salam
sister i send u a massege on talkaboutmarriage.com after readin ur post ........ but sister in this websit u described ur point of story in more detail manner .....
well sister please dont ask for ALLAH'S EQUAL JUDGMENT but instead ask for ALLAH'S MERCY... because when u ask about ALLAH'S JUDGMENT then HE will ask u about every single matter that u have done example violation of ur husband's right ... a single moment in which u r involve in this matter ... etc so ASK FOR ALLAH'S MERCY
first u please read the massage i send on talkaboutmarriage.com then a few think i need to add here is that ur husband is accepting u as his wife is very much appreciable ...
listen sister PROPHET (SAW) SAID " IF OFFERING SAJDAH IS ALLOW FOR A HUMAN IN-FRONT OF AN OTHER HUMAN THEN IT WILL B WIFE TO OFFER SAJDAH IN-FRONT OF HIS HUSBAND " ...
the reason i m tellin u all about this is that u r becomin more frustrated about ur husband behaviour but ur husband is right at his stance .... can u justify ur phone call because now every1 know about ur rape the rapist cant even harm ur family ... first sister hiding the so much important matter from ur husband is very unrealistic... just a matter think the rapist made u help him financially if he want u to share bed with other guys then what u could do ... see the hiding from husband is itself is a big issue ...
secondly sister if the sehar is so much powerful that it made u make call to rapist as u mentioned " I dont have complete recollection now, but kept calling him every day for 5-6 weeks- as though I had no hold over my own life. " ....y the sehar just vanish after ur husband is aware with the situation ... think about this
sister may b u r right about ur rape but sister ur part of story is so much weak.. so please compromise with the situation as u r tryin ur level best to deal with ....
it has been 2 days n nights i didnt sleep sound after readin ur post on talkaboutmarriage.com n constantly remember u n ur husband in my prayers n in future i will always remember u in my prayers INSHA ALLAH ....
in talkaboutmarriage i have send u private massege in which i post u possible solution of ur situation so plsz read that also with open heart ... not to take my advise in biased manner ... i may sound harsh but want to help u sister ...
take care
ALLAH HAFIZ