my boyfriend has an arranged marriage
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extinction
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yes exactly only Allah knows thats why I wouldnt want to risk it..........I'm sorry to say I am skeptical about such things(bad I know) but I am.......and now back to topic
dreams2reality
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You ask how it goes both ways? Well isn't it just as possible that she converted for Allah and not for you? Isn't it possible that there are men out there who marry women for other reasons and not for Allah? How can you judge someone's intentions?
To answer your question about her "going to back to her old ways" isn't it just as possible that she converted for a good Muslim man who taught her well about Islam and she eventually accepted Islam for Allah? Isn't it possible that her intentions could have changed?
Asking questions can be very insulting when done in the way that you did it, suppose you did marry a "white girl" and someone asked you if you married her for a green card or for Allah, would you not be insulted? You and so many other Muslims ask converts on a constant basis if they converted for Allah or for a man, our intentions are being judged and that insults us.
SirZubair
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I am not pro-aranged marriages.
But i wont be unfair to people who commit themselves to arranged marriages either.
It is unfair to say "dont arranged marriages end up in divorces?" i know of more arranged marriages that Survive the Ups and Downs of life compared to 'love relationships'
And sister artichokeforest,...i suggest you ask your Boyfriend those questions that you have posted on the forum,he is in the position to answer your questions,no1 else in here can answer your questions.
Surely we can give you our Opinions,..but if you want answers,you know where you'll find it,all you need now is the courage to make the move and ask the right person the right questions.
Peace.
But i wont be unfair to people who commit themselves to arranged marriages either.
It is unfair to say "dont arranged marriages end up in divorces?" i know of more arranged marriages that Survive the Ups and Downs of life compared to 'love relationships'
And sister artichokeforest,...i suggest you ask your Boyfriend those questions that you have posted on the forum,he is in the position to answer your questions,no1 else in here can answer your questions.
Surely we can give you our Opinions,..but if you want answers,you know where you'll find it,all you need now is the courage to make the move and ask the right person the right questions.
Peace.
swanlake
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Salaam Aleykum
I am sorry sister that you have to go through this. I find it amazing that he dropped this bombshell after you stopped being intimate with him. This is how it usually goes. A guy likes a girl, he sweeps off her feet, making promises etc and then he finds out that she wont put out and she is dropped like hot potato. This happens all the time. Those men who stick around are those who are serious about you and want commitment.
Having said this, there was a reason intermingling (having boyfriends/girlfriends) was forbidden. All this heartache and uncertainty are out of the picture. Lets face it..men and women behave differently and usually are after different things from relationships.
Sister if you reverted for him, try to learn about Islam properly this time.
May ALlah ease your pain sis and i suggest that he isnt worth your love if he was willing to go through a marriage.
If he found so easy to disobey Allah which is he finding hard to disobey his parents? Was it because he was just messing with you? Man like that you dont want as a father for your kids or as a husband.
Take care sis
Salaam
I am sorry sister that you have to go through this. I find it amazing that he dropped this bombshell after you stopped being intimate with him. This is how it usually goes. A guy likes a girl, he sweeps off her feet, making promises etc and then he finds out that she wont put out and she is dropped like hot potato. This happens all the time. Those men who stick around are those who are serious about you and want commitment.
Having said this, there was a reason intermingling (having boyfriends/girlfriends) was forbidden. All this heartache and uncertainty are out of the picture. Lets face it..men and women behave differently and usually are after different things from relationships.
Sister if you reverted for him, try to learn about Islam properly this time.
May ALlah ease your pain sis and i suggest that he isnt worth your love if he was willing to go through a marriage.
If he found so easy to disobey Allah which is he finding hard to disobey his parents? Was it because he was just messing with you? Man like that you dont want as a father for your kids or as a husband.
