This is a very strange situation and in fact, a very bad and evil situation as well. If intercourse without marriage is a sin then marriage without intercourse is sin in its own way. And its strange to see that you earlier blamed your husband and picturised him as a complete weirdo and then you later take the blame on yourself and you guys have been married for four years. By this time, most couples expect their second child and you guys are literally making fun of each other and also the freedom given by Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala). You say that your husband doesn't wanna hurt you and scare you and so he doesn't do it. Thats an absolute mess. Alright. A similar situation happened with Rasoolullah :saws: and the first verse of Surah Tahreem (Surah 66) was revealed on that occassion. Here's Abdullah Yusuf Ali's translation and commentary on that verse :
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ لِمَ تُحَرِّمُ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ لَكَ ...
1. O Prophet! why holdest thou to be forbidden that which Allah has made lawful to thee?
C5529. The Prophet's household was not like other households. The Consorts of Purity were expected to hold a higher standard in behaviour and reticence than ordinary women, as they had higher work to perform. See n. 3706 to 33:28.
But they were human beings after all, and were subject to the weaknesses of their sex, and they sometimes failed. The commentators usually cite the following incident in connection with the revelation of these verses.
It is narrated from 'Aisha, the wife of the holy Prophet (peace be on him) by Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai. Abu Dawud and others that the holy Prophet usually visited all his wives daily after 'Asr Prayer. Once it so happened that he stayed longer than usual at the quarters of Zaynab bint Jahsh, for she had received from somewhere some honey which the holy Prophet liked very much. "At this", says 'Aisha, "I felt jealous, and Hafsa, Sawda, Safiya, and I agreed among ourselves that when he visits us each of us would tell him that a peculiar odour came from his mouth as a result of what he had eaten, for we knew that he was particularly sensitive to offensive smells".
So when his wives hinted at it, he vowed that he would never again use honey. Thereupon these verses were revealed reminding him that he should not declare to himself unlawful that which Allah had made lawful to him.
The important point to bear in mind is that he was at once rectified by revelation, which reinforces the fact that the prophets are always under divine protection, and even the slightest lapse on their part is never left uncorrected. (R).
... تَبْتَغِي مَرْضَاتَ أَزْوَاجِكَ ...
Thou seekest to please thy consorts.
C5530. The tender words of admonition addressed to the Consorts in 33:28-34 explain the situation far better than any comments can express. If the holy Prophet had been a mere husband in the ordinary sense of the term, he could not have held the balance even between his private feelings and his public duties. But he was not an ordinary husband, and he abandoned his renunciation on his realisation of the higher duties with which he was charged, and which required conciliation with firmness.
... وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ ﴿١﴾
But Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful
See, Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) immediately reprimanded Rasoolullah :saws: when he forbade something just to please his wife. Is your husband doing any different? The answer is no and
he (or both of you) is going against the Qur'an just because you too are "shy":blind:. Wake up.
Rasoolullah :saws: curse is on some people who do wrong and one of those people is a disobedient wife. Rasoolullah :saws: once said
"Allah curses a woman who sleeps the night while her husband is angry with her.”
The curse is on the wife who sleeps without satisfying the sexual desires of her husband.
Its good to see that you two are very pious and religious but right here you guys are committing major evil.
What I strongly recommend to you is that you show this thread to your husband or at least this post. The verse of Surah Tahreem is enough to make you understand that holding something which is halaal as haraam is against the Qur'an. A brother earlier in this thread already quoted the hadeeth of intercourse being an act of sadaqa.
Alee (radhiAllaahu 'anhu) reports that the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said:
'There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct .'
Collected by al-Bukhaaree,Muslim and an-Nasaa'ee 'as- Saheehah of al-Albaanee no.181
I hope you guys give up this evil
haya for the sake of Allah and start increasing the numbers of this Ummah.
Moreover, you guys are stealing each other's rights of intimacy to each other. Just think, if its because of your hesitation that he's scared then sister we are living in a kingdom of trials. The world is fully loaded with
fitnah and what if, someday he finds someone who won't have any hesitation, Allah forbid, or what if, you get involved with someone who won't care about your hesitation and just do it, Allah forbid.
Being a guy, I can honestly tell you that guys like it when the girl makes the first move, not just in this area but all. Like if there's fight then the man would really like it if the wife turns to reconciliation before him.
It is possible that its the evil eye or
sihr but are you just gonna stay its victim all your life. God helps those who hep themselves.
I'd be very upfront here, when you return to your husband's home, physically express to him, how much you missed him not just during your stay at your Mom's place but in the last four years.
Sister, the next post I'd like to see from you is the one in which you'll be giving us (your brothers and sisters on LI) the good news of us becoming Uncles and Aunts
. I'll make dua for you InshAllah.
