Major issue with wife after conversion talk

[markislam]

She says she lost me, i told her what if i was dead.

She says she is sad because she cant grow in faith with me, i told her yes we can in this, she said no i dont want in Islam.

 

[Mysterious Uk]

I don't have a clue about what she maybe feeling but it seems she might be afraid of the changes that might happen now. I guess you could just let her know that although there will be some changes you are still the same person, you can still do the same things together. You have told her you are muslim and whether you did it the 'right' way or not it doesnt matter now. Inshallah you will talk it through and work things out. Keep strong and give it a bit of time brother.

 

[glo]

She says she lost me, i told her what if i was dead.

She says she is sad because she cant grow in faith with me, i told her yes we can in this, she said no i dont want in Islam.

I agree with czgibson.

If you had shared more with your wife about your feelings, your thoughts and your faith journey then your conversion wouldn't have come as such a shock to her.

But you told her now, and that was better than leaving it even longer ...

I understand your wife's sadness about not being able to follow her faith with you. Perhaps you even feel the same sadness.
I am sure many devout people who desire to follow God through their religion and who believe that only their religion is true and all others false will feel the same.

I suggest that you show your wife that you still love her and want to be with her (from your previous posts I assume that you do), and let the two of you settle into the new situation.

I can actually imagine how hard this is for you, but if - only if - you are both willing and loving, you can make this work!

 

[Humbler_359]

Brother Mark

Sir, we expect surely that this could happen when your wife learned you believe in Islam. My advice calmly is sit down and talk with each other, tell her what do you see in Christian Catholics I assume? Why Pope, third person in between you and God? Why too many idols with cross? Why black people church (think Jesus is black due to Middle East) and other believe in imagine (Jesus is white and pure)?

BTW, tell her this verses if she know in Bible.

"And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is God." (Mark 10:18).

"And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; the Lord our God is one Lord:" (Mark 12:29)

"Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying Eli, Eli, lama sabachtani? . . ." (Matthew 27:46)- (why are you forsaking me?)

Ask her, why difference systems in Catholics (Jesus/Mother Mary), Baptist (from Catholics), Jehovah Witness (believe Jesus is prophet and son of God), Mormon, Evanglical, Methodist, KKK (to speak), etc.

Does this mean, all these sections will go to Heaven for sure?

Read here

Learn more about the history of Christianity and then judge on Islam's Qur'an. It would be helpful for her to realize. She could understand the differences.

Thus, Islam means submission to God only.

 

[Santoku]

she is upset that i converted and it was a surprise for her.

well today morning she asked me why did i leave God and go to a totally different religion. I said Islam is not a religion , she said then why do you pray 5 times a day and face mecca when you pray if it is not a religion, you have to cleanse your self when you pray , she said God looks at your heart not if you cleansed or not.

I told her Islam is all about following one God, then she says then follow one God why be in Islam which is a religion.

She says she always felt the presence of Evil spirit around muslims

She says she does not trust me any more

Wewll it looks as if I am not allowed to put her point of view, that she is hurt and upset that you kept all of this secret from her. So what the heck!

 

[YusufNoor]

she is upset that i converted and it was a surprise for her.

so at some point, you never thought that it might be a good idea to bring the subject up? i imagine it was wee bit more than a surprise if you never even raised the subject.

well today morning she asked me why did i leave God and go to a totally different religion.

you did not leave God. Allah lead you to the truth.

I said Islam is not a religion,

actually, it IS a religion, BUT it is MORE than just plain religion. it is a way of life. we use the word, Deen. i'm sure that is what you meant, but you need to explain it to her correctly if you can

she said then why do you pray 5 times a day and face mecca when you pray if it is not a religion,

people often confuse Salat with "prayer," the Arabic language is a better vehicle for describing the Deen. Salat is a formal worshiping of Allah, DUA is prayer.

you have to cleanse your self when you pray ,

we clean ourselves for Salah and not dua. Salah is more like church, in which some Christians STILL put on their "Sunday Best!" you just do it 35 times a week instead of once...

she said God looks at your heart not if you cleansed or not.

