my friend cant handle advice

[AnonymousPoster]

i got dis friend... n she does sum haram stuff and when she mentions that she did something like she wents movies or something n i tell her 'nah u know thats not right' and then she acts like 'yeh i know one day inshaallah ill be better' but then if i tell her thats not the way it works u need to take initiative to be better n not just wait for it to magically happen... n then she gets annoyed and says im 2 pushy

i need help.. how can i make my point but not be seem 'pushy'?

 

[lolwatever]

i got dis friend... n she does sum haram stuff and when she mentions that she did something like she wents movies or something n i tell her 'nah u know thats not right' and then she acts like 'yeh i know one day inshaallah ill be better' but then if i tell her thats not the way it works u need to take initiative to be better n not just wait for it to magically happen... n then she gets annoyed and says im 2 pushy

i need help.. how can i make my point but not be seem 'pushy'?

salams sis
mashalah great to c you're being a sincere friend towards her,
there's so many ppl like that unfortunately...

remind her that proscastination is exactly what all the people of hell will be regretting.

The Day that their faces will be turned upside down in the Fire, they will say: "Woe to us! Would that we had obeyed Allah and obeyed the Messenger." Ahzab

also.. remind her that it's just too late when she's stretched on her death bed and she's looking at the two dark faced angels staring at her informing her of the punishments that await her.

27.If thou couldst but see when they are confronted with the Fire! They will say: "Would that we were but sent back! Then would we not reject the signs of our Lord, but would be amongst those who believe!"

28. Yea, in their own (eyes) will become manifest what before they concealed. But if they were returned, they would certainly relapse to the things they were forbidden, for they are indeed liars.

30. If thou couldst but see when they are confronted with their Lord! He will say: "Is not this the truth?" They will say: "Yea, by our Lord!" He will say: "Taste ye then the penalty, because ye rejected Faith."

an'3am

That's very very few from many verses..... and remind her strongly that those verses are about people like her, coz they knew it was the truth butkept delaying and only seriously regret it when they see the punishment b4 their eyes.

And tell her that there's no guarentee that death isn't around the corner, many have died (young and old) all of a sudden in car crashes, in their sleep, heart attacks.. you name it... tell her that you want the best for her and that she shouldn't be risking her akhirah over a 1 hour cheap thrill.

n tell her 'if the messenger was here advising you, would u be saying he's too pushy? just like wat his enemies kept telling him?'

hope that helps.. feel free 2 ask if u need nefn else in specific
all the best with it sis!
salams

 

[lolwatever]

i got dis friend... n she does sum haram stuff and when she mentions that she did something like she wents movies or something n i tell her 'nah u know thats not right' and then she acts like 'yeh i know one day inshaallah ill be better' but then if i tell her thats not the way it works u need to take initiative to be better n not just wait for it to magically happen... n then she gets annoyed and says im 2 pushy

i need help.. how can i make my point but not be seem 'pushy'?

By the way.... congrats for being called pushy... mashalah should remind you of this hadith:

I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "My example and the example of the people is that of a man who made a fire, and when it lighted what was around it, Moths and other insects started falling into the fire. The man tried (his best) to prevent them, (from falling in the fire) but they overpowered him and rushed into the fire. The Prophet added: Now, similarly, I take hold of the knots at your waist (belts) to prevent you from falling into the Fire, but you insist on falling into it."

so don't see that as something negativ ur tryin 2 drag ur mate away fromt he punishment, how can being pushy be a bad thing

 

[AnonymousPoster]

i got dis friend... n she does sum haram stuff and when she mentions that she did something like she wents movies or something n i tell her 'nah u know thats not right' and then she acts like 'yeh i know one day inshaallah ill be better' but then if i tell her thats not the way it works u need to take initiative to be better n not just wait for it to magically happen... n then she gets annoyed and says im 2 pushy

i need help.. how can i make my point but not be seem 'pushy'?

