Your actions are indeed separate from theirs but you need to understand that your fathers religion, honor, respect, culture, values, beliefs, principles, background and right down to his bones and nerves don't allow him to accept his daughter being involved in a relationship with a man who is not her husband. It kills him, Yet, he has put all these matters aside for your happiness & on the pact that you will study Islam and perhaps realise on your own the values which he feels he has completely failed to install in you. Religion, respect, family values, are important to every person but he has seen that his daughter has not understood, valued or shown any regard to these matters or even to him as her father, and because of this he feels he has failed as a parent. It was the boyfriend who seemed more concerned about the situation than his own daughter was. What can he say after that other than do as you please, these are not the words of permission but the words which come from a broken heart. He has seen his position with his daughter and the regard she gave him, he is a broken father and man who cannot even lift his head in society anymore. He doesn't have 100% - it's 0%. You have got your boyfriend - you have got your way. What can he say to you except hope that you will look into Islam and at least realise what you are doing is wrong and try to put things right. Because if you knew what you were doing was wrong or at least had some regard, you wouldnt speak of spending the weekends with your boyfriend or going on holidays with him at least, even if you cannot leave complete contact. And we certainly wouldn't be reading comments like "I need to put my foot down" especially when, wheather you mean to or not, the foot is going right into your fathers face. It is very sad and the attitude it shows, especially when your father is only trying to advise you about getting the best in this life and the next.
Sincerely speaking, my intentions are not to bash you, but to help you realise and understand, because from your comments it seems like you haven't even began to realise the implications of your decision to remain in a relationship with your boyfriend or long term effects and consequences this will have upon you, your family and your hereafter. It doesn't effect your boyfriend as much as it effects you though the last part (hereafter) effects us all equally.
Are you afraid to test his love for you? How much time do you both need? Islam is clear , it's not a mystery which requires months of investigation. At least then you won't take so long looking into Islam at your own leisurely pace while you sin along the way. What if death met the one of you in that state? That is not showing a regard or sincerely trying and wanting to do the right thing. Why doesn't it matter to you whether your boyfriend accepts Islam? You are a Muslim, you at least believe in Allah do you not? You have something that he does not know about, and if you have any faith at all that Islam is true, then it should matter to you a lot that he seriously look into Islam, for his sake, your sake, your parents sake and if he believes in God then for Gods sake. Why should you be the one to sacrifice all these important matters and put your hereafter at risk, especially when your boyfriend is willing to seriously look into Islam and perhaps even marry you. It is his turn, he needs to make some changes, I know you love him but be patient, stand your ground upon Islam if you believe it is correct, do it for the sake of Allah this time, let your father feel some pride that atleast my daughter tried, after everything that your father has sacrificed for you, you owe him that much atleast. Let your boyfriend earn you, and remember you are only pulling him in a direction which is good for his life and next life , plus you can enjoy each other's company in a lawful way if he accepts. If he loves you and is a reasonable man which it seems he is, if he wants you back in way which would be acceptable to your faith and parents, he would make it a priority to investigate Islam and accept it without delay.