ABSOLUTELY, but for FORMAL worship, we do it according to the method taught by our Prophet. Jesus, did not attend the Temple unless he was ceremoniously clean. the Jews pray according to the way that Ezra taught them [which was instituted in place of what Moses taught them after the Babylonian captives were allowed to return home.]

I told her Islam is all about following one God, then she says then follow one God why be in Islam which is a religion.

because Islam is the ONLY Religion, OR Deen, that worships Allah Alone and without Partners.

She says she always felt the presence of Evil spirit around muslims

how does she know that? maybe it was just Shaytan clouding her mind because he was afraid of losing her.

She says she does not trust me any more

Akhi, you blindsided your wife AND you have a hard time explaining Islam to her. that is a formula for disaster.

take some time, get composed and take some time to figure out how to teach her about Islam. you might not get another chance.

i posted some links to some Yusuf Estes' programs. i recommend that you watch them and IF possible, get your wife to watch them too. i am watching them with my wife and we enjoy his presentations. he has a knack for explaining things and for clearing up misunderstandings. this could be useful to you right now. [you can choose from different topics]

it is not like you came home and said that i want to be a Catholic instead of a Protestant. it's more like you came home and announced that you are a Jehovah's Witness, ONLY MORE TRAUMATIC for her. keep that in mind!

ask Allah for guidance and try to do a better job of explaining Islam to her.

:wa:

 

[جوري]

^^^ excellent advise..

I suspect that your wife has been frequenting anti-Islamic sites, since no one talks of such nonsense as 'moongods' save questionable sites, I doubt that in this day and age any church would be so politically incorrect as to disseminate frank erroneous information (of course I could be wrong) but I doubt it was the topic of her church last week of which suddenly applied to you, in which case she probably suspected for sometime...

If you love this woman, I'd give it time and a great deal of patience.. many Islamophobes reverted to Islam (one of the brothers here posted such a thread just yesterday Masha'Allah, in which case your wife might one day become a sister to us).. but if you don't love her, and this is a further divide then I'd just cut my losses and move on, work it out so the kids aren't lost in the middle.. I suspect she might turn them against you anyway.. but if Allah swt guides them and you are a good example, then her efforts will most likely backfire on her...

and Allah swt knows best

 

[syriana]

yea its just religious shock brother... be strong its all a trial on you.

 

[markislam]

I had a big discussion with her yesterday about Islam I told her it is about submission to God's will.

She shows me the bible to show references where Jesus talks about I and the father are one.

I asked her show me one verse in the bible where Jesus asks us to worship him.

She wants me to come to christianity.

After knowing the truth i dont want to back slide. I would rather face persecussion here on this earth than go to hell.

She does not want to hear the word Allah she is ok with God lol

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^ akhee, everything and everyone in our lives will be a trial for us, be it to do with reverted spouses or otherwise. these are just tests from allah. the end is all that matters --->Make sure allah is pleased with you, for by allah, no one will be there for you when you stand before Him.
you are the only one who will carry your sins.

having said that though, it doesnt mean you have to treat her disrespectfully...do expect that she will be fice and passionate, but as long as she isn't insulting Islam than explain islam to her as kindly as possible...

 

[sana safdar]

bhai kia yaha urdu me threads nahi hain ?

 

[Caller الداعي]

salams bro
mashalla uve takin a very big step in the eyes of Allah obstacles will come to u it will not be easy for her to accept over night give her time and show her good character and tell her how u feel and listen to what she says .
remember the lives of the sahabah when they accepted islam !
May Allah guide ur wife 2

 

[Santoku]

yea its just religious shock brother... be strong its all a trial on you.

And it is not a shock for her? She has no right to feel betrayed that her husband never saw fit to discuss this with her or even invite her on the journey with him?

 

['Abd-al Latif]

And it is not a shock for her? She has no right to feel betrayed that her husband never saw fit to discuss this with her or even invite her on the journey with him?

Is your intention just to argue? I somehow doubt that your reaction would be the same had markIslam converted to a religion other then Islam! If you have nothing good to say then my advice is not to say anything at all.

Accepting Islam isn't betrayal nor is it something to be 'shocked about'. It's a personal decision and not something you need to consult others about. What is this betrayal that you are talking about anyway? The fact that Islam says the best of muslims are those who are best to their wives or that Islam is the complete truth?!