That is wonderful of you to warn your friend.
What is wrong with going to the movies though? I mean is she watching Harry potter...? Is she going to unwind for an hour or to pick up strange men?

May Allah Guide us all into the right path, InshaAllah.

 

[DigitalStorm82]

Your job is to give the message not enforce it...

If you enforce something... it may as well push her further away... be patient.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Your job is to give the message not enforce it...

If you enforce something... it may as well push her further away... be patient.

Mashallah. Excellent advise! There is much to be learned of the human psyche. The same that drives children to the cookie jar when warned repeatedly of impending punishment from a parent. Also, when advising of perfection, we too are setting ourselves up for scrutiny, and being viewed with a microscope, so hopefully if we are calling for behavioral adjustment, hopefully we too can display it? otherwise it would be considered reaction formation, with a touch of hypocrisy?

 

[lolwatever]

Mashallah. Excellent advise! There is much to be learned of the human psyche. The same that drives children to the cookie jar when warned repeatedly of impending punishment from a parent. Also, when advising of perfection, we too are setting ourselves up for scrutiny, and being viewed with a microscope, so hopefully if we are calling for behavioral adjustment, hopefully we too can display it? otherwise it would be considered reaction formation, with a touch of hypocrisy?

sis personally i dont think that'st he logic you should be running on..

The companiosn would make dawah and enforce it to best of their ability... and keep nagging people to do it, that's the way of the prophet and the sahabah.

this isnt worldly issues where its not important if u dont enforce thigns.. its to do with getting roasted in the fire ffended:

recapping:

I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "My example and the example of the people is that of a man who made a fire, and when it lighted what was around it, Moths and other insects started falling into the fire. The man tried (his best) to prevent them, (from falling in the fire) but they overpowered him and rushed into the fire. The Prophet added: Now, similarly, I take hold of the knots at your waist (belts) to prevent you from falling into the Fire, but you insist on falling into it."

sahih

 

[DigitalStorm82]

Please be careful of what you say regarding this prophet and the companians...

2.256
There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Tâghût [2] and believes in Allâh, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break. And Allâh is All-Hearer, All-Knower.

 

[lolwatever]

Please be careful of what you say regarding this prophet and the companians...

2.256
There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Tâghût [2] and believes in Allâh, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break. And Allâh is All-Hearer, All-Knower.

There's no compulsion in adopting a religion... But once you adopt a religion you're expected to follow it.

Otherwise why is there shareeah, y the need for a law if ppl can do wat they like n pick n choose from a religion?

 

[Malaikah]

What is wrong with going to the movies though? I mean is she watching Harry potter...?

Firstly, no matter what movie you are watching, it will have music. Music is haram. So unless you block your ears through the whole movie, then it is haram to watch it.

Secondly, the movies contain people acting in a way that is not allowed in Islam. Free-mixing between people of opposite genders, people not covering their awrah. For a female, you would have to look away if a character wasnt covering navel to knee. And even in Harry Potter, he comes out in shorts in one of the movies. So you would have to look away. Dont even get me started on how the women dress, lets just say the men will have to lower their gaze through out the whole movie.

So, combining those two, you have to block your eyes because of the music, and lower your gaze because they dont cover their awrah. So, I recommend you either sit there, deaf and blind, and make use of your three remaining senses and enjoy your popcorn, or just save yourself $20 and two hours.

There's no compulsion in adopting a religion... But once you adopt a religion you're expected to follow it.

Otherwise why is there shareeah, y the need for a law if ppl can do wat they like n pick n choose from a religion?

:thumbs_up :thumbs_up :thumbs_up :bravo:

 

[DigitalStorm82]

That is for an islamic state...

you cant really go around in western countries enforcing islamic law can you?

If you did... you'd have the taliban regieme all over again.

 

[lolwatever]

Firstly, no matter what movie you are watching, it will have music. Music is haram. So unless you block your ears through the whole movie, then it is haram to watch it.

