them to live through life. My parents are elderly and they tried to complain to higher authority. My family stands by me today despite living with the pain of their daughter being a victim. As for that man who raped me- He is on the run, but living a free life. I wonder how many more girls and women has he raped in this way? How many families have suffered and asked to pay lump sums to him to keep the families from being emotionally raped over and over again?
I had known my husband for 8 years before we got married. We got married 2 years ago and we don't yet have any children. As for me, my husband put forth this decision- the decision to have me stay in that marriage after almost one week of suffocation to bear that knowledge- he has said that I either choose my family which includes parents, siblings, extended relatives OR I choose him. I chose him. It was extremely difficult for him, and still is, to accept me and trust me to not engage in sexual activity with another person. To him its not rape- its adultery. He does not see this as rape. He sees this as a negotiation that I did with that priest- where I get all my problems in life erased, if I consent to sex. He refuses to think any different.
He is not a believing Muslim and I have not disclosed to him the reasons behind why that Imam was contacted by my family. Because that would mean disclosing my father in laws activities of Sihr, and my husband does not believe in Sihr.
I need some help in figuring out what I can do to cope and how can I bring myself to coping and fixing my marriage. I need desperately need guidance so that I can find some hope in this life that I have left to live through.
My husband constantly interrogates me, emotionally abuses me through his questions and statements and because of that I feel I have lost everything in my life.
Please help me and guide me....what can i do to feel strong inside and to restore my faith in myself. May Allah guide me.
I seek guidance from you, brothers and sisters. I know that my husband will always think that this was adultery and zina , but not rape. Because I had continued those phone calls to the rapist.
Its a feeling that somebody has taken away everything from me and the one I am with- the person to whom I am married to, who, without having a better way of dealing with the ghastly and horrific incident that happened to his wife, has now inflicted further emotional repercussions on me (the wife) to save himself from the emotional pain and perhaps gain any little form of happiness for himself. Probably for him, pretending to be oblivious helps him cope.
I believe in Allah but my faith has been considerably shaken and I am scared and feeling hopeless most of the time. Early this year because of circumstances surrounding some of my life's other events- I found myself back in my home country attending to family. My mother-inlaw passed away soon after our marriage 2 years ago. This time I witnessed that my father-in-law was commiting Sihr/ black magic not only on other people but also discovered on my husband so as to separate us, so that my husband realizes what it is like to be without a wife. My father in law pretends to be religious, but employs people who do the Sihr work for him. I soon found out that I was on many levels a victim of the Sihr that he was committing. Out of respect, I didnot bring it up or tell my husband as my husband does not believe in these things. I informed my parents, and they in turn were referred to an "Imam" from a well-known mosque who apparently gives duas to read and has ways of rectifying or breaking the effects of Sihr. He was renowned it seems in being able to foresee and tell if any person is under a 'bad spell' or in other words, a victim of black magic. Somehow, through works of Jinn or some other method, to my surprise he was able to say everything accurately as to what has happened in my life (thereby gaining trust). According to this religious scholar, I was a victim of 'black magic'. I did not want to believe it, but there were no grounds to question this scholar as he was an Imam (priest) of a well-known Mosque.
It is worse than death itself- to live with the knowledge of their daughters life being compromised and being unable to protect their daughter. This priest had established his trust within our household
As a part of the 'cure' to rid me of the bad spell that was done to me, he had given me duas to read and in addition to that- bottles of 'holy water' to drink over couple of weeks. In my parents home, on one such day as the 'cure' was being implemented- he locked the room that I was in . He then went on to rape me - in my parents home. It was for a few brief seconds but that was all it took to get me impregnated. We found out much later that the Imam himself took advantage of my situation and committed Sihr on me to keep me under his control so that I would provide him with money. I dont have complete recollection now, but kept calling him every day for 5-6 weeks- as though I had no hold over my own life.
He mentioned on that day and on the days following, that notifying family would only bring more harm to me and my family's life safety. It was a threat that was repeatedly mentioned.He repeatedly kept brainwashing me and added to that the threat of harming my family. In the mean time, I came back to live with my husband in the USA- but the phone calls to that 'Imam' (priest) had to continue. I tried to live life as normal as possible- despite having my life sucked out of me. I kept thinking that perhaps if I could keep this ghastly act and knowledge of the violation of my body and my being confined within myself- I can still keep my family who were miles away from me safe and 'happy'. This religious scholar has contacts with the mafia and other corrupt political folks.
But very soon, I noticed that I had become pregnant from that rape. Horrified, since mentally I didnot seem to be able to muster the strength to take on any more threat or hardships- I managed to somehow find information on clinics and went ahead to visit the clinic and initiate an abortion. In all of this- with the phone calls to that rapist and my visits to the clinic, my husband found out what had happened. His life, in that one instant- fell apart. It was devastating to say the least. I had barely come to terms of what had happened with me and now the confrontation with my husband seemed too unrealistic to bare and to be happening to me. It was as though, I was being made to suffer through many more injuries at one given time. He informed my parents and they were in disbelief. That brought further shame on me. But as the shock set in, it has since then become difficult for them to live through life. My parents are elderly and they tried to complain to higher authority. My family stands by me today despite living with the pain of their daughter being a victim. As for that man who raped me- He is on the run, but living a free life. I wonder how many more girls and women has he raped in this way? How many families have suffered and asked to pay lump sums to him to keep the families from being emotionally raped over and over again?
I had known my husband for 8 years before we got married. We got married 2 years ago and we don't yet have any children. As for me, my husband put forth this decision- the decision to have me stay in that marriage after almost one week of suffocation to bear that knowledge- he has said that I either choose my family which includes parents, siblings, extended relatives OR I choose him. I chose him. It was extremely difficult for him, and still is, to accept me and trust me to not engage in sexual activity with another person. To him its not rape- its adultery. He does not see this as rape. He sees this as a negotiation that I did with that priest- where I get all my problems in life erased, if I consent to sex. He refuses to think any different.
He is not a believing Muslim and I have not disclosed to him the reasons behind why that Imam was contacted by my family. Because that would mean disclosing my father in laws activities of Sihr, and my husband does not believe in Sihr.
I need some help in figuring out what I can do to cope and how can I bring myself to coping and fixing my marriage. I need desperately need guidance so that I can find some hope in this life that I have left to live through.
My husband constantly interrogates me, emotionally abuses me through his questions and statements and because of that I feel I have lost everything in my life.
Please help me and guide me....what can i do to feel strong inside and to restore my faith in myself. May Allah guide me.
I seek guidance from you, brothers and sisters. I know that my husband will always think that this was adultery and zina , but not rape. Because I had continued those phone calls to the rapist.
