Muslimah - Would you marry a Revert?

[ardianto]

Mashaa Allah I knew a few indonesian sisters in another forum and they were all happy go lucky smiling people without any chips on their shoulders. I can understand why Muslims and non-Muslim foreigners would want to marry them.

One of them was my customer. I don't know his born name because he had change his name into Muslim name, but I know he is British. Also I have meet a Muslim couple which the husband is Japanese.

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

I'm a revert myself so I'm not qualified to vote here. However, here's my two pesos.

When I was still doing portraiture I photographed a Muslim couple after their Nikah and before their walimah. Anyway the brother was a Mexican convert and the sister and Egyptian born Muslim I asked many questions, and I think that yes it can work and sisters should consider a revert however something has to be kept in mind. Men are the leaders of the household and the sisters follow them, so their knowledge has to be a good, and a new revert brother is not a good match for a born Muslim sister *in my opinion*. The reason the couple I photographed seemed to work and why the sister accepted him was because he had been a revert for many years and he learned fluent Arabic. I highly doubt her parents would have accepted him otherwise.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if a revert brother wants to marry a born Muslim woman needs to make sure he is a very good understanding of Islam and if firm in his deen. The longer he has been Muslim the better as this will give the woman and her family confidence that the brother is in Islam to stay and it isn't some kind of phase and their daughter will be in safe hands.

- cOsMiC

 

[ardianto]

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that if a revert brother wants to marry a born Muslim woman needs to make sure he is a very good understanding of Islam and if firm in his deen.

Mostly of convert in my place who married born Muslims converted to Islam prior to nikah. But I don't think this is a problem because those convert can learn Islam further after they become Muslims.

Sis, marriage is a learning process which the husband and the wife learn how to become good husband and good wife.

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Yes I understand that husband and wife help each other learn and grow together and I fully agree with you. However there is great danger in reverting for the sake of marriage, the sincerity is lost there. It is safest for a sister to marry someone who is anchored, firm and has been practicing for along while (I didn't say perfect as we all have ups and downs) vs marrying somebody who converted to marry her. If the man decides Islam is not for him and leaves, she has no choice but to divorce as a Muslim woman is not allowed to be married to a non Muslim. A whole can of worms will be opened in a scenario like that.

I didn't say it wasn't possible or that it never happens, I'm sure it does. However as a mother of a girl things like this do cross my mind and no I would not allow her to marry off to a brand new revert, especially if he reverted in order to marry her. sorry.

A long time revert of lets say 7+ years who is firm in his deen, yes I would consider.

it's just my opinion though

- KatNip

 

[Iceee]

I didn't say it wasn't possible or that it never happens, I'm sure it does. However as a mother of a girl things like this do cross my mind and no I would not allow her to marry off to a brand new revert, especially if he reverted in order to marry her. sorry.

Salaam.

So if she wanted to marry a non-muslim man who was willing to convert, you wouldn't allow it? Would you stop her?

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Salaam.

So if she wanted to marry a non-muslim man who was willing to convert, you wouldn't allow it? Would you stop her?

She would not have my approval nope. Keep in mind I am a revert of 8 years myself so has nothing to do with the whole born Muslim vs revert deal. I don't feel it would be wise to marry my daughter off to somebody "willing to revert". If his interest in Islam was sincere and genuine, he would have converted by the time the idea of marriage came up. simple.

- cOsMiC

 

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Mostly of convert in my place who married born Muslims converted to Islam prior to nikah. But I don't think this is a problem because those convert can learn Islam further after they become Muslims.

Agreed, I believe the best way to learn is to marry that person of that culture, you can always learn together.

If the man decides Islam is not for him and leaves, she has no choice but to divorce as a Muslim woman is not allowed to be married to a non Muslim.

The same could happen to anyone; whether they were born muslim, converted a few years ago, or recently converted.

She would not have my approval nope. Keep in mind I am a revert of 8 years myself so has nothing to do with the whole born Muslim vs revert deal. I don't feel it would be wise to marry my daughter off to somebody "willing to revert". If his interest in Islam was sincere and genuine, he would have converted by the time the idea of marriage came up. simple.

I agree with the sense that it is best that the convert know some of Islam. It would be embarrassing for him/her not to know the proper steps to marriage, the Quran, about the Prophet (peace be upon him), the shaking of hands with the opposite gender etc.

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

The same could happen to anyone; whether they were born muslim, converted a few years ago, or recently converted.