Secondly, the movies contain people acting in a way that is not allowed in Islam. Free-mixing between people of opposite genders, people not covering their awrah. For a female, you would have to look away if a character wasnt covering navel to knee. And even in Harry Potter, he comes out in shorts in one of the movies. So you would have to look away. Dont even get me started on how the women dress, lets just say the men will have to lower their gaze through out the whole movie.

So, combining those two, you have to block your eyes because of the music, and lower your gaze because they dont cover their awrah. So, I recommend you either sit their, deaf and blind and make use of your three remaining senses and enjoy your popcorn, or just save yourself $20 and two hours.

:lol: n males, block ur nose too, coz alot of women go cinemas wearing perfume :uuh:

 

[lolwatever]

That is for an islamic state...

you cant really go around in western countries enforcing islamic law can you?

If you did... you'd have the taliban regieme all over again.

Look at the companions in makkah.... islamic state just makes it easier to encourage ppl 2 practice teh religion, it's not a condition to apply religion... or to enforce it 2 best of ur ability.

salamz

 

[DigitalStorm82]

That was my point...

You cant force the religion on someone... even if they are the same religion.

Ex. You cant force your friend to make salaah... If he did pray because he was forced to pray.. he's praying for the wrong reasons..

But anyway... back to the original post... Just be patient and keep advising your friend to be better in deen... and make duah for your friend. That is the best thing you can do for your friend.

 

[Malaikah]

you cant really go around in western countries enforcing islamic law can you?

Why not? You sure as hell can for those who are in your power, obviously though it would have to be within the boundaries of the law of the country you live in.

Some aspects, you cant, such as the specific punishments for crimes etc. However, for mundane issues such as that which was mentioned in the first post, such as going to the movies, you can. While you cant stop your friend from going, you can discourage it as much as you can, and you can stop your kids from going, because they are who you are responsible for.

 

[DigitalStorm82]

I agree... as much as the law of the country allows... I understand its a different situation when it comes to children...

But most western countries... well at least US has law which says "freedom of religion" so you cant enforce hijaab here for example...

We're just going in circles... and hijacking the thread... this will be my last post here.. regarding this shareeah business

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Firstly, no matter what movie you are watching, it will have music. Music is haram. So unless you block your ears through the whole movie, then it is haram to watch it.

Secondly, the movies contain people acting in a way that is not allowed in Islam. Free-mixing between people of opposite genders, people not covering their awrah. For a female, you would have to look away if a character wasnt covering navel to knee. And even in Harry Potter, he comes out in shorts in one of the movies. So you would have to look away. Dont even get me started on how the women dress, lets just say the men will have to lower their gaze through out the whole movie.

So, combining those two, you have to block your eyes because of the music, and lower your gaze because they dont cover their awrah. So, I recommend you either sit there, deaf and blind, and make use of your three remaining senses and enjoy your popcorn, or just save yourself $20 and two hours.



:thumbs_up :thumbs_up :thumbs_up :bravo:

There are different opinions on whether or not music is Haram. Secondly, though I agree that some choices of movies are abhorrent, some are educational and some are even suitable for children. That is why God gave us a brain with which to discern and make appropriate choices for ourselves.
The prophet SAW also did say:
"Rawi'ho 'ann qolobikim sa'atan Ba'ad sa'aa" unwind the heart for an hour.
if you make religion very hard for yourself, you are bound to set yourself up for tribulations. Watching a movie, hardly equates with not praying, not fasting, and not giving alms. Worst yet judging people on their behaviour isn't very islamic either, I agree one should warn and advise, but not expect people to be carbon copies of oneself.

The Prophet said: 'Blessed is he who preoccupies himself with his own defects, rather than those of others.' (Musnad Al-Bazzâr)
The Prophet said: 'Make things easy (for people) and do not make them difficult, and cheer people up and do not drive them away.' (Sahîh Bukhârî, Sahîh Muslim)

lastly, what makes you think I am a sister? maybe I am a brother?
If you wish to be obeyed then advise with that, which can be enforced. Old Arabic adage.

