Mooches!

[Looking4Peace]

wow , I didnt know parents helping you with money and loans for college was being pampered, sorry but even though i work its still hard for a student to work and pay for the whole thing themselves, especially that before having a college degree what do we make minimum wage or maybe a few bucks over?, even if i saved every penny i still wouldnt be able to fork over all the bill, i guess i should feel pathetic for my parents paying some? NOT, especially that i am more then willing to help them out when bills get tight? I dont think so, i think your complaints are rather harsh and maybe you should stop worrying about everyone else.

 

[Vaseline]

...she shouldn't reat them like they are still children... Neither my parents nor his help out financially, even though we barely get by... and I am happy they don't! Part of growing up is finding ways to pay bills

That's not part of growing up. Growing up is when you have physically and mentally matured. What you are saying is gaining independence from your parents. There is a big difference. Helping your married daughter/son out isn't treating them like children either. You may be happy that you're parents don't support you but it depends on the individual's situation. I know many girl's would be appreciated that their parents are helping them out in the first few steps of marriage life.

 

[Looking4Peace]

Also I did live on my own for a little while and then i moved back in so i wouldnt have to work as much because my gpa fell big time when i was working 40+ hrs a week and taking 18 credits of hard core courses, double majoring too might i add, stop being so hard on people, also they appreciate the help around the house with cleaning and the little ones, I think you look at things very one sided. :enough!: :enough!:


also stop comparing yourself to others, you are married so there are 2 incomes right, im sure you have it easier then me when i lived alone working over 40 hrs a week to afford an expensive rent in nyc, you also arent taking into consideration that where i live you have to work alot to afford rent, so maybe im still at home for these reasons, Now my gpa is back to normal, I still work part time, I am single and i am not iiresponsible.

 

[BlissfullyJaded]

You don't know the situation unless you are in the family. You think you do, but not necessarily so. There are brothers who try to get a job, but they are turned down time and time again. Its not that easy on them. I agree, the affluent families are soft on their kids. But you have to understand why. The parents most probably had it tough, and they wanted their children to have it easier. And you still can't know what hardships the kids are going through, because rich people hide more as their pride is more.

My brothers have had jobs, but when they needed help, my dad gave it to them. Thats what parents do. They don't let their kids suffer it out and burn themselves out over school bills. That said, my family is not rich. Alhamdulillah.

 

[mlsh27]

wow , I didnt know parents helping you with money and loans for college was being pampered, sorry but even though i work its still hard for a student to work and pay for the whole thing themselves, especially that before having a college degree what do we make minimum wage or maybe a few bucks over?, even if i saved every penny i still wouldnt be able to fork over all the bill, i guess i should feel pathetic for my parents paying some? NOT, especially that i am more then willing to help them out when bills get tight? I dont think so, i think your complaints are rather harsh and maybe you should stop worrying about everyone else.

Salam,
I don't think you read what I wrote...I never said they shouldn't pay for anything..here is what I said:

I think when you graduate, it's ok if parents help out financially, as long as they don't pay for everything. It's very important to learn how to handle money and manage time with school and a small job. It's just a way to gradually grow up because what happens if your parents pay for everything and when you get married or graduate college or whatever they stop paying? How will you know what to do? Also why prolong the child's independence and maturity? I know most mothers do not want their kids to grow up, but that doesn't mean they should help hold them back.

 

[Malaikah]

From what I have seen yes, it's the Muslim students who seem the most immature.

interestingly enough... the other day i was just telling my friend how much more mature the muslim students at my uni seem compared to the non-muslims..

knowing how to handle money doesnt exactly make you mature.. :?

 

[lolwatever]

^^ very true, more interestingly, it's the practicing Muslims who are the MOST mature. The rest.. they're just scum (in general lol).

salams

 

[Vaseline]

I think when you graduate, it's ok if parents help out financially, as long as they don't pay for everything. It's very important to learn how to handle money and manage time with school and a small job. It's just a way to gradually grow up because what happens if your parents pay for everything and when you get married or graduate college or whatever they stop paying? How will you know what to do? Also why prolong the child's independence and maturity? I know most mothers do not want their kids to grow up, but that doesn't mean they should help hold them back.

