Assalaamu alaikum,
I thought the following might be useful to add to the discussion. Sheikh Abou El Fadl is a very knowledgeable person in Islamic Law, as well as having lived a long time in the US. I have read some of his works, and he does not issue opinions lightly or easily, and I believe him to be a sincere believer. I am not posting everything here, and if anyone is interested in fully understanding his position, they should read both the questions and the answers on his site in full.
May God, the Compassionate, Guide us.
Dear Sister,
Al-salamu 'alaykum. Since I do not know you personally, most of what I have to say I have said in this statement:
But to be directly responsive to your question, do I believe that a woman who marries outside of the Muslim faith is a kafir? The answer is no, I do not. Do I believe that it is advisable to marry someone outside the faith? No, I do not. In religious terms, it is among the issues that I would consider makruh (disfavored) for both Muslim men and Muslim women. This is based on a sociological reality that children who grow up with parents not sharing the same faith grow up in a state of confusion, which they resolve often by being faithless. Or if they have any faith, it tends to simply be agnostic. In my over 30 years in the West, working in case after case, all stories begin with love, dreams, and high hopes. Ten, twenty, thirty years later, from my experience and the experience of so many that I have dealt with, the ending is not happy.
There is a quintessential and fundamental question that every man and woman should ask himself/herself. Personally, I cannot be married to someone with whom I cannot pray, fast, celebrate Eid, and perform all my other religious duties. My faith is of such importance to me that I must be able to share it with my partner. In a marriage, you share your body, money, heart, and perhaps your soul. The question you must ask yourself is: Is religion less important or more important to you than all of these things? To me, Islam and its practices are more basic and fundamental than my money, body, heart, or soul. I cherish it more than these things. If I am married to someone with whom I cannot share what I hold the dearest, I feel that I am cheating them, and that the relationship is superficial and insincere. Add to this the position in which the children will be placed as they try to navigate the issues of truth and lack thereof in our modern world.
The only advice I can give you is to ask yourself what role does your faith play in your life? Will you be happy if you are unable to submit to God with your partner according to the teachings of Islam? And how important is it to you that your children are raised firm in their conviction about prayer, fasting, the shahada, and all the other essentials of the faith? Only you can provide the necessary honesty in responding to these questions. When all is said and done, whatever your decision is, I sincerely pray with all my heart that Allah blesses you, aids you, guides you, and that you have success and happiness in your life. And when all is said and done, it is only Allah that can judge you, your intentions and your actions. As is my firm conviction, only Allah knows best.
Al-salamu 'alaykum wa rahmatu Allah,
Shaykh Khaled Abou El Fadl
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I read somewhere that iman is like a garment, it can wear out overtime so we should constantly strive to renew it - and this so easily done, just by some reflection.
. I learned things over time. And subhanallah I can tell how much it is difference. And I have gone through many different levels of understandings. So don't take the religion from your parents blindly without giving it a thought.
shame on you.