Take care sis
Salaam
A(SMILE ITS ME)
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SLAAM,
I feel ur pain, sometimes muslim bros lead astray,
unfortunatley all bros are not like that. you have changed,learnt the hard way, but islam will guide u for a better future.
by the way FORGET HIM
I feel ur pain, sometimes muslim bros lead astray,
unfortunatley all bros are not like that. you have changed,learnt the hard way, but islam will guide u for a better future.
by the way FORGET HIM
glo
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Good point! :hmm:
Nicola
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artichokeforest
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I suppose you are right! ALL of you are in some ways. The thing I can't stand is the righteousness sometimes. There are still many questions I need to answer in my position to Islam. I don't think there are many people who convert overnight. Even groups of people who have converted have always retained many of their ancestral customs, and combined them with Islam. So how do i fit in that way. For all those people born into Islam, they have troubel seeing the cultural context, Turkish Islam, Indonesian Islam, Sunni, Shia, Sufi...all the various divisions and sub-divisions.
I like the Sufi take the best. Where are all the Sufis?
I feel a deep blessing(baraka) for my experience, and wish not to trash it, by feeling sorry for myself. I don't see myself as a victim. I do feel very heart-broken and I miss him deeply. I believe our love was genuine. I read Sayib Talib's, A Season of Migration to the North. I see the battle between the East and the West, the Orient and Occident. My face is Japanese, but with a hijab i could pass for a muslim, more easily that caucasion reverts.
Given my expectations as a person raised here, this kind of thing only happens in the soap operas. It seems so dramatic and extreme. I think I am still simply in shock.
Did I convert for him or for Allah? Well I would say for both. I cannot separate them. the experience of love, erased alot fo my pain, and put me in touch with many answers. I think once my heart heals and mends itself, I will make my final decison on where I stand.
I don't have a community. An Islamic community. Nor do I know where to find one. I wonder why Anis could not have facilitated this more. Did he not have a responsibility. I always like i was trying to be something, that i had no idea about. Try to be a Sudanese lady. I have the feeling he will regret it, at some point. I have even wondered if it would eat away at him.
In order to help with the mending of my heart, I am going to Guatemala for 6 months to learn how to backsrap weave with Mayan Indigenous ladies. Inshallah.If anyone knows any muslims down there, please let me know!
Bizmillah
I like the Sufi take the best. Where are all the Sufis?
I feel a deep blessing(baraka) for my experience, and wish not to trash it, by feeling sorry for myself. I don't see myself as a victim. I do feel very heart-broken and I miss him deeply. I believe our love was genuine. I read Sayib Talib's, A Season of Migration to the North. I see the battle between the East and the West, the Orient and Occident. My face is Japanese, but with a hijab i could pass for a muslim, more easily that caucasion reverts.
Given my expectations as a person raised here, this kind of thing only happens in the soap operas. It seems so dramatic and extreme. I think I am still simply in shock.
Did I convert for him or for Allah? Well I would say for both. I cannot separate them. the experience of love, erased alot fo my pain, and put me in touch with many answers. I think once my heart heals and mends itself, I will make my final decison on where I stand.
I don't have a community. An Islamic community. Nor do I know where to find one. I wonder why Anis could not have facilitated this more. Did he not have a responsibility. I always like i was trying to be something, that i had no idea about. Try to be a Sudanese lady. I have the feeling he will regret it, at some point. I have even wondered if it would eat away at him.
In order to help with the mending of my heart, I am going to Guatemala for 6 months to learn how to backsrap weave with Mayan Indigenous ladies. Inshallah.If anyone knows any muslims down there, please let me know!
Bizmillah
glo
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Thank you for your honest post. You certainly have spent some time pondering these things, haven't you? 
I hope you find the time, peace and space in Guatemala to make those important decisions for yourself! How soon are you going?
I don't know any Muslims down there, but I do know how to weave! ;D
Blessings on your road to discovery.
Perhaps, perhaps, just perhaps you'll be able to share with us one day, how things went ...
Love,
I hope you find the time, peace and space in Guatemala to make those important decisions for yourself! How soon are you going?