It depends on how you are brought up. Obviously, you are brought up to fend for yourself as soon as you leave high school. I don't know about you but the way I was brought up was not as an individual, but as a community. Yes, I am an individual myself, but the environment I live in is close-knit where the extended family acts as the community and where commmunity overrides individuality.

Cultural influence comes strongly into play here.

Which is very different from your culture.

 

[mlsh27]

I think it depends on how you are brought up. Obviously, you are brought up to fend for yourself as soon as you leave high school. I don't know about you but the way I was brought up was not as an individual, but as a community. Yes, I am an individual myself, but the environment I live in is a close-knit family where the extended family acts as the community and where commmunity overrides individuality. I think a bit of cultural influence come sinto play here.

I agree...I think it has a lot to do with culture.

 

[Vaseline]

I agree...I think it has a lot to do with culture.

Glad to see we agree on one thing =)

 

[mlsh27]

Glad to see we agree on one thing =)

I wouldn't say that as soon as I graduated high school I was left high and dry. My parents instilled at an early age the importance of being independent. I have had chores and an allowance based on the chores I did since I could practically walk. Both my parents have full time jobs, so my brother, sister, and I generally cooked for ourselves when we were of age...meaning like 5th grade and up. Once I moved up to middle school, it meant packing my own lunch for balancing the $10/week to buy food at school. In high school, when it was time to drive, I picked up a second job so I could pay for car insurance and gas. Many would think this would affect my grades, but I pretty much got straight A's. Once college hit, I had the oppurtunity to live at home, but chose not to even though I knew that I would have to pretty much pay for everything. I did move home for 6months to save up money for marriage and bills that come with that. I am thankful that my parents never charged rent-they say it's the way they can help since they don't have a lot of disposable income. My parents do give me a couple hundred a semester to help with tuition and my Mom occasionally helps with groceries or clothes. I am glad I grew up independent and have a hard time befriending those who aren't very independent because it feels like we are in different places in life...

 

[lolwatever]

^^ actually sis... Islamically parent's shouldn't make their kids obey them by making them attached to wordly things... for example, many parents encourage their kids to learn Quran by saying "you get a lolly if u do so and so, if you memorise this i giv u 10 dollars"... so instead of learning sincerity from an early age, they learn to be attached to money and gifts instead... so when they get older and there's no financial incentives.. they peel out..

same goes with obedience to parents and all thse other traits... to be quite frank, the companions kids where veeery mature (just erad about the younger ones and what htey use to do at such a young age)... and i think we all agree their parents couldnt afford to pay them a dinar for everytime they do something.. and the parents use to provide for them and all... yet they where very mature and mentally prepared for life realities...

im not saying kids shouldn't learn how to handle thing son their own, but i'm more picking on the point about 'paying kids to obey you' and that sorta thing..

with Muslims.. i think maturity comes from how serious they take life as a whole, rather than learnign how to pay bills... may sound like a generalisation, .. but one of my friends from dubai, he tells me that the sons of the ministers there work for themselves... yet the stuff they do and the wastefulness is just disgraceful. Not very mature either.

salamz

 

[Vaseline]

I wouldn't say that as soon as I graduated high school I was left high and dry. My parents instilled at an early age the importance of being independent. I have had chores and an allowance based on the chores I did since I could practically walk. Both my parents have full time jobs, so my brother, sister, and I generally cooked for ourselves when we were of age...meaning like 5th grade and up. Once I moved up to middle school, it meant packing my own lunch for balancing the $10/week to buy food at school. In high school, when it was time to drive, I picked up a second job so I could pay for car insurance and gas. Many would think this would affect my grades, but I pretty much got straight A's. Once college hit, I had the oppurtunity to live at home, but chose not to even though I knew that I would have to pretty much pay for everything. I did move home for 6months to save up money for marriage and bills that come with that. I am thankful that my parents never charged rent-they say it's the way they can help since they don't have a lot of disposable income. My parents do give me a couple hundred a semester to help with tuition and my Mom occasionally helps with groceries or clothes. I am glad I grew up independent and have a hard time befriending those who aren't very independent because it feels like we are in different places in life...