The blind and the seeing are not the same and Allah guides to the straight path whom He wills. So stop disputing over matters which are of no concern to you!

 

[Danah]

I had a big discussion with her yesterday about Islam I told her it is about submission to God's will.

She shows me the bible to show references where Jesus talks about I and the father are one.

I asked her show me one verse in the bible where Jesus asks us to worship him.

Then I strongly recommend you to watch this Video for Dr Zakir Naik that talked about the same issue you and your wife had talked about, just 26 min video not that long one

[Media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j-kMfA2x8w&feature=sub[/Media]

and it will be even better if she watch it with you

May Allah make it easy for you to overcome this obstacle brother

 

[markislam]

i will show her this today

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you markislam; I am so sorry to hear that your faith is causing problems in your marraige.

i will show her this today

I have watched the Dr. Zakir Naik video, I would urge caution about showing her this in the near future. It is going to sound like you are trying to convert her, and if she is still feeling bad about your conversion, this video may seem like pouring petrol on a burning fire. I sense you have to do some making up first.

It is obvious Dr. Zakir is a very talented and gifted man, and he is very encouraging to fellow Muslims. I can only talk from my own Christian perception, that his arguments would not convince me.

Please feel free to ignore this totally, as I do not know you, or your wife, my thoughts may be wrong.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding, despite all our differences.

Eric

 

[Danah]

Greetings and peace be with you markislam; I am so sorry to hear that your faith is causing problems in your marraige.



I have watched the Dr. Zakir Naik video, I would urge caution about showing her this in the near future. It is going to sound like you are trying to convert her, and if she is still feeling bad about your conversion, this video may seem like pouring petrol on a burning fire. I sense you have to do some making up first.

It is obvious Dr. Zakir is a very talented and gifted man, and he is very encouraging to fellow Muslims. I can only talk from my own Christian perception, that his arguments would not convince me.

Please feel free to ignore this totally, as I do not know you, or your wife, my thoughts may be wrong.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding, despite all our differences.

Eric

Peace Eric,
I agree with some of what you said Eric, but I didnt have any intention to convert the wife by posting that video, I just recommended that video for her to show the issue of God and whether Jesus peace and blessing be upon him is a God or a prophet thats all. So its just a clarifying the misconception nothing more!

Then its up to her to whether accept it or not

 

[جوري]

his wife isn't able to rise beyond 'moon God' and 'Muslims surrounded by evil'..
what exactly would you consider convincing or not convincing to someone whose judgment is completely clouded by hatred and frequenting islamophobic sites?

Perhaps the logical route is indeed not the best way to go.. I don't want to dispense with bad advise myself.. to me Islam is above any man or woman even if they be a parent or a spouse, I am not sure such a woman would even be worth the effort...(astghfor Allah) ..

 

[czgibson]

Greetings,

Is your intention just to argue? I somehow doubt that your reaction would be the same had markIslam converted to a religion other then Islam! If you have nothing good to say then my advice is not to say anything at all.

But Santoku is saying something good.

Why is there so little concern about the impact of the member's conversion on his wife? You have to think about both people if you expect any kind of resolution to be possible.

Accepting Islam isn't betrayal nor is it something to be 'shocked about'.

Tell that to the person whose spouse has just converted - that's the reaction she's displayed.

It's a personal decision and not something you need to consult others about. What is this betrayal that you are talking about anyway?

It's obvious to anyone - the betrayal involved in keeping a life-changing secret from one's wife.

If that is indeed what the member has done. We don't know - we weren't there.

As for the suggestion that this lady, who is apparently very upset, be sat down in front of a Zakir Naik video to be told why her religion is a load of nonsense, I can think of few things more likely to lead to complete disaster.

So what is the best course of action? At this late stage, it's hard to say. She has had a tremendous shock (rightly or wrongly), which is unlikely to dissipate before some time has elapsed.

I think the best thing markislam can do is to show his wife that he is still the same person she fell in love with despite his new direction. Also, behaving in accordance with the high moral standard that Islam encourages might just change her mind about the religion. Above all, if she can be convinced that she hasn't "lost" her husband, there may well be an amicable way out of this.

Peace