Of course it can happen to anyone at any given time. The chances are waaaaaaay slimmer for someone who has been practicing for a long time and this has to be considered.

I'm not sure you can relate much to this threas because A) you are super young B) you are a born muslim Alhamdullilah c) you are not a muslimah :shade:

Not that your opinion isn't appreciated or anything, just keep an open mind to those who have been down a path you haven't kwim?

so I mean really....


- KatNip

 

[Iceee]

Of course it can happen to anyone at any given time. The chances are waaaaaaay slimmer for someone who has been practicing for a long time and this has to be considered.

B) you are a born muslim Alhamdullilah

Born Muslim? It's my parents and society that taught me the Islamic way.

Or if you say I was born Muslim, then aren't we all born Muslim? But society changes us?


It's true that a person who has been following a certain religion all their life is willing to change religion. But I mean, a convert may actually be more devoted to their religion than someone who was born into it. That said, if your daughter does bring home a non-Muslim man, it would be awkward in many senses.

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Born Muslim? It's my parents and society that taught me the Islamic way.

Or if you say I was born Muslim, then aren't we all born Muslim? But society changes us?


It's true that a person who has been following a certain religion all their life is willing to change religion. But I mean, a convert may actually be more devoted to their religion than someone who was born into it. That said, if your daughter does bring home a non-Muslim man, it would be awkward in many senses.

Yes you were born a muslim, meaning you didn't revert and have non muslim family.

I agree, reverts in many cases are much more dedicated, however a brand new revert has LOTS to learn , thus not a good match for a sister who has been practicing all of her life (every situation is different though), this is due to many reasons that I cannot be bothered to list. You would have had to experience marriage and have had children to begin to grasp how important all of this is. Marrying a woman off is not the same as a man choosing a woman to marry. A woman is married OFF, meaning, she will form then on be the man's responsibility.

Being a mother of a girl and being a woman myself, I say it is NOT wise so marry off a woman to a new revert. If they revert together, fine, that is different. This thread, however is speaking of Muslim women born into a Muslim family and who have been Muslim all of their lives.

- cOsMiC

 

[Iceee]

Yes you were born a muslim, meaning you didn't revert and have non muslim family.

I and anyone else wouldn't say they were born Muslim. It's like saying you were born gay. I understand what you mean but it's better to say that I was born into a Muslim family and so I was taught the way of Islam really early in my life.

 

[Iceee]

She would not have my approval nope.

Salaam.

A lot of times, this is said. Even my parents told me as a kid that if I married a white girl, they'd kick me out. Lol.

The thing is, you don't know what the future brings. You'll support your child no matter what she chooses. All parents should and will (especially if they are Muslim parents) support their children's spouse. We just don't think of it yet and we don't want to. But if it does happen, that's when the biggest test comes.

Let your child marry whomever she wants, it's her choice. You can always say no, but guess what, it's her choice lol. Support her, love her, and be happy that she married a man who she loves whether he is a Muslim, Non-Muslim, or about to convert.

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

I and anyone else wouldn't say they were born Muslim. It's like saying you were born gay. I understand what you mean but it's better to say that I was born into a Muslim family and so I was taught the way of Islam really early in my life.

lol it is totally NOT the same as saying someone was born gay. Bad comparison bro. I say it the way I do, because I was not born a Muslim, my parent thought me another religion and i chose Islam, Alhamdullilah because Allah guided me to it. So I see it differently from you perhaps.

I do agree with you it is better to say born into a Muslim family. I will stick with that from now on. Jazaak Allah Khair!

- cOsMiC

 

[Cabdullahi]

What about Jinn?

Nah, not even jinns.

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Salaam.

A lot of times, this is said. Even my parents told me as a kid that if I married a white girl, they'd kick me out. Lol.

The thing is, you don't know what the future brings. You'll support your child no matter what she chooses. All parents should and will (especially if they are Muslim parents) support their children's spouse. We just don't think of it yet and we don't want to. But if it does happen, that's when the biggest test comes.

Let your child marry whomever she wants, it's her choice. You can always say no, but guess what, it's her choice lol. Support her, love her, and be happy that she married a man who she loves whether he is a Muslim, Non-Muslim, or about to convert.