I don't know any Muslims down there, but I do know how to weave! ;D
Blessings on your road to discovery.
Perhaps, perhaps, just perhaps you'll be able to share with us one day, how things went ...
Love,
I don't have any muslimat friend in Sudan, but my friend's husband is working there for Petronas Malaysia. Maybe he can help u find a muslimah friend in Geutemala.
My advice is... forget him. When I broke-up with my ex, I tooks 6 months to forgive and I took 3 years to forget. U can forget him sooner if u find a better guy. Don't think about the memories. He is not a good Muslim when he without feeling guilty to Allah commit sins. If he can betray his fiance, he can betray his wife very easily. When he commit a sin and nothing harm happen to him, he will do it again with other lady with or without your knowledge without feeling guilty. Does he a good muslim?
My advice is... forget him. When I broke-up with my ex, I tooks 6 months to forgive and I took 3 years to forget. U can forget him sooner if u find a better guy. Don't think about the memories. He is not a good Muslim when he without feeling guilty to Allah commit sins. If he can betray his fiance, he can betray his wife very easily. When he commit a sin and nothing harm happen to him, he will do it again with other lady with or without your knowledge without feeling guilty. Does he a good muslim?
extinction
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exactly!! hes not worth crying over cause he surely wont cry over you.....and would you want that?
Umm Khalid06
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hi there.
I know how you must feel broken heart. You will be thinking how you want him back but trust me you don’t I’ve been in that kind of situation where I very day wonder if I converted for god’s sake or him. His not worth your time that’s how I feel now and be happy you have not had a child for that man. But Allah will help you if you ask for help and keep reading more about Islam and sake knowledge of Islam within your community you will be shocked in what you will find.
I know how you must feel broken heart. You will be thinking how you want him back but trust me you don’t I’ve been in that kind of situation where I very day wonder if I converted for god’s sake or him. His not worth your time that’s how I feel now and be happy you have not had a child for that man. But Allah will help you if you ask for help and keep reading more about Islam and sake knowledge of Islam within your community you will be shocked in what you will find.
glo
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Umm Khalid06
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well i have been going around the islamic community near me and they have been helpfull and more then willing to help.
glo
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That's good!
Umm Khalid06
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thank you glo
artichokeforest
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Well, thanks for your support in the matter. BUt at this point I don't really want to hate him, or look down upon him. Is that a very Islamic attitude? I realize that he was promised before he even met me. I admit , he could have been alot more honest with me, from the beginning. Then , perhaps, we could have found some way, some compromise. Anis, even went into a severe depression for months, and i think it was because of his internal conflict, between me and what his parents wanted. Is he not being a good muslim, by following his parents wishes?
The way I see it, the sheer momentum of his culture, is much more powerful then his individual desires. Is this not what has made Islam such a powerful religion all these years. Freedom of choice,is not a high priority.
Does it sound like I am making excuses, for his bad behaviour to me?? Probably. DO I appreciate your opinions, Yes!
I do wish he would have stood up for me. The person I would want to be with, would have done that. But it is a risk. Now at least I am free to find someone who is truly meant to be with me... I will continue learning more about Islam, becuase now that it is in my heart, i cannot turn my back on it.
The way I see it, the sheer momentum of his culture, is much more powerful then his individual desires. Is this not what has made Islam such a powerful religion all these years. Freedom of choice,is not a high priority.
Does it sound like I am making excuses, for his bad behaviour to me?? Probably. DO I appreciate your opinions, Yes!
I do wish he would have stood up for me. The person I would want to be with, would have done that. But it is a risk. Now at least I am free to find someone who is truly meant to be with me... I will continue learning more about Islam, becuase now that it is in my heart, i cannot turn my back on it.
searchingsoul
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Maybe he loved you the best way he knew how. Are you a better person for having known him? I bet you are. Try to remember what the two of you had in a positive light but be willing to recognize any errors or sins the two of you made. Best of luck to you.