 

[Malaikah]

Secondly, though I agree that some choices of movies are abhorrent, some are educational and some are even suitable for children.

I doubt Hollywood produces many movies suitable for children. And i wasnt talking about educational movies anyway. They obviously fall into a different category. And even then they contain haram stuff in them, but then again that is only because we are limited in our choices, there arent many good kids films that i know of which are produced by Muslims in accordance to Islamic standards.

if you make religion very hard for yourself, you are bound to set yourself up for tribulations.

Avoiding sins isnt not the same as making the religion hard for oneself.

Watching a movie, hardly equates with not praying, not fasting, and not giving alms.

So? A lot of sins dont equat to that either, such as being a liar. But its still a sin.

Worst yet judging people on their behaviour isn't very islamic either,

Who did i judge? :uuh:

take care

 

[lolwatever]

There are different opinions on whether or not music is Haram. Secondly, though I agree that some choices of movies are abhorrent, some are educational and some are even suitable for children. That is why God gave us a brain with which to discern and make appropriate choices for ourselves.
The prophet SAW also did say:
"Rawi'ho 'ann qolobikim sa'atan Ba'ad sa'aa" unwind the heart for an hour.
if you make religion very hard for yourself, you are bound to set yourself up for tribulations. Watching a movie, hardly equates with not praying, not fasting, and not giving alms. Worst yet judging people on their behaviour isn't very islamic either, I agree one should warn and advise, but not expect people to be carbon copies of oneself.

The Prophet said: 'Blessed is he who preoccupies himself with his own defects, rather than those of others.' (Musnad Al-Bazzâr)
The Prophet said: 'Make things easy (for people) and do not make them difficult, and cheer people up and do not drive them away.' (Sahîh Bukhârî, Sahîh Muslim)

lastly, what makes you think I am a sister? maybe I am a brother?
If you wish to be obeyed then advise with that, which can be enforced. Old Arabic adage.

Allah said he will put us through tribulations and tests... to see who will be serious from those who are jokers... (read the opening verses of surat ankabut)............

so ofcourse.. if the sister who posted the question didnt wanna be from the people who are firm on the truth, she can twist n decieve herself into thinking dawah, enjoinin good n forbiddin evil isn't important and hence rid herself of the test (for a few years till she meets Allah).

salams

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I doubt Hollywood produces many movies suitable for children. And i wasnt talking about educational movies anyway. They obviously fall into a different category. And even then they contain haram stuff in them, but then again that is only because we are limited in our choices, there arent many good kids films that i know of which are produced by Muslims in accordance to Islamic standards.:

Hence I did state, we have a brain with which to discern. Also hence I said not all movies are suitable. and lastly, Not every movie produced is made in hollywood.

:Avoiding sins isnt not the same as making the religion hard for oneself. .:

Guess it all depends on what your definition is of sin then? Just read another poster where someone feels like they are losing their faith? I believe that is a tribulation that is inevitable if one doesn't make a suitable hobby for themselves outside the realm of religion. At least an hour a day of some recreational activty within the guidelines of Islam, is sure to keep a good balance. Some argue that boxing for example is Haram, I am not sure why it would be? some Argue writing poetry is Haram, again I am not sure why it would be? What is wrong with making an hour for yourself to establish balance? or in using a gift that God has bestowed upon you?

:So? A lot of sins dont equat to that either, such as being a liar. But its still a sin. .:

You have clearly answered your ownself here. watching a movie, is hardly the same as other cardinal sins that are known and universal. lying, stealing, cheating, not preforming your rituals. None can hardly equate with watching a movie.

:Who did i judge? :uuh:

take care

Someone here keeps addressing me as sister? maybe it is the other gentleman, my apologies.

You too take care please