You have a point yes, but to an extent. Arranged marriages have a higher rate of success and as a divorcee, I don't wish this life upon my daughter so I will try my best to raise her a good Muslimah and in sha Allah she will opt for her parents' recommendation instead of go and "choose who she wants". Because when one is young and they "choose who they want"... it just doesn't really work out. Society as w hole can prove this easily. In sha Allah, my daughter can choose who she wants from the suitors she is presented, that's how it should be. Long time from now in sha Allah, she's only 6! lol. I really don't want to keep talking about that, I mean I'm still working on getting married mysefl! looooool. In sha Allah.

As I stated before, a MAN choosing a wife is waaaay different than marrying off a woman to a man. You cannot compare it. If you marry a white girl and your parents kick you out, then you, as a man will still have to get on your feet and provide for your wife as she is YOUR responsibility. That was your role anyway to begin with XD. It doesn't work the same the other way around. If a sister gets disowned she has no fall back. Why do you suggest the rules about a wali being present and involved are so strict? It is to prevent harm for the sisters. It is indeed alot different for the sister who is born into a muslim family (Alhamdullilah!) than for the sister who doesn't have muslim parents to watch out for her in this way. :hmm:

hope I make sense.

- cOsMiC

 

[جوري]

No- I have a general mistrust of converts - maybe in a different period of time and not a time of great tribulations & schisms.. Of course one might meet with someone who'd change their minds but my general experience with converts has been well.. less than ideal!

 

[MustafaMc]

Did not the sahabah all start out as converts? Did the Ansar intermarry with the Muhajirun? I see that intermarriage is the way to build a sense of community and the lack thereof tends to fragment society. I find it encouraging that only 1 Muslimah would not marry a convert.

 

[Amat Allah]

Did not the sahabah all start out as converts?

Yes, and they were and are the best Muslims of all times May Allah unite us with them Ameeen

if he is a new convert then I'll teach him and show him the beauty of the Deen of Allah which he has chosen as a way of life and I my self know not everything so, with him asking about this and that ; i will learn so much about ma Deen in'shaa Allah...so, why not? i really see no difference between a convert , revert and one who born in a muslim family...May Allah grant every single one the best match Ameeeeen and as i said before whether a revert or whatever we need to pray Istikharah and seek the help of Allah in all of our matters...then I guarantee you all; you will neither be disappointed nor harmed...He Is Allah O my Love O Allah.

And whatever your opinion would be then you will get nothing but what Allah had written for ya and I assure ya that it is always the best for you Alhamdulilah

 

[MustafaMc]

if he is a new convert then I'll teach him and show him the beauty of the Deen of Allah which he has chosen as a way of life

Assalamu alaikum, my kind and respected Ukhti. And who better to teach a new convert than one's spouse? A pious Muslim spouse would be the second greatest blessing for a convert, the first being guidance to Sirat al Mustaqueem! Allah willed a test for me by not bringing a Muslim wife to me when I was young. Either due to my impatience and failure of the test or due to His will that it should happen that way, but due to my discouragement I stopped practicing Islam and married a Christian. I left Islam for 16 years, but alhamdulillah He guided me back to Islam almost 12 years ago and my wife became a Muslimah. I, therefore, had the opportunity to "teach her and show her the beauty of the Deen of Allah". I fault only myself for leaving Islam, but I believe it would have been easier for me had Allah willed that I should marry a practicing Muslimah. Perhaps it was as you wrote:

you will get nothing but what Allah had written for ya and I assure ya that it is always the best for you Alhamdulilah

 

[Amat Allah]

Wa Alikum Assalaamu Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh my respected and noble brother,

May Allah love you and your wife , make you happy always and forever and make you from the best of His slaves and servants Ameeen

I believe it would have been easier for me had Allah willed that I should marry a practicing Muslimah.

Allah knows

Perhaps it was as you wrote: you will get nothing but what Allah had written for ya and I assure ya that it is always the best for you Alhamdulilah

It is for sure what I have written above and always; nothing happens but has some great wisdom and mercy behind it Alhamdulilah. May Allah give you and the whole world the best of the best in this dunya and Al Akhirah too Ameeeeen

btw, I am really happy and honored knowing all of you brothers and sisters and I love you madly from the bottom of my heart's core just for the sake of Allah whether reverts or whatever; we are all sons and daughters of one Ummah and that's enough for me to love you insanely...this is the love that Allah planted in the hearts of the believers; so pure, high, eternal, unconditional and so away from this paltry worldy life... may Allah love you my precious and dear Ummah and give you back your glory so soon Ameeeeen