I'm the complete opposite. We still did chores [I used to sweep the stairs every morning before going off to primary school [started at 9], which stopped at high school since I had to catch the bus at 8] but we really didn't get any pocket allowance. My mother was a stay-home mum and helped my dad out at his work a few days a week oherwise she's at home doing what stay at home mums do. My parents did not allow me to get a job so I could focus on my studies [even though I drove to school everyday].

I could go on, but I really don't want to spill out my life story laying:

So we are from very two different cultures, wouldn't you say?

eace:

Vaseline

 

[Vaseline]

with Muslims.. i think maturity comes from how serious they take life as a whole, rather than learnign how to pay bills... may sound like a generalisation..
salamz

I completely agree :thumbs_up

It's just about being physically and mentally grown up.

 

[SirZubair]

I am 22. I am not married. I still live at home.

50% by choice, 50% because my parents need me to stay with them.

My dads business requires alot of people, so i have to help out before and after work, that is why i am required to be around alot. :brother:

Insha'allah after i am married, if my wife doesn't want to work outside in 'the real world', she can always work in my dads shop.

He owns a Post office/ Bank.

 

[mlsh27]

^^ actually sis... Islamically parent's shouldn't make their kids obey them by making them attached to wordly things... for example, many parents encourage their kids to learn Quran by saying "you get a lolly if u do so and so, if you memorise this i giv u 10 dollars"... so instead of learning sincerity from an early age, they learn to be attached to money and gifts instead... so when they get older and there's no financial incentives.. they peel out..

same goes with obedience to parents and all thse other traits... to be quite frank, the companions kids where veeery mature (just erad about the younger ones and what htey use to do at such a young age)... and i think we all agree their parents couldnt afford to pay them a dinar for everytime they do something.. and the parents use to provide for them and all... yet they where very mature and mentally prepared for life realities...

im not saying kids shouldn't learn how to handle thing son their own, but i'm more picking on the point about 'paying kids to obey you' and that sorta thing..

with Muslims.. i think maturity comes from how serious they take life as a whole, rather than learnign how to pay bills... may sound like a generalisation, .. but one of my friends from dubai, he tells me that the sons of the ministers there work for themselves... yet the stuff they do and the wastefulness is just disgraceful. Not very mature either.

salamz

I am definitely not attached to wordly things...if that's what you are trying to say. Also, neither of my parents are Muslim...

 

[lolwatever]

^^ oh sis stop taking what i say personally man.. lol i didn't mean that AT ALL.

I was just criticising the way parents bring up their kids through that method... i wasn't criticising you.... Trust me when it comes to Islamic stuff, that's the trend with kids who read quran and learn Islam for economic incentives..... doens't apply to you coz your a revert mashalah...

salams

salam

 

[mlsh27]

^^ oh sis stop taking what i say personally man.. lol i didn't mean that AT ALL.

I was just criticising the way parents bring up their kids through that method... i wasn't criticising you.... Trust me when it comes to Islamic stuff, that's the trend with kids who read quran and learn Islam for economic incentives..... doens't apply to you coz your a revert mashalah...

salams

salam

No problems..it's hard to really understand how someone means what they write when it is not spoken...

 

[Vaseline]

^^ oh sis stop taking what i say personally man.. lol i didn't mean that AT ALL.

I was just criticising the way parents bring up their kids through that method... i wasn't criticising you.... Trust me when it comes to Islamic stuff, that's the trend with kids who read quran and learn Islam for economic incentives..... doens't apply to you coz your a revert mashalah...

salams

salam

I think I'm one of those kids [not with the Qur'an though]

My parents told me [and I only have a vague memory of it ] that whenever I showered on the mornings I had to go to pre-school, I would ask for some sort of lolly or chocolate otherwise I refuse to come out of the shower and get dressed mg: [at our old house, there was a corner shop just a minute away]

 

[lolwatever]

^ :haha: lol sis!